Katsuki's POV:
I can't get better. I can't. I just can't handle this anymore. I have to do it. I have to cut. I just have to. It's too much. Everything is going too fast. I can't keep up. They expect me to already be so far ahead, but I still can't get past the self harm. I've tried. I tried to get past it. To avoid it, but I can't. It's the only thing that I'm used to.
I know I said that I thought that I was amazing, hell, I even thought that was true for a split second. Boy, was I a dumbass. I am a dumbass. Thinking I could just want to get better and stay that way. It's funny. How fucking hysterical that I believed that bullshit. I'm the biggest fucking dumbass who every fucking lived.
I put the blade down and grip my hair, pulling it harshly. I'm a fucking dumbass. I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid? My hand burns. The one I punched the floor with last night. I put my hands on the counter and look up at my reflection. I'm not crying, I'm just mad. Mad at myself for letting myself believe that I could somehow, magically, get better. Mad at my stupidity.
I take the blade from the counter quickly. I mean, it's not like they're already not disappointed. Of course they are. I mean look at me. I'm the freak who cuts himself. And cries himself to sleep. And the one who tried to kill himself, not even a whole week ago. And it's not like I wasn't getting any help. I was taking meds, seeing a shrink, I had people there for me for the first time ever. I had the tools to make myself better. I have the tools to make myself better.
I pick up my sleeve and unwrap the gauze from my wrist. There are scars. Tons just overlapping each other. It's disgusting. I'm disgusting. There are scabs, but not many. The other cuts were already scarring. I look over at the doorknob, making sure it's locked before putting my arm over the sink and placing the cool blade to my skin. I'm a freak.
I press down and slide the blade across my wrist, feeling the sting as beads of blood start appearing. The first one wasn't very deep, so I make another one, right below it, pushing deeper. I feel the burning sensation as the blade in my skin. Blood from the first cut starts sliding down my wrist, onto the white sink. Blood just slides out of the second cut smoothly. It's not a lot, but satisfying to see, along with the familiar sting. Of course I would cut again, of course. I'm a fuck up. An attention seeker.
Kaminari and Todoroki had taken all but three of my blades. I hid one in a pair of socks that I never use. I hid the second in a pair of underwear I never use, and the third was in a tear in my suitcase.
I still don't feel like it's enough, so I make another one. And after that one, I make another one. Then another one. And then one more.
There's seven bleeding cuts on my arm and I watch the blood as it hits the sink. It's so familiar. It makes me feel relieved. Yeah, fucked up me thinks that cutting is relieving.
I woke up about an hour ago. It was still dark out, but I have no idea what time it actually was. IcyHot was still asleep. We danced and jumped around for about an hour last night before Kaminari said that he was getting tired and wanted to cuddle with Kirishima. Then me and Halfie just fell asleep while watching a movie. It was hard to sneak and untangle myself from his arms and legs. I made it to the restroom about half an hour ago. I had just stayed in the bed, looking up while contemplating what to do before coming in here. I was deciding whether to wake up Halfie and bother him like always or to just deal with this myself.
I turn on the faucet once the bleeding slows down. I put my wrist under the water, cleaning off the blood until the bleeding stops. Then I rinse away the blood on the sink. Thankfully, it doesn't stain. I turn off the faucet and carefully dry my wrist to put the gauze back on. I don't want the bleeding to start back up again before I get a chance to put on the gauze. I turn back around the the sink where I left the gauze and wrap my wrist securely. I wince at the pressure on the cuts. Then I unwrap my right hand, which Halfie wrapped because I punched the floor, and turn on the water. The water was cold when I put my wrist under it, so maybe it'll be nice on my fist.
I stick my hand under the water and feel as the cool water hits my bruised and throbbing hand. It looks horrible really. My hand is purple and red in places. I could've broken it if I punched the floor a few more times. Then there's a knock on the door. I jump up in surprise and my eyes widen. The door.
Then I remember I locked it and quickly pocket the blade before pulling down my sleeve. "Hey, Bakugo? You okay?" I unlock the door, hand still under the cool water. I look up at him and nod. "Yeah, it was just hurting and I didn't want to wake you up," I say gesturing to my hand under the water. He yawns and shakes his head. "You could never bother me," he says before pressing a kiss to my temple. I start feeling really guilty. I'm really am a huge disappointment. There's no way around it. That's the truth. "How long have you been awake?" He asks. I shrug, acting as if I don't really know.
"Uh, around 15 minutes ago," I lie. He nods, grabbing his toothbrush. I look down at the sink, making sure there's no blood on it, before turning off the water and stepping away, towards the towels to dry my bruised hand. Behind me, Todoroki turns on the water, probably to brush his teeth. We might end up going back to sleep, but it's still a gross feeling when you don't brush your teeth.
Once my hand is dry, I go back to the sink, grabbing the gauze for my hand. I start wrapping it before Halfie puts a hand on my other arm, almost on the fresh cuts. I get scared but look up at him like it was nothing. "What?" He holds up a finger for me to wait and spits out the toothpaste and spit in his mouth. "I'll help with that in a bit, just go sit on the bed," he says before he continues to brush his teeth. I already brushed my teeth. It was one of the many things I did as I stared at the blade in front of me, wondering if I should cut or not.
I nod, walking out of the restroom with the gauze. I quickly run to my suitcase and put the blade in the hole of the suitcase before slowly walking to the bed. I sit down awkwardly. All this movement is hurting my wrist. Leaving this sting behind that I know all too well. I kind of missed the feeling. I just hated the part where I had to hide the pain I was in, or the fact that I even had cuts on my body at all. It's embarrassing. No, humiliating.
Todoroki walks up to me and smiles, leaning down to kiss me. I lean up, and kiss him back. "We should go back to sleep after I help with your hand," he says. I nod, agreeing. I could really use some more sleep right now. I wish all I had to do was sleep.
He sits down on the bed, towards the wall. I climb in with him and we get under the covers. I hold the gauze with my other hand as Halfie starts using his quirk on the bruised hand as an ice pack. It feels really good, but all I can think about is how much of a bad person I am. I'm lying to him by not telling him that I relapsed.
He holds my hand gently with both of his and I feel the guilt building up. He's dating a liar. An amazing man like Todoroki and he's dating me; someone who lies. I bite my lip anxiously. I should tell him. He'd be so disappointed, but it's better that I tell him rather than him finding out. I really don't want to though. He'd probably think that it was his fault. He'd on my blame himself. I don't want to do that to him. "Hey, Bakugo?" I look up at him. His face softens as we make eye-contact. "What's wrong? Why do you look so sad?" I look back down.
I can't handle it. He's too good for me. "Um, I did something bad," I start to admit. With his left hand, he puts his pointer finger under my chin, lifting my head up so that I meet his eyes. "You can tell me," he says softly. I feel so bad that I start to tear up. I blink away the tears quickly, looking away from him because his soft features only make me feel guiltier. "I cut again," I whisper, completely ashamed.
First of all, I told him that I gave him all of my blades. Second of all, I told him that I was trying. Thirdly, I didn't tell him when he entered the restroom what I had done.
"Bakugo, look at me," he says, voice still soft. I slowly look back at him. "It'll take time. Getting better takes time. Do you get that?" He looks at me, waiting for a response. "Getting better isn't just something that happens in a week or two. It'll take months of hard work. Maybe years. You'll slip up a few times, but like I said yesterday, I'll be right behind you to catch you. I'm in your corner. Yeah, I'm sad that you lied to me, but you told me. You told me yourself, and that right there, is progress," he says. I tear up again. "Really?" I ask. My voice sounds shaky and broken. "Yes, really. I can see that you are trying. It's noticeable. Don't think that it isn't. I see how hard this is. Hey, I've even gone through what you're going through. It's not easy at all. It's hell."
I nod. Yeah, he has. "We'll get there. It'll take a while. A long while, but we'll get there. Do you understand that?" A few tears fall and I nod. "Okay, good. Now, let me see the cuts," he says, hand still cooling mine. I look away. I don't want him to see. They're new and look horrible. It's so disgusting. He might run away after he sees them.
"Babe, I'm not judging you. I just wanna see so that I know how bad they are," he says. I take a deep breath and nod. I don't trust myself to talk. I might just start crying. He stops icing my hand and I take my left arm out, making it face him. He lifts up my sleeve and blood is obviously seeping through the gauze. It's probably because of all the movement. I hear him inhale sharply at it and I turn away, embarrassed. I don't want to see his face when he sees the cuts. They're deep and horrible. My wrist is covered in scars. It's ugly. I'm ugly.
He starts unwrapping the gauze and it stings so much as the air hits my cuts. I bite the inside of my cheek harshly from how much the cuts burn. I taste a bit of blood, but it's nothing compared to the embarrassment I feel when Todoroki gasps. I feel a tear trail down my face. He caresses the side of my wrist, not on the cuts. It's a bit soothing.
"Bakugo, I don't like you doing this. I hate it. They look so painful. Aren't you in pain?" Yeah, I am, but that's why I do it. I deserve this pain. I deserve these ugly scars because I'm an ugly person. "Yeah," I say, quick and short. "What is going through your mind right now? What's on your mind? What are you thinking?" He asks, sadly. I sigh. "That's why I do it. That's why I cut. Because it hurts and I deserve the pain. I deserve to have ugly scars because that's how I am on the inside: ugly," I admit. He hugs me suddenly.
"You're not an ugly person. Don't ever think that about yourself. And your scars aren't ugly. They're a part of you and I love all of you. I love everything about you. I know, you might not believe me. I understand, but you'll get there. We'll get there together. I'm with you. I'm here with you, you aren't alone anymore. Talk to me all the time. I really want to hear what you're thinking. Even if you think it's repetitive. You might think I'll leave you. You might think I'll stop loving you for it, but I won't. I won't leave you. I won't stop loving you. I'll say this over and over until you realize that it's true. That you have me to talk to as an option. You should've woken me up instead of going to cut. Okay? You aren't bothering me. I want to help you babe. That's it. That's what I want. I want you to tell me every single thing that goes through your pretty little head. I'll keep telling you that you're not alone. I'll keep on doing this and I won't give up until you understand that. I'll do this until you take advantage of these things. You have me, more people now. Talk to us," he says.
"Now, like I said, it's not easy. It won't be. But, I'll be here. If you just want to cry sometimes, tell me. Just tell me you don't want to talk about it and I'll hold you as you cry. You can't always do this though because you need to talk about your thoughts and feelings, but you have the options. You have your friends now. I mean, you've always had them, but now they know. You can talk to them too. You can rely on them too, so do that. Take advantage of that," he finishes.
He finally pulls away from the hug and looks over at my arm that is now dripping blood. I didn't even notice. He gasps and holds my arms carefully before getting up and leading me to the restroom. There are tears in my eyes and they blur my vision. "Why didn't you tell me you were bleeding?" He asks, panicked. "I didn't even notice. I was crying the whole time and couldn't see because of my tears," I tell him. He nods, running my hand under the sink. "Okay, but did you get what I said?"
I nod. "Yes, I did. Thank you for that. After the gauze, I just wanna cuddle with you and cry. Okay?" He nods as he carefully dries my wrist. He looks for new gauze under the sink and takes out a first aid kit. Inside, there is gauze to wrap my wrist. "Babe, I need your razors," he says sadly. I look down. I really don't want to, but at the same time I do. This is hard.
"Um, I don't know," I say. He slowly and carefully finishes wrapping my wrists and looks at me when he's done. "You need to talk to me when you feel like you want to do something bad. Not just me, you can talk to any one of your friends about your bad thoughts. We'll help you through it. You don't need the razors," he says. I bite the inside of my cheek and lead him to my suitcase. I take out the three razors. The one in the hole of the case, the one in the socks, and the one in the underwear. He takes them. "Those are the last of them," I tell him honestly. He nods and leaves me by my suitcase as he goes into the restroom. I hear the toilet flush and he walks back out.
I'm standing there, not knowing what to do, or think. What do I do? What am I supposed to think? I don't want to think. "Hey, come here so that I can ice your hand some more," he says, softly. He leads me to the bed and gets in first, patting the bed next to him so that I follow. I get under the blanket with him and he takes out his right hand, holding it out for my right hand. I reach out for it and he activates his quirk, making my hand feel better. He just wraps his left arm around me as I continue crying. I just can't stop. I'm not even making any sound, it's just tears. "I'm so broken. And messed up. I feel so messed up." He stops icing my hand and wraps it in the gauze I left on the bed for my hand.
Then once he does that, he turns on his side, facing me and flips me on my side too, so that I'm facing him. He pulls me into his chest and I bury my face there, crying. He activates his left side and I sigh, leaning into him even more. "You're not messed up. You're a little broken, but I'll help put you back together. Just know that it'll take some time."
~~~~~
I wake up and Todoroki isn't in the bed anymore. My eyes burn from all the crying and I can feel a headache coming on. I rub my eyes and get up, careful about the cuts since they could start bleeding again if I'm not. I hear the sink in the restroom running and the light is on. I walk to the restroom and I can't help but feel even more cold. I see puffs if air leaving my mouth. Huh, weird.
As I walk towards the door, I see that it's a little bit shut, so I push it open. The first thing I see is Halfie. My mouth hangs open, shocked. He's hanging from the wood beam above the light. I feel my heart drop to the floor as my eyes fill up with tears. His face is purple and puffy. My knees buckle and I feel my knees hit the floor hard. He's dead. No no no. What do I do? The water running gets louder and louder. It's all I can hear. I turn to the mirror and there, written in the frost is 'it's all your fault.' I finally find my voice and scream.
I sit up, screaming, tears streaming down my face. "It's all my fault. He's dead and it's all my fault," I gasp, pulling my hair. I can't seem to find my breath. He's dead. He died because of me. "This can't be ha-" "KATSUKI!"
I jump up in surprise. I stop pulling at my hair, turning to see that Halfie was there, sitting up, talking. Not dead. "You're not dead," I yell, hugging him as tears continue pouring. "No, I'm not. What happened?" He asks. My lip quivers, thinking about his purple face as his limp body is hanging.
I sob into his chest. "You died," I cry. He rubs my back soothingly. "It was my fault. You were hanging in the restroom and it said that it was my fault in the glass," I tell him, still sobbing. He's alive. He's okay. "Hey, I'm still here. Nothing has happened to me. I'm okay," he says, comforting me. I nod, feeling his body to make sure he's really here.
"It felt so real," I say pulling away to touch his face, really making sure. He looks into my eyes and shakes his head. "It wasn't. Calm down okay? It's still really early, we barely got any sleep before you woke up from your nightmare," he explains. I nod, going back to hugging him. He lies us both down and he hugs me back just as tightly as I'm hugging him. "I'm so glad you're okay," I say, still thinking about the dream. "I'm glad you're okay," he says.
I sigh, nodding. "We'll be okay," he says. He's not dead. He's okay. I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep. I feel IcyHot activate his quirk and I immediately feel sleepy. He's okay, he's safe and not dead. I can sleep. I feel my eyes droop as sleep slowly starts to take over. "Thank you."
Todoroki's POV:
Bakugo falls asleep almost right after saying 'thank you' and I just nod. This is horrible. I hate that he's falling apart. I thought he was getting better, but I guess I shouldn't have rushed it. It's a process that takes time. I shouldn't have made him feel like getting better was supposed to be quick.
He really needs time, and I'm going to give him all the time in the world if I have to. I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to be in it for the long run. I just feel so attached to Bakugo. I'm so in love with him. I get flustered thinking about how much I actually care about him. It's crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one for falling too fast, but I can't help it. He shouldn't have to worry about pleasing others, he should only work on making himself better. I want him to do it for himself, not for me. He needs to be the reason he wants to get better. I don't want him to rely on me too much. Of course I'll be there for him, always, but what if something happens to me? What if I get killed one of these days? I wouldn't want him to lose the person he was dependent on for living.
Of course he has other people, but what if those people fail him? Or what if they die? He needs to get better for himself. He needs to see his value. I'll help him see that, but I'm going to do it so that he can learn to love himself too. He deserves it. He deserves to know what it's like to be at peace with yourself and I'm going to help him get to that point. Of course, I'll start with letting him know that I care about his problems. If I really let him know how much I really care, I could tell him how his problems should be just as important to himself as they are for others. He should care about his problems just as much as anyone around him does because they're important. They're not just something you push aside for others because they're 'more important' or something. At this time, the only person he should be focused on is himself.
I know he'll be thinking about us too, but he should prioritize himself. Maybe I'll get him to prioritize himself if I show him how much I prioritize him. How much his friends prioritize him. It could have negative effects, but I'm sure it'll end up working out. We just have to be careful and show Bakugo the truth: that his mental health is the most important thing.
I hold him closer and let a few tears fall. I hate seeing him so broken. He doesn't deserve this. No one does. When he tried to kill himself, I was so scared. I was terrified that he had succeeded. I needed to save him. He was not going to die like that out there. But he's safe now. He's alive and in my arms. I move his hair and kiss the top of his forehead. He's going to end up okay-no, he's going to end up great. He's at rock bottom right now, but that means that he can only get better.
"I love you," I whisper to him before closing my eyes and deciding that I should also go to sleep.
~~~~~
"Halfie." "Hey Halfie wake up." I open my eyes slowly and see Bakugo above me. "Hm?" I ask. Bakugo moves his head from above me so I can sit up. "What's wrong?" I ask as I rub the sleep from my eyes away. "You told me to wake you up if I ever had any bad thoughts," Bakugo says softly. I move my hands away from my eyes to look at him. He's looking down, wrapped in the blanket he always uses. "Are you cold?" He nods and I open my arms for him. He looks at me hesitantly and I nod, telling him that I want to hug him.
He leans forward, turning his body sideways so that his cuts and hurt hand don't hurt, so his arms aren't around my body. "Tell me what you were thinking. You should talk about it. You don't have to, remember you can just cry it out if you have to, just know that you can't always just not tell someone," I remind him. He nods. "It's the same as always. I want to give up. I sat here on the bed for an hour, just wondering if I should really wake you up for something that's so stupid. I could've just gone to the restroom and opened the cuts on my wrist. I could've punched the floor again with my hurt hand. I could've broken the mirror and made new cuts. I could've pulled at my hair until my scalp bled. I could've put soap in my eyes. I could've scratched myself until I started bleeding. I could've done all of those things in the hour I sat there, thinking about whether or not to wake you. You were asleep and these thoughts are nothing new. But I know I'd hurt you a lot if you found out I hurt myself again. I don't want you to be sad, so I thought it was better to wake you up," he admits.
"Babe, I'm so glad you woke me up instead of hurting yourself. That's so great. You really are trying to get better and this is a step. I'm so glad that you listened to what I said before and woke me up. Your problems aren't stupid. Not one bit. Like I said, they're the most important thing. No matter how small they may seem, they're important. You're doing good, okay? Now, let me see your hurt hand," I tell him. He nods, pulling away and sticking out his right hand to me. I carefully unwrap it and he winces a bit. It's still really purple and bumpy-looking. I carefully lift it up to my face and kiss it tenderly. I hate that he did this to himself. That he felt like this was a way to relieve his anxiety and stress.
I then use my ice quirk as an ice pack once again. "How are your cuts?" I ask him. He sticks out his left arm, wrist up. I quickly stop icing his fist and lift up his sleeve carefully before going back to icing the hand. There's no blood seeping through the gauze, so that means he really didn't mess with them. "Did you pull at your hair?" I ask. He shakes his head, looking up at me, making eye contact to tell me that he was being honest before looking back down. "Hey, babe look at me," I tell him. I know he's embarrassed, but he shouldn't be. He's trying to get better. I know he is.
He slowly looks at me and bites his lip, embarrassed. "Don't be embarrassed. You're trying to get better. You are doing great. Not hurting yourself and coming to me instead is proof of that. It might not seem like it to you, but it really is. Do you get that? I'm not lying," I say. He looks into my eyes, looking for dishonesty. I see his eyes tear up and he nods. "Okay, I believe you," he says shakily. I nod, smiling at him before pressing a quick kiss on his lips.
I look outside as I ice his hand and see that there's light out. "What time is it?" I ask him. "Around 10 in the morning. Should we get breakfast? It's not as windy, but it's getting colder," he says. I nod. "Yeah, let me just ice your hand for a minute or two more before brushing out teeth and heading over," I tell him. He nods. "Oh, you have to take your meds too," I add. He nods again. I hate seeing him so down. I really do.
After a few more minutes, I stop icing his hand. "Okay, tell me if it starts hurting really bad throughout the day, okay?" He nods. "Do you really want to go to the main cabin? I can make us breakfast and bring it here if you want. I know you're not feeling great, so I'd be happy to," I propose. He thinks about if for a minute as I wrap his hand back up before shaking his head no. "Okay, then let's go brush out teeth," I say. He nods and gets off the bed, me following behind him. "I need to use the restroom," he says. I nod and stop following him, returning to the bed to check my phone as he goes to the restroom.
There's a few messages from Kirishima and Sero. I decide to open them and see what they needed.
Kirishima- Hey bro, just texting to tell you that if you hurt Bakugo, I'll kill you. Anyways, we're hanging out in the main cabin tomorrow, you two should tag along with the class
2:27
Me- Uh, okay. I'm not planning on hurting him. Also, if you hurt him, I'll make sure you suffer too. So, I'm glad were on the same page. Anyways, I'll see if Bakugo wants to stay long in the main cabin
10:11
He texted me so late at night. What time does he go to sleep? He should probably try to get his sleeping schedule back to normal before we leave or else school will be hell for him. I go to Sero's message and reply to him.
Sero- Checking in on Bakugo. How's he doing? Let me know if there's anything I can do to help
9:00
Me- He's not doing so well, just don't ask him too many questions and give him space, but don't treat him differently. I'll let you know if there's anything else you can do.
10:13
Bakugo exits the restroom a few minutes later and I look up, turning off my phone. "Sero and Kirishima texted me. They're checking in on you. Kirishima threatened me," I laugh. He smiles a bit, but it fades quickly. I frown and blink at him, meaningfully. He looks away and nods. "What did you tell them?" He asks. "I told Sero that you weren't doing that well. I told him to give you space and not to ask too many questions. Oh, also that they shouldn't treat you differently," I say, walking to the restroom. I turn around at the door. I see him nod. "Okay, I need to use the restroom too. Take your meds and wait a bit for me, yeah?" He nods and I nod back, going into the restroom and closing the door behind me.
I do my business and brush my teeth before walking out of the restroom to see Bakugo in the bed, blanket wrapped around him. He's curled into a ball and he's crying. My eyes widen and I run over to him. "Hey, are you okay?" "I'm sorry. I usually don't have other people around when I'm like this. I don't stick around people long enough for them to find out or see me like this. I'm sorry," he cries into the blanket. I hug him and pull him onto my lap. This is breaking my heart. "Hey, it's okay. You shouldn't have had to deal with this stuff by yourself before. I'm sorry that having people there for you is so new to you," I say, rocking him back and forth.
He doesn't make any noise as he cries, but I feel his body shaking and the tears through my longsleeve. It hurts me. It makes me feel horrible. It's like a weight in my chest and I can't stand it.
"Shh. You're okay. You're gonna be okay. I'm here now. I got you," I assure. He doesn't hug me back, but I get it because of the cuts and hurt hand. I don't want him to be in pain. That means both physically and mentally. "What if I don't end up okay and I just disappoint everyone who's trying to help me? What if I fail you all? I'm scared to do that. I'm so scared."
"That's why you have me. I'm here to help you no matter what. If it takes decades, well, I guess that's how long I'll help you through this, but I'll be here, always. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to be by your side. You'd never disappoint me. Ever," I emphasize. He takes a deep breath and after a while, he stops shaking. He pulls away from me and wipes his tears before looking up at me. "Thank you. I really needed that. Are you ready to go eat? I already took my pills," he says.
I nod, reaching out my left hand for him. He takes it and I carefully hold it, activating my quirk. He still has the blanket wrapped around him as we exit the cabin, heading to the main one to eat.
He scoots closer to me as we walk and I swear I felt my heart squeeze because of how cute that was. He was trying to be subtle, but failed miserably. Then he blushed a bit when he noticed how obvious he was being. Then when he noticed I saw him blushing, he quickly turned away from me, hiding his face behind his blanket.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask him. He shrugs, not knowing. "I want spam on the side for sure," he says. I nod. Did we have spam in the pantry? I could've sworn we did.
As we get closer to the main cabin, the wind picks up a bit and I see Bakugo shiver even more. I'll hug him before we start making breakfast and keep him warm. I open the door for him and he walks through, quietly and giving me a small nod of appreciation. I smile at him. We walk in and he walks over to the fridge, looking for what go make. I head over to the pantry, looking for the spam. I open the door and look at the many cans we have in here. I scan through them and see a few cans of the spam. I smile and grab one before heading back to where Bakugo was. He was still looking in the fridge, except he wasn't actually looking.
He looked gone, lost in thought. "Babe?" I ask quietly. He slowly blinks before looking at me and standing up straight. I hug him as his arms stay at his sides. "Do you wanna go back to the cabin?" I ask. He shakes his head, pulling away before slowly looking back to the fridge. "Can you get the butter and the eggs?" He asks. I nod, putting the can of spam on the counter behind us before grabbing what he told me to grab. Then I close the fridge door. His hand was still hurting and stretching his wrist out while carrying the almost new butter with his other hand would definitely hurt the cuts on his wrist.
Kaminari and the others are in the common area, along with with other people from class. "Can we make toast?" Bakugo asks. I look away from the common area and nod. "Yeah, toast sounds good. What kind of eggs do you want?" I ask. He shrugs, looking down. "I guess just regular scrambled eggs. Do we have avocados?"
I open the fridge back up and check the crisper. There, were 5 avocados. "Yeah," I say, taking two out. They were pretty small. "We can eat avocado on toast with egg on the side. Oh, and the spam," he says. That sounds really good. My stomach growls just thinking about it and I smile a bit. "As you can tell from my stomach, that sounds amazing," I admit, grabbing the loaf of bread from the counter. I start preparing breakfast and turn to see Bakugo standing there, wanting to help, but not knowing what to do. "You can sit down here or with your friends. I've got breakfast. If you want to help, you can make the toast. I'll butter the bread since it might hurt your hands, but all you gotta do it flip the bread. If that hurts, then don't worry about it. This will be done quickly," I tell him.
He nods. "Okay, sit down for now. I'm gonna start prepping the other stuff first because I don't want the rest getting cold. If you wanna talk while I'm doing this, I wouldn't mind. I love hearing your voice." He nods, sitting down at the counter.
"What do you want me to talk about?" He asks softly. Seeing him so down is really messing me up. "Tell me about why you like music so much," I tell him, opening up the can of spam to cut it up. "It's just great. I feel connected to the songs I hear. I feel not alone. Like I know that people understand what I'm going through. It's a safe space."
I finish cutting up the spam as he stops talking. I look up at him, wondering why he stopped talking all of a sudden. Mina is standing right next to him, smiling widely. "Hey Bakugo. You hanging out with us today?" I was gonna ask him if he was up for hanging around while we ate breakfast, but I guess Mina beat me to it. He looks caught off guard.
"Tch, depends," he states, trying to brush her off and act like himself. The act looks pretty real and I would've bought that he was okay if I didn't know that he really wasn't. She frowns and sighs heavily next to him as I add salt to the now-squished avocado. I look at then as I mix and they seem okay. I mean, Bakugo still looks down, but Mina is still acting like her old self, which is good because I know Bakugo doesn't want to be treated so differently.
I just hope that if he decides to stay, that he has a good time. He needs a break. He needs to let loose and feel free. I sigh heavily as I start to butter the bread for Bakugo to make on the stove.
***
Word Count: 6,611
Hello people. I hope you all have a good day. I love you all and the next chapter will be posted next week <3