The Worst Drug

•There's No Point•

{•Half Edited•}
~Idris's POV~

Driving on the freeway all I can think about is the fact that I actually left that house without Vina. My fingers grip the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles turning white. I have no idea where I'm going, I've already missed the exit to go home. At least taking the kids would have been a good idea, give me something to distract myself and cool myself down. Somehow with the kids around I'm able to control my anger and put myself in check even if I feel it boiling over, I thank god for that.
The aching in my biceps has gotten worse since leaving the house, my muscles burning. Bloody scrapes cover my body, red skin covering my arms where it should be tan. Dirt is all over my clothes from rolling around fighting Zav off of me, the smell of grass heavy in the car instead of the air freshener hanging above the dash. My hair is a complete mess, parts sticking up and hanging down where it shouldn't.
Zav coming at me the way he did took me by surprise. The most I would have expected was a yelling match, not the immediate throwing of hands. Everything he said I know is right, every bit of pain he gave me I deserve. He gave me his hand to marry Vina and I've dishonored him. If it were me in his shoes I would have killed me.
Hearing him tell me Vina and I are having a little girl shook me more than else has in my life. Her going alone never crossed my mind since we discussed finding out together but after hearing her reasoning it makes sense. It pains me knowing she felt she couldn't talk to me even if I wasn't communicative back. I was more detached than I realized and I'll have to make up for it.
Nothing however will be enough to make up for always hurting her physically. That blind moment in her old room could have had a completely different outcome. Had my palm made contact with her cheek she would never stand by my side again; I wouldn't let her.
Anger management the first time around didn't work but I'll find another therapist. First things first, I'm getting myself off this fucking medication and figuring something else out to help my ADHD. It's caused more problems than it has fixed them and I'm not allowing pills to come between my marriage.
My phone ringing in the cup holder next to me grabs my attention for a second. Alaric's picture and screen name pops up. Letting out a shaky breath, I put my attention back on the road and merge into the right lane to get off on the next exit. Looking at the green street sign on the side of the road my eyes widen in shock.
Old Town McKamey 14 Miles
I had been so focused on my anger and thoughts I lost track of time. Being only about ten minutes away from my old hometown it's a good thing I caught myself before driving in. Every time that town crosses my mind I wonder if Ozais's old house is still being used for the same purposes; more than I'd like its been crossing my mind lately.
My phone rings again, this time I reach over and press the volume button for it to silence. Seconds after I do so the screen turns black again, Alaric giving up on the other line. It lights up again, Alaric's name popping up with a next message notification. Sighing, I reach over without taking my eyes off the road and pick it up. Glancing at the screen, the text is quick and very easy to read.
I HOPE YOU'RE A GOOD DRIVER!
My brows pinch together in confusion. A loud popping noise goes off outside behind me, the car swerving to the right against my control. Oh son of a bitch, Alaric!
       I frantically twist the wheel to the left, whipping onto the side of the rode. Cars around me honk as I miss them by only inches. Unbuckling myself, I waste no time throwing myself out of the car. Alaric pulls up behind me and jumps out, the wind blowing his jacket behind him. Someone drives up and rolls their window down, a middle aged women with short hair topped off with outgrown brown roots.
    "I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" The woman yells, a younger boy holding a cellphone behind him in the backseat. Knowing he's recording us, I put my hand up and flip off his camera; might as well give 'em some entertainment to watch back. Rolling his eyes, Alaric spins around on his heels with his arm extended out in front of him. Rocks and dirt scuff under his black leather boots.
    "KEEP FUCKING DRIVING BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR ASS TOO!" Alaric says, stabbing the gun their direction. The woman's mouth falls open in horror, a horrified shriek leaving her as she pulls the car into reverse and then speeds off, not paying attention as she merged into the busy freeway. My eyes widen at him when he turns his attention back to me. "What? I can be gangster when I need to be."
   "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" I yell at him, the wind from the passing cars blowing my hair in front of my face. He puts the gun back towards me, his finger shaking on the trigger. Only a handful of times have I seen him serious, each time I hate it more. From the beginning like Zav he seen promise in me that Atticus and many others didn't, and now his face is emotionless like I'm a stranger.
    "GET IN THE CAR!" He yells at me, starting to jog backwards. My brows pull together, my feet rooted in place. He puts his foot inside the car, his hand gripping the top of the door. "GET IN THE FUCKING CAR BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR LEG AND CARRY YOUR ASS OVER HERE! WE NEED TO GET TO THE GODDAMN HOSPITAL!"
Hospital? His body disappears inside the car. Cursing under my breath, I run back to the car and lean in to grab the jets before pushing the door shut, locking it with the button on the key. Alaric pushes the door open from the inside for me, my foot only leaving the gravel a split second before he starts driving. Reaching up, I hold onto the clothing hook.
    My heart beats fast in my chest taking deep breaths to correct my panting. Catching a glimpse of myself in the reflection in the window my cheeks are beat red from the cold and running, my hair messier than before. It's been a rough ass day.
     "Why the hell-"
    "Vina's in the hospital; I have no details!" he says, yelling over my voice to make me stop. His wide eyes stare at the road, looking behind him in the review before before making a sharp turn for the exit.
    Vina's in the hospital...WHY THE FUCK IS VINA IN THE HOSPITAL?! Just two hours ago I was with her arguing, now she's in the damn hospital. Of course she is, I don't know why in acting so fucking surprised. With the way her health is, this was a matter of time and I caused her to lose it. I've known keeping her relaxed and healthy is my main priority, that's why I was distancing myself in the first place.
"WHEN DID SHE GO TO THE HOSPITAL?!" I yell.
"I don't know, Zav called me about fifteen minutes ago when I started calling you," he explains. Realization hits me.
"Why were you following me this entire time?" I ask. He turns his head towards me briefly, brows brought up.
"I don't know, maybe to make sure your ass doesn't end up getting yourself arrested somewhere," he says with an eye roll. I see where they would get that impression, I'm not the type to start shit with random people when I'm upset; I like to go straight to the source. "It happened after I already left."
"Is she okay?" I ask, my hands shaking violently on my lap.
"I said I don't have any details, it wasn't a lie," he snaps at me. I sit back in the seat, looking out the window deep in thought. What if something is seriously wrong? The last time she was in the hospital and I had no idea she came back telling me she miscarried. My hand covers my mouth, the side of my index finger rubbing against my lips. "She'll be okay," he says, his voice softening a bit. Thank god.
"I hope so."
••••••
~Sin's POV~

As soon as entering the hospital the doctors attended to Vina. Thankfully by the time we got to the parking lot she started to regain co deviousness, only about for four four minutes max. I obviously would have rather she not passed out at all but it at least helped with my nerves not having to hear her cry the entire way. Still though, as soon as I lifted her body from the seat she was back to bawling her eyes out. The right sleeve of my button down is stained with mascara tears and wrinkled from her clenching it in her fist.
They wouldn't let me back with her when rolling her away on the gurney, although, I did try push against a few people. Having no relation to her the nurse I was trying to smooth talk into telling me what was going on with Vina told me it would be impossible to get any information. As soon as they said that I called Zavian, hardly able to get out the whole story properly without tripping over my own words.
The last thing I heard her say before they grabbed her was a small creek of her voice saying her chest hurt. By the sound of her voice it sounded like it hurt her to breath, that fact weighing on my mind ever since. I didn't mention that part to Zav, I couldn't bring myself to tell him his little girl is in so much pain it's literally taking her breath away.
Usually with him I keep it business only, I could break whatever news to him without fear of how it'll make him feel but he's the only man I've known to care for his child the way he does. He's always been a good father, even in his low moments back in the day when she was a little girl. He would go from selling someone an ounce at six to playing blocks at seven no matter how screwed up he was.
Plopping myself down in the chair closest to me, a little boy wearing Spider-Man pajamas locks eyes on me. I try ignoring his stare, looking around the busy waiting room. Doctors and nurses walk back and forth in front of the door and glass windows. Leaning on my elbows, I give the kid a small smile to break the ice. He snaps his head down, eyes wide down on his IPad. Looking at his mom, he grabs her arm to get her attention and taps something on it.
"He has some too," the kid says with a failed attempt to hide his excitement as he whispers to the woman. Looking down herself, she lowers her arm a little and I catch a glimpse of a single rose tattoo. She laughs, picking her eyes up to look at me. Her smile slowly fades, cheeks blushing alight shade of pink.
"Sinith!" I hear a deep, panicked voice say from the door. Turning myself that direction, Zav stands against the door frame with Bex beside him. I stand up and speed walk over, ignoring the judging stare I get from an old man next to the entertainment table. "Where is she?" He asks.
"I don't know, they won't tell me anything since I have no relationship to her," I tell him. He rubs his hands down his face. Bex raises her hand up to his shoulder, her brows knitted together. She's trying to keep him calm but I can see her own panic all over her body language.
"Alaric is on his way with Idris right now," he says, leaning his back against the glass. I tuck my hands in my pockets, pressing my lips together. Bex looks towards the front desk, tucking her crazy hair behind her ears.
"I'm gonna go find out what's going on," she tells us before walking away without another word. Zav looks up to watch her as she speed walks over to where about the doctors stand reading over files and paperwork, others leaning over computers with the screens flashing on their faces.
     "What happened?" He asks me, placing his hands on his hips. I want to tell him to go in the waiting room and take a seat because of the growing lack of color in his skin but that's all be fault to the flame right now.
    "I was following her out to her car to make sure she got out there safe and she started getting pain and passed out, so I carried her to the car and now we're here," I tell him, leaving how the part about how she woke up when we first arrived. The elevator across the hall, down the hall a few feet dings loudly, a group of people and doctors walking out. I recognize one of them that helped put Corey on the gurney. "Excuse me!" I say harsher than I intend to. He stops in his tracks seeing me walk his way, shoulders stuffing up at his sides.
   "Yes, Sir?" He asks, his voice shaking.
    "You helped my friend when we first came in, the-the pregnant one-Corvina Corinthos-I mean Massimo," I stutter, having a hard time forming the sentence. Thankfully he nods, looking behind me at who I'm guessing is Zav. The ball of his Adam's Apples jumps up and down as he swallows nervously, returning his eyes to me.
     "I'm sorry, but I can't give you any inform-"
     "I'm her father, I have the right to know what's going on with my child," Zav says angrily. The doctors eyes widen.
     "I-I have to look at her files to look for proof of that. Its federal law-"
    "HER HUSBANDS BEING A PIECE OF SHIT AND ISN'T HERE YET! AND I'M ON THE VERGE OF A FUCKING HEART ATTACK! SO GET YOUR ASS-"
    "Sir, please keep your voice down-"
    "-GET YOUR ASS BEHIND THAT COMPUTER AND LOOK AT HER FILES OR WHATEVER THE FUCK!" Bex walks up and places her hand on his shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. The doctor visibly relaxes at her company, letting out a small sigh. She tugs down the front of her shirt, her cleavage becoming more visible in her thin tank top. Zav's brows pulling together in disapproval. "What the hell are you-"
    "Shut up," she whispers to him as she steps towards the man with a gentle smile. It's the fakest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. She could fool me though if I didn't know how evil of a women she could be. That smile looks innocent and nurturing but she's the Devil's spawn and her way of helping is seduction. "Corvina is my daughter and she's had a very tough pregnancy. She has preeclampsia and gets chest pains frequently," she explains smoothly, keeping her voice down. The doctors blue eyes drop down to her...friends and snap back up with fuming pink cheeks. I don't blame the man, she has a nice rack. It's no question where Corey gets her most mesmerizing assets...literally. "I need to know what's going on with her. She lost consciousness-" She adds a fracking affect to her voice to sound like she's going to cry.
    "I'll see what I can find out," he says, putting his hand up to stop her from talking anymore. She sighs and gives him a pat on the cheek with her hand. Zav glares daggers at him as she throws herself back towards Zav. His arms wrap around her shoulders tightly, pulling her back into his chest.
    "Thank you," she says, kissing the side of Zav's thumb. He nods awkwardly before scurrying off where the front desk is. Finding an empty computer he almost falls throwing himself into the chair in front of it and grabbing the mouse. "He's had a crush on me since he started working nights here three months ago. I have him wrapped around my finger."
    "How nice," Zav says sarcastically. The doctor we were talking to shouts up from the chair and starts running back our direction. Bex shoves Zav's arms off of her, and falling aggressively to his sides.   
    "There's been an emergency with the patient I have to attend to," he yells at her as he passes, pressing the elevator button more times than needed. When Bex turns back to us she doesn't look as hopeful as before.
    "What kind of emergency could he have been talking about? Does he mean emergency with Vina or someone else?" I ask her. She shrugs, placing her hand on her baby bump. Closing her eyes, she takes deep breaths. Zav places his hands on her shoulders and leads her back to the bench against the wall. Sitting down, she leans her head back blinks back tears.
   "This isn't good for you," Zav tells her. "Sin can you take her home-"
   "No, I'm staying here until I get news about my daughter! Are you fucking serious, Zavian?" He snaps his head down towards her, her angry expression immediately falling as if she knows it to try challenging him with this. "I'm staying here. I'm fine."
    "Clearly, you're not. If anything happens, I'll call you," he tells her. I take my keys out of my pocket. Of course, I don't want to leave, I want to make sure Corey is going to be okay. What is the emergency was about her and is life threatening? My chest tightens with anxiety. All this is going on and Idris isn't even here to get the information needed. The piece of shit would rather focus on his immature anger than have a conversation with his wife, why would this surprise me?
As if on cue, the devil himself comes walking through the doors beside Alaric. His eyes land on me I feel like a fish out of water.
"Listen now-" Bex tries saying before Zav grabs onto the front of Idris's shirt.
"THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" Zav yells at him. I reach forward and pull Zav off of him by his shoulders. Idris fixes his shirt, glaring at me.
"Where is she?" He asks, ignoring Zav and speaking straight to Bex.
"I have no idea, Zav and I are no longer entitled to any information without you," she answers him.
"For Corvina-" A voice says from behind us all. The doctor from earlier stands near the elevator, this time wearing a white coat and a face mask. Idris walks around us, giving Zav and I the side eye. Zav tries going after him but Bex puts herself in the way, placing her hand on his chest with a stern expression on her face. Sighing, he throws himself down onto the bench next to her, huffing like an upset toddler.
She has him wrapped around her finger.
••••••
Warning: There is little to no medical accuracy in the following scenes. I winged it for the purpose of how I wanted the chapter to play out, not aiming for realism. So please read with that in mind, enjoy!
~Idris's POV~

Why the hell is he here? Sin has no reason to be here for Vina when Zav is. It's not like he has any significant relationship to her. My hands ball into fists at my sides as I walk to the doctor that called Vina's name. He's not as old as some of the other doctors I've seen around here, about Bex's age with salt and pepper hair and brown eyes showing above his mask.
    "I'm Idris Massimo, her husband," I tell him. He looks down at the clipboard leaning against his arm. Flipping a page up he looks at something and nods, pressing his lips back together. "Is everything okay? My mother in law said you couldn't tell her anything."
   "With the level of complications with her health we're having to do an emergency delivery. Your wife's blood pressure was dangerously high. Because of how far along she is we're going to have to a c-section," he tells me. I nod along with everything he says although it sounds like jibberish. He's smarter than me, I just have to trust him.
   "She-She's just going to be okay right?" I repeat. That's all I care about right now. Fuck Sin being here. Fuck Zav wanting my head on a silver platter. I need to know if my wife is okay.
   "There is no promise I can make with that, Sir. The choice is yours which life we try to save in the dire situation where one requires more attention," he tells me. The elevator behind him opens, making him turn around and look back at the door. "If you could please follow me, it'd be better for you to be upstairs anyways."
    I nod, looking at my shoes as I follow him into the elevator. I look to Alaric as the doors close, leaving me alone with the doctor. My face like I have a high fever. The beating in my heat makes me slightly nervous I'll start going into a state of panic.
She'll be okay, I tell myself. I can't live without her.
    "My wife," I say as the elevator dings and the doors slide open. He turns his head towards me as we step out. "If it comes down to that, you do everything you can to save my wife," I repeat so he hears me clearly. If losing Vina comes at an option obviously I'll never give her up. It might make me a sick fuck if that means I'd even give up the life of my child to save hers.
     I know it might sound fucked up, but I wouldn't be able to love our baby the way I should if it took her life. There would always be a lingering resentment for her, a hatred I never want to feel for my own kid. I want to be able to love it but how would I be able to if in the back of my head I'm keeping in mind that my life has to die in order to give her life. It wouldn't be fair in my eyes.
    "Are you sure-"
    "Do whatever you need to save her," I tell him harshly, my teeth clenched. Looking me in the eye he nods.
   "Stay close by please," he says. I won't be going anywhere.
    •••••••
                              ~Zav's POV~

          As soon as the elevator door opens I'm like a German Shepard on a stakeout. I know they won't give any information for legal reasons but I've never made friends with the law, it's not gonna start today. This couldn't have come at a worse time with Idris acting like his head is up his ass. Usually I would have been able to count on him being here for Vina as her husband should but no, it was a man she's hooked up with. That sounds horrible but I won't lie.
    Walking down the hall I stop at the sight of Idris sitting against the wall on one of the benches. His hair hangs in front of his face as he puts his head down. Rubbing his hands down his face, it gives me the perfect shot to step up and slap him just as he looks up. The side of his head smacks against the wall. I grip his shoulders to keep him pressed to the wall.
    "Where the hell were you going when you left?" I ask. He stands up out of nowhere, taking me surprise and making me stumble back until my back hits a nurse walking by pushing a cart. I force a smile then return to the matter at hand. If his were a cartoon there would be steam coming from my ears and little exclamation points above his. "Took you too damn long to get here if you were going home-"
    "I was taking a drive," he says, pushing his hair back. I scuff in disbelief, looking at the floor. Putting my hands on my hips I pace back and forth thinking of how much of a dumbass I was to let him marry Vina.
    "What the hell is going on with Vina?" I ask, pinching my temples.
    "They're having to do an emergency delivery. She's in labor," he tells me. What the fuck?! The sound of footsteps steals his attention. Bex jogs over from the elevator with Alaric and Sin walking behind her. His body tenses up seeing Sin. The intention never was to get Bex to leave although it gave good reason, but more so to get Sin the hell out of here before Idris showed up. It's actually shocking to me how he's managed to keep his hands to himself since coming in, only glaring a few times.
    "What's going on?" Alaric asks. Sin and Idris look at each other silently, both looking like they're ready to break at any second. Imagine watching a scene of two lions trying to feed on the same small animal...that's them.
    "Vina's having the baby," I tell him. Bex grabs onto my arm.
    "She's not far along enough yet!" Sin exclaims. Idris's eyes narrow.
    "No shit."
     •••••••
                              ~Idris's POV~

             I have to get away before I turn this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. This is a hospital full of sick and hurt people, this is the last place I want to beat his ass. Let him have immediate medical attention, I don't think so! Walking around to Alaric, I pull him over to the side. He's not happy with me either, I know, but at least him I can trust won't kill me.
    "If the doctor comes back tell him I give permission to say what's going on," I tell him. His brows pull together.
   "Where are you going?" He asks. Behind him Bex wraps her arms around Zav. Propping her chin on his chest she says something quietly. Looking around, Sin walks away in the opposite direction of them probably feeling awkward.
   "Just outside for a few minutes. I need to cool down," I tell him. He opens his mouth to say something that I'm sure is an objection, telling me to stay her, but I put my hand up to stop him. "Please, don't. I'm trying to make this easier for all of us, I don't want to end up causing a scene. All I care about right now is knowing my wife and baby are going to be okay, that's all; not Sin or anything else."
    His brows raise in surprise. The corner of his mouth lifts into a grin. Stepping to the side, he makes room for me to go to the elevator.
    "What?"
    "Nothing," he says with a short laugh. "It's just...there's the old Idris we all know and love," he teases. I roll my eyes, turning around and going to the elevator. Sin eyes me on the way as I wait for the doors do open. A kid and his mom with a female nurse walk out followed by an old man in a wheelchair being pushed by a male nurse.
     I step in and try pressed the "1" button before Sin can come in but he makes it in the nick of time. I sigh and prop myself against the wall, licking my foot up behind me. He tucks his hands in his pockets, keeping his eyes on the floor. My jaw ticks as I think of him in his backyard with Vina kissing her. Even if it was just for a second and she pushed him away, it happened. I'm not upset with her about that part, that anger comes from him disrespecting her enough to kiss her while knowing she's married, without her permission.
    Feeling my chest start to tighten with anger I mentally slap myself. Pushing away the images of ways to kill the man in front front of me, I remind myself of why I'm here. I could be losing my wife or my baby girl. The thought gives me an automatic headache. He isn't worth it. Staying mad at him means keeping the grudge with Vina. If anything happens with her I never want to have it being that I never let this situation go. The biggest mistake of it all would be not getting the chance to verbally apologize. Regretting that I didn't listen to her in the bedroom like she wanted and just communicated.
Stop! I yell at myself, my throat starting to tighten with emotion. Without her I'm nothing. The few months we went separated were bearable but that's because there was still a chance. I knew she was still somewhere, possibly happy and we would get back together soon. Losing her like this is an entire different ball game, a game I wouldn't let myself even live to play. There would be no point for me to continue, literally without her I'd be damned. A blind man walking without any guide.
It's terrible that I would leave the kids so easily but what else? Stay and be a useless father? There is no me without her, just a fucked up druggie who'd have no business raising two girls and a son. And to put Cass in one bad situation, to another I could never do that to him. There would be no use.
"You know this is ridiculous, right?" Sin says. The door opens and I step out, choosing to ignore him. Not now. "You walking away when you should just face the problem." I keep my head down as I speed walk towards the main doors, the wind blowing my hair back as I step outside. I don't know where in planning to go, maybe just walk around the parking lot to clear my head but I just need to get away from everyone; especially the one on my ass right now!
"You need to be gone by the time I go back in," I say, stabbing my finger into his shoulder. He scuffs, looking me up and down and laughing as if I'm something he can easily take down. Yeah he's big and I know from fighting him before he can hold his own, but I can still win at the end. Turning around, I'm happy it's cold out since my skin feels like it's on fire. I know it's not hot inside, hospitals are always freezing and everyone is wearing a coat, but my nerves being in high rise caused my body temperature to do the same.
"You should be fucking happy I'm here. I am the one who brought her here in the first place; if it weren't for me, she could be in a worse position," he say. I know he's right but I'm not going to deal with it right now and give him the credit when he's feening for it. I keep walking away, the wind blowing my shirt. "Keep fucking walking away so you can avoid the truth," he yells after me. My nails cut into the palm of my hand as I curl my fingers into tight fists. It's not the time or place to start a fight with this sack of shit. There's kids and families all around and doctors that don't need us getting in their way. I want to ignore him and the entire situation until I know my wife is going to make out of those doors.
Turning around I walk back towards him, my jaw shaking with anger. "I know the truth, I'm not walking away from it," I tell him. "I'm fucking tired of feeling insecure about you because, yeah, I know damn well you could maybe treat Vina a little better than I can. Bet it fucking shocks you to hear that from me, huh?"
"Say it again, I want to put it as my ringtone," he says sarcastically, taking his phone out of his pocket.
"She has a soft spot for you for some reason, I've let that come between her and I too much. I'm not loosing her over you. You two had a few good months, you gave her an okay time for a bit and I have to come to terms with that because at the end of the day she left you for me, she's still my wife, the mother of my kids. No matter what I'll have that over you and that helps me sleep at night from now on because she's sleeping next to me...not you."
"The way she sounded like it was more than okay..." I chuckle. This man really thinks he has me there.
"I have scars on my back from when I fuck her...it was just okay." Although, it does get under my skin knowing they've been intimate, I know I do her better than he can. I give her exact what she needs, even when she doesn't even know what that is exactly. We've always paired perfectly physically just as we do emotionally...well, lately the emotion part has been tough.
"I'm going back inside to check on Bex," he says. I roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.
"So that was your purpose for coming out here? To hopefully make me feel like shit?" He stops and just stares at me. Real mature. "Go check, then leave."
•••••••
~Zav's POV~

It's been about ten minutes and I've locked myself in the bathroom sitting on top of the closed toilet lid. There's an uncomfortable buzzing coursing throughout my body and the tips of my fingers feel I've cold. As soon as I heard the words come from Idris that Vina is having the baby I felt the need to throw up. That was my initial intention for coming in here until I was hunched over for enough time to realize nothing was going to come up. At first I was thinking that the pain in my chest was just figurative and it was my mind playing tricks on me, but now I've realized the anxiety has brought me to the point where my heart is beating dangerously fast.
Picking a fight with Idris isn't going to reverse or do anything. The feeling of my phone vibrating in my pocket draws my thoughts away from Idris. Digging into my pocket I take it out to see Alaric's name lighting up the screen with a long list of test messages repeatedly telling me to coms out. I turn it off and put it back. Turning the water on, I splash my face a few times as if it'll reset something.
Walking out, I'm hoping to see Idris back in the area but it's still just Bex and Alaric in the long, almost empty hallway. For a hospital at night, there isn't much activity, at least on this floor. Getting closer to them, Bex hears my footsteps and turns around towards me. The green of eyes pops out against the whites that are now bloodshot. Underneath her cheeks is damp with tears, the tip of her nose red.
What the hell happened in ten minutes!?
My brows pull together in concern, my hand reaching out to grab hers. Her fingers shake as they fold over mine, her head hanging as she starts breaks down. Her shoulders shake, treats streaming down her face like a downpour rain storm.
     "My b-baby," she cries, pressing her face into my chest. My entire body goes rigid. Looking up, I see Alaric rubbing his hands over his face. When his eyes finally meet mine I can he's crying too. His bottom lip wobbles as he struggles do keep back more tears. I start thinking the worst and my own body starts shaking.
    "What's going on, Alaric?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. Everything is okay. She's okay. I tell myself these things but they don't register in my head. Covering his mouth with his hand, he shakes his head. A son escaped his lips. I set Bex to the side and grip the front of his shirt, pulling him up to my chest. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" I yell at him, tears starting to blur my vision from anxiety.
SHE HAS TO BE OKAY!
    "Her heart stopped," he forces out, looking me dead in the eyes. My fingers loosen their hold on his shirt and I step back. My stomach turns in the worst way possible and my heart feels hot. My entire body feels like it's been put on vibrate mode. Bex presses her hand to my chest, probably feeling how rapidly its beating.
Her heart stopped. She's dead. My little girl is gone.
"T-the Doctor came out when you went to the bathroom looking for Idris. It was before they got the baby out-"
"Is-Is she dead?" I ask, my voice shaking. I can feel the tears in my eyes threatening fo spill over the edge. He nods, pressing himself against the wall. My arms tighten around Bex, burying my face in her hair.
Memories of raising Vina pass through my head like a video reel. She was always such a lively little girl even though it definitely wasn't easy. She always tries being happy and would fill both Bex and I with pride. The more she grew up the more scared I became about life getting in her way of being happy. I always knew she would face problems regarding her autism, that was a given but at least that I knew she could get through. No matter what fucked up situation I was in, even if I was at my lowest point, I'd find a way to be there for her.
And now she's gone.
"Has someone told Idris?" I ask, forcing my thoughts elsewhere. My hands run up and down Bex's back as she shakes. I bow my head down and kiss her hair. He shakes his head, wiping his eyes. I take a deep breath, giving Bex's shoulders a tight squeeze before taking a step back. "I'll go tell him," I say. Alaric pulls Bex to him, both crying messes; looking how I feel.
I keep my eyes on the ground as I walk to the elevator. Nothing feels real right now. Everything feels numb except for the sharp, aching pain lying in the center of my chest. The slide open, Sin coming with two nurses. I don't stop doing tell him anything, passing him up and frantically pushing the lobby button.
This is the worst news I could bring to Idris. Even though he's a dumbass and doesn't use his brain the way he should, he's always had a heart for my daughter in a way he doesn't for anyone else. He's watched over her in ways that I've had to let go of doing. She fell in love with him and I trusted that, and I regret now telling him I regret doing so. He never laid a hand on her, although, today I second guessed him but who would blame me. He's always been loving and caring to her, protecting her which the most important thing and I can't hate him for making a mistake when he's brought so much good to her life.
The ride down is silent, the small space feeling a little like its rotating. When the door opens and all the noise is let in I flinch. I'm thankful my let's manage to keep me supported on the way outside, feeling my knees wobble a few times. I stop and look around for Idris, stopping him leans against the wall to my left. The wind blows my jacket back as I walk his way, swallowing down the bile in my throat.
There isn't even anything I can say to prepare him for this. "Sit down?" He'd yell at me and ask what the hell is going on; I'd react the same way. He looks up, straightening up from his leant position.
I won't be able to do this.
•••••••
~Idris's POV~

I straighten up from my position leant against the building, tossing the cigarette to the ground and crushing it with my foot at the sight of Zavian speed walking my way. I haven't smoked in so long but there was someone else smoking and it was too hard to avoid asking when I know it would take a tiny edge off. The closer he gets the more it becomes apparent he's not okay.
He looks like he's wiped grey chalk all over his face, eyes glossy and glazed over. My body tenses taking the final steps towards him. He's still for a moment, he's silent staring at the ground lost in thought before breaking. Once again his fists are swinging at me but I manage to this time grab his wrist and swing him forward to switch positions, twisting his arm behind his back like a cop would so he's pinned do the building.
"I-I-I can't," he stutters, not trying to fight against me. I loosen my grip on his wrist, leaning over him instead. Tears run down his face violently, shoulders shaking. Anxiety rises in my chest thinking of what it could be that would make him cry like this or at all. "She's gone," he chokes out, sounding like he's going to be sick.
"What do you mean?" I ask. He just looks at me as he turns around. His head hangs down and as he struggles to breath properly. I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to get his attention.
She's gone. They couldn't save her even with the choice they gave me. I wonder if our baby survived. My stomach flips and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a few short seconds as I let myself reset. However, there's no way to do that with this. Taking a minute to breath it out isn't going to bring her back.
How did it happen so fast?
"Sit down," I tell Zav, starting to get more nervous as he stumbles sideways as if he's losing consciousness. He shakes his head at me but I push him down to the concrete. He bends his knees and hides his face in his hands. Kneeling down I rest my forehead on his shoulder, tapping the other soothingly with the other.
"She's gone," he cries, clenching onto my arm. I take a deep, shakes breath. It's hard for me to keep my own tears at bay but I don't let them fall. There's no point in crying, soon her and I will be together again.
••••••

Bex couldn't look at me. I tried talking to her when I came in and she walks away with Alaric to the elevator. There were tears streaming down her face. Thankfully, Sin is nowhere to be seen. Leaving me alone in the hallway. I lean against the wall, sliding down it until bending my knees and wrapping my arms around them.
Tears sting in my eyes as I think of never seeing my girl again. I'll never get to hold her hand or squeeze her body ever again. She'll never kiss me or curl up in a ball at night against my side to fall asleep again. She'll never sit in the passenger seat tapping her thighs, looking out the window mumbling the words to the song on the radio ever again. She'll never get mad or irritated with me again. I want her to come back so I can annoy her again, just a little longer because this isn't what we deserved.
All the pain weighing on my chest will be gone soon. I won't live long enough to let it overtake me.
"Mr.Massimo," I hear a breathless voice say from my side. Looking up with blurry vision I see the doctor from earlier walking this way. I push myself out, rubbing my eyes to rid of any water left in them. "I apologize for the news given earlier to the man-"
"He's my wife's uncle. What's going on?" I ask, my hands shaking.
"We were able to resuscitate her after a few minutes, her heart wasn't beating for about five minutes," he says. "Her blood pressure became too high to manage once we started cutting into her abdomen-"
    "IS SHE ALIVE?!" I yell at him, not caring about the surrounding details right now. He nods frantically, looking down at the clipboard in his hands.
   "As-As I said, we were able to resuscitate her. We're currently working to get her blood pressure normal, she's being very difficult though I must inform you," he says. I sigh out of relief. "Your child is holding on as well as her mother though I'm afraid to say. Because of her premature birth we're facing a lot of problems with her ability to breath."
     "Do whatever you need," I tell him. He nods, pressing his lips together. "W-when am I going to be able to see my wife? Is she out of surgery yet?" I ask. He shakes his head.
    "No, but once we're able to stable her heart rate I'll let you know," he says. I thank him under my breath, pinching the tip on my nose. He turns around and walks back down the hall where he came from. Leaning back against the wall I let my eyes flutter closed. The corners of my mouth lift up into a relieved smile and I feel my eyes water despite being shut.
     I still got my girl.
     •••••••

     My knees bounce up and down as I sit on the bench waiting to hear from one of the doctors coming down the hall. The later it gets the more doctors start walking around and patients are coming in. I feel awkward just sitting here alone looking like a sad little kid. Alaric, Bex, or Zav haven't come back in and although I know I could go outside to tell them what the doctor said to me I don't want to take any chances of leaving this floor incase anything changes.
    My phone starts ringing in my back pocket. I see Nanny's name and annoying face pop up. My thumb shakes over the decline button before deciding against it and answering.
    "Hello?" I ask, standing up. My thighs burn from waking around and standing all day.
    "Thank god you answered," she says with a loud sigh. I look down at my shoes. "What's going on with Vina? I have the kids with me at the house still." By the house I assume she means Bex and Zav's.
    "She's going to be okay," I say. There's no need to mention the rest right now. What matters is that she's going to be okay. My baby is a fighter. "I haven't been able to see her yet; there's still doing work."
    "I'm sorry about earlier," she says, sounding like she's going to cry. It seems this has a lot of us rethinking some shit.
    "It's okay," I tell her. "How are the kids doing?" I ask.
    "Ez and Cass are laying down in the living room watching T.V.. He's like an adult trapped inside a child, keeps an eye on Ez better than I do," she says. Those two have no idea what could have happened tonight, what did happen tonight. Ez could have lost another mother, one was enough, losing another then plus her father would be traumatic. And Cass...he doesn't show it but he has a stronger connection with her than me that's obvious.
"Tell them I love them," I tell her. She shouts it over to the living room and I can hear Ez yelling it back in the background. It doesn't surprise me that Cass stays silent, I haven't told him I love him face to face even. I do, the kid has become like a son to me, but I don't want him feeling like I'm forcing myself into a spot he doesn't want me filling.
"Cass is halfway knocked out," she say with a laugh. I'm taken back to the first time seeing her sitting at the lunch table at school with Vina. I had one class with Nanny in the morning where the teacher hated her because she was loud so I didn't expect to see such a...outgoing person with her. When they had both turned and looked at me as I stared at her that day I felt heat flood my body with embarrassment and that has been something I never experienced. Now some years past and she's still Vina's best friend, at my parent's in laws house watching Vina and mines kids.
"Hey, Nanny?"
"Yeah?" She asks.
"Thank you for everything," I say. There's a long pause, her probably looking around wherever she is in confusion. "For always being there for Vina, especially when I'm being too much an ass to do it myself." She laughs.
"Of course I'm always here for her, I wanted her first, remember?" She teases. I smile down at the floor. "Is everything okay though? It's a little weird for you to thank me out of nowhere."
"Y-Yeah, everything is okay. I'm just still shaken up from finding out what happened when she got here," I lie. It's not a complete one but it's not what I'm reacting over at the moment. How many people have to recover from finding out their significant other passed away then has come back? Probably not many, and I wasn't looking to be on the list.
"Just be thankful she's okay," she tells me. I'm trying. "I'm gonna let you go. I'll call Zav soon." My heart stops for a second...oh god, that's a bad phrase do use at the moment.
"I'll tell him to call you. Your call might not go through with the bad reception," I say, tucking my hand in my pocket. I would let her do as she said but he didn't seem in the right headspace to have a conversation. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Alaric walking out of the elevator with Bex and Zav behind him. Both look exhausted and broken, Alaric wearing an expression that only says he's cried his last tears and now feels numb. "I have to go."
"Okay, and by the way, Idris..." I pause. "I will always be trying to steal your bitch. Love you!" With that she hangs up without giving me the opportunity to have the last word. That woman is something else. I can only imagine what the kid she's going to have will be like. I've met Morticia once and she was a sweet woman but seemed like she had an attitude; that mixed with some Nanny...dear Lord!
"I have good news," I say, putting my phone in my back pocket. Bex picks her head up from Zav's chest. "The doctor came back and told me they were able to resuscitate her after a few minutes. They've been trying to stabilize her for a while now; I didn't want to say anything until he came and told me she was out so it was official."
Bex lets out a sob, turning herself into her husbands chest. His arms wrap around her shoulders and a tear slowly runs down the side of his face from the corner of his eye. Alaric grabs onto my arm, letting out a huff that sounds like he's gotten the wind knocked out of him. My lips curve upwards into a smile.
I pray to God that this doesn't change.
"He's waiting for you," Zav says, nudging his chin upwards behind me. I turn around to see the doctor that's been giving updates. This time there's no coat which I don't let relax me. However when I start speed walking forward, he steps back and gives me a nervous smile as if scared I was coming in to attack.
"Your wife is out of surgery now and we managed get her heart rate down," he informs me. The muscles in my shoulders and biceps relax. I unclench my jaw and fists.
She's okay. Really okay.
"We're going to be keeping a very close eye on her throughout the night and keeping her on heavy pain medication, as well as some medication to help her sleep," he adds. I nod, taking deep breaths. Why is it now that I feel overwhelmed. My body gets hot and I close my eyes, taking deep breaths. The feeling of someone putting their hand on my shoulder makes me jump and grab it, twisting it around and shoving the person to the wall.
"IDRIS!" I hear Alaric yell. Snapping out of it I notice the man is the doctor. I step back and apologize, in shock of my actions. Glancing to the side, Bex and Zav look at me in shock along with Alaric who has his mouth gapped open.
"I'm so sorry," I say, running my hands over my face.
"It's okay," he says, fixing the sleeves of his shirt. "I just have to ask now about your own well-being...Are you okay, sir? You seemed as if you dissociated for a second."
"I-That doesn't matter; I'm sorry. If my wife is okay, when can I see her? What's going on with my baby?" I ask, my brows pulling together as more questions flood in.
"Mr.Massimo, I need you to take moment and breath; I assure you that everything okay with your wife and baby," he tells me softly. The tone of his voice honestly takes me by surprise, it's like...the male version of Vina. I don't like it. Still, I do as he says. Taking a few slow, deep breaths. "It's okay to get overwhelmed. Are you on any kind of medication?"
"Ritalin," I answer. His brows raise. "I have ADHD," I say, sensing the judgement.
"Well, that explains the aggression," he says. My brows pull together.
"I'm aggressive regardless." He lets out a nervous laugh and I stay silent, making him come to an abrupt stop and clear his throat.
"Your baby is currently in NICU, we're still having a lot of trouble helping her breath properly. Your girls are two strong fighters; you're a lucky man," he says. Hearing someone else say I'm lucky to have her without knowing shit hits a little different. I know am, I have no right to have someone as amazing as her but here we are. "Because of the health of your wife your child's heart rate was also dangerously high in her lungs. She couldn't take any air in on her own at first but once she did it wasn't until more than 15 seconds that she breathed again. I want to run a test for pneumonia soon."
"Do whatever you need," I say, swallowing down the lump in my throat. My poor baby. She hasn't even lived and she's already being out through hell. I'm already not able to help her.
"If you'd like I can show you the way to your wife. Visiting hours are over so I would appreciate it if you asked your family to leave," he says, gesturing to Bex, Zav, and Alaric behind me.
"I'll be right back," I tell him. The three of them wear anxiety ridden expressions as I walk over, rubbing my burning eyes. I hadn't noticed before because of all the adrenaline and emotion but I'm exhausted. "Everything is going to be okay with them. Vina is out of surgery, but they're keeping a close eye on her. Visiting is over though, so..." My words trail off, feeling it's rude to flat out tell them to leave even though it's not my own request.
"We should go anyways; it's been a long day," Zav says. Alaric tucks his hands into his pockets.
"I'll come drop your car off in the morning," he tells me. I forgot all about the fact that my car is left on the side of the freeway, probably towed by now. Bex lets go of Zav and walks up to me. I freeze as she wraps her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tightly. I hug her back awkwardly, my eyes flicking up to Zav.
"Don't think I've forgotten," he says, grabbing Bex's hand as she steps back. Her brows knit together in confusion.
"I'm sorry about all the drama today," she tells me. "We should have stayed out of it." Zav scuffs, making her elbow him.
"I deserved everything I got. If I were Zav I would have beat my ass too," I tell her. Alaric laughs at my side, placing his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. I look towards him and give him a smile, my lips pressed together in a firm line.
"I would have never actually shot you, daddy," he says with a wink. For the first time today I laugh, shaking my head at his foolishness. We say goodnight, Zav and I just nodding at each other. I have a feeling things will be tense for a while between us.
The doctor leads me down the long bright hallway, taking a right turn and continuing down another five feet before finally reaching the room. I look up at the number to remember it; room 243. He opens the door carefully, pressing his back against it and gesturing me inside with his hand. All the lights are on which I know will bug her when she wakes up, the blinds drawn shut but it doesn't matter now since it's night.
Spotting her laying in the bed placed in the center of the relatively large room my eyes prickle with tears. After not thinking I would ever see her again, having her right in front of me is more emotional than I want to admit. I can't stop the tear from rolling out of the the corner of my eye. I immediately wipe it in fear of the doctor seeing. I'm sure he's used to this shit, but I'm not showing no vulnerability in front of a stranger.
"She'll be asleep for a while. If she wakes up there's a button on the side of her bed that will send an alert to one of the nurses or me," he tells me. I nod, walking over towards the chair next to the bed. "There is a pillow and a blanket on the couch next to the window."
"Thank you," I tell him. He nods, giving me a forced smile before turning out of the room, leaving a few papers in the table below the tv that hangs on the wall facing the bed. I pull the chair closer to Vina and sit down. Taking her hand in mine, our fingers slip together perfectly fitting like puzzle pieces. I've always loved the way her palm felt pressed to mine or against me in anyway. The first time she held my hand it felt like I was on fire. The absence though of her fingers lacing back with mine and her soft thumb caressing the back of my hand makes me feel empty.
The door clicks shut just as I rest my head down on her hand. Taking deep breaths, each one becomes harder to keep even. An almost painful, thick lump grows in my throat as I push back the urge to start crying. I'm tried of it when I know it won't do anything.
Sitting up, I let go of Vina's hand and stand up. I rub the unshed tears out of my eyes and exhale throughout my nose. Combing my fingers through my hair, I stare at the wall containing the TV and whiteboard. Not much is written except for Vina's name and weight; they'll probably add more once she wakes up.
As excited as I am to hear her voice again and actually see her awake, the though is also terrifying. The last time we spoke, we were arguing and I almost hit her. What if she still doesn't want me anywhere around her? The main thing I'm worried about is explaining why Zavian isn't in the room. How am I supposed to explain everything that happened without sending her into a state of shock?
I lean against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. As tired as I am, I know I won't be able to get any sleep. Not until she wakes up at least or some more information comes in about Zavi's condition. These girls are going to be the death of me and it's really only begun. Thankfully Ez is already....well I can't say tamed because she's a lunatic but not in the way I think will drive me insane. And Cass is Cass, he's perfect.
I sit back down, resting my head back. I could go lay down on the couch with the pillow and blanket to be more comfortable but It's too far. Crossing my arms over my chest, I close my eyes and take steady breaths in hopes to fall asleep. Peaking one eye open, I grab onto Vina's hand again, holding it at the edge of the bed. My thumb rubs over the back of her hand. The corners of my mouth curve upwards into a small smile.
••••••
~Vina's POV~

I wake up to the feeling of my hand being tugged. Opening my eyes I close them again seeing bright lights around me. I try pulling my hand but something stops me. I squint my eyes open, my throat burning. There's a hot, tight pain in my chest shooting down to my lower stomach. Whatever was holding onto my hand let's go. The sound of footsteps makes me tense. Soon the brightness around me is brought down to a dim bright yellow.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," Idris says, walking back to the chair next to me. I look doesn't my hand, seeing the heart monitor clip connected to my index finger and the wires on my arm. As I try to breath, it feels like my lungs slowly start to loosen up but there's a sharp pain still poking around them. "Are you okay?" He asks, his hands shaking in front of him as he hesitates ti grab onto my arm.
"My che-chest," I choke out, the burning in my throat making it hard to talk.
"Do you want water?" He asks. I nod, letting my eyes flutter closed again. He stands back up and looks around, stopping and heading towards the stand under the TV where there's a row of small water bottles. Pressing my hands to the mattress, I try pushing myself to sit up but he stops me. Instead he reaches down next to my hand and presses a small circular button with an arrow pointing up. The mattress starts moving my body up how I was trying, the bending of my abdomen making me cry out. He immediately stops and presses the red button. "I'm sorry," he says, brushing my hair back.
I keep my eyes closed as tears slowly leave my closed eyes. The pain in my chest gets worse along with my stomach, shooting down to the inside of my legs. My entire vaginal area feels like its been torn apart, making it impossible to move my legs. The door opens and a tall woman with a low, brown ponytail walks in.
"Did she just wake up?" She asks him. He nods, not stopping the sweeping motion of his thumb brushing my hair back. She walks around the bed to my left, reaching up to the monitor connected to the millions of wires taped to me. I roll my head back towards Idris, squeezing my eyes shut. "I increased the dose of her medication, so that should do the trick. Don't be surprised or worried if she starts acting a little loopy," she explains.
"Thank you," he tells her. I struggle to take even breaths after she leaves the room, holding onto Idris's hand. "Do you want water still?" He asks. I nod, thinking that might help. He leans over and opens the water bottle, tossing the cap onto his lap and pressing the rim to my lips. I cringe as the lukewarm water invaded my throat, soothing some of the burning and ridding the tightness. He takes it back to give me time to breath and cough, wiping some water off my chin.
"I'm tired," I mumble. He closes the water and sets it in the table next to me that I hadn't noticed before. Looking around the room, something clicks that didn't register before.
My baby.
Where is she?
Before I can ask anything I feel myself start slipping over to sleep again. Idris leans forward and kisses the side of my head, his forehead pressed against my temple.
Where is she?
••••••
~Idris's POV~

Scared of a repeat of earlier, I didn't try going back to sleep after waking up. Vina has been knocked out since waking up the first time and it's almost time for the sun to rise. The nurse that came in to give Vina more meds came back to check on her and wrote on the white board what she gave Vina and at what time.
Seeing Vina in that pain broke my heart. I've seen her hurt and scared a million times, more than I want to, but at least in those moments I've felt I could help in some way. This, I was completely helpless. If it was possible, it would be me in her position taking on the pain.
That takes me to wondering what pain my baby girl is in right now, fighting for her life that's only begun a few hours ago. I haven't gotten to hold her or even see her. She struggled taking her first breaths, not even wiggling her toes. The thought recks me to pieces.
Vina turns her head to the side, her brows pulling together. Around her nose wrinkles up as she cringes and then relaxes her facial muscles. Her green eyes slowly open, the whites around the bright green iris's blood shot red. I lean over and grab the water bottle I opened earlier in case she wants it again like last time.
"Hey," I say, brushing her hair back with my fingers. She moves her head away from my touch, looking around the room more comfortably than before. Her brows pull together, lips parted in what I take as some time of confusion. "What's wrong, baby?"
"Where is she?" She asks me. My eyes trail off to the side, her question not clicking right away. My chest tightens realizing its time to explain this. Or should I even? Maybe I should talk to the doctor and ask. "Why are you ignoring me?" She asks.
"What?" I ask, scared she's going straight back to what was going on earlier yesterday at her parents house. I can't deal with that discussion, not now.
"Where's the baby?" She asks again. "Answer me." Someone's more aggressive than usual. Her being upset is doing the opposite of what I want. "Idris-"
"Calm down," I tell her, scared she's going to bring her heart rate up again when I look at the heart monitor next to her. Realizing I'm not going to say anything until she listens, she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Her shoulders rise and fall, the sleeves of the hospital gown looking too loose for her to find comfortable.
"Please tell me," she says, reopening her still tired looking eyes. I want to tell her to just go back to sleep, not knowing the correct way to tell her everything. Regardless of who tells her or how it'll breed the same reaction I'm sure. I take her hand, rubbing my thumb over her smooth knuckles.
"She's in the NICU so the doctors can keep a close eye on her. She's not breathing on her own," I tell her, deciding little by little is the best way to go. Only psychos go throw in their entire body into a cold pool instead of slowly easing in. I wait to see her reaction, surprised to not get much of anything. "She wasn't breathing the right way when they got her out and-and they've been struggling since. You-"
"Is she going to be okay?" She asks, her voice shaking. Looking up from my hands, I see her tear filled eyes looking at me with the most broken expression I've ever seen worn. I squeeze her hand, bringing it up to my lips.
"I'm sure she will be," I say, hoping that's good enough. It's not a yes or a no. I don't want to walk out of this hospital without her. I almost was leaving without either, the thought of going without our baby girl feels like leaving a part of myself...which in a way it literally is.
I don't really like this whole being a father thing. It's too emotional for me. So is being a husband. I miss being an emotionless asshole who didn't give a shit about others. In some ways it was easier, not caring about everything and how it's going to effect everyone else. I love Vina with my entire heart but I feel like if I hadn't come into her life, or even back into it, she would be in a healthier position. I'm not a good husband to her although I try. It doesn't seem like I do, but my intentions always to keep her not getting hurt, although, God loves to throw the reverse card down at me.
Thinking those things I mentally slap myself. It's only half true. The missing how I used to be is bullshit, just a way to make myself feel tough because I feel weak now. It's all too emotional but that's exactly why I have Vina, she taught me how to get in touch with my emotions. Being lost before led me down dangerous roads that I wouldn't have found my way off of if it weren't for her. And my kids now and give me more purpose than I believe I should have. I'm a good dad...but a shit husband. Fuck, I've become like Sin!
"It's my fault," she says, lifting her hand and pressing it to her forehead. I shake my head at her, dropping her hand. My eyes drop to the floor feeling guilty for this entire situation.
"It's mine," I tell her. Her glossy eyes still on my face for a second.
••••••
~Vina's POV~

I look at him in confusion. Tears blur my vision. This is my fault that our baby is hardly holding on. If I had just kept myself calm I wouldn't have gone into labor so early. Idris blaming himself makes no sense. How did he even know I was in the hospital? So many holes in the details make me start to feel nauseous.
"When they were doing the c-section your heart stopped because of your blood pressure," he tells me. My mouth gaps open in surprise. My heart stopped? "He gave me the choice of who to give more attention to if something went wrong and obviously I chose you-"
"Why would you do that?" I ask, not able to help but feel upset. I've lived enough if it means trading my life out for my babies. His eyes lift up from the ground, tears brimming his lash-line. The Adam's Apple of his throat jumps as he swallows the lump in his throat.
"I couldn't-I couldn't live with the thought that it would have been me who decided to kill you technically," he says. Reaching forward, I wipe his tears away. I notice how shaky my hands are, probably from all the medication. "I love you too much to see a day without you. I love that baby girl with everything in me, but you're my first choice."
"I'm not mad," I tell him, my voice scratchy from what I assume was the tube down my throat. "I probably would have done the same thing. I love you, Idris." His cheeks blush rose pink as if he hasn't heard me say that a million times before.
••••••
~Idris's POV~

It's not long after Vina wakes up that the nurse and doctor from last night walks in. His clothes are exactly the same from last night, except for the jeans are just a shade tanner and his shirt is blue instead of yellow. Vina's started feeling some pain about five minutes ago in her stomach but thankfully it's nothing she can't bare right now.
"I'm happy to see you awake and looking surprisingly well," the doctor says. She forces a smile, opening her eyes as wide as they'll go which isn't a lot. "I'm Doctor Edith, I did the surgery and delivery of your baby girl."
"Corvina," she says. He gives her small smile while the nurse looks over the clipboard in her hand.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"My stomach hurts," she tells him, her hand holding the side of her stomach that's bothering her. He nods, stepping around the side of the bed and pulling down the cover of the blanket covering Vina's body.
"Can I lift this?" He asks her. She nods, moving her hands off her lap. He tries lifting the end of the gown without having her move but looks to me for help, a nervous smile on his face. Even though this man is a doctor and he's only doing his job, he needs to do this to literally check on her, but I don't want to help him undress my wife!
Groaning, I stand up and help her sit up enough for him to undo the tie at the center of her back keeping the gown up. He pulls down the front of the gown, helping her lift her arm to take it out of the hole. He tosses it to the side and pulls down the top of the bandage around the front of her stomach. I can't help but cringe and look away. For fucks sake, I tear people open for a living and this gets me squeamish.
"You're looking good," he tells her. I cock a brow. "The-the incision," he explains to me. My shoulders relax; of course, that's what he was talking about. "Thankfully your vitals are looking great, better than I was expecting."
"Is my baby okay?" She asks him. His eyes dart over it me but I stay silent since I'm wondering the same thing. I wish she wouldn't worry about it so much and let me take it on but I already know that's impossible for her.
"We're doing everything we can to keep your baby stable, Mrs. Massimo," he tells her. My jaw clenches. Putting my hand on her shoulder, my fingers brush over her collarbone. He leans over to grab the gown and offers it to me to help her. She winces as she lifts her arm back into the sleeve, her body still weak. "She's still having a lot of trouble breathing on her own; we've got it to happen a few times but it's still very worrisome because I could hear some wheezing, which, of course, I don't want to hear. We're having to keep her in NICU until we're able to get her breathing properly, which right now doesn't look like it could be for a while."
Vina looks away from the doctor, tears brimming the waterline of her eyes. "M-My chest," she says, pressing her hand over her chest. My eyes snap up to the doctor in urgency for him to do something. Turning to the monitor, he and the nurse adjust a few things. I take Vina's hand, giving it a tight squeeze. I want to be able to comfort her but there's literally nothing, this is the most I can do and I hate it.
"Take deep breaths," the nurse tells Vina, coming beside her and mimicking a breathing technic for Vina to copy. Each breath leaving Vina's nose and nose is slower than the last, eventually becoming even.
"We'll give her another round of medication," Dr.Edith says. I nod, plopping down in the chair next to the bed. Vina keeps her eyes closed, brows drawn together in a distraught expression. He tells the nurse something before they both walk out of the room, leaving the door open.
"I need this off," she mumbles, pinching at the front of the hospital gown. I had a feeling she would eventually want it off. Her eyes squeeze shut as she leans forward to pull down the sleeve of the gown, the side falling off her body. My eyes widen at the sight of her breasts spilling out again, taking a wife step to the side to cover the door so no one walking by can see in. The sound of it clicking shut makes me tense and spin around ready to knock a bitch out for coming in but stop myself at the sight of the nurse walking towards the machine beside Vina.
She doesn't take it all the way off, leaving it scrunched up on her thighs while she tugs the blanket up to cover her chest. I sit back down, my eyes burning with exhaustion. The little sleep I did get messed me up; it's either all or nothing for me, power naps don't work.
"I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you," the nurse tells Vina. Not looking at her she nods. I take my phone out of my pocket and go to Zav and mine's messages. Ones he sent earlier pop up that I didn't see when opening my phone, asking if Vina's woken up yet. I quickly text back saying she has and to bring her something she can wear when they come later.
"Are you still mad at me?" Vina asks, her voice small. Looking towards the bed, she snaps her eyes down away from me. The apples of her cheeks glow red with embarrassment like she shouldn't have been looking at me. Leaning forward on my elbows I shake my head, scuffing at the fact that I was so immature about the situation. Giving her the silent treatment was taking it too far, I took it too far.
"No, I'm sorry for being mad in the first place," I tell her. "Sin isn't worth putting a divide between us. I love you and you're mine, you'll always be mine and never his."
•••••••
~Vina's POV~

"I love you and you're mine, you'll always be mine and never his," Idris tells me. I nod, hoping he means what he says about no longer letting Sin come between us. I hold my eyes closed for a few second, my body feeling strange. It's not bad but I don't really like it either. The sensation is light and almost...floaty. My head doesn't feel right, some kind of budding going on throughout all the way down to my fingertips.
Looking around the room, I take in the setting around me. The room is quiet and larger than any other room I've been in when here, framed pictures in the walls. The one straight across from me is a painting of a field with flowers and rainbow in the background spread throughout the black painted sky. I go down the line, my eyes squinting when noticing the mess up in order of colors. The order goes red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet...this one goes orange, red, yellow, blue, and green.
"That paintings not right," I say out loud, staring the painting down. Idris snaps his gaze over to the frame, brows raised. Pressing his lips together he stares at it silently, lifting his hand and rubbing the side of his index finger along his top lip.
"What's...what's wrong with it?" He asks, eyes squinted when they come back to me. The whites around his colorful iris's glow light red, the green standing out against it. Some hair falls in front of his face but it doesn't matter since the rest is a mess as well. The ragged, tired look on him is quite attractive.
"The rainbow," I say, gesturing to it with my hand. "The colors are out of order. The orange, red, green, and blue are switched around."
"Maybe that's what the artist wanted..." He suggests. I cock a brow in confusion. It's not even a good painting to begin with.
"Why? It's not right."
"Just to do something different; I don't know."
"Well they shouldn't have because it messed the entire thing up."
"I agree, baby. It makes the entire thing a disaster."
••••••
~Idris's POV~

The drugs are definitely starting to kick into Vina's system. The painting is now the last thing in her mind, her index finger pressing the tips of her fingers of the other hand as if they're buttons. Zav texted back not long after I texted him saying I need him to bring something for Vina to wear, saying he's coming by with Bex in an hour. Hopefully Vina's feeling well then and will be okay with having them come.
    "You're parents are gonna come by soon to bring you something more comfortable," I tell her. She peaks her eyes open, the corners of her mouth lifting as she nods. Reaching over, I brush her hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. Her cheeks flare bright pink, a small giggle leaving her lips. I cock a brow in confusion.
    "I like when you touch me," she mumbles, her words slightly slurred together. Taking note of what she said I keep my hand on her, gliding it down her arm until locking out fingers together. It's been so long since I've touched her, really touched her like this, I hate that it's in this situation that it happens. Being on the medication gave me no sex drive whatsoever, and on top of already trying to give her the silent treatment, the only contact that would come between us was a small bump or accidental brush of the arm.
     "Are you feeling a little better?" I ask, leaning forward. She nods, eyes locked on my lips. The closest I've got to kissing her in weeks has been yesterday and it wasn't a kiss that was happening, it was just close proximity because I lost my temper. "Is it okay if I kiss you?" I ask, not wanting to just go for it when she's drugged when I know damn well if she was sober she wouldn't probably want me around right now.
"Please!" She says, her face lighting up. Damn, do I got the most beautiful woman in the world. Leaning over I press my lips against hers. Last night I was thinking this would never happen again, that I wouldn't get the chance to kill her one more time, but she's still here. I pull away, my thumb brushing across her cheekbone. "That wasn't enough," she says, trying to lean in again.
I give her a quick peck before bowing my head down to block access. "I'll kiss you all you want when we get home," I tell her, hoping that's soon. The doctor said Zavian could be in NICU for a while still and there's no way I'm leaving here without her.
"I wanna do more than kiss when we get home. I'm gonna s-"
"Okay, these meds are great, huh?" I say, raising my voice a notch to drown her out to stopping. There's a quiet knock on the door before it opens, the nurse that came in with the doctor entering.
    "How are you feeling?" She asks Vina as she comes in. Her voice is too perky for me to deal with right now. There's a painful pounding in my head that comes from not sleeping, her cheeriness just making it worse.
"Happy," Vina says with a giggle. Can I have some of those drugs? At least one of us is happy right now, even if it is drug induced. She flattens her hands out in front of her, spreading her fingers out. The red nail polish she always wears is no longer chipped, but redone and shiny. I've been so distant from her I haven't realized the little things recently, I need to start paying attention again.
I will. This entire thing has been a wake up call. One I needed, though I wish I didn't. My stupidity almost caused me to lose my wife, if she had died I would I have blamed myself, for it was me who made her so stressed.
And goddamnit, Sinith! Why him of all people did if have to be to help her?! Of course, it was because everyone else thinks he's ducking perfect but I see right through those basic ass tattoos. He's always there in the right moments, when I'm not, and I'm thankful for it because god knows what would have happened tonight if he hadn't been with her, but it's obvious he still has feelings for her. He didn't want her to leave him in the first place, that hasn't seemed to change. And my girl is beautiful, I can't blame him for wanting her, she's perfect, but she's also mine. And I'll be damned if he tries taking her from me.
"Is there anything I can get for you, sir?" The nurse asks, walking around the bed over to me. Stopping by my side she places her hand on my shoulder. I look down at it, my brows raised. Heat rises to my cheeks, body stiffening with uneasiness. Shrugging my shoulders, her hand slowly falls off.
"I'm good, thank you," I tell her, cleaning my throat. Reaching forward, I take Vina's hand and give it a tight squeeze, trying to get the point across that I'm not interested. She turns her head towards me, giving me a cute lazy smile.
"Are you sure? There are water bo-"
"I'm okay," I repeat. "Thank you though." Vina takes her hand from mine, placing it on her stomach as she winces quietly.
"If there's anything...else I can do...I'd be more than happy to assist," the nurse tells me, matting her lashes. Looking up with wide eyes, I don't kiss the way she pulls the front of her shirt down a little with her pen.
"Can you please stop?" Vina says out of nowhere, taking me by surprise. Both the nurse and I turn our attention to her. "He said he's fine." The corners of my mouth twitch, the urge to start laughing almost too hard to compress. Only every now and then will her possessiveness show, and when it does I fucking love it.
"Press the button if you need anything," the nurse tells us before turning out, her cheeks bright red with what I assume must be embarrassment. Pushing myself up using my knees, I lean down and lips hard against Vina's. Her hand reaches up and shakily caresses my cheek. My tongue traces her bottom lip, asking for entrance that I so badly crave. She gives it to me immediately, moaning quietly as our tongues brush against each others.
The machine connected to the patches over her heart starts going off faster, making us pull away. I can't help but laugh at the fact that I affect her so much. She looks caught in a daze, her swollen lips pressed together in a shy smile.
"Calm down. I don't want to send you into cardiac arrest," I tell her. She closes her eyes, rubbing her fingers over my knuckles. I turn my hand over, feeling her fingertips caress my palm. My eyes start to feel heavy at the relaxing feeling. Blinking hard, I rub my eyes with my free hand.
"Have you slept at all?" She asks. I nod, not completely lying. "How long?" She knows me too well.
"Not long honestly; it's hard with everything going on right now. I've been too worried," I tell her, not wanting to keep anything that I'm feeling for her anymore. That's what got us into this big problem.
"I'm sorry I'm making you worry," she says. "Zavian...That's my fault-"
"No," I tell her, not wanting her to take it there. If one of us is going to take the blame it'll be me. "It was me who made the choice...and I'm sorry, but I'd do it again because I can't lose you."
"It's neither of our faults then," she says, finding the middle ground. Lifting her hand, I kiss the back. "I love you, Idris." Something about the way she says it hits me differently and I want to kiss her again. However, this time I hold myself down in the chair reminding myself of her health.
I don't deserve for this woman to love me, not after how I treated her yesterday...Hell, not after how I've treated her the last month. I've almost messed up with her so many times but somehow she's stayed with me, somehow she keeps on loving me when I don't think I would be able do it myself. I would have given up already.
"I love you too, baby." And I mean it with everything in me. I've known it for longer than I let myself let on in the beginning. Sitting next to her in class I was excited but nervous to sit next to such a beautiful girl, then I had no idea she would be my wife and mother of our three children. I remember being so disappointed and pissed off when I misunderstood her and thought she wouldn't look at me because of what Atticus told her about my past. When she explained herself I was flattered, more than flattered to hear she wasn't judgmental of me. That's when I knew I wanted her in my life, but when I knew I loved her is another story.
    The anger I felt that day she came out of the garage from Dion touching her sent me into a state I'd never experienced before, a primal need to protect her washed me. I knew I loved her and would go back to prison for her even it meant keeping her safe.
     "Sleep," she tells me, pointing to the pillow and blanket that are still over on the small couch in front of the window. I shake my head, knowing I won't be able to fall asleep now. I don't expect to until there's some official news on Zavi...Ooh, Zavi. I like that for short, Zav can keep his. "Please. You'll worry me if you don't." Way to pull the reverse card on me.
     Sighing, I get up and walk to the couch. Dropping down, I place the pillow against the arm and start unfolding the blanket. Scooting over, I pick my legs up and cover just my arms. I sit up feeling the arm block my foot and lift them on top. These definitely weren't designed for tall men.
     Turning my head to ask Vina if the meds are still working good, I stop before anything can get out seeing her eyes closed. Her chest rises and falls evenly, hair laying on the side of her face. Closing my eyes, I clasp my hands on my chest. For as sure as I was about not falling asleep, within seconds I feel myself start to drift off and then everything fades into darkness.

     AN: She's okay 🤪 Sorry for how chaotic this chapter is but I'm pretty sure we're all used to that at this point. Finally Idris is starting to get his shit together and acting right! Just took a...little push to make him do it 😈 Hopefully all will be well with Zavi as well👀 I really hope you guys enjoyed!

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