Mark lee, to everyone he's a loud, energetic, goofy little Canadian boy who spits absolute fire and is an absolute beast at dancing. to mark lee, he's a loud, annoying, untalented little Canadian boy who isn't good at rapping and is the worst dancer of the group.
Mark was fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror, picking at every stray piece that just refused to stay down. he groaned as he drenched his head in hair spray. he tugged at the tight shirt clinging to his body, desperately trying to loosen the material. just then he hear two knocks on the door.
"ay mark? we gotta go!" taeyong announced in his leader voice, although on the inside he was slightly worried. this is the third time mark had locked himself in the bathroom just that morning.
the door open and a smiley mark bounced out of the room.
"sorry taeyong! let's go!" he practically skipped down the hallway and out to the van.
the boys piled into the van and drove to the studio.
they were filming the dance practice for Punch that day, and mark absolutely hated what he was wearing. his stylist gave him a tight, semi-see-through black shirt and the tightest jeans mark had ever seen i his life, rips on the thighs and knees. he looked into the mirror and winced at his appearance. he was so so skinny. not a muscle on him, just bones and skin, well, at least to him.
he always thought he looked too skinny. he never wanted to wear tight clothes but the stylists and manager insisted on it.
in reality mark has a pretty average build. he's slim, but nowhere near as skinny as he thinks. he has strong shoulders and arms and his legs are pretty built too.
he kept tugging at the fabric of his shirt, pulling it from clinging to his skin.
johnny sat two seats over but he definitely noticed mark's weird actions. he didn't think too much of it though, he thought maybe the fabric of his shirt was itchy or something, after all, their outfits were almost never made for comfort.
they pulled up to the studio and all made their way to the practice room. mark plastered on a huge smile as he energetically chatted with the others. he giggled with doyoung and talked with haechan a bit while they set up the cameras.
the boys all got into their places and the music started. all of them started moving to the song, their moves practically flawless. pretty soon was mark's focus. he was nervous to say the least.
he made his way to the front of the group, executing his part perfectly, his lip-syncing on point and every move hit correctly.
when mark finished his part, jaehyun and johnny both noticed mark shaking his head to himself, his hands curled into fists at his sides as he moved to his next place.
the others did their focuses and eventually finished the practice.
the camera man gave them all a thumbs up.
"that was great guys! good work."
everyone smiled except for mark who suddenly spoke up.
"um, can we go over it one more time? i think i should re-do my part." mark looked concerned, his face almost begging for the boys to let him dance again.
"mark? you're part was perfect! you don't have to do it again, it's okay." taeyong said sweetly wrapping a towel around his neck.
mark was getting panicky, he knew he messed up and he couldn't let them post that video.
"no, i know i messed up let me do it again so i can get it right." mark's voice was shaky as he curled his hands into fists once again.
"mark, you didn't mess up, we all saw you, you got all the moves right don't worry." jaehyun stepped foreward looking mark in the eyes.
"just one more take! that's it just let me do it one more time please?" everyone was starting to get concerned about mark. his fists closed tightly at his sides, his big eyes pleading with them.
"mark, come here." the camera man called him over and mark obeyed.
he held out his laptop to show him the footage he exported. mark cringed at his own face on the screen, his facial expressions and his terrible dancing. the way the outfit hugged him made him look like a corpse.
"see! it's terrible, i gotta do it again." mark insisted. the camera man raised an eyebrow extremely confused.
"mark, this is one of the best dances you've ever done in practice." jungwoo spoke up with a small voice.
mark was getting frustrated. they really weren't going to let him do it again.
"ok, fine, then let's just go home." mark's mood was suddenly so different than it ever is around the members. his smile gone, a sad disappointed expression on his face as he walked out of the room plugging his headphones into his ears and getting into the back of the van.
the members all looked at each other curiously.
"what's wrong with him? I've never seen him act like that."taeil said scratching the back of his head.
"me neither, he did so well today i don't understand why he's upset." taeyong said.
johnny stood there thinking. he was the closest to mark and he knew when something was wrong. the only time he could think of when mark acted similarly was when they were still rookies. mark wasn't very good at Korean yet and he got really frustrated.
flashback
johnny was walking to his room when he heard something come from mark's room. he sounded like he was crying. johnny softly knocked but there was no answer. "mark? are you okay?" still no answer.
"i'm coming in mark." johnny said through the wood before he entered the room.
mark was curled up in a ball on his bed, headphones in his ears and tears streaming down his face.
johnny ran over worried. he sat next to mark and mark finally noticed him. mark abruptly wiped his face and took out his ear phones.
"what's goin on mark?" johnny spoke in english which made mark feel even worse. another round of tears falling from his eyes.
johnny placed his hand on mark's shoulder.
"you know you can talk to me about anything right? " johnny said softly.
"it's okay john, it... it's stupid anyways." mark sniffled cursing at himself to stop crying.
"it's not stupid if it's upsetting you, just tell me mark."
mark fiddled with the wires of his ear buds in his lap.
"i guess i've just...been having a hard time lately." he swallowed thickly.
"with what mark?" johnny asked gently.
"i'm... i'm just... having a hard time understanding you guys.... like, i thought i was getting okay at my korean, but today at that interview i just..." he paused his eyes welling up again.
"i could barely un..understand." his voice cracked and his sobbing continued. he hid his face in his hands, embarrassed to be crying in front of johnny.
"mark..." johnny wrapped his arm around marks shoulders.
"i'm.. scared johnny... how am i supposed to de...debut when i can't even understand the language!?"
johnny pulled the smaller into his arms.
"mark, it's okay man, come on don't cry. shhhh shhhh, listen to me. none of us are expecting you to be 100% fluent right away mark. we're just rookies, everything is gonna be okay. mark? if you were having trouble during the interview why didn't you just ask me? i was right next to you."
"i didn't wanna keep bothering you.. so i just stayed quiet."
"mark you are not a bother. you're like my younger brother and i'm always going to help you okay? don't ever forget that. and if you're ever overwhelmed me and you can speak in english okay?"
mark nodded into johnny's chest, his tears stopping. "thank you johnny."
johnny ran his hannd through mark's hair.
"im always gonna be here to help you mark, theres no need to thank me."
end of flashback
"Johnny!"
johnny snapped out of his thoughts and looked at jaehyun.
"you coming?" johnny just realized he was the only one in the room.
"oh, yeah... sorry." johnny followed jaehyun to the van.
johnny noticed mark had his ear buds in a clear indication he didn't want to talk about it.
it was later in the evening, and the boys had just finished eating. taeyong and doyoung were doing the dishes as the others got ready for bed.
after dinner mark went directly to his room and didn't come out since.
it was 10pm and all the members were asleep, all except 2.
mark peeked his head out of his bedroom to check if everyone was gone. he snuck through the living room and left the dorm.
johnny followed him.
mark entered the practice room and began playing Punch. he went over his part four times getting frustrated everytime thinking it wasn't good enough. he replayed the song again and thats when johnny had enough.
he walked through the door startling mark.
mark paused the music.
"oh, hey, what's up?" mark asked panting.
"mark. what the hell are you doing?" he spoke in english.
"what? i'm practicing."
"at 11 at night? you should be sleeping." johnny crossed his arms.
"johnny i don't have time for this, i've gott get this right." he turned around and clicked play on the track.
johnny sighed and walked over, taking mark's phone and turning off the song.
"what the hell johnny?!"
"you don't need to practice this much. you already have punch down." johnny said pocketing mark's phone.
mark was getting frustrated. if he didn't practice how could he get it right? he curled his hands into fists like he always does.
"johnny give me back my phone! i need to practice!"
"no you don't! you're gonna get sick if you overwork yourself! you are done practicing today."
"fine! i don't need the music anyways!" mark shouted before he started dancing in silence, slightly humming the song.
"mark, seriously dude stop."
he ignored him.
johnny walked over to stand in front of mark, he grabbed his shoulder to get him to stop dancing.
mark dug his nails into his palms as he glared at johnny.
"johnny. please just let me practice." he said in a low tone.
johnny got an inch closer to mark and noticed his white knuckles.
"mark, what are you doing?" johnny reached down and grabbed mark's hand. he opened his fist and revealed four crecent shaped cuts in his palm, all of them bleeding slightly.
"mark! what the hell? stop that!" johnny yelled as he unfolded mark's other hand.
"mark, what is going on with you?"
"johnny i just want to get better okay? why won't you let me do that?"
"becuase what your doing is unhealthy! what would happen if you passed out? you'd be here all alone for hours and none of us would've known!" it was quiet for a few seconds before johnny changed his tone.
"i'm sorry.. i don't mean to yell at you mark. i'm just worried about you, lately you've been acting wierd, you don't smile, you're laugh is fake and all you want to do is practice when you don't need to. it's just me man, can't you tell me whats wrong?"
mark thought for a moment.
it wasn't long before tears filled his eyes, johnny always had this power to get mark to talk.
johnny saw his tears and knew something serious was going on.
"it's okay mark, just tell me."
"johnny... would you be mad at me if i told you i...i hated myself?"
it took a second for johnny process what mark just said.
"mark... why on earth would you think like that?"
"i'm...i just.... i hate the way i look...i hate the way i dance..and rap... i just, hate myself." mark was full on crying now, but he didn't bother to stop it.
johnny felt his heart break.
"i'm way too skinny, i look like a fucking skeleton now... and my raps always sound so bad... not to menton my dancing----
"stop it." johnny cut him off.
"Mark, you have to know that none of that is true. You are an amazing dancer and your raps are too. You are so so talented mark. I can't believe you think that. And you are not too skinny mark. Not at all, you're perfect."
Johnny felt a tear roll down his cheek.
"Johnny? Why are you crying?" Mark said shakily.
"Becuase I... I can't believe I didn't notice... Youre my best friend and I didn't even notice you were hurting."
"Johnny come on man, this isn't your fault..."
Johnny violently slammed his chest into marks wrapping his strong arms around him tightly.
"I love you so much mark. You are amazing and perfect and have nothing to worry about. I'm always here for you and you can always talk to me."
Mark exhaled into johnnys shoulder.
"Thank you I love you too." It was almost a whisper but Johnny heard it and squeezed him harder.