Another week, and another day that I miss Brynn more and more.
Journey seemed more down. I'm used to seeing her smiling but now she's constantly frowning. She doesn't think I notice the frowns but I do.
"Journey after breakfast, you and I are gonna have a talk okay?"
"Yeah." She whispers playing with her food.
I patiently wait for her to finish. The twins have gone upstairs to play with their toys after finishing up their food.
"Baby what's wrong?"
"Nothing." She replies.
"Don't you dare lie to me."
"It's nothing." She mumbled wiping a tear that slipped onto her cheeks.
"Baby, talk to me please."
"I'm just worried about mommy."
"What's wrong with mommy?" I asked.
"She just looks really tired. She smiles a lot but I just know that she's tired." Journey sighs fiddling with her fingers.
Funny babe, you do the same.
She is definitely Brynn's daughter. They were so alike it was unbelievable.
I remembered what Kylie said. Brynn wasn't sleeping and I hate knowing it's my fault. Fuck.
"It's okay, baby. I'll go talk to mommy."
"I don't think mommy is ready to talk to you." She tells me.
"She told you that?"
"No. I just know how mommy is." Brynn really raised our daughter to become a smart child.
"Well, it doesn't matter. I'm gonna make sure mommy is okay."
"Okay." She yawns. She places her plate in the sink before going upstairs.
~
"I'm so sorry, I thought their mom was picking them up today. It was a miscommunication." I apologized to the teacher. "Thank you for staying with them."
"No problem Mr. Monroe." She smiles. "Have you checked up on their mom recently? She's looking awfully tired."
"I'll check up on her today. Thanks again."
"Okay kids, I'm going to drop you off at grandma's house and I'm gonna go see mommy." I buckled them into the car seats.
"Can we come to see mommy too?"
"Maybe tomorrow."
"Fine." They all grumbled.
I drove as fast as I could to my mom's house. I dropped them off quickly and then drove to the office.
I hope she's okay.
"Hey Mr. Monroe, how are you?" Julie asks me.
"I'm good. Where's Brynn? Is she here today?"
"Yeah, she hasn't come out of her office all day. Did you need anything from her?" She asks.
"No. I just wanted to check up on her."
"Well, you know where her office is." She hands me a key.
"Yeah. Thanks, Julie."
"No problem."
I walked fast to her office and opened the door.
"Brynn." I called out.
I walked to the corner to see her laying on the ground with a small puddle of blood around her head.
"Julie, call the ambulance!" I yelled out.
"Brynn, open your eyes. Look at me."
"Jax?" She whispered.
"What happened?"
"I just felt weak and I tripped I guess." I grabbed some tissues nearby and wiped her head. There was a large cut and her blood was oozing out.
"Your head? How?"
"I hit it on the corner of the table I think." Her eyes threatened to close.
"Stay with me Brynnley," I whispered. Instead of waiting for the stupid ambulance, I decided to pick her up. I ran out of the office as fast as I could trying to be as careful as I could. I put her in the backseat of my car and drove to the hospital.
Once we arrived I carried her into the emergency room not even bothering to park my car or even lock it. Those things didn't matter to me. Only her. Only Brynn.
I did some of the paperwork while they put Brynn in a room, she had to get a couple of stitches due to the cut on her head from the edge of the table but other than that she was fine. She woke up after a couple of hours and looked a little better.
"Sir, did you know your girlfriend was sleep-deprived?" The doctor asked.
I stood there quietly not knowing how to answer. He looks at me in disgust shaking his head. "Please make sure she gets at least 8 hours of sleep, drink lots of liquids, and has bed rest for two weeks." He says walking away.
I walked into the room where Brynn stayed. She was laying down, dark bags under her eyes, her eyes were red. This is my fault.
"Hey," I whispered earning her attention.
"Hi." She gives me a small tired smile. I sat down next to her, holding her hand. She doesn't pull away like I thought she would. She was probably too tired to do it anyways.
"Brynnley, I'm sorry for everything. I wish I could go back and take back everything." I looked away from her face not wanting to see her reaction.
"Jax, I forgive you but it won't be forgotten. I..uhh... during the time we spent apart I thought about it and I don't blame your actions. I mean Ray did feed to lies that I've moved on so the only person I could be mad is him." She spoke. Her voice is so gentle and cute.
"So what happens to us now?" I stared at the wall. Again. I was scared to look at her reaction knowing that I could lose her for good.
"We could slowly rekindle what we had if that's what you want to do."
"Of course, that's what I want." I looked at her now staring into her eyes.
"But umm.."
"But?" I cut her off confused.
"I'm not the same person that I used to be. I'm struggling a lot more now and some days I can get agitated easily or some days I just don't want to talk to anyone." She fiddles with her fingers. Something she always does when she's nervous. "I hope that doesn't change the way you see me."
"Brynnley?" I called making her look in my direction. I cupped her face gently. "Just because you're going through something doesn't mean I'll look at you any different. I'll try my best with you okay?"
She nods gently giving me a small crooked smile and I returned a smile.
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published: march 20th, 2021
Now this is the beginning of some great shit.
I just want to let you know that no matter what you go thru, you're still human. You have feelings and don't let anybody ever dismiss it. You're loved, you're wanted and you're beautiful. Continue to fight because the war will end and it'll be peaceful. You will find your happiness and you will reach your success. Continue to believe in yourself, I do so you should too.
Today's question is what is your healthy coping mechanism? You guys don't have to share but it could really help those out there.
Personally mines is cleaning and writing. Oh and doing my makeup. Those help me keep my mind off of things when it is hard and painful. Another thing I suggest is to not dismiss the problem, dig deep into the issue and find a solution for it before it gets worse and hurts even more. I'm talking from experience.
I love you all, please enjoy your day. Remember to stay safe and love yourself! MUAH!