"This is a little too far, don't you think?" Casey says taking a bite of her giant turkey leg.
I shake my head as we watch behind one of the many fair booths. The performers weren't going to be on stage until 8 p.m which gave me just about enough time to find Nina before dark.
"No. I need to make sure he doesn't try anything," I tell my best friend, glancing at her with a side eye. "I don't trust him"
She takes another bite of her turkey leg, letting out a pleasured hum at the taste. " And what if he does? You gonna go out there and smack him?" Casey jokes with a mouthful of food.
I pout, considering it for a moment. "I don't know yet."
"I can smack him with my turkey leg," Casey offers rising it up in the air. "Feels pretty heavy."
With months of not being able to think straight and constant nightmares waking up drenched in sweat, I felt myself falling more and more into that unfamiliar void of darkness. It was one that I couldn't dig myself out of the more I tried.
I'd even been going to therapy, figuring out ways to better my mind and myself, which was honestly very helpful.
As if my heart couldn't break any more, my eyes finally located Nina who was standing right in front of the performance stage holding her thick camera in her small hands, strapped around her neck. Next to her was Ethan making her laugh. Watching them together truly felt like a stab to the chest.
She was supposed to be laughing with me, smiling at me, looking at me like that.
After leaving Nina's place the other day, I knew right off the bat this man wasn't good enough for Nina.
I really don't know what to do to prove to her that she should be with me and not him, but I was going to try my absolute hardest to win my family back.
"You know, it wouldn't hurt to talk to her about how you feel," Casey said making me look back up at her. "Sucks seeing you like this."
Ignoring the words my best friend just said, my eyes shift back to Nina and Ethan who are now shoving each other playfully.
"You're a lot quieter now too, you know," She begins to speak again with a tone of hesitation in her voice. "I don't think I had ever met someone that smiled more than you have, before I met you." Casey explains. "Now, the only time I ever see you smile is around Lenny and I know as a dad it's your job to put on this brave dad face but I know you're not actually happy. You're not foolin' anyone, Styles."
I turn to face her again, this time a little bit annoyed and feeling slightly attacked.
"I'm just being honest." Casey shrugs looking back ahead at our stage view.
She wasn't lying.
I knew that my breakup had really fucked me up, but I hadn't realized how others perceived that side of me. I mean, I had shown up soaking wet and crying at Casey's house the night it happened. I was already a mess and to make matters worse, while I stayed with Casey, I didn't shower, eat much or see the light of day for weeks. She practically had to drag me out of bed and into a cold shower so that I could wake the hell up and do something productive.
I felt like a teenager getting his heart broken for the very first time.
"I know." I mumble under my breathe.
What the fuck am I gonna do?
"Uh oh." I hear Casey say beside me. I turn to see what's captured her attention when I realize it was Nina staring right back at us. She squints at us for a moment and takes a few steps forward as to see if it was actually us.
By the looks of it, she's realized it was because her eyes grew wide and alarmed. I watch her exchange a few words with Ethan, her confused face remaining on mine, before I see her walk towards Casey and I.
"Nope, let's go." I say grabbing Casey's arm and turning us back around, trying my best to walk as quickly as we could before she would catch up.
"Just talk to her. I know you didn't drag me out here to stare at her like a creep and pussy out." Casey says keeping her grip on her turkey leg.
"I don't even know what she'll say, Casey. How the hell am I even going to do-"
"What on earth are you doing here?" A voice says behind me. I stop my speed walking and slowly turn around to see Nina with her hands around the visibly heavy camera.
I try my best not to eye her too much but with Nina around me, it's always been hard not to. Her white button up, cuffed at the arms and tucked into her black jeans; giving a professional yet casual look. Her waved hair is clipped to the sides of her head and lastly, her winged eyeliner bringing out her big eyes. Undoubtedly, she was beautiful. Always been.
"First day of the fair," I smile at her smugly. "Couldn't miss it."
She looks down at my colored cardigan before looking back up at my face. From afar, I can spot Ethan who was glaring at me coldly. "You knew I was here." She speaks up.
"Man, this turkey leg is really making me thirsty. I'll just be this way." Casey says awkwardly walking away and giving me a thumbs up when reaching a certain point.
I throw my head back and tug on my curls before turning my head back down at Nina. "We can't talk here, Mr. Cocky is staring at us." I say nudging my head towards the mirror funhouse.
Looking back once more at Ethan, I feel myself clench my teeth before walking inside right behind her. A couple of giggling kids run right in front of us and I bring her over to a corner where we could speak without anyone walking by.
"Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?" She asks.
"We really need to talk"
"We spoke the other day. There's nothing else more to talk about." Nina responds.
"Please just hear me out," I say moving closer to her.
"I know it's been a while since we've had a conversation without it turning into a mess but Nina, I really want to fix things so just please-,"
I watch her let out a frustrated sigh and open her mouth to stop me, but I speak again before she can interrupt me.
"Please listen." I start watching her tilt her head, awaiting for what I have to say. "I know this won't make much of a difference but I care so fucking much about you and I'm not going to let you go so easily," I explain immediately noticing her face soften. I can tell she's taking in every word I'm telling her. "I might not really understand what happened back then. All I know is that we both said words that we didn't mean and I apologize for mine. I still love you and it's okay if you don't feel the same but just know I do. I want us to try again, it kills me to see you with anyone else. We can take things slow or we don't have to at all," I say shaking my head. At this point I know I sound like I'm rambling but fuck I was so nervous and I needed to let this all out after keeping it in for so long. "If you could just give me an opportunity to try and show you that we can fix what's happened between us, I promise you won't regret it. I'll give you all the time in the world that you need but just please don't completely push me away."
I don't know where any of this came from but I think Ethan truly was my breaking point to spill everything that I've had in me for the past 6 months.
Our faces are now only centimeters away and I can't help but reach out and tuck the strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes shift from my lips back to my eyes and it almost seems as if we're both lost in each other. The pit of my stomach flutters and I can almost hear my heartbeat coming out of my chest. My hand drops down to her face as I cup her cheek gently, my thumb caressing across and the tips of our noses practically touching. I can feel her hitched breathe against my lips and instantly, I'm melting all over with the familiar warmth I've been missing.
She takes my wrist in her soft hands and slowly drops it down below us, squeezing it gently. "I don't think I'm ready for us just yet," Nina whispers, making me blink back to reality.
And just like that my heart is torn over again.
~
A/N: I'd love to hear your thoughts!!
Also, enjoy this character aesthetic I made of Harry
-n