Caleb was feeding ducks, as usual. But this time, he wasn't alone. He was barely alone anymore.
"That one is glaring at me." Eddie said, pointing at a duck. Caleb raised an eyebrow, looking at the cute duck.
"I didn't know ducks could glare." He said blankly and Eddie rolled his eyes.
"That one is clearly doing it." He said, getting away from it.
"If you say-" Caleb looked at how the duck stepped foward as Eddie stepped backwards. "-so"
"It's chasing me, right?" Eddie asked. "Right?"
Caleb observed the other ducks joining the glaring one. Eddie started walking faster.
"Caleb!"
"They're chasing you." He confirmed.
"AHHH!"
Eddie started running.
"WAIT!" Caleb ran after him and threw himself to Eddie. "Run! RUN!"
Eddie adjusted Caleb on his back and ran away. They both started laughing like crazy men and once they lost the ducks Eddie let Caleb go and collapsed into the floor, laughing. Caleb smiled and layed on the floor too.
"Never in the three years I've been coming to feed the ducks, they had followed me."
Eddie smiled at him. "I guess ducks don't like me."
"Or you like them way too much." Caleb smirked and winked and Eddie chuckled.
"It was scary." He said with one of his usual bright smiles, the one that made Caleb forget about all the bad things in the world. "I had never been chased by animals."
"Oh, I have." Caleb said, giggling when he remembered it.
He told Eddie about the time he had went to his Aunt's farm and a cow started chasing him. Eddie listened and laughed.
"What are you doing to me?" Caleb whispered when he felt his heart beating faster at Eddie's laughter. He was feeling so many things.
"What?"
Caleb looked away and to the sky with a frown. "Nothing."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes." He said honestly.
Eddie smiled softly.
"That cloud looks like a duck." Caleb said, pointing at it. Eddie chuckled.
"I think I'm scared of ducks now."
"They just chased you." Caleb giggled.
"It was enough to develope a trauma."
Caleb shook his head with a vague smile. "You're stupid."
"But you like it. You like me." Eddie said with a teasing smile.
"Pfft." Caleb breathed out and looked out. "I never said that."
"You don't like me? It didn't seem like it last night."
"I wouldn't be dating you if I didn't like you." Caleb said, his heart beating faster. He knew he was lying. He didn't like Eddie. No, that was a little word. Too little for Eddie. "But I never said I liked you being stupid."
"Oh, but I know you love it."
Love. Now that was a fragile word. Too fragile for Eddie. Too vulnerable for Caleb. He wouldn't lay himself bare in front of Eddie, he wouldn't show love to Eddie, he would not feel love. Not openly. It was too risky. Too vulnerable, too fragile.
It was too delicate, and Caleb wasn't made for that. He couldn't let himself break, and love would only bring heartbreaks and heartbreaks would destroy everything Caleb had worked for on years. Staying strong and sober. Focused. Guarding his heart. Safe.
Was Eddie worth risking it all?
Could he?
"If you say so," Caleb sighed and Eddie smiled.
____________________________
Eddie was preparing himself for work and thinking of Caleb, and that made him nervous. His feelings were just blossoming all the time. Every single time he looked at Caleb, his heart screamed and his skin got goosebumps. He was in love.
And he was nervous because he was way too impulsive. He had to hold his tongue to not spill it. He was nervous because he knew it was going to come out at any moment. He couldn't think about these stuff, he just felt them and talked. He wasn't afraid to be vulnerable, but he knew Caleb was different.
He knew their relationship was delicate.
He got out of the car and walked towards the building and then went to Nico's office. He wasn't planning on getting any job done today.
"Hello!" He screamed when he entered the room.
As usual, Tyler jumped.
And as usual, Nico glanced up at him calmly.
And as usual, Eddie smiled widely.
"How are you two doing?"
"Never been better." Nico said, smirking, and Tyler looked at him and blushed.
"I see you are finally official lovebirds."
"Eddie!" Tyler whispered, turning even redder, as Eddie threw himself in the couch.
"We are." Nico said, giving Eddie a knowing smirk.
"I love to see it." He said and smiled, happy to see Nico happy. And Tyler. Tyler had grown to be a good friend too. A very cute and little friend he wanted to protect at all costs. He couldn't wait for him and Caleb to meet. He just knew they would click.
He took his phone out and saw he had text from Caleb.
I don't know what to wear tonight, can I send you some pics so you choose?
**I mean, I don't know what to wear out of all my sexy clothes and secrets ;)**
Eddie smirked, remembering telling Caleb he was full of sexy clothes and secrets. He was. He looked at his friends to see that both of them were focused on their jobs, tipping on their laptops, not caring about what Eddie did. He leaned back into the couch and replied.
Please do send me.
Caleb saw the message and two minutes later Eddie recieved a mirror photo of Caleb in lace black panties and black long stockings with a text under it: Is this one too simple?
Eddie gulped at how gorgeous his body looked.
"Hello."
He was about to reply when he realized the two feet in front of him and he jumped when the man talked, dropping his phone. Luckily for him, the screen landed facing the floor. He looked up with a glare to find Gabriel. Asshole Gabriel. Worm God-Help-Us Gabriel smirking down at him.
"Something to hide in there, Eds?" He said, bending down to grab the phone. Eddie pushed him off and grabbed the phone himself.
"Fuck off." He growled and looked at Nico, who was watching them thoughtfully. "Nico, tell him to fuck off."
"Fuck off." Nico told Gabriel. Eddie was geninuely suprised. Never once Nico had stood up to Gabriel, he had a stupid adoration for the guy. Nico was Gabriel's fucking boss. It was stupid.
Gabriel shrugged and glanced at Tyler, who looked away.
"Didn't mean to upset you, Eddie." He said then.
Eddie stood up and glared at him.
"Were you thinking the same the other day in the club, when you basically threw yourself at my Sub and made him feel uncomfortable." Eddie growled. "Fuck off. Go away. I don't want to see your stupid face."
Nico stood up when he heard that and Gabriel just shrugged and went away before any trouble was made.
Tyler was looking at Eddie with widened blue eyes and Nico was walking towards him.
"What did you mean by that?" Nico asked carefully. "About Caleb. What did Gabriel do?"
"Why would you care? You're too busy being scared of him and making him feel bad." He said, looking at him, remembering Caleb's eyes when he asked if "he was that bad."
"When did I make him feel bad?"
"When he came the other day." Eddie said. "Look, I'm sorry. I just snapped. I know you didn't do it in porpouse. It wasn't even you who made him feel bad, it was me, I just snapped. Sorry."
"Don't apologize." Nico said. "What happened? Are you two okay?"
"We are perfectly fine." Eddie said honestly. "The other night I took Caleb to the club and Gabriel wouldn't stop fucking staring at him. Of course Caleb handled it perfectly, my perfect boy." He smiled and threw himself to the couch again, dreamily. "He told him he was mine, that his legs weren't Gabriel's to look at."
"Gabriel was just messing around. You know he loves teasing you."
Eddie rolled his eyes and looked at Tyler.
"I hate him."
Tyler giggled and looked at Nico.
"Let him be upset about your friend." He said gently. "What if some Eddie's friend stared at me in a disrespectful way?"
Nico looked at Tyler for a moment and then at Eddie.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't worry too much about it. I know you've got my back."
Nico smiled and nodded. "Always."
__________________________
Caleb smiled when he reread Eddie's reply to his photo for the tenth time on the day.
Nothing is too simple if you are wearing it. You just make everything glow. You look gorgeous.
Even if he strongly disagreed to what the text said, he loved it.
He didn't make everything glow. He wasn't a bright person. But if Eddie thought so, it didn't hurt.
_________________________
He had arrived to Eddie's place to have dinner for a while now and he was looking at some movie in the TV while Eddie brought the food to the table.
Then he sat besides him and they both talked about little nothings as they ate, watching the movie. Caleb could feel the air tense and it was freaking him out.
"That's stupid." He said, when he saw the guy from the movie kneeling in front of a girl, begging her to love him.
"What's stupid?"
"That guy."
"He's doing it for love." Eddie said carefully. Caleb looked at him and thought of what to say.
I think I love you.
But he couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that to himself. And he certainly wouldn't do that to Eddie.
"Well, love is stupid."
Eddie frowned. "It's not."
"Love is worthless. You either end up destroyed or destroying someone. It's never worth it. It's stupid."
Eddie looked at him for a moment as if he was thinking about something.
Were they finally having this conversation?
Was this where Eddie dumped him? Was this where he screamed at Caleb for falling? Was this where it ended? He wasn't sure he was ready for that.
"I think that you're so scared of getting hurt that you're hurting yourself." Eddie said instead, calmly.
Caleb's walls shot up. That hit too close to his heart. What was Eddie doing now?
He said the first thing that came to his mind.
"You don't know anything of what I've been through."
"I know you. And I think you are just a really scared and hurt boy trying to fool yourself. Why do you think love is worthless?"
Everything fell down. He felt anger boil inside him, anger that wasn't meant to Eddie, but to himself.
"I don't deserve love!" He screamed, and Eddie's expression turned to a pained and suprised one. "Who could ever love me!?"
Who could ever love this boy? This damaged boy that let her sister burn, that couldn't save her, this drunk man?
Who could ever love him? Who could dare to?
"I could." Eddie said softly. "I could love you. I may be loving you right now."
"No." Caleb closed his eyes. "No."
"Caleb, I-"
"I know what you said." Caleb whispered, his eyes filling with tears. "Don't say that. You don't get to say that."
"I don't get to say what?"
"Those things! You don't get to say those things just like that! Like it didn't matter. Like I didn't care!"
"But-" Eddie looked at him, confused. "What's wrong with it?"
With love?
With him?
With someone loving him?
With him loving someone?
Heartbreak.
Pain.
Lies.
Alcohol.
Drugs.
Everything.
He was wrong. Caleb was wrong. Everything was wrong.
"I'm a mess! I'm broken! I'm not radiant! I'm not bright. I'm depressing. You deserve someone bright. I can't hold you here with me when-- when I'm just-- you can't save me, and I am no good for anyone."
"You are the brightest person I've known." Eddie said.
And Caleb wanted to believe him. He wanted to let go, to jump and trust that Eddie would catch him, would take care of him, that everything could change. He wanted to believe there was still hope for him in the world.
But he was many things, and brave was not one of them.
He stood up and grabbed his stuff. Eddie stood up as well and grabbed his arm.
"Wait." Eddie's eyes filled with tears of his own. "Wait, Caleb. Help me understand."
Caleb looked at him and tried. He tried to look for a reason to stay. He found too many. A reason to go? One. Fear. Fear of everything. And, unfortunately, fear was stronger than any other emotion. His worst fear and his biggest blessing. He had to face his biggest fear to get to his biggest blessing. And fear was just big and strong. It wasn't easy to escape.
So he did the only thing he knew how to do. The only thing he'd been doing for years, the thing that hurt him everyday, what killed him from inside out every single day. What he was too afraid and broken to stop doing.
He ran away. He escaped. He locked down his feelings and ran away, leaving Eddie, the brightest person on Earth, the one that never stopped smiling, standing there crying.
_______________
A/N: Shit just got real, huh?
I just wanted to say that I love reading your comments and your reactions, so please do comment! And if you liked this chapter, please vote and share!!!
And, also, I wrote this listening to folklore. I'm obsessed. Taylor Swift can do anything. She's from other world. If you haven't listened to the new album, do it, you won't regret it!
cardigan is a song that fits Caleb's feelings so well, so if you are enjoying this story, you can check it out and try to connect it to the story.
-Love, R