It's Monday night. I knock on Ned Flanders door. Today, I'm babysitting his kids. I'm a bit nervous, but its only because they are the second family I'm babysitting for.
"Oh! Hey-diddly-ho (y/n)-eeno."
Ned lets me in and introduces me to Rod and Todd. They seem like the most harmless little angels. Of course, that's how all children act around new adults. I know from experience that once the parents are gone, the children become little devils.
Then, Ned, his wife Enda (In this fanfic, she is still alive. RIP) and I sit down to get to know each other. They are such a kind couple. They both give me lists and advice on how to take care of the kids.
"... And don't give them sugar," Ned tells me.
"Well Ned, they're kids. (Y/n) they can have a small amount sugar."
"Um, Enda sweetie, I hate to argue with you-"
"Oh, are we arguing?"
They continue to have the most pleasant and calm argument. After they agree on absolutely nothing, Ned smiles at her, grabs her hand and the walk to the car to go to dinner.
"Have fun, you two! But not too much fun!" I cry out to them. Ned blushes and Enda laughs, "Ha!" Ned starts ups the car and pulls out onto the street.
I look down at Rod and Todd. They stand in front of me with their hands in front of them. It's almost a bit shocking.
"So, are you two sleepy or...?"
"No ma'am." Rod says.
"Uh... Well, what do you wanna do? Hey, how about you watch TV while I make some cookies along with dinner?"
"Daddy says sugar is that powder of the devil that leads children to the opposite of Heaven." Rod replies.
"What? Oh right.
"And we aren't allowed to watch TV without Daddy and New Mommy in the room with us.
"Wait, what?"
Seriously? Well, I can't judge their religion or the way their parents raised them. I smile at them and pat their heads.
"You guys are good boys. So, what DO you boys want to do?"
"Well, I'm kind of hungry," Rod says.
"Can we have dinner while you read us Bible stories."
"Sure, boys.
The boys are perfect. They were almost too well behaved. It's kind of boring not having them running around or being noisy.
As dinner is finished, macaroni and cheese and chicken, I call the boys over, I go to grab a Bible.
There are actually more than one Bible. Baby Bibles, "Bible for Him", "Bible for Her", "Bible For Those Teenage Years". Wow, strange. I grab a Bible I presume to be the original and turn to go to the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a face.
I look out of the window and see a yellow, spiky blond-haired face. Bart? He runs away and disappears. Why would Bart be spying on me? I said I wouldn't talk to Bob anymore (so what if I'm doing the exact opposite?) so why is he...?
I go back to the kitchen. I pull the mac 'n' cheese and the chicken from the oven and call the boys down. They eat as I read their favorite Bible chapter.
"It's called a "book"." Rod tells me, his mouth full.
"Not a chapter!" Todd echos. I roll my eyes, laugh and continue reading, amazed that they can follow the story.
A few hours later, the boys are asleep and Ned and Enda arrive home, post-sex and obviously drunk. I giggle at their drunken state. They accidentally pay me $100 and I gasp, placing the extra $75 in Ned's pocket. $25.00! Yes! If I can get paid like this more often, I'll be able to live happily.
As I'm walking out, I see the Simpsons house. I thought I'd feel more guilty, but I'm not. I smile and walk past their house. There's a blue car in the driveway and two people standing in front the the open door, talking to Marge. As I walk past, Marge spots me.
"Oh! (y/n)! Hi!"
"Hi Marge! How are you?" I walk over.
"(Y/n), these are my sisters, Patty and Selma."
(Hm, why do those names sound familiar?)
"Hi." Patty says in a voice similar to Marge, but more unattractive.
"How's it goin'?" Selma asks.
As they speak, the blow cigarette smoke in my face. My eyes start to burn a little. I cough and swat the smoke away.
"Um, I'm good..."
"How about you all come in for dinner." Marge invites.
"Oh... Okay. Just give me a second." I walk out to the driveway and stand behind the car. I told Bob I'd be home as soon as I was done with my job so we could hang out. (Okay, I'll just text him that I'll be back late).
"Whatcha doin' Ms. (L/n)?"
I jump at the sound of Bart's voice. I look up and see him standing in front of me. I regain my composer and smile.
"Why are you calling me by my last name? We're friends, call me (y/n)."
"Whatever. What are you doing out here, my mom's wondering where you are?"
"Oh, just checking my baby-sitting schedule for the week."
"Sure you're not texting your BOYFRIEND, Bob?" I smile at him.
"Look Bob- BART! Um, look Bart, I told you-"
"Bart?! Did you find (y/n)?!" Marge calls from the door.
"Yes mom!" Bart yells back, pointing me out.
"You two, get in here! I made brownies."
"Oh! Brownies!" We both cry out. Bart looks at me suspiciously.
"You got lucky this time," He says, running back to the house. "Zbut when you slip up, I'll be there!"
"Bart, I'm not..." (What's the point? He'll never believe me.) And he shouldn't. I'm totally lying to him, so he has a right to be suspicious.
***
I'm sitting at the table with everyone, in between Bart and Selma. The awkwardness of the other day is completely gone, which is nice. I can thank Patty and Selma for that.
The twins are talking about their vacation to LA. They have a bunch a pictures to show everyone. I feel so included when Selma hands me a picture; it's like I'm part of the family. Yes, it's a picture of them in swimsuits... *shudder*, but it's still nice to be included.
"That's greeeat, Aunt Selma," Bart says sarcastically, tossing another swimsuit shot of the twins. "Hey, how about you tells us the story of when you dated Sideshow Bob. I think (y/n) would love to listen."
I start to choke on Marge's cooking.
(Oh God! That's why the name "Selma" sounded familiar!) I remember Bob telling me about how he went out with her... and tried to kill her.
Honestly, I don't care too much about the attempted murder. Bob says that he's done with crime and l believe him. I'm more angry at the fact that Bob DATED her. I'm his girlfriend after all, it's not my fault I feel jealous. (I mean, SELMA touched MY BOYFRIEND! Gross!)
"Bart!" Everyone yells, except for Maggie who sucks loudly on her pacifier in disapproval.
"What? I just think that since (y/n) is going out with him-" Bart smiles evilly at me.
"You're going out with Bob?!" Selma yells, pointing her finger at me.
"Wha- No..."
"You're going out with HIM?!" Patty screams at me.
"No... I'm not."
"Yes, you are!" Bart yells. Suddenly, I can't take it anymore. I have no control over my sudden outburst.
"NO... I'M... NOT!!!!"
Everyone becomes silent. It might have been the out burst. It might have been how I smashed the table. It was probably both.
"I... I am so sor-"
A small whimpering breaks the silence. I look over at Maggie. Her lips are quivering and her eyes are watering.
"Oh no, Maggie." I run over to her, pick her up out from her high-chair and rock her. She starts to tear up, then starts to cry. Oh God! I caused Maggie to cry. Marge comes up and grabs her from me. "I'm so sorry!"
Marge looks up at me and then at Maggie.
"Hm? Oh no, she just needs to be changed. You had nothing to do with this."
"I don't care. I'm still very sorry."
"... No, don't be. You have a right to be angry. BART! Go to your room. You don't get dinner tonight!"
He gasps, glares at me and gets up.
"Ugh! I hate you! I hate you all! Selma, tell (y/n) what happened!" He stuffs a burrito in his mouth and runs to his room.
There's silence in the air. I stand up and look around at everyone.
"Um... I'll just go. Sorry... about everything."
"(Y/n) please don't leave." Marge begs.
"Yeah," Selma says, taking a smoke. "I'm suddenly in the mood to tell the Sideshow Bob story."
"Oh, no," I tell her, "I already know all about it." But she had already started.
"He was so nice to me. He was romantic and sweet and we only fought once. Oh, the love we made-"
Marge covers Maggie's ears and Homer turns green and runs out to puke. I suddenly feel sick, and for some reason, I want to kill Bob when I get home.
"OKAY! Okay, I get it. I'm going to go-"
Then, the worse thing that happens. My phone rings. I look at the screen. Crap, it's Bob. (Now? Why now?!)
"Well (y/n)? Are you going to answer it? Or is it Bob?" Bart says, suddenly down from his room.
"Bart!" Marge screams, giving up. I hang up and stuff my phone in my purse.
"Nope, it's an unknown number. Anyway, bye. I uh, I'm gonna go. I don't wanna cause anymore trouble."
***
Bart's POV
She walks out of the house in a hurry. I know she's lying, I could tell by the way she looked when she saw who was calling. It had to have been Bob.
Why do girls fall for him? Enda, Aunt Selma and now (y/n) the only adult in this whole town that I didn't hate. She has no idea that deep down under that "charm" or whatever is a murder.
All I want is to keep her safe. We're friends, so it's my job.
Mom marches angrily to the staircase, a sleepy Maggie in her arms. She looks so angry, I feel my body get cold from fear.
"...Bart... How could you?"
"But mom...!"
"We don't have a lot of friends... and there was finally a lovely girl, a lovely girl who even liked YOU. But you just couldn't be good, for just one night. For me..."
She has tears in her eyes and looks exhausted. She starts to climb the stairs.
"Please, just... Leave me alone for a while..." Everyone looks at me from the dinner table, all angry.
Ugh! This is all (y/n)'s fault! Now my mom and everyone hates me.
But it doesn't matter; Everyone always gets mad a me whenever I try to expose one of Sideshow Bob's crimes. By when I finally catch him, everyone always cheers for me.
I'm going to save her whether she wants me to or not.
***