again, if u haven't read the karasuno vs. kamomedai arc, i would say that this chapter has spoilers.
☔
Faint wind in the light of the afternoon, gently swaying and humming in the surrounding. It enchants me. I look around and behold the trees that have shed leaves. Drawn by admiration, it must be easy living as nature. They look so unbothered; they only take what's given to them as if that's what they only need.
I stay outside to decipher these creations. I can have the answers in mind. Yet there are things that I fail to comprehend.
For instance, the reason why humans have emotions.
It's like solving too many pieces of too many different puzzles.
I have spent too much time outside and a few minutes from now, the match will start. When I'm about to enter, someone calls my name. As I look back, it's Akiteru-kun. He's with someone. He's Tenma Udai, he says. Not only him, but Saeko-nee-san is also with two ladies. Akane Yamamoto and Alisa Haiba are the names.
After a brief introduction to each other, we all head inside and watch the team's match.
As the game continues, I have the passive feeling inside of me. My consciousness is sending me signals to prepare myself for the unknown. It feels triumphant when the Karasuno scored a point and feel frustrated if the other team landed one.
Every single one of them put their hearts onto this match. Particularly to Kei. He may be seen as having an arrogant persona, but he's taking volleyball seriously and plays with passion. Though, he remains cool and collected most times. And from my perspective, I may not hear it, but he visibly irritates his teammates to rev them up.
And just as the ending of the day, the sun has to set.
All of the specters, even I, are dreaded to see Shoyo Hinata collapses on the court! It's even more disheartening to see that no matter how many times Shoyo tries to stand up, he's repeatedly kept on falling. I can't fathom what he truly feels right now. Not me, not the whole team. The frustration, guilt . . . and loss.
I hold myself not to tear up, especially when Shoyo is trying to convince everyone that he can still jump. He still has the determination, but his body can't last anymore.
Then a tearful apology. For letting everyone down.
Please don't cry, Sunshine!!! You're making us all cry, too!
And being the best senpai, Tanaka-san picks his kouhai fast. Even Kei did so, with sneering manner, of course. Then Yuu-senpai with his unwavering optimism. The others, too, are choosing the right words to make the Sunshine feel light. Tadashi's support through actions; Koushi-senpai with his refreshing smile; Azumane-senpai with his gentle, encouraging expression; Captain Daichi and Takeda-sensei existence who always know what to say; and Tobio's significant words to remind Shoyo their rivalry and friendship.
I want to go see him, but he's with Hitoka right now.
The game continues, without Shoyo. It puts the team into a test. Karasuno has a creed that resonates in the middle of a dissonance.
The gut feeling I have before has laid its answers. The Karasuno team lost.
All of them are the epitome of brave souls. None of them shed a tear. They have kept their heads high.
Including the third-years. I heard their stories from Kei, and this match is their last. I'm emotional the whole time, and I got even more emotional when they took their final bow—their farewell.
And they deserve a soulful applauses! Without them, being the pillars, Karasuno Boy's Volleyball Team won't exist.
After their bow, the team is being greeted by the Nekoma team and the team that has Fukurodani written on their jacket. They must be the teams who have supported the crows all throughout and it's comforting to see their brotherhood.
The team is still wrapping their things up, and I'm with Kei in the coffee shop located in front of the gym.
I told him that I want to buy a hot drink, and surprisingly, he tags along. After buying, we both go to the green space with free seats.
And he's not in his usual mood—which is a sight to see.
I only take a sip to my salted caramel hot chocolate. Then I laugh inwardly. Salted.
"How are you," I speak as I sip again, "Kei?"
As I glance at him, he's already looking at me. Then we both look in front. "Hm, well, I feel such-a-shame."
"Arara," I mutter, having a wary tune. "Why? You were amazing a while ago. Game well played, I'd say."
I hear no response. And his silence is kinda making me nervous. I try to laugh it all off, but it's not a very convincing laugh.
"How's Shoyo, by the way?" I ask, brushing the awkwardness away.
"Don't worry about him, he's all right," he flatly replies.
I make a quick nod. I should've remained silent, because what I feel right now is that no matter what words will I say, it'll be a landmine. But if I remained silent, then what kind of a friend I am? At least, I must cheer him up.
Before I can compose a sentence, he has already professed a word. "Sorry," he says, barely with emotion. "Did I upset you?"
"No, you didn't," I respond soon as I hear him. "But you're upset."
"Do I need to spell it out to you? We've just lost."
There's a change of tone in his voice, and I should stay calm, though I'm so perturbed. "That's why," I exhale, "I'm telling you that you did great."
"No. Maybe I'm not good enough."
"You are good enough."
"I'm not," he persisted.
"You-" When I'm about to say a thing, he's just interrupting me.
"I'm not."
"Are."
"I'm not."
"Good."
"I'm not."
"Enough."
"I'm not."
"And," I slowly say.
"I'm not."
"YouWillDoGreatThingsMore!!" I interject before he can say a word.
I must have surprised him, for my voice has spread all throughout the surroundings and drawn so much attention.
Yet, instead of hushing him down, he sighs aggravatingly. "What do you know, huh? Why does it sound so simple to you?"
"Excuse me?" An agonizing frown etches on my forehead.
"Oh, right, it must easy, for you never failed."
"What?" It feels like I'm thrown in a defiant side where a bomb is about to detonate.
"You heard me."
I breathe out, trying to clear my mind. "Then, you should at least hear me, too."
"I heard you, all right?" His scowl is unceasing. "But it doesn't sound convincing."
"Believe me." I sound to be persuading.
"What you believe doesn't concern me."
"I know what I saw a while ago. You are amazing. And everyone's amazing!"
But I never expected him to snap back at me. "That's the thing! You will never know everything . . . when you were just a mere audience!"
It's like a stone has formed on my throat, temporarily deprived of the ability to speak.
But he's right. What do I really know?
I'm just staring at him, my eyes gawk. He's staring at me, too, but very unnerving and torturous stares. I can't calm down, feeling all holed up in a place of condemnation.
He breaks the stares and turns around. "I'm going."
There are things that I want to say, but I'm too pathetic to say them. Here I am, watching him as he walks away.
"That's just it, huh . . ?" I talk under my breath. "So this is how we part . . ."
🌙🌙🌙
Frustration.
That was what he felt. Certainly, it wasn't the first time he felt frustrated, but today was on a different level.
If he didn't have leg cramps, he might be standing in that court for long. If he wasn't weak enough, he might have been a huge help to the team.
Only if he paid proper care and attention about everything, he could have admitted defeat with satisfaction.
And today . . . They are the defeated.
He went back inside the gym, he saw the team on the hallways. Then the captain asks him if his leg was already all right, and he replied yes.
Somehow, the utter loss had motivated him to do better and Daichi-san compared him to a seal.
Not only to him, but also to the king who had just declared that he wanted to play more with the Karasuno team. Ironically enough, for he once was a skeptic in the beginning. Egoistic bastard, he was.
Then they thanked the supervisor of this team, Takeda-sensei.
"I'm just proud of all you!" Takeda-sensei boldly proclaimed, and everyone felt compelled instantly. "Defeat is the recognition of your current strength, but it's not a proof of weakness. This isn't the end of anything for all of you. Even in the future, you can do anything!"
Their eyes lit up. It was the strongest motivation they had heard for this day, yet it has the simplicity quality that created a direct line straight to one's core. For those who were weak and had troubled, fragile souls, as if someone lost a clear vision of what to do. The teacher's words developed a warm and charming sense of confidence. They found themselves and now had the desire to move forward and become greater and greater.
It had no difference to what Lorraine was telling him. Now that his mind was cleared, he felt the immense guilt for lashing out to her.
Once they were exiting the gym, Yamaguchi had something to exclaim. "Anyway, have any of you seen Yukizome-san?"
"Oh, right," Tanaka-san uttered as well. "I haven't seen her after the match . . ."
Kei Tsukishima was quick to move and let Yamaguchi handled what he was holding. "I think I know where she is," he told him, then left that instant.
He had to see her . . . and apologize.
He was running at a high pace, though he hadn't regained his full energy.
The flow of time in him was somehow fast, if he wouldn't manage to run faster, then seeing her would be impossible. Yet he was hoping . . . Hoping to see her in the same spot where he left her.
He was hoping . . . Just hoping.
She wasn't there anymore.
All of his hopes had thrown away, and he grew a little bit exhausted, too.
Where could she be? he asked himself. She wouldn't be gone too far. At least.
But he still kept looking for her. He entered the coffee shop, expecting to see her. Although she wasn't really there.
He went outside and walked a little bit further. He had thought of calling her, but he left his phone in his bag. Tsk. He looked for her everywhere in the gym's premises, but he couldn't find her. Even a glimpse of her shadow.
It was a shame that he could not even find her, when he promised that he would always look after her.
He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist. Now his frustration had piled up once again. He had just experienced a loss, but it felt like he was going to lose her as well.
He took a deep breath. All he had to do was to stay cool. There was no point in rushing, he would still see her. They would leave Tokyo tomorrow, he could make up with her after he had come home.
A time came and he had to return to the bus, dejected. Before he could return, Yamaguchi met him along the way.
"Tsukki!" He was jogging towards him while waving his phone high. "I've contacted Raine-san!"
"What did she say?" he questioned. Instead of Yamaguchi replying him, he showed his phone to him. Kei read the text message, saying:
sorry, tadashi, i left without informing you. don't worry, i have my ride. :) and i hope you're doing well.
Kei sighed, giving Yamaguchi's phone back. "At least, we can say that she's all right." Then he started walking towards the bus.
"Say, Tsukki . . ." His friend caught up to him. "Did something bad happened between you and Raine-san?"
Kei glanced at him, went inside the vehicle, found a seat, and settled down. "I wouldn't say bad . . ."
"Then what?" Yamaguchi was sitting beside him.
"I'd say awful."
"Eek!" Yamaguchi's face ran cold, having shivers in his spine. He knew himself that Kei Tsukishima was capable of saying offending things, but awful ones?! No wonder Raine-san left unannounced! "What did you say to her?"
His eyelids lowered, the same as his head. But before he could say his answer, Tanaka-san from the behind them stealthily rose up from his seat and gave Tsukishima a headlock!
It wasn't a hard lock, but enough to make the Saltishima's face glowed in red. Not only Tanaka-san, but Nishinoya-san also aggressively blustering him, by hardly rubbing his knuckles on the Salt's head!
"Tsukishima no yaro!" The only Tanaka here growled at him, but had a glint of amusement tone. "So you're the reason why our pretty kouhai left, huh? Now that I didn't get to hear her complimenting me!"
"That's right, that's right!" Noya-san chanted, putting a little more force to his knuckles. "I was about to treat her three ice creams for always treating us cookies!"
"Tanaka-san!!" Yamaguchi was terrified. "Tsukki . . . TSUKKI IS DYING!! And Noya-san! It's winter! Yukizome-san might not want to eat ice creams!"
"Oh, right," the two both muttered indifferently, then both let him go.
Kei instantly felt the easiness of breathing. "Why so concerned about her?" He was annoyed, all right?
"Of course!" Noya-san answered. "I can help not to be concerned about her, especially when she's always with you."
"Always with me?" Kei repeated.
"Yeah! If you are a real man," Tanaka-san declared while pointing himself with his thumb, "you will never hurt a girl!"
"I didn't really hurt her," Kei retorted, pushing his eyeglasses up.
"That includes through words, you jerk!" Nishinoya-san chimed in.
"Now, now, what did you really tell her, Tsukki?" Yamaguchi tried to be reserved.
Another sigh was drawn out of the Salt's mouth. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters, okay?" Ryuunosuke Tanaka is irritated as usual.
"Why is it matters to you?" Kei said in a raspy tone.
"So that we'll know how will we avenge her, based on the level of salinity you put through her system!" Tanaka laughed evilly, showing his full shark-like teeth, and balled his fists.
Tsukishima's shoulders have sagged, seemed prepared to talk. "She . . . She was just encouraging me that time, when I chided her out. Telling that what does she know when she's just a mere audience?"
Everyone who heard him had devastating dismay.
"What a dick."
"Yeah, definitely a dick."
"A dick move."
"An asshole."
"That's an asshole move."
"The only thing that an asshole does."
"If I were that guy, I would happily keep a girl like Yukizome-san."
"Avenge Yukizome-san!"
"Protect Yukizome-san at all cost!"
"Let's form the 'Lorraine Yukizome-san Protection Squad'!"
After hearing those unpleasant comments about him, he put his headphones on and looked outside. He already saw it coming, but he somehow deserved to be talked like trash.
He was sighing all the time. His eyes were steadily watching the long stretch of the tangerine rays of the setting sun. No expression was forming on his face as it aglow before the twilight. He was lost in thoughts.
Thoughts of her.
I'm still going to see you, right?
🌙🌙🌙
See her?
The day they had returned to Miyagi, he immediately went to the house next door. Yet no one was around, thus he left right away.
He didn't see her.
Maybe not today. Tomorrow, maybe?
Tomorrow also came, and he wasn't able to see her.
Another tomorrow came, he didn't see her.
Tomorrow after tomorrow . . . She's not here.
Tomorrow, too, she wasn't here.
It had been a week, he never saw her. Classes started, and she wasn't on her seat.
He started asking himself. Where will she be?
Was she that mad to him? He couldn't blame her . . . He must have hurt her a lot.
"Tsukki." His thoughts were cut when Yamaguchi approached him. "She hasn't returned yet, huh?"
"Yeah," Kei answered. "I'm checking their house every day, and yes, she hasn't returned."
After a little while, homeroom started. Kei wasn't really paying attention to it; his mind was wandering somewhere.
He wasn't really in the zone. The words of their teacher were saying could still process in his head. Not until she said something specific that shook all of his nerve cells.
"If you are all wondering why Lorraine Yukizome-san isn't always present," the homeroom teacher started, "then you're all probably not going to see her again."
His brain stuttered for a moment. Appalled, his whole system paused on working while his thoughts were trying to catch up after hearing that he might never see her again.
Why? His face was aking, yet he couldn't vocalize it.
The teacher continued shortly, "Yukizome-san took the acceleration exam before winter break." That explained it. "The exam consisted of the whole third-year-level syllabus. Her results are brilliant and have been accredited by the school. So basically, she has graduated from high school."
Most of the students in the Class 1-4 had their jaws dropped. The one they slandered was really not the person they thought she was. And at the same time, they were astonished, knowing she was that smart.
Of course, Tsukishima knew about her capability. But he never knew that she would leave. And it was even more vexing, apprehending that the day he vented out his frustrations to her would be the last day of seeing her.
It angered him deep inside, remembering how cruel he had been to her that time. He freed hurtful words—unchecked—and wanted to take it back. And there were things he still wanted to say to her, yet the damages had been done.
He wanted to apologize. He really does! He even started to contact her recently, but received no answers. If thinking of alternative ways to say his sorry personally, he would have done it. The only hindrance was he didn't know where was her current address.
It honestly makes him frantic that he may not able to see her again.
🌙🌙🌙
Days and days.
He lost count how many days it had been.
The sun would rise and then set. The wind would blow in the North, then rushed back to South. Everything went round and round, ever so returning to its course.
Kei sighed upon discovering this truth: there's no something new under the sun.
Tomorrow was unsearchable, yet something was certain: spring had arrived.
Spring came in like a gentle spirit. The air became more welcoming each day. Vibrant colors, after. Then butterflies and bees.
It was already night and he's about to go to sleep. The words of Lorraine came across his mind. In every season, there were different constellations shown in the sky. Yet he couldn't appear to be enthusiastic about it.
He laid on his bed, letting out a contemplative sigh. As he was about to close his eyes, his phone tinged. He took his phone and read the message. It was from Yamaguchi.
Hey, Tsukki! Have you seen this?
He saw the link accompanied below and clicked it. The link directed to an article.
Then he read it.
- - -
SCIENCE TODAY
A young inventor who can sustain the future: Lorraine Yukizome – 16 years old.
Youths are really considered the hope for tomorrow, possessing an unmatched sense of surprise and prospect. To them, the world feels endless and beautiful. You may be surprised to discover that this invention that can change the world was hatched in the mind of this young prodigy.
Lorraine Yukizome is always interested in mechanics, and together with her team, they worked for a gadget that converts noise to electricity. How it functions is reversing the purpose of a normal speaker which vibrates to make a sound when electricity is passed through it.
Interviewer: So, Yukizome-san, with this invention, you may shake the whole world! And for a sweet teen like you, can you tell us what pushed you to create this magnificent work?
Lorraine Yukizome: Well, for starters, we all know that Science existed to make the lives of people easier. Aside from that, it helps man to improve in daily life, such as health, architecture, ethics, education, and the likes. Most people must be aware of this now, but Science has also this negative impact that can affect society. It might happen not now, but what if tomorrow?
And that pushes me to create this, alongside with people who helped me to make this happen.
Interviewer: Wow, that's deep for your age! Then, how did you come up with this idea?
Lorraine Yukizome: Uhm, to be honest, at first, I was just annoyed with the noises I was hearing in my everyday life. I had to finish this [noise-to-electricity converter], yet I was always distracted by the noises.
Then one time, I was with my friend in school, and told me: As if the sound doesn't travel through the air. That simple sentence basically cleared a path for me.
- - -
That sounds familiar. Kei Tsukishima thought. And that was right! He was the one who told her that.
He never knew that he cleared a path for her. He could never be even more happier upon reading it. Not only just that, but also, he's still her friend. She acknowledged him still as her friend.
He read further, feeling all so amazed and proud about the achievement of Lorraine until the interviewer asked if she felt the frustration about it.
- - -
Lorraine Yukizome: Of course, I got frustrated while in the process. Over and over the period of time.
Interviewer: Just a question out of curiosity, Yukizome-san (if you don't find it offending), did failure ever cross in your mind?
Lorraine Yukizome: [a series of soft chuckles] Connected to the words I've said a couple of seconds ago, frustration is a part of the process, but failure is the natural process. I failed in the first attempt. I failed in the second one. Including the third one. I failed in the fourth—in the fifth, either. And approximately, I have experienced over a hundred different failures. And there were no days I didn't fail . . . Or, or even cry myself to frustration!
But I didn't let myself dwell in the sea of failure or frustration. I learned not to fear failure, for something beautiful will born out of failure.
If ever you failed something, I'd say forgive yourself and do it again.
☔
finally finished the chapter. 💖
i hope i hit a soft spot on you hahahha.
and can i talk about the Ballade no. 1 in G Minor of Frederic Chopin? you've probably heard this in an anime, but whatever. i simply love this piece, bc chopin-sama had been through a life full of poops. it a piece that depicts a life full of sorrow, joy, hatred, despair, love, and happiness. it is also said that this composition was born out of his longing to his home in poland (that was destroyed in a war against prussia), his girlfriend broke up with him, and was flat-broke most of his entire life. so we can't blame him for why his pieces are so sad. YES LISTEN TO CHOPIN'S MASTERPIECES.
well, anyway. the title of this chapter was born of out furudate-sensei's question lmaoo.
🌚 handtheirend 🌚