Khushi frantically rang the doorbell, her fingers shaking under the duress of what lay past the doors in front of her. It was miracle that she even made it this far. After comprehending the news on the radio, it was as if the world had just ceased to exist, as if there was no meaning left to anything and everything, all in a matter of few seconds.
It was strange how that worked. It takes years to build a house, but only one storm to tear it apart; infinite encounters to know someone, but only one to fall in love; months to understand who to live with, but only a minute to realize who you cannot live without.
It was stranger than anything Khushi had ever known.
"Come on!" she muttered, banging on the mahogany doors of Shantivaan, shining beautifully under the starry sky in preparation for her brother's wedding tomorrow.
If it was another place and another time, she would have definitely taken note of how intricately the decorations had been done. But in that moment, all she noticed was a line of fiery orange flowers along the veranda. They were tiger lilies. She recognized them even before his voice flowed into her mind:
And keeping Anju calm. She spent all of last Sunday planting tiger lilies in the front lawn. It took every ounce of persuasion on my part to get her to stop and let Om Prakash do the rest.
Her throat seized up. His beautiful, baritone voice. Would she ever hear it again?
Choking down her agony, Khushi slammed her fists against the doors, praying to all the Gods who would listen. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to hold down the terror eating away inside her. It was finally Akash who answered her plight.
"Khushi?" he asked, groggily. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
"A-arnav," she croaked, trying to force air in her lungs. "Is he here?"
All sleep vanished from Akash's eyes as he took in her ragged stated. "What's wrong?" he asked immediately, taking a step forward. "Did something happen at the bachelorette party?"
She shook her head. "Arnav," she repeated, failing miserably to keep her voice from shaking. "Is he here? J-Jai said he is not at the company... d-did he come home?"
"Bhai?" Akash asked puzzled. "Yeah, he is up-"
She didn't wait for the rest. Pushing past his towering frame, she ran inside, her four-inch stilettos clicking against the marble tiles, all the way up to the second floor. She vaguely heard Akash pursue her, worried, but she didn't care. She didn't dare to stop until she reached his room and was hammering on the door.
The sight that followed was one she was would never, ever forget. In what felt like painstaking slowness she watched the doors open to reveal a whole and healthy Arnav. His handsome face was just the way she last saw it – perfectly in place without even a scratch.
Cool, glorious relief spread wide through her lungs.
"Khushi?" Arnav said, startled to see her sweat-stained face.
It took every ounce of self-control to not run into his arms.
"Where were you?" she croaked.
"I was right here," he replied, confused. "What happened? Why do you look so pale?"
She struggled to hold it together. "Then w-why weren't you picking up my calls?"
"Calls?" he repeated, confused. He looked over his shoulder, searching for his phone in question.
"Do you h-have any idea how worried I-I was?" she continued, her legs shaking.
"I was busy-"
"B-busy?" she repeated, her meek tone not doing any justice to the incredulity she felt. "Is t-that an excuse for i-ignoring me?"
He scrutinized her, not doubt realizing something was very, very wrong. "Why don't you come in?" he suggested quietly. His eyes flickered to something past her shoulders.
She paid him no heed. "Couldn't you s-send me a text? Was that too much to ask? Or at least reply to one of the million messages I sent you? How worried were you when I drunk dialled you that time? Am I not allowed to feel the same when you disappear to a bachelor party god knows where without even a call?!"
He stretched out his arm as if to hold her. "Khushi-"
She feebly pushed him away. "Does anything I am saying right now matter to you?! Or do you want to ignore that too?!"
His eyes grew more and more alarmed. "Listen to me-"
"NO, YOU LISTEN TO ME ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA!!!" she bellowed furiously. "You don't get to make me fall in love with you, make me want you like I have never wanted anything else just to go somewhere where I can't follow you! You don't get to make me forget all the million reasons I stayed away from everyone who loved me, to make me come close to everything I avoided all my life, just to leave me with the reminder that I was right to begin with! You don't get to make a place in my life, a place that is unquenchable, just to walk away from it!"
She grabbed his collar, trying to shake some of the panic she felt into him. "Do you understand?! You don't get to change me like the way you did, to want me like no one else has, to show me all the happiness in the world and then just ditch me! I don't care what happens, I don't care if the world is burning, but you are not allowed to do that! You are not allowed to leave me!"
An astounded silence followed her outburst. Arnav simply stared at her, too shocked to respond. Then ever so slowly, he gently held her shaking hands and said in the most docile voice she ever heard:
"I am not leaving you... not now, not ever, okay?"
His words cleared the haze clouding her mind. Her head hanging in exhaustion, she whimpered, "I thought you were d-dead... the r-radio said there was an accident... and I-I thought you were gone..."
He hesitantly cupped her cheek. "I am okay-"
"What if you weren't?" she replied, her heart squeezing in pain. "What if the n-news was true? What if y-you died and I was still a-alive... living with the guilt of never giving you a chance, when you d... deserved it all along. How am I s-supposed to live? H-how can I live? How-"
"Shhh," Arnav whispered, pulling her into his embrace. "It's okay... I am right here."
And that's when Khushi realized she was crying.
Thick, wet tears were streaming down her face as she sobbed like a little child, worst than the night she did when her mother passed away. Khushi didn't know what was so horrible in the news that had been proven to be absolutely false. All she knew was that she couldn't stop. The nightmare she endured for the last one hour of her life was enough for her to never, ever stop.
* * *
"Shh...It's okay... I am right here."
Akash quietly turned away from the sight in front him, his mind reeling from what he just witnessed. And what a sight it was.
Khushi Kumari Gupta in tears?
It was as if the world had stopped spinning for one infinitesimal moment. Never in his twenty-six years of life had Akash thought he would see the girl he had once convinced himself to be in love with, be so hopelessly in love with... his brother.
It was both astounding and endearing; both mind-boggling and enlightening.
How and when had two opposite poles become so inseparable? What did he miss? It had been a whole month since he moved back into the hustle of his old life in Shantivaan, a whole month in which he saw his brother and Khushi together on countless occasions, and yet in that whole month, he never saw their relationship laid out so plainly.
Until now.
As Akash slowly inched back to his room, he remembered something that he had said in what felt like another lifetime altogether.
I won't be mad if it works out for both of you. I can't promise that I will be happy, but I will try to, even if it takes time. Hopefully one day I will see what you see and maybe then, I will finally understand why you are better for her.
It was a conversation with his brother, on the second floor balcony on the eve of Anjali's accident. He had said it in passing, not really expecting it to come true. But it did, right in front of his two eyes.
After almost two years, he finally understood why his brother was better for her. It wasn't because he was the older one, or the more charming one and certainly not because he was the more successful one.
It was because he completed her. He was the piece of the puzzle that you don't notice until it went missing.
Akash vaguely wondered how he missed such an obvious detail. His brother and Khushi, however imperfect, were perfect together. Just like–
His thoughts abruptly scampered as a sudden overwhelming truth hit him. He froze mid-step, feverishly recollecting all the things he overlooked for the past two years.
The park... the calls... the coffees... the sunsets... the picture... their kiss...
Akash closed his eyes, feeling as if all the eyes in the world were staring at him, applauding him for his sheer stupidity. What hope did he have of understanding his brother's love, when he failed so miserably in understanding his own?
I never doubted you, not even for a second.
His heart skipped a beat and a new resolution took over his senses. Yes, she had never doubted him. And it was time he lived up to her faith.
Grabbing his car keys, Akash dashed out of Shantivaan, speeding through the deserted Delhi streets to a tight knit colony called Lakshmi Nagar. It wasn't the first time he was visiting, though it sure felt like one. He raced up the steps to a small house and swiftly knocked on the wooden doors.
Her expression, upon catching sight of him at the door, was priceless.
"Akash?" Payal gasped, drowsily. "What are you doing here?!"
He took in the sight of her. Dressed in a plain white cotton salwar kameez, Payal looked absolutely ethereal.
"Is everything okay?" she asked, worried. "Is Anjali okay? Did she make it home from the bachelo-"
"I love you."
Payal broke off mid-sentence, gawking at him, absolutely dumbfounded. However, her silence only seemed to make him more confident.
"I love you," he repeated. "More than I thought I ever could. I am so sorry it took me this long to say it."
She finally seemed to process his words. "You are sleep walking," Payal muttered, shaking her head. "We will talk tomorrow."
With that, she was just about head back inside, when Akash caught her hand and tugged her towards him, catching her lips with his. The door swung shut behind her, leaving them in complete darkness.
"Is this real enough for you?" he murmured, when they broke apart. "Or am I still sleep walking?"
Her cheeks burned red. "I-I don't understand... what happened? Why are you saying all this?"
He gingerly scratched his head. "I don't know where to start."
"Start from the beginning."
Akash took a deep breath, realizing he owed her the truth, especially since she endured all the mood swings he threw her way without a single complaint.
"Because Khushi never bothered me until I couldn't have her as my girlfriend anymore," he said. "Because Bhai didn't relent to what I wanted until he could no longer keep me in front of his eyes. Lavs didn't realize what Aman meant to her until her Dad forbade her from meeting him and Anju didn't known she loved Shyam until she could no longer stay with him... Don't you see the pattern?"
Payal stared blankly at him.
"We don't know what we have until we can't have it anymore. We don't know how deep a bond is until it's broken... and I don't want that for us Payal. I don't want to realize how much you mean to me after I lose the chance to stay with you. I don't want to regret all the things I ignored about us until all of sudden, I can't be with you. And most of all, I don't want to ever know how much I love you when we are on the brink of separation."
"But what if you are wrong?" she whispered. "What if you are rushing into this without thinking?"
He laced his fingers through hers. "I am not rushing into this. You know how I know?"
She shook her head.
"Because you are still here. You saw me during the worst phase of my life, and still chose to stay with me... tell me, which idiot will give that up?"
Payal looked at the floor, uncertain.
"You know what I am talking about better than I do myself," he said, cupping her face. "You have always understood me... always. There were never any explanations or questions between us. So why do you need them today Payal? Do you really not know how much I love you?"
She didn't answer.
"We don't need words Payal... we need each other. I already wasted two years figuring out that I was with the wrong girl, when the right one was in front of me all along. I can't, and won't waste any more time. I don't care what you say, but I am not going to stop pestering you until you say yes."
"It was always a yes," she murmured shy. "Ever since first year."
Akash couldn't stop the grin spreading up his face. "Loot at me and say that..."
Payal hesitantly lifted her gaze. "You are sure na? This is not-"
He silenced her with another kiss. "I love you," he breathed. "I love you, I LOVE-!"
"Shhh!" she replied, clamping her hand over his mouth. "You will wake up the whole colony!"
But there was nothing that could dampen his mood, because after twenty-six long years, Akash no longer felt out of place, forever doomed under his brother's shadow, in shoes that were too big to fill. No, after years of insecurity, he could finally take a breath of fresh air, and accept that he was different, not a mistake; that he was exactly where he needed to be, in his own little spotlight.
And it was all because of the girl in his arms.
* * *
"So let me get this straight," Arnav said.
It was well past midnight in Shantivaan, where Khushi had just finished recounting the events of the night. She was sitting, exhausted on his bed, while Arnav was perched on the coffee table in front of her, both curious and confused with her story.
"You heard someone driving a black BMW died on the radio and you automatically assumed it was me?"
Khushi bit her lip and gave a small nod. All of it seemed so silly now that it was over.
He blinked. "Did it not occur to you that there is more than one BMW in Delhi?"
"Shut-up," she muttered, her throat sore from weeping. "It wasn't just the BWM... apparently the driver was wearing a white shirt and blue blazer."
Arnav raised an eyebrow. "And how many people own a white shirt and blue blazer?"
She rolled her eyes. "Do you think I was able to think in that situation? You weren't picking up my phone for hours and that stupid doctor was-"
"Doctor?" he interrupted. "Who is this now?"
Khushi paused, realizing she completely left out the part about the psychologist she bumped into earlier that night.
"Is it confidential?" he asked jokingly when she didn't reply.
She shook her head. "I met a shrink at the club today," she said slowly, deciding there was no point hiding anything from him anymore. "He was trying to pick me up-"
Arnav narrowed his eyes, unimpressed.
"Obviously I turned him down," she added. "But during that conversation, he asked me about you and I don't know what he understood, but he said that I was scared."
"Scared?"
She nodded, looking down at her lap. "Scared of how much control you have over my life..."
"And you think he was mistaken?"
She shook her head. "No... no, I think he was right."
Silence followed her confession. Khushi hesitantly peeked a glance to find him sitting still with a straight face, waiting for her to elaborate. Only, she didn't know if she had words to. Nonetheless, she gave it a shot. If there was anything she learned from her ordeal tonight, it was to never to hide things that needed to be said.
"When my mother was diagnosed with cancer," she murmured. "I wasn't scared... I was angry, with my brother for hiding it, with her for refusing treatment and to an extent even with myself, for not knowing sooner. As the days went on and all treatments were failing, I became desperate, frustrated and dismayed, but I was never scared.
Maybe it was because I knew I could move on. I had lived so long without her in my life that some part of me knew that if she was truly gone, I would be able to pull it together. And I did."
Arnav listened with gripped attention.
"But today? Today it was different. Today... I was terrified Arnav. I have never tasted fear like that... fear of never seeing you again, of never being able to touch you, to hear your voice... If anything really did happen to you today, I... I don't think I can ever put myself back together."
He slipped his hand into hers, reassuring her he was right there, staying put beside her.
"You know I always have a plan," she continued, looking into his innocent eyes. "If A doesn't work out, then B and if B doesn't work out, then C... I am always just prepared, both for the best and for the worst. But today I realized, for the first time in my life, that I don't have a plan... I don't know when I had lost my way being with you or for that matter how, but I know I did... because everything in my life begins and ends with you. In every scenario, in every plan, you are there. And if, for whatever reason, you suddenly aren't there anymore... I-I wouldn't know what to do.... And that scares me the most."
He let out a sigh. "I know... but the thing is, I have never lied to you Khushi, so I won't today either. I don't know what is in store for us tomorrow. All I know is that it's not worth waiting for."
She listened, letting his soothing words wash over her.
He pressed on. "Would you be able to love me any more than you already do if you knew I were to pass away in an accident tomorrow? Or would you love me any less if you knew that you had the time to grow old with me?"
She was mum.
"No, you wouldn't. The truth is, whatever and however it is, you love me now. And you always will regardless of my existence. Is that not enough for either of us to live by?"
"You make it sound so simple."
"That's because it is," he answered with a lopsided smile. "We can make all the plans we like Khushi, but in the end, what is supposed to happen will happen. Two years ago, life with me seemed impossible and now, life without me seems impossible. So who cares what happens in another two years?"
Khushi watched him in wonder. How could he do it? How could he just take a problem and re-arrange it to mean nothing?
"I don't know what the doctor told you," he continued. "But if you really are terrified of losing me, then I think everything is in its right place... because what could I possibly want more than hearing you say I am the most important person in your life?"
"You are," she whispered. "More than you know, definitely more than I let on."
Arnav grinned, feeling as if the biggest weight was lifted off his shoulders. "That's one hell of a confession birthday girl! Maybe you should listen to the radio more often."
Khushi slapped his shoulder. "It's not funny."
"Oh but it is!" he answered, smirking. "The whole thing was hilarious... Akash was petrified to see you like that."
"Oh crap," she muttered, peeking at the open doorway. "I completely forgot he was right behind me!"
"Relax... he left a while ago."
Khushi stood up. "I should go clear things up with him... he probably thinks I-"
"He thinks nothing," Arnav cut-in calmly, also standing up. "He just wanted to give us some privacy."
She looked into his reassuring eyes, feeling like a complete fool. "I overreacted didn't I? I mean... if something really did happen, the police would have called someone right? Things don't just happen to Arnav Singh Raizada without anybody knowing about it...."
"We got engaged without anybody knowing."
"You know what I mean."
"I do," he replied pulling her against him. "But you didn't overreact... You were right. I was worried out of my mind when you drunk dialled me that night, and that was long before I fell in love with you. So I can imagine what it must have been like tonight... I should have at least sent you a text that I reached home safely."
"But that was my fault too... if I didn't pick a fight with you, you wouldn't have ignored me."
"For exactly how many things do you plan on blaming yourself for? Next, you will say the skype call with the Mehras tonight was also your fault?"
She shrugged. "I am just saying... I shouldn't have hurt you. I am sorry."
"Actually on second thought, you should be sorry... for going out like this tonight without me. Could you seriously not find a better dress to wear?"
An unexpected grin spread up her face as she looked down at the obnoxiously low cut black dress she was wearing. "What's wrong with this dress?" she asked innocently.
"Oh nothing... other than the fact that it covers nothing. I honestly thought you were going to change before you went to the club."
"Oh, so you realize I wore this just to get a reaction out of you?"
"Of course I did! Which is precisely why I didn't react."
She narrowed her eyes. "Which is precisely why I didn't change before going."
"You just love to torture me don't you?" he asked sarcastically. "Where did you guys end up going anyway?"
"A male strip club."
Arnav's mouth dropped open.
"It was a lot of fun," she lied, giggling at his reaction.
"That's great," he said, collecting himself. "We had some great strippers too. One of them asked me my number and I believe NK actually gave it to her."
The smile fell from her face. "Stop lying-"
"I am not," he answered, quite serious. "We can call NK right now and ask him."
"Un-freaking-believable!" Khushi muttered, staring murderously at him.
And that's when she finally saw it – the mischievous glint in his eyes. He was purely joking; there were no strippers at all. He had just been pulling her leg all this time.
"Actually, you know what," she said, changing her stance. "It doesn't matter... you can be with all the strippers in the world, but at the end of the day, you are always going to come back home to me."
Arnav smirked. "Finally learned how it works then?"
She kissed him hard on the mouth. "Yes, and it's a lesson I won't forget."
"You sure are full of surprises today birthday girl."
That she was.