It was seven in the morning when I thought of visiting Shin-san's resting place. I bought some food with me, a mat, and a few flowers for his grave. I crossed my legs and sat down just staring at his name carved on the rock.
"Is this good?" Was the first words that came out of my mouth.
"I finally found Manjiro, Shin-san," I whispered. "I finally met him, but..." The water in my eyes began to ruin my sight. "But I still miss you... Shin-san."
I wiped my tears and forced myself to smile.
"No matter what happens, you're still the first family I had, and yet, even when you're gone now... you still left me with these people. You still left me a new family." I smiled at the thought.
"I have a new family, Shin-san. I wish you were here with us."
Just like a snap with the fingers, I remembered how it all started.
It was raining on a cold Sunday night that time I left home because of another argument with my mom. I couldn't move freely inside our house that's why I ran off just to clear the storm in my heart and the darkness in my mind.
The sobs never stopped as I sprinted away to what I wished was my home. Farther and farther, round and round, I just ran. The rain was pouring, but it didn't matter to me. In fact, the rain even comforted me as if the skies were crying with me.
Wearing my hoodie, my earphones plugged, I stopped when my legs felt numb. I sheltered myself outside a shop under its roof and gazed at the dark, foggy sky. I pulled out my arm as my hand caught the rain's sensation.
"You are enough..." The lyrics slipped out of my tongue.
As my eyes began swelling up again, I bit my lower lip and tried containing my sobs. But since the rain made it loud for me, I started bursting out. My cries weren't heard because of the rain, and I was grateful for that.
The only one who could hear me crying... was myself.
"Let it go..." I whispered, crying. "Enough. Enough pain, enough... please."
With myself wrapped around my arms, I hugged my knees while sitting down on the ground. I hid my face under my hoodie and let myself cry out. Thunders commenced being heard just like how the pain made the sound in my heart.
"That's enough, please..." I begged the pain to stop. "I'm tired. I'm tired of this."
The cries of mine couldn't cease because of the song I was listening to. I am... enough? I doubted it. I wanted to believe it, but I was too hurt to even believe that. I failed too much. I hated it. I'm so messed up. I wanted to end it all.
My heart was suffering too much from my cries. My lungs couldn't keep up as my sobs continued. My eyes were too tired to stay open as my tears couldn't stop flowing. My hands were shaking while the rest of my body couldn't move an inch.
The feeling was so cold, but my tears were so warm.
"You're enough..." I cried as I tried telling myself that. "You are enough, self. It's okay." I sobbed, trying to form a genuine smile.
"It's gonna be okay," I convinced myself, tapping the left side of my chest where my heart is. "You'll be okay... Just hold on..."
I panicked and stood up when a guy suddenly appeared coming from the store I was sheltering in. He's tall with black hair fixed up with gel, and black eyes. He's wearing a plain white shirt with pants, slippers, and a chain necklace.
I knew right away he's a delinquent.
His composed expression got me interested that I almost forgot the situation I was in.
I wiped the tears off my face. "S-sorry, sir," I apologized. "I was caught in the rain. I just sheltered for a while. I-I was just about to leav—"
"Stay," the guy cut me off.
"H-huh? No, it's—"
"Stay." His voice was clear and with authority, but his hair kept messing up his vibe. "You can come inside. I'll make you something hot."
"Eh..." I thought for a second before following him.
The inside of the shop was filled with unique motorcycles. It was pretty dim but comforting. I was amazed by it that I didn't even notice that the guy was watching me. I looked away when I felt nervous and perturbed because of how dangerous he appeared.
He's a stranger, Delle. Are you seriously trusting him?
"Don't worry," he suddenly said when he stopped to face me. "I'm not a bad guy even if I look like one." He chuckled, leaving me speechless because of how lovely his husky voice sounded.
He gestured the sofa so I awkwardly and cautiously sat there while my eyes remained on him, still hesitating to trust him. I observed him carefully as he made my hot chocolate, and every time our eyes meet, he would give me a brief smile then look away.
His hair kept bothering me.
"Here."
I looked at him first then at my drink before accepting it and the blanket he offered. "Thank you."
I wrapped myself under the warm blanket and almost choked on my drink when he sat down in front of me unexpectedly. It was so awkward that I had to avoid making eye contact with him when on the other hand, he didn't even break the eye contact.
He was just sitting there, observing my every move. My hands were shaking at that time and his eyes landed on it before standing up. He placed his hands in his pockets and stared at the window. My eyes followed his every move, trying to observe who he really was.
"It's raining again, huh," he spoke. "I don't get much customers when it rains."
"This is your shop?" I finally had the courage to speak.
He turned to me and smirked. "Cool, right?" He stared back again at the sky and sighed. "When the future arrives, I want to run a motor shop with my brothers."
My sight dropped on my drink as I smiled at his wish. It's just nice how he has a dream together with his siblings. The thought rained down on me because of how me and my siblings get along, but weren't really aware of how they've hurt me a lot.
"If you're done, you may leave anytime you want," he said. "My friends are coming over."
"Friends?"
"Yeah." He grinned. "But if you like, you can stay. Just get back home before midnight or your parents will kill me."
"It's okay." I shrugged.
I blinked twice when he surprisingly looked at me. I then realized what I've just said.
I raised my hands, panicking. "I-I did not mean that i-it's okay for you to die, I-I mean..."
He raised a brow with a slight smirk, waiting for my answer. He looked handsome, I admitted that to myself, but his hair really ruined the coolness. He doesn't even realize that.
"What I meant was..." I sighed, putting my arms down. "It's okay because they wouldn't care anyways."
His eyes slightly grew in a second. "I see... Is that why you're crying earlier?"
I gasped a little. "Y-you saw?"
Reassuringly, he smiled. "What's your name?"
"Delle..."
He stepped forward and pulled out a hand. "Sano Shinichiro. I welcome you here, Delle."
When he said those words, I instantly knew, his presence is like home. A true home.
"Hey, Shin-san," I called out to him one time when I watched him cleanse a bike.
"Yeah?" He said without looking.
He's too focused on doing his thing and it made him look more attractive, but there's the hair again. I cleared my throat and tapped his shoulder. Shin-san faced me in curiosity. I then wet my hands with water and fixed his hair.
"Huh? Is there something wrong with my hair, Delle?" Shin-san asked, his eyes looking up to what I was doing.
The side of my lips rose as my fingers removed the gel on his hair and flattened it. "There. Much better."
Shin-san placed down the hose to check himself out on the mirror. His brow furrowed. "Much better? You just removed my gel, Delle."
I giggled, rolling my eyes. "Shin-san, you don't even realize how handsome you are without that gel. Stop putting it on your head. You'll get the girls you like just by being you... I think." I laughed.
He pouted with a funny glare. "Alright. I won't put it again."
"Really?" I was surprised.
"On one condition," he said, placing his hand on his waist. "You'll keep on visiting here. Okay?"
I didn't even realize how long I froze by his words. I was about to say something when the door opened. Three guys appeared. One with a long hair that's equally length with shoulders, one with an almost bald cut, and one with short and wavy hair.
The two of them had sleepy eyes, but the other one seemed more dangerous. Then the other had big eyes, not that huge, but the ones that are fully opened. They were wearing the same uniform as they entered the shop that I almost felt frightened for my life.
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