Do you know that I have to tiptoe inside my head so I don't wake up the demons I lured to sleep
-so she writes
***
My legs hurt.
My arms hurt.
My braids hurt.
But most of all my heart. My heart hurts more than anything else.
I had been walking for more than two hours now. I was far from home but I still knew the area I was in.
This has to be the saddest day of my life, except that one time when I didn't get an award for best story telling. No, actually this is sadder than that.
I badly wanted to listen to music but I couldn't. I had left my phone in excitement, if only I could've known that things will do a full one 180.
A chill went through my spine. I looked up to the sky and saw that it's about to rain. Great! Now my hair is going to get wet.
It was raining hard but I continued to walk home. Had this been another day I would have been happy to dance in the rain but right now I feel like Mother Nature is as sad as I was.
Same here Mother Nature same here.
***
"Nicole?? Is that you baby?" My mom looks away from the Nigerian movie she was watching.
"Uhmm...yeah mom, it's me" I say trying so hard to hold my tears in.
"Nicki you should stop playing in the rain, you are not a baby anymore" my mom scolds me. My mom didn't see the tears running down my face because of the rain and she couldn't find anything wrong because I've always been good at hiding how I feel. I just didn't want to inconvenience anyone with my burdens.
"You know me mom, I love the rain" I say with a smile covering up the hurt is my voice.
"You are one weird child" my mom laughs.
"You probably dropped me when I was a baby" I say teasing her.
"I dropped your brother more than you but he turned out good" my mom jokes.
"Mom!! Hahaha" I laugh at her silly jokes. My mom knew how to cheer me up even though she didn't realise I was sad, and that's why I love her to bits.
"Go bath, baby. I don't want you to catch a cold" she pushes me and return to watch her Nigerian movie.
After taking a bath and eating the chicken soup that my mom made I felt slightly better. Only a little bit. Now I needed music to do the work.
I was currently listening to Lewis Calpadi when my phone beeped.
Ding! Ding!
Ding! Ding!
Two texts from Becca ?? That's strange, she never double texts.
Becca: hey boo.. can we talk?
Becca : oh...uhm never mind it's chilled
Me: spit it out!
Becca probably wanted to say something but she wasn't sure how to say it. No wonder the hesitation.
Becca: talk to you tomorrow after the test?
Test? What test? I rushed from my bed nearly falling to check my time-table. And guess what? I'm writing Geometry tomorrow and I had no idea. And it doesn't help that I was helpless at geometry. I could definitely trade my life with a clown right now.
I quickly sit on my table and take out my geometry books. I really need to study because I can't afford to fail and disappointment my mom.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I chant in my head.
"Arggggggg" I push my books off the table. I've been trying to solve the same problem for a while now and i wasn't going anywhere. My mind kept on drifting to what Jake said "I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend". These words haunted me.
They made me feel inferior.
They made me feel worthless.
They made me hurt.
But they mostly made me feel insecure.
I pick up my books from the floor and try to concentrate. I can't afford to fail at the expense of a jerk.
***
"Well that went good" I say sarcastically stretching my back coming out from the exam room. The test was horrible. I had a major migraine headache and it didn't help that I forgot my glasses so that made everything worse.
"Are you okay ? You look like a raccoon" Becca says coming towards me. She finished the exam about half an hour ago.
"Gee thanks Rebecca, that's just what I need a compliment from you" I roll my eyes at her. She can be dramatic sometimes.
"Don't use tone with me" she pouts
"Awww...did I offend baby Becca? Is baby Becca sad?" I ask in a baby terrible baby voice.
"Okay stop! Drama queen" she says slapping my hand way from her face.
"You know you love me"
"Unfortunately I do"she says walking away.
And then she turns and shouts "Nicole!! Look who I'm saying?" She smirks.
And behind her was one person I don't wanna see.
Jacob Morris.