This is going to be short because it's been a little bit of a rough week. I hope you people enjoy it though.
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I was surprised when I didn't see Patton pottering around the kitchen that morning. He is usually there busying himself whilst saying the odd pun when one of us was in earshot.
But not today.
This morning there were no pots or bowls on countertops, no patter of feet on the linoleum floor, no splash of tap water. The room seemed dimmer without the brightness of the moral compass.
After interrogating anyone I could find—not because I cared about Patton, but because it's annoying to not know where he is—it became apparent that nobody had seen him.
I assumed he would be in his room and ended up outside a white door with blue hearts, of many bright shades, scattered all over it. There was silence on the other side and I couldn't feel the usual spark that always ignited when Patton entered a room.
Knock
Knock
Knock
A creak, a stumble, a thud and the door was open.
The cat onesie was crinkled, his glasses askew. There was a blue blanket wrapped around his slouching form and his hair could've easily been mistaken for a bird's nest.
"Janus...?" Patton said with a croaky throat and a frown
"Patton? Are you alright?"
"Yeah," a cracked smile that didn't meet his bloodshot eyes appeared "Just fine."
"Yes you definitely sound it." I replied with a raised eyebrow.
Patton sighed and walked back to his bed mumbling to close the door behind me. I did so and came into the room. The usual comforting clutter felt like a suffocating mess. I perched on the end of the bed.
"Please Patton, what's going on?"
"I don't know. It's just...not a good day."
"That's ok. You don't need a reason to feel bad."
"I just feel so...empty."
It broke my heart to see Patton in this numb and emotionless state. I searched my mind for what to do.
"Can I help you Patton?" I was quiet and calm.
Patton didn't look at me for a while before slowly hugging me. I wrapped my arms around him, hearing his slow breathing.
"Just be here, Janus. I don't want to feel alone."
I hugged him slightly tighter and we sat like that for a while.
At some point we ended up on the floor, Patton's head on my shoulder, our backs to the bed frame. He played with my fingers, having taken off my gloves. The surprising thing was that as soon as he asked, I almost felt like he needed to be the one to do it. So now our fingers were interlaced.
Patton didn't talk about how often he had these bad days but I swore to myself that I would never let Patton sit in the darkness of his room, with an empty feeling, on his own again. Patton didn't deserve that. Nobody deserved that, but especially not Patton.
By the end of these bad days Patton would sometimes have a flicker of the passion that usually filled his heart and I might hear the odd giggle. We became incredibly close after I became a part of this very private bit of his life.
Patton said that he loved me all the time. One time I said it back and everything changed. Only slightly, but it was a shift and it was special.
It was ours.
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I think this was good, once again, sorry it was so short but I really didn't have much motivation. I really hope you liked this too and that you are all doing well. Take care of yourselves.
-SiD