Chapter 6: Atrocious
There is no knocks on her door and there is no annoying voice outside calling her name. It is weekend and luckily, she don't have a saturday class so she can sleep all day if she want.
Naveen stretched her arms as she get up. It is nine in the morning. And instead of laying on her bed all day, she thinks that it is better to do something and be productive.
Lumabas na siya sa kwarto at pumunta sa kusina, naabutan niya si Manang Fe na kasalukuyang nagluluto ng agahan niya. Her parents were not there, probably working even on weekends.
She opened her phone and checked the notifications. Some are from her friend, Tasha -- just the usual inivitation she always send. Others are from her schoolmates, tagging her in a post and their post were the pictures taken last day.
"Kain na ija," sabi ni Manang Fe matapos ilagay sa mesa ang mga pagkain.
Nagsimula na siyang kumain habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa phone. Most of the pictures are candid and stolen. Naveen won't deny the fact that she enjoyed it. The games and the fun playing with other people.
Kailan ba siya huling nakisali sa mga ganong event? Hindi niya na maalala.
Pagkatapos kumain, umakyat na siya sa kwarto niya at sinimulang gawin ang mga additional seatworks niya. She's planning to finish those before the sun sets but after an hour or two, she think that maybe those seatwork are the one who will finish her.
Ilang beses niyang inintindi ang transaction at ilang beses niya din inisip kung paano yon gagawin pero wala. Nganga. Sumasakit lang ang ulo niya. Siguro sobrang sama niyang tao sa past life kaya siya pinapahirapan ng ganito ngayon.
"Ayoko na." Binalik niya na ang mga seatwork sa bag niya at bumaba para sa tanghalian.
Maybe accountancy wasn't really for her. Sinusubukan niya naman kasi pero laging walang nangyayari. Maybe now is the time to break that fucking tradition. Ano ngayon kung puro accountant ang pamilya nila? Can't she have her own dreams?
She wanted to rant, to voice out all the thoughts that she's keeping inside. But she can't. She just can't.
Matapos kumain, umakyat ulit siya sa kwarto niya at naligo. Wearing a pink hoodie and white shorts, she grab her car keys and went out.
If she want to be productive, there is one thing she can do. To write. And in order to write, kailangan niya ng bagong laptop. If she can't retrieve her files then she should start making a new one.
Pagkadating sa mall, dumiretso agad siya sa third floor, the cyberzone area. Hindi niya na kailangang mamili ng store dahil isang brand lang naman ang ginagamit niya. Macbook. Aside from the brand, what she loves from it is their quality that is way much better than the others.
Pinili niya ang pro version ng laptop nila, after paying lumabas na siya at pumunta sa ground floor. Dahil nasa mall na din naman siya, why don't she buy some books, hoodies and sweaters?
Nilagay niya muna ang laptop sa sasakyan bago pumunta sa bookstore. Buti na lang at madami siyang nasasave sa allowance niya kaya may budget siya pambili ng luho niya. While the payment for the laptop came from her dad. Kahit kasi malaki ang allowance niya, hindi niya pa din afford bumili macbook.
Manong guard greeted her as she went inside the bookstore, she just smiled and grab a basket. Nilagay niya don lahat ng libro na pasok sa taste niya. Halos mapuno niya na ang basket bago maisipang pumunta sa counter at magbayad. Mukhang kailangan niya na din bumili ng bagong bookshelves sa dami ng binili niya.
After paying, nilagay niya din yon sa sasakyan. Time for the sweaters and hoodies! Kahit pagod at hinihingal dahil nakakailang balik na siya sa loob ng mall at sa parking lot, masigla pa din siyang naglakad papasok.
Tumigil siya sa tapat ng Uniqlo, sa labas palang makikita na ang iba't ibang shades ng hoodie. Pumasok siya at kumuha ng ilang piraso. She was about to go in the counter and pay when someone walked across her.
"Hala sorry!" sabi ng isang babae. Mukhang nagttype ito sa phone habang naglalakad kaya siguro hindi siya napansin.
Nalaglag lahat ng hawak niyang hoodie sa sahig, kinuha naman agad ito ng babae saka maingat na binalik sa kanya. "Sorry ulit, miss."
Naveen don't usually care on everything and everyone but the moment she saw that girl, parang tinamaan siya bigla ng insecurity. That girl was wearing a simple shirt and pants pero dahil sa kinis ng balat at mukha nito dagdag pa ang makapal pero natural niyang kilay, lumilitaw ang ganda niya. She never knew that she was capable of having that thing called insecurity until she saw her.
"Riva." Someone called her. Must be her boyfriend. And her name, she think she heard it before pero hindi niya maalala kung kailan at saan.
That girl named Riva turned to him. "Babe!"
Naveen walked towards the counter and pay. Her name must be familiar but she was nothing but a total stranger who happen to walked across her. That girl was just nothing and her sudden insecurity also mean nothing. Right?
Lumabas na siya don at pumunta sa iba pang store para bumili ng sweater at hoodie. Nang ma-satisfy na siya sa mga bitbit niyang paperbags ay umuwi na siya. She can't wait to wear those comfy clothes!
As soon as she got home, Naveen can't hide the excitement crossing her face as she started opening her new laptop. Sa wakas, makakapagsulat na din siya!
But the moment she opened the word processor and placed her fingers on top of the keyboard, her smile faded.
Wala siyang maisulat. She don't know where to start. The past few days, she was badly craving to write pero ngayon na nasa harap niya na ang laptop -- walang siyang maisulat.
After a minute of the 'staring battle' between her and the screen, Naveen gave up and shut the laptop down. Maybe she just need some rest to clear her mind.
Natulog muna siya at nagising sa magkakasunod na katok ni Manang Fe. Tinatawag siya nito dahil dinner na at kailangan niya na kumain. Bumaba agad siya at mabilis na naghapunan.
"Hinay-hinay lang sa pagkain ija .. baka mabulunan ka niyan," sabi ni Manang Fe pero hindi niya ito pinansin.
Ayaw niya maabutan ang parents niya, ayaw niya makuha ang atensyon ng mga ito.
Pagkabalik sa kwarto, binuksan niya agad ang laptop at sinimulang mag type. Random words. Baka sakaling may kumatok na ideya habang nagttype siya.
Pero wala.
Kung nakakapagsalita lang siguro ang backspace button, siguro kanina pa ito nagreklamo dahil sa maya't mayang pagbura niya.
Nakaka-frustrate!
Tiningnan niya ang note sa bedside table niya. Deadline: November 20, 20xx. It wasn't a requirement in her class that she need to pass on or before time. Deadline kasi yan ng manuscript.
One of the well-known publishing house in Philippines posted an announcement that they will be accepting manuscript until November 20, 20xx. That was a great oppurtunity for her kung sakali. If only she did not lost her files, malapit na siguro siya matapos sa novel na sinusulat niya. If only because of that drunken guy!
Today is September 16. She only have two months left para tapusin ang manuscript niya. At paano niya naman yon gagawin kung wala pa siyang nasisimulan?
Out of frustration, pabagsak siyang humiga sa kama. Tears successfully escaped from her eyes. Hindi niya alam kung bakit siya umiiyak.
Maybe because she can't do the things she thought she's good at? Perhaps. But the main reason is that, if she can't write then there is no way she can prove herself to everyone.
Siguro sa iba, sobrang babaw lang ng dahilan niya pero para sa kanya, sapat na yon para umiyak siya. She just cry and she make sure that she won't make a sound. Crying silently is the worst thing, ever.
Matapos ang halos isang oras na pag-iyak ay tumahan na siya. She felt relieved that finally, she already burst out everything. Medyo gumaan ang pakiramdam niya. Medyo lang.
Wiping her tears, tumayo na siya at nagpalit ng sweater bago umalis. It is 9:15pm, perfect time to go to her favorite café. Dion Café.
Maybe an idea will magically pop right in front of her if she was there, in the place where she used to write. Maybe the comfy and homy place might help. And oh, that is also the place where that drunken guy poured his --- arghhh nevermind. Ayaw niya na alalahanin.
Pumasok na siya at umupo sa usual seat niya. Her usual drink automatically served as she went inside. While sipping her coffee, she opened her laptop, clicked the recent file and the staring battle begin.
Halos paubos na ang kape niya pero wala pa din siyang maisulat. Kalahating oras na din siya nakatitig sa screen pero wala talaga. Sumakit lang ang mata niya. The comfy and homy place did not work.
Kailangan niya ng idea! Just a fucking piece of idea!
"Another coffee, please." Naveen looked at the staff who smiled at her and immediately went to the counter to process her order.
Another cup of coffee might help? She hope so.
She started sipping again as her coffee was served. As she was staring at the screen, Naveen tried to entertain some idea that might pique her interest.
The Love Triangle. Ang pinagasgas na plot sa Pinas. Hindi lang sa libro kundi pati sa pelikula. Intro palang ng movie o prologue palang ng libro, alam na agad ang ending. Cliché kumbaga.
The Arrange Marriage. Ang isa pa sa gasgas na plot sa wattpad. Ilang libro na ba ang nabasa niya na nakaarrange marriage ang dalawang progtagonist? Hindi niya na mabilang.
The Opposite Attracks. Sino ba namang book worm ang hindi pa nakakapagbasa ng 'someone (like hearthrob) meets someone (like nerd ganern)'? Total opposite pero ang ending sila pa din. Mukhang lahat naman ata napagdaanan ang ganong kwento.
Naveen did entertain those idea but none of them pique her interest. She wanted to write something different, something unpredictable. Something far from the usual.
Naveen let out a sigh as she closed her laptop. Maybe even if she entertain all the idea, she can't force herself to write.
Writing should be done by passion. Kung wala talaga siyang maisusulat ngayon, fine. Tomorrow is another day anyways. Another 24 hours of staring battle with her laptop screen.
She was about to go out when a familiar song played. The Dion Café always play a relaxing song but that one is different. Yes, the sound is very relaxing and also it is very familiar.
"Where did we go wrong
Everything seems perfect all along
How can I hold on
when there's nothing to hold onto?"
If she's not mistaken, that was the song she heard from the bus and humming she heard from her so-called-partner.
"You are atrocious, you broke me pretty good
Too late to be cautious, I'm already doomed
You wrecked me baby, extremely, completely
Can you come back to me?
That's the only way I know to fix me"
Out of curiousity, she opened her phone and tap the shazam. That was an app that can recognize a song by simply pressing it. After a second, the result was out and she was shocked by what she saw.
Title: Atrocious
by Spade Paulino.
Is this for real?