"Malum consilium quod mutari non potest." -Publilius Syrus
It’s a bad plan that can’t be changed.
"What do you plan on doing now, Pyotr?" Edward asked as he accompanied Pyotr on the way to his publisher.
"They told me that I have to kill myself with arsenic that they will provide. They will mask it up as a death caused by cholera since it is a pandemic as of the moment." Pyotr whispered.
"Well, that is quite harsh, in my opinion." Eddy whispered back.
"The government had always been quite harsh on people like us." Pyotr replied quietly.
"Sadly, that is the truth..." Eddy replied.
When they had gotten the score published, the men immediately went home. Brett was not present because he had a performance in a different city. He will be back later this day to be home with the two men.
It was a leisurely afternoon in the Tchaikovsky household, Edward and Pyotr just enjoying each other's music and company. Eddy was playing the melody of Tchaikovsky's violin concerto and Pyotr was just accompanying him. They both knew the music by heart. Suddenly, Pyotr stopped playing and as a result, Eddy did too. Pyotr spoke to Eddy.
"Eddy, come sit next to me here. I have something to ask you..." Pyotr requested as he tapped on the space next to him on the piano stool.
Eddy obliged, smiling at Pyotr. After months of living with each other, both had come to admire each other much more than they had expected.
"What is it, Ilyich?" Eddy asked as he sat next to Pyotr.
Pyotr leaned into his ear and whispered.
"How does it feel to be loved by him, through and through?"
Edward was silent for a moment. He just stared at Pyotr with an unsure look on his face. He was confused as to why Pyotr was asking, but he will answer the question. He was hesitant to speak up and Pyotr had felt it.
"It is fine, Eddy. You can tell me. I did not mean it in a bad way. I am simply curious. You do not have to answer if you feel uncomfortable in doing so." Pyotr added.
"No, Ilyich! It is not that... I took no offense in your question, I knew you were only curious. I am just trying to find the words to say." Eddy said as he smiled. "His love had always come off as easy and loving him in turn was easy. It is light, effortless and ever so selfless. I would describe it as playing Mozart..." Eddy said, closing his eyes as he imagined his love.
"He loves without conditions nor returns. He had always done that, no matter who you are as long as he loves you. All those years, I could not get him out of my head. I still loved him even if I was married to a woman I was pressured to marry." Eddy added.
"I know that too well, too. We both had gone through that." Pyotr whispered as he chuckled bitterly.
"All I am saying is that, he is a good man all throughout. It is not fake or acted out. It is simply just him loving..." Eddy said, the last sentence came out as a whisper.
Pyotr thought and closed his eyes. He rested his head on Eddy's shoulder, who also has his eyes closed. Pyotr played a melody from the score. They were so engulfed in the moment that they did not hear the door open for Brett's arrival. They were still stuck on each other's great admiration for the other.
"Both of you better not be thinking of running away together to be with each other..." Brett joked and chuckled.
Edward and Pyotr almost jumped at the sudden booming voice of Brett. Thankfully, they had each other in order for them to be stable on the piano stool.
"You better keep your man happy and satisfied, Kotik. I just might sweep him off his feet." Pyotr joked lightly as he held Eddy close to him teasingly.
"I might just run away with Ilyich, Brett..." Eddy joked too as he hugged Pyotr and laughed loudly.
They all laughed at the jokes they passed around. It felt like a good family. Brett felt blessed looking at the men on the piano stool. He was grateful for anyone and anything out there for allowing his life to be graced by the men that had been his muses.
Brett had went over to kiss Eddy on the lips and kissed Pyotr on the forehead. All was right and well when he is with the two within his sight. He could not be more happier.
"What were you two talking about? It seemed like a very intimate conversation." Brett said as he grabbed a chair and sat next to them.
"None of your business, Brett. It is a conversation between me and Pyotr." Eddy said lightly scolding Brett.
"We were talking about you." Pyotr said without any emotion in his voice.
Brett laughed at Eddy. Eddy pouted at Pyotr and Pyotr laughed.
"It was supposed to be a secret, Ilyich." Eddy said as he looked at Pyotr with a with knowing look.
"Sorry, Edward. You know I cannot lie to Kotik here." Pyotr said jokingly.
"You are a traitor, Pyotr! I thought we would run away together and love each other to oblivion." Eddy said with an exaggerated offended tone in his voice, then immediately laughing.
"No one is running away under my watch." Brett said as he laughed. "But I am serious, why are you both talking about me?" Brett asked.
"I just asked your lovely Edward here what it feels like to be loved by you." Pyotr said honestly as he looked at Brett with sternness.
"Pyotr..." Brett warned, looking at Pyotr with a knowing look but he was cut off by Eddy.
"He had no malice or any other bad intention with the question. He was simply curious." Eddy defended.
"I was just shocked to know that you love everyone the same way, that is all..." Pyotr said, genuinely smiling at Brett.
"You thought I loved people differently?" Brett asked with curiosity.
"Is that not how people do it? Their love adapts depending on the person?" Pyotr asked and Eddy nodded in agreement.
"I love everyone equally. Whether be it my enemies or the love of my life..." Brett said as he stared at Eddy.
If Pyotr still loved Brett that way, he would have fallen harder.
Pyotr smiled and simply said nothing else. He continued playing the melody in the symphony that he had just composed. Brett and Eddy just stared at each other. Brett was examining his beloved intently while Eddy just stared out of pure love and affection.
Eddy gave a shy smile and Brett felt his heart flutter. He felt so good that he might as well apologize for it. Brett reached for his hand out and Eddy took it with no hesitation. It has been years now since they had been together, but the feeling of love had not lessened between them. If anything, they would say that it is stronger than it could have ever been.
They quietly listened to the melody that Pyotr was playing. Eddy was crying at the thought of Pyotr who will soon be gone. It had hurt him too much to even speak of it aloud. Eddy cried and cried and cried, already mourning at the thought of losing Pyotr.
Brett acted as a support, held Eddy close and never let him go. He too, was grieving about what was about to happen to Tchaikovsky but he needs to be strong for the two. He will cry when Pyotr cannot see him anymore. He needs to make Pyotr happy before he goes.
Pyotr changed the melody to one that sounds a lot like love. He was playing it from a melody that he could hear in his head and it seemed as though he could feel the emotional tension between the two. The one he was playing was a waltz.
"What are you waiting for, you two? It is only us in this house and I am playing a waltz. It is disrespectful for a couple to not dance when there is waltz music." Pyotr said, still playing the melody in waltz meter.
"I cannot dance that well, Pyotr." Brett said but Eddy seemed to love the idea.
"Does not matter, Brett. When there is music, there is a dance. Come on, I will lead us." Eddy said, standing up and pulling Brett up with him.
He held their position and guided Brett's body. Brett just followed, mesmerized by the man in front of him. The piece was lively from the start but Pyotr had slowed it down.
Their foreheads touching each other's as they sway side by side slightly. Pyotr smiled at the couple and felt joy bloom in his chest. So, this is what love truly feels like.