Baby Fever
"Check it out, guys!" Izzy said cheerfully, entering the basement. Donna followed behind her, a wide smile on her face. "Donna got her very first story into the school paper!"
"Hey, neat!" Eric said.
"I know, right?" Donna handed him the paper and watched intently as he skimmed it.
"Ha, they spelled your name wrong. Apparently you're Donna Pincipotti."
Kelso snickered. "That's funny, cause it's got the potty sound in it."
"Hey, you know what else is a funny sound?" Izzy asked, giving Kelso a swift hit to the back of the head before she went and sat at Hyde's feet.
Donna laughed. "Seriously though, this is so cool! My name--well, almost--in print!"
"Kelso, man," Hyde said. "Where the hell is Jackie with your van? I wanna get outta here."
"Ah, she had to help her aunt move a couch."
"Why did you let Jackie have your van?" Fez asked. "She hates you, man."
Kelso shrugged. "I'm trying to get on her good side, Fez. I mean, this is a small town with a limited number of women. Now, Izzy keeps insisting we hook up, but our relationship is just too strong for that. So, I'm back around to Jackie."
Izzy scowled and threw a stray pillow at Kelso. "I do not insist!"
"Yes, Izzy has a very beautiful boyfriend." Fez said. "Who looks like his face was chiseled from the finest Greek marble."
Kelso's jaw dropped. "I thought I was the only Greek statue in town!"
Izzy shrugged. "Whatever, I haven't talked to Nick in weeks, so..."
This piqued Hyde's interest. He leaned forward in his chair, looking at Izzy. "You two broke up?"
"No, no..." She chuckled awkwardly. "Nothing like that."
"Oh."
"It's just-"
Izzy was cut off by Jackie throwing the basement door open and skipping up to Kelso. "Hey!"
Kelso stood up. "Hey! So... how'd it go, baby?"
"Oh, great!" Jackie handed him his keys.
"Cool!"
"Yeah- oh! Except for when I crashed your van. But, other than that," She flashed him a grin and two thumbs-up, "cool."
-
The gang all stood in the driveway, examining what was left of Kelso's van. The bumper was half off, one of the doors was hanging off its hinges, and the other was simply missing.
"How did this happen?" Kelso asked in bewilderment. "Jackie, how?"
"Michael, like I said-"
"How?!"
"Coming out of the driveway-"
"How?!" He yelled.
"Kelso, calm down." Izzy said. "It'll be okay, you can get it fixed-"
Hyde came up to Izzy, snaking his arm around her waist. "Come on, Kelso. Let those of us--who aren't you--enjoy this moment."
"Besides, it's not all that bad!" Izzy said cheerfully. She reached for the remaining door. "This door still works!" She went to open it and jumped back as it fell to the ground, a yelp escaping her lips. Hyde just chuckled and put his arm back to where it was. "Nevermind." She squeaked. "It's all that bad."
Eric walked up, looking at the empty backside of the van. "Hey Jackie, what happened to the other door?"
Jackie thought for a moment. "Other door?"
"Yeah, you know, the thing that always got in the way of this giant, gaping hole."
Kelso spotted something in the back of the van and pulled it out, his eyes wide. "Jackie? What are these?"
"Um... van sticks?" She said sheepishly.
"No. No, Jackie. These are not 'van sticks.' These are drumsticks! Who's drumsticks are they?"
"Wow Jackie, what's up?" Donna asked, grinning.
"If what I think happened actually happened..." Izzy said, "Then damn I'm jealous."
"Izzy Bee!"
"What?"
"Okay, fine!" Jackie said. "I used your van to drive Chip and his band to a gig."
"Jackie?" Kelso asked. "Is Chip a girl?"
"Uh... no?"
"You had other guys in my van?"
"You're dating a band?" Fez asked.
"It wasn't a date, it was a gig!"
Kelso's eyes were wide. "Whatever it was, it was a gross misuse of van! And... and you owe me money, big time!"
"I owe you money? What about all the stuff I bought you when we were together?"
"That does not count! You gave me those things so I would love you." Jackie opened her mouth to argue, but was stopped by the bumper falling to the ground with a loud clang.
-
"Look what I've got!" Kitty mused, walking into the kitchen that evening. Red was sitting at the table with his newspaper and Laurie was leaning against the counter, seeing the baby carrier in her mother's hands.
"Ew. What's that?"
"That is Marissa." Kitty set the carrier onto the table. "Carol's baby. And you promised me last night you'd babysit her."
"Last night? But last night I was drunk! Why can't you do it?"
"Because you promised. And besides, your father and I are having fondue and parcheesi at the Pinciottis'."
"Oh?" Red asked, looking over his newspaper. "Then I'll do it."
Eric and Izzy walked into the room, hearing Kitty say, "No, Laurie can watch this baby tonight."
"Ohh!" Izzy squealed, rushing over to the baby. "She's so cute! What's her name?"
"Melissa." Laurie grumbled.
"Marissa." Kitty corrected.
"Golly Laurie, a baby." Eric said. "And just in time for your black mass."
"Hey, what did I tell you about calling your sister the devil?" Red asked, looking back down at his newspaper.
"That it's... offensive to the devil?"
Izzy looked up from playing peek-a-boo with Marissa. "Laurie, I can watch the baby for you."
Kitty shook her head. "No no, Laurie promised last night-"
"Laurie was drunk last night."
"See?!" Laurie asked.
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Kitty said. "Fine. Izzy, you're watching the baby."
Izzy clapped her hands together. "Yay!"
-
"Laurie, stop trying to feed it bacon!" Izzy yelled, swatting her hand away from the baby.
"What?! It's food!"
"It's not baby food!"
"Ugh, whatever." Laurie left the kitchen, throwing the handful of bacon onto the ground. Izzy sighed and bent down, trying to clean up. Just then, the phone started ringing as Eric, Donna, and Hyde all came through the sliding glass door.
"Izzy, do you need some help?" Donna asked warily, watching as the blonde grabbed a towel and started scrubbing the bacon grease off the floor.
"Shit, yeah, could you feed her? The bottle's in the fridge."
"Yeah, for sure." Donna headed to the fridge and Hyde and Eric stood there, awkwardly watching the baby.
Eric watched with heart eyes as Donna cradled the baby in her arms and held the bottle to Marissa's mouth, calming the crying immediately. When she set the baby back down, she turned to Eric. "Wanna go?" He nodded, and Izzy swore he was struck by Cupid's love arrow. Donna headed into the living room, followed closely by Eric, and the phone started ringing again.
"I got the phone, Izzy Bee." Hyde finally said.
"No!" She stood up abruptly, hair falling out of her bun and into her face. Since her hands were full of cleaning supplies, she blew upwards to get the strands out of her eyes, but they just settled back down.
Hyde chuckled and brushed them behind her ear. "Why? Who is it?"
Izzy clenched her jaw and said nothing, just bending down to put the items in her hands back under the sink.
"Well, if you don't tell me who it is, I'm answering it." He said in a playful voice.
"Hyde, don't."
"I'm gonna do it!"
"Stop!"
Hyde picked up the phone. "Hi. Izzy Bee's residence, Sergeant Shaft speaking." He froze, his brow furrowed. He pulled the phone away from him, his hand on the receiver. "It's Nick."
"Thanks a ton, Steven." Izzy sighed and took the phone from Hyde. "Hi, baby." Hyde felt his heart twist when she said that. She should be calling him baby, not some college dude. And sure, her voice was flat and she wasn't smiling when she spoke on the phone, but all Hyde could focus on was that word. Baby.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I haven't been home a ton recently." This was a lie, Hyde knew it. The only time she wasn't home was for work. "I'm actually babysitting right now, can we talk later?" She sighed. "Yeah. Yeah, sure, you can come over and say hi to her. Okay. Love you too, baby."
Baby.
She hung up the phone and turned around, meeting eyes with Hyde, who was watching expectantly. "I take it you two haven't been talkin' lately?" He asked, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.
Izzy shrugged. She walked past Hyde and picked up the baby, cradling her. Hyde watched as a smile quickly formed onto Izzy's lips as she played with Marissa. He felt his heart clench once more, watching in awe how beautiful the blonde truly was.
"Hyde?" She asked softly, snapping him out of his daze. "Do you?"
"Huh? Do I what?"
"Do you want kids someday?"
He shrugged and jumped up to sit on the counter. "Never thought about it. You?"
Izzy nodded. "I've always wanted kids. Never doubted it once." She looked up. "Why don't you want 'em?"
He laughed hollowly."I don't think I'd be a very good dad."
Izzy hummed. "I think you'd be a great father. You're kind, and considerate, and helpful-"
"I think you're the only person who would ever use those words to describe me, Izzy Bee."
"And you have a good example on what not to do." This comment made him laugh. She walked up to him, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "D'ya wanna hold her?"
He looked up at her, eyes wide. "Really?"
"Sure. Just, y'know, cradle the head-" She handed him the baby and watched as he awkwardly held his elbows up, afraid of how fragile she was. Izzy giggled. "If you were a dad, Hyde, you'd teach your kids all sorts of confusing conspiracy theories."
"Really? Well, if you were a mom, you'd teach your kids all sorts of weird art techniques."
"Batiks are not weird!" Hyde chuckled at this. "If you were a dad, you'd tell your kids the government is out to get them every morning before school."
"If you were a mom, you'd never be able to drive your kids anywhere, cause you're so bad at it."
"If you were a dad, you'd give your kids pot brownies for their sweet sixteen."
"You'd give your kids your insane laugh."
"Your kids would have the best hair."
"You'd make our kids all the best birthday desserts."
"I would."
Hyde paused, losing himself in her smile. "I know."
-
Later on, Izzy made sure the baby was napping before she headed down to the basement. She saw Hyde sitting in his chair, holding a yellow legal pad with some numbers scribbled on it in his messy handwriting.
"What's goin' on? Are you doing math homework without me?" Izzy asked, feigning hurt.
"Never, Izzy Bee. I'm figuring out what these two goons owe each other."
"It's like a divorce!" Fez said excitedly. "And first and foremost, Jackie gets custody of me."
"Mkay, what're the results, Steven?" Izzy asked, sitting on the armrest of his chair. She grinned at Jackie and Kelso. "You two scared?"
"I'm not afraid!" Jackie said. "I'm right and he's a total moocher."
"I'm not afraid, either! There are laws to protect a man and his van."
Hyde nodded. "For instance, the Man-Van Act of 1847."
"Right!"
"Alright, alright. Jackie. In your opinion, what are the good and services that Kelso owes you for?"
"Everything! He was a total doofus before I met him. In fact," She turned to Kelso, her hand outstretched. "I bought you that belt. So hand it over. And the shirt, too!"
"Fine!" Kelso said. "Y'know, this shirt has bad memories of you buying me stuff, anyway!"
"Here, let me do the math." Fez said, taking the notepad from Hyde. "Okay, now Kelso, uh, Kelso owes Jackie the price of breaking her beautiful heart and stealing her innocence. Now, Kelso, what do you believe Jackie owes you?"
"Well... Uh... Well, one time I told her that she looked pretty, when really, she looked pretty skanky!"
Izzy sighed and took the notepad from Fez. "Kelso owes Jackie for calling her a skank."
"And!" Kelso continued. "And... Hyde, help me out here."
"Okay, let me think. Oh! Don't forget, you burned her house."
"Hyde!"
"Dude, you burned her house!"
-
"I'm cold." Kelso mumbled, hugging his arms around his bare chest. Jackie had reclaimed nearly his whole outfit, leaving him only in his underwear.
"That must be why your nipples are so pointy." Fez said. "Ooh, pointy nipple man is mad! I hope he doesn't poke me with his pointy nipples!"
There was an awkward pause until Hyde said, "Alright, that was really disturbing."
Izzy nodded. "I'm uncomfy."
"Okay, here we go. According to my calculations, for repairs to the van, Jackie you owe Kelso sixty-five dollars."
"Ah-ha!" Kelso yelled, jumping a little. "Justice!"
Jackie still looked smug as she waited for the results to continue. Izzy set her chin on Hyde's shoulder as she read, "Kelso, you owe Jackie eight thousand, two hundred, and sixty-five dollars."
Jackie grinned and flipped her hair, holding her hand out and standing a little straighter. "Ah-ha! Pay up, moocher!"
Kelso's eyes were as wide as saucers. "What?! No! This is- That's- This is totally unfair! Izzy, you suck."
"Hey man," Hyde said. "You coulda been a man and forgiven her. But no. You wanted to do the math."
Kelso huffed and crossed his arms. "Man, math has never been my friend. Wait, no! But she had other guys in my van!"
"Michael, you had other girls in your van while we were dating!" Jackie said. "So give me my eight thousand dollars!"
Kelso sighed. "Okay, I change my mind. I forgive you."
-
That night, Izzy was sitting on the living room couch, holding Marissa in her arms. Nick was sitting next to her, playing little games with Marissa and holding her tiny stuffed animal.
"You know, you're great with her." He said, watching as Izzy wiped the baby's mouth.
"Thanks." She said quietly. "I've always wanted a little sibling, but I'm kinda the baby of the family."
He paused, then set the plush bunny onto the coffee table. "Why haven't we been talking a lot recently?"
Izzy refused to meet his eyes. "What do you mean?"
She knew what he meant.
"You know what I mean. You ignore my calls, and when you do pick up, they're... short. Curt. Like how I talk on the phone to my weirdo Aunt Julie."
She sighed. "I'm sorry, there's just been a lot on my mind recently."
"Well that's what I'm here for, Iz, to listen. You can always talk to me."
"I know, it's just... I think... Damn, this baby's cute." Nick laughed and watched Izzy fawn over the baby a little more.
Nick put his arm around Izzy and pulled her close. She set her head on his shoulder, rocking the baby lightly. "Can I hold her?"
"My mom would kill me if I let anyone else hold her."
He nodded. There was a short silence. "I love you, Iz." He said.
Izzy smiled faintly. "Love you too."
"Ohh boy!" Kitty's voice rang out through the living room as she ran down the stairs. "You two are so cute together!"
"Hi, Mrs. Forman." Nick said with a warm smile.
"Hi, Mama. We were just about to put Marissa to bed, she was having trouble sleeping earlier."
"Ooh, I like the looks of this!" Kitty said, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "My baby with a baby! And a man!"
"Mama, no."
"So, um..." Kitty sat on the armrest. "Nick, think you might want a baby of your own?"
He thought for a moment. "Once I have a job secure, yeah. I'd love to start a family." He smiled. "I love kids. Got a lot of experience with 'em, too. I'm the oldest of four at home, actually..." He turned to look down at Izzy. "What do you think?"
"What do I think about your siblings? Ellie's sweet. Jacob's a little demon, but-"
"Not my siblings. Starting a family."
Izzy nearly choked on air. "I- um- what?! Now? I... I'm only seventeen, I-"
"I know, I know. Just... for the future."
"How many kids are we talkin' here?" Kitty asked excitedly. "One? Two? Six?"
Izzy felt her stomach churn. "I don't want to even begin to think about that for a few years. At least."
"Well, for the record Iz, I think you'd be a great mom. You'd teach the kids all sorts of amazing art techniques."
"I'd rather show them the weird ones." Izzy said quietly.
"What? Why the weird ones?"
"I dunno. Like batiks. Steven thinks they're just weird tapestries, but I know he just says that to poke fun at me."
Kitty smiled. "I saw Steven was holding the baby earlier. Now that's someone who I'd like to see be a father! And his kids will be friends with Eric's, and-"
Izzy chuckled. "Mama, we're still in high school. Can you please stop planning out futures out?"
Kitty clicked her tongue. "Well, Isabelle, I've been planning all your futures since I first laid eyes on each of you."
"Mama!"