Liz's POV
It was 2 pm when I woke up the following day. I was having a headache, probably because I drank too many beers the night before. I remember going to bed around 3 am, tired and a little bit drunk. I dragged myself to the bathroom to freshen up. I decided to take a cold shower because my headache was just too much. After I was done I headed to the kitchen to find something to eat. Walking past the living room I saw Erastus and Rose making out on the couch. I groaned and told them to get a room as I slip into the kitchen.
I forgot that there aren't any groceries in this place and the thought of eating cereal was just making my headache worse. There were a few slices from last night's pizza, so I threw them in the oven to warm while I took a glass of ice-cold water. I haven't drunk in a few months so the hangover was bad. To make things worse, I am usually a responsible drinker, so the last time I got drunk was in college and Erastus was the one who took care of me when I was hungover. This house didn't even have coffee, like honestly now, whose doesn't have coffee?
I took a slice of pizza and tried to eat, but it felt so dry so I just ate half of it, took my glass of water, and joined them in the living room. "Don't worry, Katie will be back any minute now with something for your hangover then we can all go grocery shopping," Rose said with so much enthusiasm. I nodded and drank more water. "How many beers did you drink last night exactly?" Erastus asked with a smirk on his face. I hate that smirk. "I don't know. How many did you guys leave when you went to bed around 2? I finished whatever was left." I said.
I held my head in my hand because it felt like it was spinning. I think my pregnancy saved me from what I am going through right now. My heart sank at thought of my pregnancy and my dead baby. The alcohol made me go to bed without thinking about all of these and now that I am up, All the thoughts are back. I did not just lose my baby, I lost a part of me and I don't think I will ever be whole again. I didn't even notice that I was crying until Rose reached for my hand. I stood up and rushed out of the house straight to the beach.
There were a few people here and there but I ignored them and ran straight into the water. I walked, going deeper and deeper into the ocean until the water was up to my waist, and that's when I started swimming. I didn't even know what to do to distract me from this feeling. The feeling of loss. I remembered the pain of losing my father when I was 16 but this pain is worse than that. I would trade anything in this world just not to feel this much pain. I resurfaced from the water gasping for air. I didn't realize how long I was underwater.
Erastus showed up in the water right next to me and started dragging me out. "What is the matter with you? What do you think you are doing Liz? You trying to take the easy way out?" he shouts angrily. I looked at him. "I wasn't trying to drown myself. I just got caught up in my thoughts without realizing that I was still under. What makes you think that?" I asked. I looked ahead just to realize that everyone on the beach was up on their feet looking in our direction and talking among themselves.
My day could not get any worse. Erastus dragged me to into the house as if I didn't want to go willingly. "I get that you are going through so much right now and I get that, but you don't do such a thing. You scared the crap out of all of us. I understand what you are going through but ......"
"Erastus? No! You don't understand what is going on. You have no idea how it feels, or how I am feeling. So don't tell me that you understand because you don't. None of you do!" I said.
Erastus looked at me and shook his head. I didn't even realize Katie was there. I wiped away my tears and continued, "I have lost everything. I do not think any of you know the feeling of total despair. I am so empty. My husband is a cheat, just two days I found him and his lover in the room that used to be our bedroom in my house. I have decided to end our marriage but there was still a part of me that thought my marriage could be saved because I love him and seeing that crushed me. To make things worse, I lost my unborn child. The only good thing that came out of my marriage, is also gone now. I know you are trying to understand, but none of you are in my shoes right now to know how it feels. So you don't get to shout at me for trying to forget all my problems. And guess what, I do feel like dying, but I would never do something as dumb as take my own life. I thought you knew me better than that. " I argued. I looked at Erastus through my tearful eyes before heading to my room and locked the door. I sat there leaning on my door and wept.
It was dark in the room when I woke up. I didn't even know I fell asleep sitting on the floor, still leaning on the door. I switched on the lights and I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible with tear stains on my cheeks. I freshened up and I stood there, under running cold water remembering how I took it out on my friends and I felt even more horrible. After I finished bathing, there was a knock on the door and I went to open it. Rose was standing there with a stare I didn't like. I stepped aside letting her in. "I see you are up? You feeling any better or are you going to take it out on me too?" She asked. She continued, "As you said, we don't understand what you are going through, but we are here for you. I just don't appreciate how you spoke to Erastus earlier. He has always been at your backing call, and yesterday, he had to walk out on my parents just to come to take to the hospital. You ran into the water and stayed under for a long time, everyone assumed the same thing, so now Erastus is at fault? He is human too and just because he knows you well, doesn't mean he can also tell whether you are going to drown yourself or not."
I looked at her taking in everything she just said. "I know what I did was wrong and I took it out on the wrong person and or people. Apologizing is what I will do the first thing I do the moment I step out of my room. And I am so sorry about the way I spoke to you too." I said leaving her in the room. Rose has a bad side she doesn't show much, but it is there.
I remember how she wasn't too fond of me when she first started going out with Erastus and it still looks that way. She considered me a threat because I was always there, being invited to their movie nights and so forth. Even lunch with me wasn't always a good idea to her. She made her peace with it or at least I thought she did, but now I am seeing the jealous side of her again. That's why I had to leave her there because the conversation would have lead to an argument. I cannot afford to create a rift between the two, I want my best friend to be happy.
I found Katie cooking in the kitchen. She stopped the moment I entered and gave me a big hug. I never really got to say hi to her after she came here. "How are you feeling?" she asked. "I have been better. I am sorry about earlier, I didn't even greet you or ask you how you were doing."I said. "It's okay. I don't think I am the one you should be apologizing to though. He hasn't said a word ever since that happened. We went shopping, came back, and even Rose couldn't get through to him." she said. That made me feel really bad. No wonder Rose gave me that talk.
"You are right. I need a cup of coffee, then I will go talk to him." I said realizing they finally bought a coffee maker. I made two cups. "We don't know where he is though, the moment he heard you open the door to your room, he left," she said. I took the two mugs and said, "I know where to find him." I turned and almost bumped into Rose entering the kitchen. She excused me I headed to the beach.
I found him seated exactly where I was seated last night. I thought I was the one that was supposed to be there sulking. "I think you are in my spot." I joked handing him the coffee. He took it and took a sip while I sat beside him. "Look, Erastus, I am sorry I took it out on you. I was angry and I still am, but I am sorry you were on the receiving end of my wrath." I told him. "It's okay. I am glad you let it out. I am sorry that I assumed the worst, but in my defense, I acted on impulse. I care about you so much and I know I never told you why but I just couldn't afford to lose you too." he said. I looked at him to elaborate the 'too' he added on that statement.
"I know I never told you this but I had an older sister Justine, she was three years older than me. I am not an only child like I told you. I was fifteen, going to parties and doing all the wild things. Then whenever I come home I would realize my sister was still up in the middle of the night or early hours of the day. She had dark circles under her eyes and took a lot of antidepressants. I was too dumb to even ask why she did. Whenever I asked, she would say she was fine or said she will be fine. I never pressed further.
Then on the day of her graduation from high school, my parents threw a party. There was no alcohol, so after the party ended at around 9 pm, I decided to go to John's house, where his sister also graduated just because I wanted to drink. I got wasted and decided to sleep at John's house. When I woke up the following day, I got home and mom told me my sister committed suicide. She said drank some pills that I didn't even know of." he stopped to drink his coffee.
He continued, "I took out my phone and found seven missed calls from her. I was the last person my sister called before she took her life but I was too busy drinking to pick up. I felt like I was the reason my sister died. I cringed to the sound of the word 'brother' for a year because that's how she always called me. She never called me by my name. Then I met you in grade 11, you used to call me that, and surprisingly I didn't mind. I saw my sister in you, enthusiastic and someone who plans her to the very last second. She doesn't go to bed without planning what to do tomorrow, what to wear, and so forth.
"With you, I got a second chance of having a sister, so I try not to mess like how I did with Justine. Whenever you call, and I come. I know I have Rose now and I have to prioritize her over you but I still find myself rushing to your rescue because you are not just a friend, you are my sister. Meeting you made me stop blaming myself for Justine's. death. That's why I am always there for you because I wasn't there when my sister needed me, I made sure not to make the same mistakes with you. Seeing you run into the water today scared me because I can't afford to mess up again. I am not apologizing for caring for you Liz." he concluded. I didn't notice when he started crying or when my hand got to his shoulder to support him.
"I am sorry about Justine. And I am glad to know that you stopped blaming yourself. I am, but I have a favor to ask. Please don't give Rose the silent treatment. You were mad at me or yourself, but please just talk to her. I can take the silent treatment, I am used to it. I would feel good knowing that my fiance is not talking to me because he is mad at his friend. She felt so bad that she came to talk to me. Promise me please." I asked. He took the time and finished his coffee before he promised. "Now can we please go back into the house? You need to go talk to Rose and I have to go help Katie out in the kitchen." I said.
On our way I asked if he has ever told that story before, to which he replied no. He also added how he was not going to talk about it ever. I suggested we take a trip to NY to go visit her grave and he was down. I have no idea how Rose is going to feel about this since his fiance is not going to tell her about Justine and it's not my place to tell her. So I decided to let it go and see how things will work out. We had dinner, with Katie telling us about her vacation in Singapore. The tales sounded beautiful and relaxing. I also found out that Erastus spoke to my boss so I got two weeks' leave. Not a leave, I am just working from home.
Five days went by in a blur, my friends coming over from time to time after work. I needed some more clothes so I decided to go to the house to go grab a few things. I decided to go there on Sunday or Monday or Tuesday. I don't feel like stepping foot in that house, but I have to face my problems sooner or later so I have to go. I know that I can do it.