"Summum bonum." -Cicero
The highest good.
"Brett, have you ever been in love?" Alexander asked, out of the blue.
"Why is the question so sudden, little brother?" Brett asked back.
"Nothing... I was just wondering. It seems as though you do not have a love interest because you are too busy practicing." Alexander said, pointing out the fact that he never heard Brett mention a beloved of his own.
"I believe that I have been in love. Whether subconsciously or not, maybe I have loved before I could even tell it was love..." Brett said, pondering the thought of being in love with Eddy.
Oh, Edward Chen. What are you doing to me?
Brett thought as a smile was planning to escape his lips. He suppressed the smile.
"Always the romantic, are you not, brother dear?" Alexander asked, smiling.
"I am not a romantic. I just let these feelings be. Why did you ask, anyway?"
"I might be, might be, in love with someone..." Alexander confessed, cheeks tinted with a blushing pink.
"Is that so? Tell me about it..." Brett invited, encouraging his brother to talk about this newfound love of his little brother.
"Well, she is beautiful, the most beautiful I have ever seen. I constantly long for her and I am afraid of what people might say about me because she is older. I truly admire her, I feel as though I cannot keep on going if I do not see her. I will go insane without her. And get this, she's a pianist..." Alexander explained, smiling at every detail.
"She is older? How old is she?" Brett asked.
"She's twenty-five, brother dear. Please do not judge me." Alexander warned.
"Oh, Alex, I could never judge you... It might be wrong for other people buy not for me. Love is love and it shall not hold anyone back. Lovely, you are young, but if you love her, then who am I to stop that? Who are they to stop that? Just make sure that if you decide to marry her, make sure you are of legal age." Brett said, accepting his brother's confession but reminding him of his situation.
"Brother, need not to worry. We are not yet together, but she did promise me that she shall wait for me. She will wait until I am of consenting age, an adult man who is earning for us. Brother, she loves me for who I am. Who am I to let her go if she is the God's blessing for me?" Alexander smiled, apologetically.
"That is true... What is her name, by the way?" Brett asked.
"Well, she's Belle Chen. She's a local pianist and I've been courting her ever since the past year."
Eddy's sister.
Brett thought as he smiled.
Hey, if it is meant to be, then it will be.
"Well, I think his brother is a student of mine. Good pupil, especially when he's playing. I privately tutor him." Brett said, not showing his fascination at the situation.
"Is that so?"
"Yes... I mean, all that aside, you'll be working at the firm soon, right?" Brett asked, drifting the conversation away from the topic.
"Yes, brother. I will be working there in a month."
"Well, since you will working next month, how about you save up for your future? I am sure that Belle will appreciate it greatly if you could give her a house by the time you will decide to marry and have children." Brett asked.
"Are you sure about that? I do not want to be a burden to you and to papa." Alexander said shyly.
"Brother mine, I do not mind. You said you loved her so I could only allow you to get her as soon as possible. Two years will be enough for you, will it not? Go get the love of your life before it is too late. I love you and I value your life. You do not owe me nor papa anything. Live your life and be happy." Brett reassured.
"I still want to help papa, though. You said you need not help so I would not interfere, but it would be great to help you." Alexander said.
"You could do that after you have established your life with Belle. I got this and I got you. I love providing for you and papa. Besides, I am not planning on having a family, yet. So, you need not to worry."
Alexander hugged Brett and almost cried.
"Thank you..." He whispered as he hugged Brett tight.
Brett hugged him back and softly petted his head. He was just glad that his brother was now in love. Not to mention, it was with Belle too. It would be nice if they get married, then maybe he and Eddy will get accepted, too.
Not that they needed it, but it would be nice. There's a higher chance that they would not be accepted, but Brett does not mind. As long as he gets to love Eddy, it will be enough for him. He just hopes that it would be enough for Eddy, too.
Alexander pulled away and cleared his throat. He does not say anything more but he smiled a genuine one before retreating to his bedroom. Brett could not be happier for Alexander. He was just glad that his brother found love, too. He just hoped that he could only love Eddy until he was stuck on his deathbed.
Brett thought of Eddy. What else was he to think about if there is no one else on his mind? Eddy was the most beautiful specimen he had ever laid his eyes on. He could never tear them away from the image of his love smiling down at him. He could not think of anyone else but this love of his.
The most beautiful human that had ever graced his eyes on. Beautiful, beautiful boy of his dreams, his life, his soul. It haunts him every single moment of his life, his hours, his life and everything else.
Who needs anything else if he already had Edward Chen?
April 29, 1861
I need not to breathe, if I could only surrender myself to him. You want to know why I love him? I could list you a thousand things but it is still not enough to be able to word out his love, for I could only feel it.
Did you know that he could make me feel complete and whole without even touching me? He could deprive me of his touch and of his presence but I could still love him with the same passion and the same heat.
I need not any other love for I already have his.
The bliss burns imprints on my heart which can never be removed. No one can replace this love on my heart. Please, to whoever, whatever is out there, allow me to love him more than he could ever love me.
I need not to worry if I am not practicing the virtue of detachment. I need not to care, achingly when I am only his and he is mine. He could tie me down with him and I would say thank you.
My brother had me wondering, what it might really mean to love. I know I love him, there is no doubt about that. What I wonder is does he feel it? Does he know that I love him so much that I would rather be by his side until oblivion?
I am not scared of loving him with such depth. No, I am not afraid. I am terrified of the day that he decides to leave and I could do nothing but watch him walk away. I devote myself to him and if the day comes that he needs me not, I do not blame him.
I will not let him stay, I will not hold him back. I am scared to see him fall in love with someone else, to watch his love shift from me to another. It will scar me unfathomably. I might never heal from it but I will not beg him to be with me. I will not chain him, I will let him go.
He deserves happiness and if it is not with me then I will liberate him. I love him too much to let him stay with me.
And is that not what love is about? Sacrifice, patience, tenderness, worship and everything in between. What does it mean to love him? What does it mean to be permanently in love with him? What does it mean for him to love me back?
All these questions run around my head. I know I love him, I know that it does not have an extent. Except, why is our love deemed illegal? Deemed wrong? Is not love liberating, freeing and non-judicial?
Whatever love may be to you or me or him, it does not matter. Only he matters to me now.