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Zara was falling for Bir!
She could have assumed it to be a normal likeness but she knew that she would be lying.
She is indeed falling for him and he does not have any idea.
Dear Lord!
This room suddenly felt claustrophobic and so she got up from the table.
He looked at her curiously.
"I'm done with dinner. I just remembered some urgent work I have at my home. I need to leave now. Thank you so much for dinner. I'm sorry for leaving like this but I just realised that it's too late now. I need to go."
Zara hurriedly said and hoped that he wouldn't mind her.
"Sure Sunshine. It is late. I'm also finished. I will drop you and walk back." Kabir said and Zara immediately shook her head.
"No need for that Dr. Kabir. My house is near only. I will message you once I reach home." Zara said and turned around to take her bag, not realising that she called him Dr. Kabir in her panic attack. Whenever she is anxious, she gets scared and becomes guarded around people.
She reached the door and could hear his footsteps behind her.
"Sunshine." She heard as she reached elevator.
"Yes." She asked while scratching her wrist behind her back.
"You will pick me up tomorrow for the hospital right? It won't be too much for you? You can take it?"
He asked and she didn't know why she felt as if he was talking about something else and not just lift.
She turned around and smiled hiding her anxiety.
"Yes I can." She said in somewhat strong voice.
"Be ready around eight. I will message you before leaving my place. Good night." She said and entered the elevator.
"Good night Sunshine. Don't forget to message me after you reach home." She heard before the elevator door closed.
As soon as it started moving she leaned on the wall and took deep breaths.
Why? Why do things have to be so complicated? Why does she have to start falling for someone who is completely unaware of the havoc that he is creating inside her?
She thought and reached her apartment still immersed in her thoughts. She messaged him that she has reached safely and suddenly felt like crying.
Never had she felt so alone, in need for some guidance. She needed some advice on how to handle such feelings. Someone to talk about them but she has no one. No family, no close friend with whom she can have these conversations.
She missed her father but more than that today she missed a mother with whom she could freely talk. Her father didn't let her feel the absence of her mother who had left them when she was just a child.
But today she wanted someone, anyone to hug her and take her out of this anxiety that she was feeling. Her eyes automatically started watering and she hugged herself to calm her. She knew that it will help. Dr. Seema, her childhood psychiatrist had taught her that.
So she did that; sat on the floor of her bedroom, hugging herself and with her eyes watering.
She knew that it was not a big deal but it was her first time ever developing so deep feelings for anyone and the fact that she knew that he didn't have any idea nor was thinking in this direction made her feel scared of her impending heart ache.
He will find someone eventually and move on with his life but what about her?
She can't find anyone now. When she had a simple crush on him she can't look at anyone but now she had a full developed spectrum of feelings for him; how will she ever move on?
I miss you dad.
I miss you...mama.
She thought and cried. She heard a beep and read;
'Good night Sunshine. Take care (:'
She read his message and calmed herself finally.
'Have a good sleep. See you tomorrow.'
He messaged again.
And she hugged herself more and fell asleep in that fetal position, knowing very well that the first thing tomorrow she will be doing was, seeing the face of man she wanted to run away from!
Why Lord? Why?
***
She woke up early in the morning and prayed asking for strength.
She knew what she needed to do. She needed to create some distance. She was being a fool earlier, giving in to her heart's desire but now she can't do that anymore; especially not after knowing her feelings.
It was cruel to her and wrong to him... on so many levels. She can't keep someone in her heart and pretend to be just friend with him. He was being kind to her and she can't do that to him.
So now starts the mission resistance; she did it once before. She could do it now too. Though it will be more painful this time because of her feelings but she has to do it.
'Be ready in five.' She messaged him as she was leaving her house.
'Good morning Sunshine.' She received his text and controlled herself from replying.
Stay professional, Zara. She chanted and saw him waiting outside his apartment building. She opened the side door and looked ahead.
"Good Morning Sunshine." She heard his voice.
"Good Morning." She replied looking ahead on the road. She focussed her attention on driving and fortunately he looked busy on his phone and stayed quiet for the ride.
"Sunshine." She heard as they reached hospital.
"Yes?" She asked as they were walking outside from the parking lot. She avoided eye contact with him.
"Nothing." She heard his response and they parted their ways on that note.
***
This kept on going on for next three days. His car was repaired that day itself so fortunately for her no lifts. Also, she made sure to avoid the hallways that he was and the elevators too. If she saw him walking towards her, she will pick out her phone and pretend talking to someone.
Today she diagnosed a patient with an inoperable tumour. She had already discussed the case with other doctors and they all unanimously came to decision of not operating on the patient, just giving him pain medications. This was the worst part of her profession, not being able to save someone. People consider doctors as God but what to do when God breaks their hope?
She walked towards her favourite spot in hospital, terrace. She was just standing there breathing fresh air and thinking about life and its uncertainty when she heard some footsteps behind her.
Who is here now? She thought and turned around to see the person she was avoiding from past three days.
Here goes nothing.
"Good evening Sunshine." Kabir said walking towards her with his hands in his apron pocket, looking like a model as always.
"Good Evening." She replied realising she can't run away immediately. She looked ahead. She has to at least count till ten before running out.
One. Two. Three. Four. Fi-...
"Are you alright?" He asked, standing beside her, too close for her heart's good health.
"I'm fine. Why did you ask?" She said knowing very well why he asked.
"It looked like you are running away from something or someone." He said and Zara closed her eyes.
You are so predictable. Her father used to say that. Now she realised how right he was!
"No it's not that; I was just busy with hospital and cases. I signed a patient's death warrant today; so just needed fresh air to breath peacefully." She spoke and it was not a complete lie.
She did felt like that.
"I wish I could save everyone." She whispered.
"Then what will be the difference between us and God?" He asked her in turn and she took a deep breath. He looked ahead and continued;
"Sometimes we have to accept that there are some things which aren't under our control. It's all a part of some big plan, which is beyond our understanding.
We will feel things because as humans are supposed to feel. But there's a time when we have to learn to accept the truth. You can't run away from your feelings Sunshine. So learn to live with them."
Kabir finished still gazing in the sky and Zara's mind once again wandered into endless possibilities and meaning behind his words.
He must be talking about her feelings as doctor but his words were true about her feelings regarding him too. Accepting them was going to be hard but she can't run from truth.
She has feelings from for him which borderline with love. That was one truth.
He doesn't see her like that. That was another truth.
So just like he said, she needed to learn to live with them. Even unknowingly he helped her.
"Thanks Bir." She finally said and looked at him after three days and he turned towards her and smiled just the way he used to do with his friends, real ones. Seeing him smile, her lips automatically curled upwards.
"Pleasure is all mine Sunshine." He said in a cheerful tone.
"By the way you owe me one for giving you such a valuable advice. My words have fees." He asked in a teasing way.
"Anything Bir." She said feeling lighter after three days of turmoil. His words helped her, as always.
"May be one day." He said and winked at her and her heart fluttered.
"By the way Sunshine, have you heard that a new snow park opened in a mall near our society. The heat in Mumbai is killing me. I need to go there but I can't go alone. My friend Rahul is busy with his fiancée Pakhi. Vaish is busy with some presentation. I wish I could go with someone." Kabir said in a sad tone and Zara can't let him feel that. But a question came in her mind.
"What about Dr. Sanaa?" Zara can't help but ask. He looked at her and his smile immediately disappeared. Something was not right. Zara could feel.
"Sweetie pie is busy with her husband." He said in a clipped tone.
Zara was surprised at his tone. She knew that Sanaa got married few months ago. She told her once that she needs to go early as her husband was waiting for her but that didn't stop her from visiting Bir regularly. What happened now? He needs his sweetie pie but maybe she is really busy with her married life.
But what about Bir? He is feeling left out. Zara felt obligated to do something for him. Earlier she can't see him sad but now when she knew she is falling for him; she can't let him feel lonely at any cost.
"I can come with you, if you don't mind." Zara asked politely not wanting him to feel lonely but at the same time she didn't want to force him.
"You can? You knowice skating?" He asked immediately with a smile that always makes her heart do somersaults.
"I do." She replied trying to be modest. She was a pro at that. Her father taught her that from childhood.
"Done then. What time are you picking me up on the next Sunday?" He asked and Zara scratched her wrist.
"I'm picking you?" She asked frowning.
"Yes. You are taking me out right?" He asked innocently and Zara realised that he was right. Indeed she was taking him out.
Remind her again, how did this happen?
"What time are you comfortable?" She asked him, now putting her hands inside her apron pockets. She was feeling this urge to itch them badly.
"Morning it won't be crowded. So as soon as it opens. But the choice is yours." He said and she nodded with a smile.
"Thanks Sunshine. It means a lot. Even though we are not friends but thanks for giving me company. Now I need to go. See you." He said and walked away.
Not friends? They are not even friends till now? He doesn't even see her as a friend and here she is falling for him. Great going Zara! Way to imagine. She thought and shook her head at her silly thoughts.
***
Sunday couldn't come any faster and Zara found herself outside his door with a small plant in her hands. She knew it was silly but she can't help but notice that his house didn't have any plants when she came earlier and she thought of giving him that.
So she took a deep breath and knocked on his door. He opened the door and the plant almost slipped from her hands.
Black shirt? Why does he have to look so handsome in everything he wears? It should be sinful to be this handsome!
"Good Morning Sunshine! Come inside." He opened the door for her.
"Good morning Bir." She said as she entered and placed the small pot on the table.
"Is this for me?" He asked noticing the plant in her hand.
"Yes." She said and tucked her hair behind her head and smiled awkwardly.
"I noticed that you don't have any plants in your hall and it's a good thing to have them. So..." She left it at that.
"You could have given me flowers." Kabir asked curiously.
"Why should I give you a dead thing?" She asked feeling confused.
"Dead?" He asked raising his eyebrows.
"Yes. Flowers are dead aren't they? They are cut from the plants and don't have a life. They can't survive for more than three four days. Then you have to throw them, right?" She explained her logic and prayed that he doesn't think of her as a weird person.
"Your statement could shut the business of so many florists around the world, Sunshine. You know many people consider flowers as gift for their loved ones?" He asked in a teasing tone and she felt like scratching her wrist again.
"Yes. That's sweet of them. But I'm more of a plant person. No offence to others." She said in a low voice.
"Alright, but why cactus and not something else?" He asked gesturing the plant she brought. "Because it needs the least care?"
"No. I mean yes it needs very little care but that's not the reason why I brought it. You are capable of taking care of any plant.
I brought cactus because I really like it. It has thorns on outside but its roots are spread widely and it can survive in drastic situation for long time. I find it as a sign of strength." She said and looked down.
The strength that I see in you, the same that I lack. She thought silently.
"Thanks Sunshine." He said in a sincere tone.
"Come with me quickly." He said taking the plant in his hand and took her to the balcony on the other side which she hasn't seen earlier and Zara noticed so many plants there, which were very well maintained.
His balcony was so beautiful. With two small chairs and tea table placed on one side and plants on other side it has to be the most beautiful spot in his house.
"I love gardening." He said. "Even though I couldn't maintain a garden in this apartment culture but I try to keep plants." He added.
"I'm an idiot aren't I? I mean you already have so many beautiful plants, you don't need my cactus." She said now feeling stupid.
"No you are not. It is a very thoughtful gift. Thank for putting efforts." He said in a tone that convinced her and she smiled comfortably. He placed the cactus carefully and then they left his home for ice skating.
***
So many things are happening here. Zara trying to run as always but this time Kabir caught her before she could run away (;
Cactus was sweet wasn't it and so are Zara's thoughts!
Kabir's manipulation about the ice skating thing, like damn! He is good at this. All his words have double meanings. I told you all he is twisted. See for yourself (;
A big chapter but a good one, I hope. So if you liked it than vote, comment and share (: