MAY
"Our lives are going to change."
I peel my eyes away from the ceiling to turn towards my best friend, Gigi. I couldn't tell if she sounded excited or scared. Maybe a little bit of both. She's always been bold and one to speak her mind. I've rarely seen her break down from a fight or be afraid of anything.
I give her a small smile as I meet with her blue-green eyes. "For the better," I assure her.
"I can't believe school's over." She sighs. "It's really over."
I look over to my navy blue graduation gown hanging on my bedroom door, faintly smiling at the memories from today. I'm been thinking about the day I graduate college for years, probably since I was in elementary school. I would often think about how I would feel after finally walking that stage.
Would I be sad and cry? Would I feel relieved because I would just barely pass all my classes? Would I feel a strong sense of accomplishment and pride?
I've been waiting for this day for what feels like forever, but now that it happened, I feel bittersweet. I feel like I'm closing a chapter of my life and starting a new one. I was nervous about what happens next. School is all I've ever know for the past 17 years. I've built a whole routine and schedule of waking up, going to class, studying, and doing in all over again the next day.
So what am I supposed to do now?
"We should've gone to Adam's party." I feel Gigi shift on the bed. "I need about twenty drinks."
"Oh, I see how it is." I act offended. "This isn't good enough for you?"
"Don't get me wrong." She leans on her elbow as her body is facing me, looking down as I lay flat on my back. "This sleepover you planned is really cute but we just fucking graduated college! This isn't the way to celebrate the fact that we're actually done with school."
I playfully roll my eyes and turn my head back to the ceiling. I bring the soft blanket closer to my chest.
"It's not too late," I softly say. "You can go if you want."
I can see her looking over at me through my peripheral vision. I know she was thinking about it. She's never been one to turn down parties, especially now when the world's at our fingertips. I didn't mind if she left to go to be with our friends. I wasn't going to join her, though, because I didn't feel like going to a party right now. I've gone to so many throughout my college experience that I'm good for a lifetime.
Besides, it's been a long, weird day filled with a lot of different, complicated emotions that I just want to stay home in my bed. I don't think I've fully absorbed the fact that I'm entering a new stage in my life after (literally) walking on an old one.
"No," she finally says, laying back down with a small smile. "I'll stay."
I narrow my eyes at her, not believing she'd rather stay here. "C'mon, I know you're dying to go."
"The mood's gone." She shrugs. "I'd rather be here with you than be hit on by creepy dudes and have a hangover in the morning."
We born turn on our sides and face each other while grinning. Gigi has been by my side since sophomore year of high school. It feels like we've been through everything together and I don't know where we would be without each other. I feel like she's the only other person who knows so much about me and vice versa. A loud yawn escapes my mouth, suddenly overcome with tiredness from today's events. She giggles and snuggles into the pillow.
"Tired?"
I nod sleepily and blink slowly. It slightly stung every time I opened and closed my eyelids. My muscles slowly relaxed into the bed until I stay still. It didn't hit me how sleepy I was until now.
"Three Ryan Gosling movies really wear you out," I tell her with a tired laugh.
"And the two pints of ice cream we ate." She and I laugh lazily.
"We're college graduates now. We can do whatever we want."
-
"Morning," my mother chirped way too loudly for how early it was. I mumble an incoherent response and take a seat on one of our chairs of the kitchen table. The smell of bacon woke me up and my stomach wouldn't stop growling until I had a bite. "So, graduate, how are you going to spend your summer?"
"Sleep. Eat. Watch TV. Sleep."
"Sounds productive." She softly chuckles.
She turns off the stove after cooking the last bacon strip and prepares a plate of breakfast foods for me. My mouth watered at the sight of the stack of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon. I've thought a lot about my next steps and how I'm getting to a certain age where it's appropriate of me to start looking for a new place and become independent, but how could I ever move out and not eat my mother's cooking on the daily? I would die.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me to Colorado? Aunt Shelly hasn't seen you in forever."
"Mom," I say, holding back a laugh, "I just saw her at Thanksgiving."
"You know what I mean." She waves me off, setting a plate of hot food in front of me.
"Nah," I say, answering her question, "I don't want to spend my summer in 70 degree weather."
"It goes up to 80 sometimes. 85 if we're lucky"
"Yeah, it also rains sometimes," I retort. "With lighting if you're lucky."
She and I chuckle together. I was about to stuff my mouth with a forkful of pancakes before I look up and see my mom is staring at the counter, looking deep in thought. I see a shift of emotions in her face: worry, concern, stress.
"Are you going to be okay alone?" She asks me apprehensively.
"She'll be with me, Ms. Winters," Gigi answers for me, announcing her presence. "I'll take good care of your daughter."
"I'm sure you will, Gigi." My mom chuckles, the worry slowly washing away from her but there's still a hint of agitation. "Do want the same as Lacey for breakfast?"
She nods, taking a seat next to me. "Minus the bacon. I'm a vegetarian."
I snort, chewing on my food. "Since when?"
"No talking with your mouth full," my mom says while pointing at me.
I smile innocently at her and apologize with my mouth still full of pancakes. It makes me feel a bit nostalgic when she doesn't treat me like the young adult I am. It just means she still sees me as her child and that's honestly better than being treated like I know everything about the world like taxes and what the hell a 401K is.
"I have a bachelor's degree now, Lace," Gigi says, "I need to make smart decisions."
"But you wanted to go to a party last night.."
"And I made the smart decision not to go."
I snicker at her, knowing her well enough that she can never fully commit to something like this. She's tried a pescatarian diet in the past and it only lasted 18 hours. I pick up one of my bacon strips, purposely holding it up close to her, letting her get a good whiff. I know she's going to break. There's no way she wouldn't.
"Alright then. Have fun with that." I bite into the crunchy, greasy strip. "Mmm, so good. You want some?" I put the bitten bacon strip right in front of her glaring face. "Oh, wait. Never mind." She huffs while I hold back a laugh.
"I'll start tomorrow," is all she says before snatching the strip of bacon out of my hand.
-
After breakfast, Gigi left to go home and I spent some time helping my mom finish packing. She was leaving tomorrow for Colorado and staying for almost two full months. She wanted to help out my aunt and uncle and take care of my little cousins since they're out of school now and their parents have full time jobs. My mom owns a real estate company so it wasn't a big deal that she took a break since she could mostly work from home. I just don't know how I'm going to be without her for so long. I went to my hometown's college so I stayed home. I saved a lot of money and trips to a laundromat that way. I don't think there's ever been a time when I've ever been apart from my mom for longer than a week.
"What time does your flight leave?" I ask as I help her fold her colorful sweaters and put them on top of one another in her suitcase.
"4:15 in the morning."
"That's so early," I groan. I assumed I would have to drive her to the airport, which wasn't a big deal but the fact that I would have to get up that early already had me feeling tired. I probably won't even sleep the whole night if I have to wake up at the time.
"Don't worry, Your Royal Highness." She snorts. "Cameron is taking me."
"What a sweetheart!" I exclaim in relief that I get to sleep and throw my hands in the air. "They're a keeper."
"Why do you think I'm marrying them?"
I smile at my mother's slightly flushed cheeks and wide grin at the simple mention of her fiancé's name, who goes by Cameron, Cam, or they/them, but my mom likes to call them 'Pookie.' The two of them have been dating for six year. She hid it from me at the early months of their relationship because she didn't know how I would react but all I want is for her to be happy.
When Cameron popped the question on New Year's last year and had the date set for August 21st this year, I was over the moon. My mom deserves to be this happy and in love, especially with someone like Cameron, who has been nothing but an angel sent from heaven to us.
"Is Cam going to visit you in Colorado?"
"They could only take off a week from work so we'd figure it's best they come for Fourth of July."
I nod my head in acknowledgment, putting some of the pants she already folded into her suitcase.
"You can come too, even if it's just for that week. We could go out to the lake or something. Could be fun."
"Yeah, maybe.."
"Alright, don't get too excited about the idea," she says sarcastically.
We laugh and finish packing her two suitcases. We set them by the front door so she's ready to go in the morning for the airport. I walk over to my room and into the bathroom, needing to cool down since the weather here in California was a lot hotter than last week. The closer we were getting to June, the hotter it was, it seems.
I shrug off my clothes and hop in the shower. As I wash myself, I wondered what my summer would consist of. My mom wouldn't be around to nag me to do stuff so I'll have a little bit of freedom around the house. I'll mostly be with Gigi and our friend group since I know I'll be too bored hanging out by myself. I know they would want to go out and party and go out on fun adventures. I was always up for that, especially now.
I focused so much on doing what I could so that I can get good grades while getting the ultimate college experience. The thing is, I focused so much on that aspect that I didn't set up much of a plan for after I graduated. I have all the resources I would need but I just had no clue where to start. I know my options are quite limited, though.
I'll probably have to get a job to save up so I can move out. I'm an only child and have lived with my mom my whole life but it's time to leave so I can continue my own journey. It would be so different for both of us but at least my mom has Cameron now. They planned to live together after the wedding. It wasn't confirmed whether they would found a new place or stay in this house.
I sighed deeply as I wash away the conditioner from my hair. I went through with majoring in art. It was a tough decision, especially with Gigi and my mom breathing down my neck about not being able to find a stable job with it. But what was the point in studying something that I wasn't truly passionate about and wanted to pursue?
There was this one job opportunity in particular that I really wanted. It's only an internship but it's at one of the best art galleries in the world. It would be a dream for me to just visit. I literally cried out of happiness when I got an email about them wanting me to come in for an interview in the fall since they're currently going under renovations.
The thing is.. it's in London.
I wasn't even going to apply for it if it wasn't for my art professor pushing me to do it. Without her, I have no idea how I was going to get through my senior year. I definitely wanted to stay in touch with her for her mentorship and advice. I felt like she was the only who understood what I truly wanted, even more than me.
I told my mom and Cameron about it. Well, only briefly. I might have let out the part about it being across the fucking world. They seemed excited about it nonetheless. The other person who knows all about it, other than my professor, is Gigi. I'm not going to lie, she wasn't too supportive. Even if I had a slim chance of even getting the job, she wasn't super excited for me. She says it's "too dangerous to go to a foreign country where I don't know anyone," which was very weird for her to say considering that she was literally born there.
I wouldn't have guessed it because she doesn't have an English accent but her mom was American and her dad was English. They lived in London until they got divorced and her mother moved back to America with Gigi and her little brother. Whatever English accent she had went away. Though it comes up from time to time when she pronounces certain words or certain phrases she throws around.
She was also not a big fan of me going into art. She'd rather for me to go into a more "practical" profession. She thinks it's a cutthroat world and it'd be hard on me. I do understand where she's coming from. She cares about me and wants to see me succeed. But art was all I felt passionate about. I don't want to dedicate my life on anything else. That's why I don't really know what to do. I'm going to use as much time as I can this summer to figure it out.
I get out of the shower 10 minutes later and wrap myself up in a fluffy blue towel. I wipe the condensation off the mirror with my hand and look back at my reflection in the humid room. I cringe at the dark bags under my eyes that were formed from all the late nights I've spent studying for an exam or stressing about an assignment.
I purse my lips, really studying myself. I didn't really look any different from my college freshman-self. I could pass for 21 but not a year over, which I gladly accepted because I was 21 years old. I wasn't on the heavier side, but I wasn't model-skinny either; I had thick skin where it needed to be, feminine curves, a smaller-than-average sized chest, and my thighs just about touched when I stood up straight. I had a perky bum, which I hated most of the time. I had a set of almond-shaped brown eyes, angular dark brows, soft cheeks, and pink lips that, for some reason, always looked swollen. My hair fell down to the middle of my back; it resembled the color of coffee in natural lighting. I break away from the mirror and go out to my room. I put out a random t-shirt and jean short shorts along with bra and underwear that didn't match but I didn't really care.
Just as I wrapped my hair in a towel, my door flings open, startling me.
"Lacey!" It was Gigi.
"Jesus fucking Christ, G! You almost gave me a heart attack," I say with my hand on my thumping heart, making sure it stayed inside my chest.
"Sorry, your mom let me in." She quickly walks in, closing the door.
"Didn't I get rid of you two hours ago?" I tell her jokingly. "You missed me or what?"
She rolls her eyes then her face splits into a giant grin. "I have good news!"
"What a way to deliver them," I tell her. "You almost killed me."
"Shut up for a second, will ya?! I have the best news ever!"
I raise my eyebrows. I've never seen her this excited, not even the time she got concert tickets to Justin Bieber two years ago. I sat down on the edge of my bed, looking up at her with the light weight of the towel on my head holding me down.
"What's up?"
"Guess where we'll be spending the whole summer?"
"The mall?"
She shakes her head, grinning widely.
"Here?" I guess again. "In my room?" I purse my lips when she shakes her head again but try another guess. "Your pool?"
"Laguna Beach!" She blurts out, which makes my brows slightly furrow in confusion.
"What?"
"Okay so," she takes a breath, still grinning but trying to focus on explaining without yelling out in excitement again. "You know how my stepdad is insanely rich?"
"Rich Richard? Of course. Your mother has great taste, by the way."
I nicknamed him Rich Richard because of the fact that his name is Richard and he's rich. I find it funny while Gigi just finds it dumb but I know she secretly wants to laugh every time she hears it.
"So he's renting, like, five beach houses across the coast—"
"Casual."
"—and the lease on the one in Laguna Beach is going to end in September. He doesn't want to renew it but doesn't want it to go to waste and since my parents are going to be away for the summer, they're letting my friends and I stay in the house!"
My eyes widened, not reacting for a full 5 seconds before jumping up from the bed and letting out a shriek. We both scream out of pure joy and excitement as we hold onto each other while jumping up and down. The towel on my head is long gone as we start dancing around the room.
Spending the whole summer at a beach house in Laguna Beach? That sounded absolutely perfect.
"Is everything okay?" We both stop in place and turn to my seemingly panicked mother behind my now-opened door.
"Fine. Everything's fine," I tell her breathlessly, pulling my messy wet strands behind my ear.
"We're more than fine!" Gigi exclaims with a bright smile. "We're super excited about the fact that my mom's super cool husband—"
"Bought her a car," I quickly interrupt, which makes Gigi look at me with confusion written all over her face.
"Another one?" My mom asks with impressed eyebrows.
"Graduation present," I quickly add and nervously chuckle. "It's prettier and fancier."
"Oh, wow. Congrats, Gigi. Can I see it? Did you drive it here?"
"Uh," Gigi hesitates, glancing at me then my mom. "No. I didn't want to take it out because.. it's too pretty?"
"Oh, okay." I exchanged a look with Gigi before my mom speaks again. "I'm going to go to the store to go buy some travel-sized items. Do you girls need anything?"
"No, thanks, mom," I quickly respond. "We're good."
"Alright, I'll be back soon." She leaves, closing the door on her way out.
Gigi immediately turns to me and crosses her arms over her chest. "Okay, why did we just lie to your mother?"
"You were about to tell her about the beach house!" I say in a quieter voice just in case my mother was near.
"So?"
"I panicked!"
"Why?" She looks over at me with a puzzled look as I let out a breath and grab the damp towel that was previously sitting on my head and hang it up over my desk chair.
"Because she would have never let me go. In fact, she would force me to go with her to Colorado to prevent me from going to Laguna."
"She would?" She still looks confused. "But, dude, you're 21 years old. You literally just graduated college."
"Try explaining that to her. She still sees me as her baby." I sit down on the bed and sigh. "Which I don't mind sometimes but when it comes to something like this.."
This is part of the reason why I can't bring myself to tell my mom the truth about the whereabouts of the internship I applied for.
"You think so?" She asks and I nod my head at her, sitting on my bed.
"Well, yeah. She wouldn't even let me go to the library down the street alone until I was 16. Do you think she'd be cool with me staying in a beach house more than a hundred miles away?"
"I see your point." She sits down next to me, seemingly in thought. "But if she can't even manage you being a couple hours away for less than two months, how is she going to handle you going to London for a potential job?"
I sigh and avoid eye contact, knowing she's not going to like what I'm about to say. "..'cause I haven't told her yet."
"What?"
I sigh again and look up at her. "I haven't told her about it."
"Lacey!"
"I know, I know! I'm an idiot," I say, rubbing my temples, "I'm nervous about how she's going to react. What if she completely hates the idea and chains me to this bed?!"
"I don't think you're giving her enough credit," she says with a chuckle, "She's your mom, not some barmy lady."
"I don't know.." I chew on my bottom lip as I try to process everything going on in my head instead of figuring out what the hell 'barmy' meant. "I don't wanna stress her out more. We have the loans I had to take out and the wedding planning to deal with. London isn't cheap, you know?"
"I know, trust me," she says with a small smile. "But listen, I am a firm believer that whatever is meant to be, will be."
I take a couple breaths, trying not to stress myself out. I already did enough of that these past four years.
"Does this mean you won't come to Laguna with me?"
"Are you insane? Fuck yeah, I am."
She grins but it slowly disappears. "What about your mom? Are you going to tell her?"
I stand up as soon as soon as I realized how this all falls into place perfectly. "G.. she's going to be in Colorado for practically the whole summer. She wouldn't even know if I'm here or not!"
Gigi immediately grins as soon as I explained it to her. "Oh, my god! It's like the stars aligned and made this happen!"
"I knew they would!" I laugh then slowly stop when I think about how I'm going to throw myself into a big lie. "I've never lied to her about something this big.."
Gigi shrugs at me, nodding sympathetically. "What she doesn't know won't kill her."