"She's not the fragile little lamb we thought she'd be."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
He pulled out a video on his phone of two girls fighting.
"Which one is she?"
"Which one do you think? The one beating the shit out of the other one."
"This doesn't mean anything. She's no match for us."
"All I'm saying is the plan might not be as easy as we think."
"As long as you do your part, it'll be fine."
_
It had been about two weeks now with going back and forth to the hospital and to chan. J had started eating more and sleeping a little bit better since Wonwoo would cuddle her until she felt sleepy. They were all at home when J got a call from Chan's parents telling him he was awake. She couldn't believe it, she could barely breathe because of how happy she was. They picked up felix and nabz and all headed to the hospital.
J ran all the way up to Chan's room and bursted in. She saw his parents smiling and his mom crying out of happiness. Chan was sitting up a little and J rushed over to him and hugged him as the rest of their friends caught up.
"Awh Chan. You have no idea how happy I am to see you awake. I missed you so much." She hugged him tightly.
"Th-thanks? But who are you....?" Chan released from her hug
"Wh-what?" J shook her head standing back up. "What's going on?" She looked around at his parents and the nurse.
"He doesn't seem to have any sign of amnesia since he remembered his parents." The nurse looked confused.
"Chan that's not funny." J hoped he was just messing around with her but he just looked down not replying.
J didn't know what to do. What was going on.
"Alright. Are you guys his friends?" The doctor came back into the room as everyone nodded. "I need you guys to line up so we can figure out what's going on with your friend."
They all lined up and the doctor told chan to go one by one and see if he remembered them.
"Coupsie." Chan smiled and coups blushed. "Wonwoo hyung, Jeonghanie, woozi." He continued on till he got to J and nabz. "How could I forget my best mate?" J perked up a little. "Nabz." J felt her heart shatter. Chan finally got to J. "I don't-I've never seen her before." He whispered a little.
"Chan-" J had her eyebrows furrowed a little.
"Mm, it seems like selective amnesia." The doctor spoke to them away from Chan. "It means that he has forgotten a certain relationship in this case but he remembers everything else which is good."
"Why-why me?" J shook her head trying to swallow her tears away. "I was the closest to him."
"Well that's the thing, in cases like this it's mostly one of the people they care about most or the person they were thinking about when the accident happened. It's like the impact just pushes that person out of their mind."
"Right." J smiled walking out of the room.
"I'm sorry." Minghao followed behind her.
"Don't be. At least he's awake and okay." J shook her head hoping the tears wouldn't fall.
"Come here." Minghao pulled her into a hug letting her muzzle into his chest and cry patting the back of her hair.
Wonwoo walked out and this was the first thing he laid his eyes on. Although this time he felt something different, it hurt more for some reason? But he pushed it aside and went back inside seeing as she already had someone by her side apparently.
"Don't push him, he just got out of a coma and he doesn't need anymore stress, just give it time or pretend you're a new friend and person in his life." The doctor patted J on the shoulder as her and minghao came back into Chan's room.
"So...what did I miss?" Chan asked seeming completely fine.
"Nothing really, you won't believe what J did though." Felix snorted sitting next to chan.
"Who?" Chan furrowed his eyebrows.
J thought she heard her heart break a little and finally spoke up.
"Uh, I'm really glad you're awake but we should get going." She motioned at the gang who finished up their convos and smiled at chan saying their goodbyes before heading out.
J decided to shower hoping it would make her feel whole again. She just let the hot water fall on her head as she cried a little, she hated crying more than anything but she felt like her heart was going to burst if she didn't let it out, little by little at least.
"It's okay-" Wonwoo started as soon as he saw J coming down the stairs and heading to the kitchen.
"If I hear 'it's okay' one more time this week I'm gonna puke." J interrupted him not displaying any emotion.
"At-at least he's awake and okay, it might take some time but you guys can rebuild your friendship." Vernon sat on the chair by the counter.
"Right." J nodded.
She made food for them and set it all up before telling them to come and eat. She went back up stairs and laid on wonwoo's bed.
"This is weird." Dk shook his head.
"It's so weird to see her acting so monotone." Coups chimed in.
"She hasn't eaten all day." Minghao noticed.
"I miss her laugh." Wonwoo let out, staring off into the unknown.
"Just don't let her be alone." Joshua stuffed some rice into his mouth.
"Let's take her for ice cream?" Dino asked.
"She won't go. It'll just remind her of that night." Jun shook his head in disagreement.
"She just needs time." Hoshi closed his eyes a little and they all agreed.
It has been about a week now of going and visiting chan in the hospital with him avoiding eye contact and conversation with J, who to him was a random stranger bringing him food every day until he was discharged.
"I don't wanna go." J shook her head pouting at coups.
"You already missed two days this week." Coups shook his head right back. "You have to."
He was right. She had missed one day to be with chan and another day to give her mind some space to think about chan coming back to school.
"Stop pouting." Wonwoo shook his head grabbing her arm and putting her in the back seat.
The gang met up with chan who seemed completely okay now, besides the fact that he had forgotten his best friend of course.
"Why is she always here?" Chan whispered to nabz but J heard him loud and clear.
"Right. Uh I'm gonna go to class." J pretended not to hear them as she walked away trying to fight back the tears.
Chan sat in his seat next to J and made a weird face when he realized who he was sitting next to. J shook it off and tried to pay attention to the teacher which was more difficult than ever. It was finally lunch time and J had felt a little hungry, the most she'd felt in a while. They all sat down and J had taken a seat across from chan without noticing.
"I-I feel uncomfortable eating with her sitting across from me." Chan whispered to nabz but everyone heard him and they all stared at J.
"I'm not really hungry actually, I need some fresh air." J fake chuckled wanting chan to be comfortable even if it meant she wasn't with him.
"Wait-" Felix stood up.
"It's okay lix." J shook her head signaling for him to sit back down. "And don't follow me." She mainly looked at wonwoo this time.
She quickly stepped up the stairs that led to the roof before anyone could see her glassy eyes. She finally let her tears drop when she got to the top letting her arms hang down as she put her head on the wall that over looked the school. She heard foot steps but she didn't bother turning around fully knowing it would be one of the members.
"Hey, what are you doing up here?" She was wrong. It was Nam Joo.
She quickly wiped her tears away and turned around. "Just vibing." She smiled a little too much that it seemed fake. Which it was.
"Ah. Are you okay?" Nam Joo stepped closer to her.
"Better than ever." J rolled her eyes a little.
"Ah sarcasm to cover up sadness huh?" Nam Joo laughed. "I like it."
"Mm." J raised her eyebrows looking away from him.
"Are you hungry?" He asked pulling something out from him blazer pocket.
"Not really." She shrugged.
"Here." Nam Joo held up a small strawberry milk carton.
"Gee, thanks. It'll really fill me up." J reached over to take the milk from his hand.
He started laughing and his laugh made J laugh a little.
"So....you seem to be close with seventeen." He finally stopped laughing.
"Mm I guess you could say that." J shrugged while nodding.
"Then I'm guessing they must've told you about me?" Nam Joo knew what he was doing.
"What do you mean?" J asked turning to him.
Before Nam Joo could answer there had been more foot steps on the stairs and this time it was Wonwoo. Nam Joo grinned seeing the latter stand in front of him.
"What's going on here?" His voice was cold.
"Nam Joo was just-" Wonwoo didn't let her finish and grabbed her hand pulling her down the stairs leaving Nam Joo alone.
When they were far away from the roof and the cafeteria full of student, Wonwoo stopped.
"Didn't I tell you to stay away from him?" Wonwoo still has a grasp on her wrist.
"He just came up and-" Wonwoo interrupted her again.
He looked down at the milk in her hand and scoffed. "Can you just fucking listen for once? "Stay away from him." Wonwoo unconsciously tightened his grip making her squirm a little. "Stop being such a naive fucking person and listen to me."
"Ow Wonwoo-that-hurts." J let out while trying to get out of his grasp. "WONWOO." She finally yelled when he wouldn't let go.
Wonwoo finally snapped out of it and let go of her wrist stepping back knowing he had messed up. She walked away rubbing her wrists but she didn't go back to class. She decided to just leave. She didn't really care anymore since the day was almost over anyway. She walked to the park nearest to the school and sat on a swing putting her AirPods in to enjoy the view as the wind carried her hair back and forth. She stayed there for quite a while but she didn't notice. It was one of the only times her mind had felt at peace these past few weeks. Her phone started buzzing so she picked it up. It was Jun.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at the park. What's up?" J asked back.
"We were worried. We're coming to get you now." Jun answered.
Before she could say no, Jun Hung up the phone so she just continued swinging until they got there. She got into the car and they drove home. All quite. Even hoshi and seungkwan were quite today.
"Are you hungry?" Minghao asked grabbing her hand as they sat on the couch.
"Not really." J shrugged letting him play with her hand.
Wonwoo looked over and could feel his cheeks getting red. J went upstairs to change and Wonwoo followed shortly after, giving her enough time to change. He walked in to see her laying down. She seemed tired all the time now a days.
"Hey." Wonwoo spoke as he walked closer to the bed before laying down next to her.
He didn't put his arm under her because of what had happened earlier. J didn't respond and Wonwoo pulled her by the arm making her hit her face on his chest lightly as he put his arm under her.
"I'm sorry..for earlier. I didn't mean to hurt you." Wonwoo spoke playing with her hair.
"I know." She spoke up against his chest. "Did chan eat after I left?"
"Uh-Yeah yeah he did." Wonwoo closed his eyes feeling sorry for her.
"Mm." Was all J could conjure up as the tears came dripping down her face.
"What-" Wonwoo looked down to see her quietly sobbing.
"Don't-please don't cry." Wonwoo's heart was beating faster and he noticed.
He hated seeing her cry because every time she cried it took everything he had in him to stop himself from kissing her right then and there. Even just a friendly kiss on the cheek.
"I deserve this." J finally let out between sobs.
"What?" Wonwoo looked down at her while rubbing her back trying to comfort her.
"The-the pain. I did this to chan and now I'm getting punished by him not remembering me." J's voice hitched a little.
"Stop. You don't deserve anything bad happening to you. Ever okay? You-you always do the best you can to make sure everyone around you is happy before you even consider yourself. I wish I could do something about this. Trust me, If there was something to make this all right I would do everything I could to do it because-because you deserve the world." "I wish I could give it to you." He mumbled the last words even though he meant them the most. Before thinking further he picked his head up and kissed J on the forehead.
She was more taken back at his speech then she was at the kiss. She knew it didn't mean anything. Wonwoo just wanted to make her feel better. And he did.
"You're the best wonnie. Thank you for being here." J looked up at him.
"Always." Wonwoo took a deep breath.
He was a little taken back by his own action but deep down he knew that no one could ever love him. He wasn't worthy of it.