that's life » s. hyde

[29] jackie bags hyde

Jackie Bags Hyde

"Happy Veteran's Day!" Fez said, coming into the basement. "Now, where have you hidden the chocolate eggs?"

Eric looked up from his intense game of hot hands with Donna. "Uh, they're everywhere, Fez. Start looking."

"So, Steven, isn't Veteran's Day romantic?" Jackie asked, walking up to Steven, who was sitting on top of the dryer.

He chuckled dryly. "Oh yeah, government pawns and missing limbs. That's amore."

"That's not amore." Izzy said, looking up from her magazine. She was sat sideways in Hyde's chair, her legs draped over one of the arm rests. "When a moon hits your eye like a bigass pizza pie, that's amore."

"I don't think those are the lyrics, Iz." Eric said with a laugh.

"Trust me, Eric. I know my Dean Martin."

"Whatever!" Jackie said quickly. "It's a day for people in love to have fun together!"

Kelso stood up. "You know what? All this talk about having fun makes me wanna have fun. Hey, let's throw stuff at other stuff!"

"Man, that's perfect." Eric said. "I've got stuff."

"I'm in!" Izzy said.

"You're always in, Iz."

"I just-"

"Like to be included, yes, we know."

Eric, Kelso, and Fez ran upstairs and as Izzy walked up she heard Jackie say, "So, Steven, wanna go to Mr. Forman's barbecue with me?"

Izzy huffed and continued walking up the stairs, wanting to avoid witnessing any and all of Jackie's flirting.

"Well, Steven? Do ya? Do ya? Do-"

"No. As a matter of fact, I don't want to go anywhere with you."

"No no, that's okay! You know what? We can stay in."

"No, Jackie! Look, I told you again and again. I have no interest in you, and you don't have a chance. And yet, you keep thinking that I have interest in you, and that you have a chance!"

"Wait, did you just say that you're interested in me and I have a chance?"

"Okay, you know what?" Hyde stood up and set his hands on Jackie's shoulders. "You forced me to do this. I'm gonna explain my feelings to you through a highly-disciplined form of Japanese poetry. Haiku." He thought for a moment. "My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me."

"Ouch." Donna laughed.

"Sayonara. I'm gonna go see what Izzy's up to." Hyde went up the stairs, leaving Jackie with Donna.

As he went upstairs looking for Izzy, the blonde came back in through the basement door. "Okay, they're actually throwing stuff, I didn't really expect them to. So I'm gonna hide out in here." She sat in Hyde's chair. "What'd I miss?"

Donna chuckled. "Hyde just gave Jackie a brutal haiku."

"Never have seventeen syllables hurt me so much!" Jackie whined. "Why would he want to hurt me like that?"

"Because you're stalking him, Jackie!" Donna said, an amused grin on her face.

"No, really, Donna!"

"Jackie, really. You are to Hyde, what Fez is to you."

"That's ridiculous! Fez and I will never happen." Jackie's eyes widened in realization as she flopped against the couch. "Oh god. Steven and I will never happen."