"Isla" my sister's voice echoes in the room as I take my head off the toilet.
"Are you sick again?" this is the only thing she has been asking me for the past few days. Neither of us is willing to even ask what is happening for the only reason that we are more afraid of the reality as it has to be.
I have been sick for almost a week now and Nate is concerned too. But he hasn't asked me either. However, he has been as sweet. He has brought me dry crackers which is the only thing I can bare to eat right now. Every day I constantly tell myself I have to face reality. It is just one test, I repeat saying. But the more I think about it, the more unconvinced I get.
But today is the day. I have to have this information before I can face another problem. Or maybe I won't. The important thing to do is to face it, the rest will come after.
"I've decided to go" I say as I wipe the puke off my shirt. A smell of mold mixed with the saltiness of salive makes my mouth twist with disgust. I am fed up, no more throwing up. I have to go.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?"
"I am, and thank you Summer. For everything" and as I looked at her we both stared at each other silently because everything had already been said.
1 hour later at the cafe bar
"Hey Isla, how are you?" hearing those words made my heart melt completely. Tears came running down my cheeks as I hid in Nate's arms.
"It's fine. We will work on a way to raise the baby. You won't be alone"
"No." I said drying my soaking cheeks and neck.
"The result was negative"
"Oh thanks god" he squeezes me even tighter.
"I am so glad, I'm too young to be pregnant. I have too many things to do in life. But you know, I was so convinced I was. Plus it was well calculated, my period hasn't arrived yet and almost three months have passed. But you know it would have been real..."
"But it isn't, and you don't have to worry now"
Our lips touch in a sweet and delicate kiss. The most sweet I ever had. His hand reaches my waist and I feel me again. I feel young and full of joy and curiosity. I don't have to worry being a mother because it is part of a far and and blurry fantasy. I reality is now, and my only concern is to make my dream come true.
"You are completely crazy" said my sister walking in circles around my dorm.
"You are insane. I have come here from Los Angeles to help you come out from this college and now you tell me this. I mean.." she shakes her head in disbelief.
"I'm sorry Summer but I have realised I can't deny my feelings. I love it here and if you think about it the only reason why I haven't left earlier is because all I want to do is this. This is my life and maybe this misunderstanding was destiny."
"Or maybe just bad luck"
"It wasn't I can assure you. Now I know that I want to carry on with acting and it isn't true that you came here for nothing. You met Noah and you now have a baby..."
"About that, I mean Noah. About Noah, I don't even know if he is in love with me anymore. I mean, I think the chemistry we had together is slowly fading. Until that night at the spa, where I thought it was back. But it turns out he didn't seem that satisfied. He said he was confused. But I wasn't."
"Maybe you surprised him, and I see the way he looks at you. He is in love with you. By the way Nate said the same thing with me".
"Their only jerks, they don't understand when there is chemistry. They don't know anything about love"
"Hey, calm down. Maybe the just weren't happy that's all the only thing we have to worry about now is---"
We hear a knock at our door.
"I get it" I say and as I head at the door my head shifts from his feet to his face.
Oh my god. This can't be true.
"Who is it?" asks Summer as she heads at the door as well.
"Holy —-"
"Hey Isla, Summer" a male voice makes my sister jump from her bed.
Our mouths stay wide open as though my teeth were my eyes unable to stare closely at the silhouette standing in front of us.
"Don't tell me you already forgot you I am, sweety" and as he kissed me I am completely sure he is who I think it is.
10 questions later
"Austin, what are you doing here?" I try to say calmly as he laying heavily in my bed.
"Not even a 'hi, what a nice surprise. You travelled eleven full hours just to see me. I love you so much'"
"What do you mean?"
"We haven't seen each other in months and I have never received a call or a message. Nothing".
I didn't know what to say. I mean, how do you tell you ex boyfriend that I mentally broke up with him as he gave me signals that turned out to be fake, that he wanted to break up with me. I really thought he would, or maybe I just wished.
"Listen Austin, we have been together since high school and I never had a break since then. I really thought you needed space too. You never really called me or texted, either."
"You thought I wanted to break up with you? I am crazy about you Isla. I would never break up with you. Do you remember our swear to marry each other once college ended? Do you remember our promised to each other, babe?"
"We were kids.... And never call me babe again, it's too cheesy."
"We were kids but we were in love too." he grabs my hands in a way that would have made my hormones jump in the air and dance until my feet burned, a few years from now. But neither of these things happened. I was completely over him"
"I am sorry but things have changed." and as I slip my hands away from his and head to the door my ears here these words exiting his mouth: "I haven't".
I make a gesture for him to leave . I close the door, to prevent any more for my ear to store and process.
"You have to talk to him, or you won't fix anything" says Summer as I continue walking in circles across the room.
"I can't. I won't be able to bare his heartbreak as I tell him I have moved on. I mean, I have a boyfriend now!" and as I tell what I feel it feels at if a huge weight was lifted from my stomach.
"I don't think he will be heartbroken if he hasn't texted you during this period of time. Don't you see it! He is trying to make you feel guilty about not being the first one to text to him".
"I will just text him" I say as I grab my phone.
"If I were another person, or just your friend I would suggest to just go and see him and talk to him face to face. But I'm your sister, and I actually prefer breaking up via text message."
I make a smirk as I realise I know my sister so well. As I look at her it is like looking at the mirror, not just because we are identical or because we are twins, just because she is part of me. If she would ever change face or look or just be born completely different from me, I would just recognise her. Even if her voice changed, I would still know I am talking to the most beautiful person in the world: my sister. And all the weaknesses she has, help her establish her unique identity. All the experience we have lived, all the difficulties and the successes I have lived them with her.
Some people are just as lucky to have a sister in their life. Well, I am even more. I have both a best friend and a sister. I have never lived any years without here. Just a few seconds, before we were born. There will ever be no one in the world which I would prefer to talk to when I'm sad, when I feel happy or when I'm angry. Right, there isn't even any way I might get angry. Even when she told me my crush is her boyfriend, I will never be enough angry as I would be with a friend. I am just lucky to have both a sister, a mom, a dad and a friend all in one. All I need is her and my heart is just filled.
Maybe that's the reason why I'm never sure if I am in love with any of the men in my life. That's because I already feel loved. Not by a stranger, not my a pet or a boyfriend but by my sister. The word 'sister' isn't even enough to describe so many qualities and advantages. It just consists of 6 words and 2 syllables. However, it represents so much a few words cannot describe.
As I look at my sister for the hundredth time, our eyes meet and she already knows what I want to ask her. Because everything has already been said.
"I'll text him, don't worry. Try to focus on your studies, now. They are the only thing that matters and that you have sacrificed a lot for.." she grabs my phone and starts typing. Her fingers dance in the middle of the screen as they seem to know exactly what to do. But in the middle of that harmony her fingers suddenly stop, her hand stands in the air, shaking a little as the ends of her finger start to curve so much until her arm moves to me.
Something in my stomach starts to move, as I feel something isn't right.
"Isla, you have an email from your doctor. It's about the results of the test".
My mind starts to go in complete melt down. It starts to spin. My hand reaches the end of my bed. The air starts to feel suffocating even if the window is wide open.
With all the courage I have inside me I ask: "What does it say?".
"The result came back positive Isla."
And with that sentence, I feel like it is cliffhanger of a novel, like the obstacle of a tv show.
"How is this possible? The doctor explicitly told me it was false"
Summer turns the screen of my cell phone around. The letters stand out as if they were written in bold. The doctor's office was calling and my anxiety deepened at each vibration of my phone as if rain is making my glasses blurry keeping me from seeing any image whatsoever.