Yn pov:
I woke up but everything was still dark, I felt someone's arm wrapped around me. I turned over and saw cooper sleeping peacefully, 'what a hottie' I thought to myself giggling and sat up. I checked the time on my phone and read that it said 4:56. 'Why am I up this early?' I didn't remember what time I slept last night, if it was even night. I decided I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep so I got up and walked to the bathroom. I locked the door and sat on the floor. "What am I gonna do?" I asked myself in a whisper.
(⚠️WARNING⚠️ MENTIONS OF DEATH, ANXIETY AND SELF HARM)
All of a sudden this wave of emotions over came me, I couldn't breath, I was having a panic attack but I don't cope with these well. The only way I knew that would actually help me was putting headphones on and listening to my music on blast, but of course I didn't have my phone. I tried to steady my breathing and stood up, but I couldn't. Everything began to look blurry and felt like I was gonna pass out, but I wouldn't let myself, not this early. I couldn't stop thinking about the incident, my sister, my mom, me. How it was my fault, how I could have saved them, but didn't. How I was the only survivor. I cried and turned the faucet on so nobody would hear me. I cried my eyes out and curled myself in a ball.
After 10-20 minutes my breathing began to steady and I stopped crying. I looked up at the mirror. "You bitch, you could have done so much" I said to myself with gritted teeth. I couldn't take it anymore, I rummaged threw my cabinet, not caring about the noise I was making. I reached for my little black box and opened it. There they where, in all there glory. I picked one of the razors up and pulled my pants down enough for me to have access to my thighs. I let a tear drop from my eye. "To feel a little of what you guys felt.." I whispered as I looked up at the ceiling. I did the first cut and sighed.
I continued with these actions on both legs before deciding I couldn't take it anymore. "What have I done?" I whispered to myself. I had been clean for over a month, I don't understand..WHY?!? I really am a dumb bitch. I grabbed tissues and cleaned the blood, I grabbed bandages from under the sink and put them on my legs. I felt weak, I didnt know how I would explain if someone where to find out. "Fuck..." I whispered to myself as I pulled my pants up and put in eye drops.
( ⚠️END OF WARNING ⚠️ )
I walked out of the bathroom and into my room to grab my phone. I quietly walked in and unplugged it, I then went downstairs and sat on the couch. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to go on my phone... I turned the tv on and looked for a movie to watch. I put netflix and looked in my list. I decided to watch "Mara" (scary movie) I wasn't really bothered by them, there my favorite movie genre besides thriller.
Around half way threw the movie I heard someone come downstairs. "Goodmorning" i heard, it was noah. "Hi, I'm watching a movie" I said as I pointed at the tv. "Wanna watch it with me?" I asked him. "Sure, let me just make my coffee" he replied. "Ok, I'll pause it for you" I said, I waited for him staring at the screen, scared he would find out about what happened this morning. "So, what movie is this?" He asked as he sat next to me. "Umm, It's called mara, It's a scary movie" I said. "A scary movie in the morning? There for the night though" he said and looked at the screen. "Oh, yeah I know" I said and unpaused the tv.
For the rest of the movie we kept a distance and watched the movie with the curtains covered. "Hey guys" I heard from behind us. "Hi coop" I said and got up to walk over to him. I gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "did you just wake up?" I asked him. "Yeah, what time did you wake up?" He asked me as he hugged me. "Early, a little to early.." I said and pulled him into the kitchen. "Me and noah where watching a movie but it just finished" I said as I looked in the fridge for something to make. "Do you want to go out for breakfast?" I asked him. "Sure, with every one else?" He asked. "Yeah, well if they want" I said and walked up the stairs as he followed.
I walked in Carson's room to see him on his phone. "Hi, wanna go to breakfast?" I asked him. "Sure, what time?" He asked me."uuuh, what time is it?" I asked back. "10:34" he replied. "Ok, at 11" I said and left to the hallway. I was about to ask Travis when cooper stopped me. "I already asked him, he said yes" he said as he walked me to my room, "oh, ok. Thank you" I said with a Small smile and looked in my closet for clothes. "I'm gonna shower, you can stay in here if you want" I said and kissed his cheek. "Kk, I'll wait here, alone.." he began to say, "whatever" I giggled and pushed his arm a little. He laughed back and I walked into the bathroom. I turned the water on and began to get undressed. After a while I heard someone walk in the bathroom and quickly get out, 'they probably needed there brush or something' I thought to myself.
Once I was done I grabbed my towel and dried myself off. I opened the shower curtain and saw that my clothes where gone. "The fuck?" I whispered to myself and walked out of the bathroom with my towel wrapped around me. I got in my room and saw cooper in there with my clothes next to him. "COOPER!" I yelped startling him. "AAH!" He screamed. "WHY DO YOU HAVE MY CLOTHES?!?" I asked him as I reached to get them. "I snatched them from the bathroom" he said and pulled them out of my reach. "Give them back!" I yelped. "No" he replied as he stood up with his arm extended. "Fine, I'll get some of your clothes!" I said and ran out of my room to his. "NO!!" He yelled but I locked myself inside. "Let's see, what clothes should I wear.. OOO, I like this THRASHER shirt" I said. "YN, OPEN THE DOOR WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS" he said and I laughed. "I don't know, I'm also really liking these black sweats of yours, they look comfy" I said and pulled some out. "Fine, wear my clothes. I don't care" he said in a "loving" voice. "Hah, SURE" I said and pulled on the sweats and a cool hoodie of his, with nothing underneath.
I unlocked the door and he opened it. He saw me in his clothes and stared at me in aww. "AWW BABYYYY" he said and walked over to me as he pulled me in a big hug. "What?" I asked. "My clothes look so big on you!" He said and I giggled. "Is that bad?" I asked as I smiled at him. "No, It's the opposite way around, you look so cute!" He said as he gushed, causing ME to as well . "Aww, thank you!" I said as I kissed him on the lips. "Ok, ok. Give me a spinnn" he said and I laughed. "Why?" I asked. "Because please?" He asked as he pouted his lips. "fine" i giggled and spun around for him. "Damn, your ass is big" he said and I blushed. "I've always been told that" I said winking as I walked to my room.
I waited for everyone to be done getting ready. "Hey, let's go" trav said as he peeked in my room. "Oh, okey dokey" I said and walked out to the front door. Nobody was inside anymore so I went outside. They were all jumbling into Noah's car. "Hey" I said as I got in, Carson was up front and cooper and trav were in the back. I got in between them and we started to drive off to i-hop just because.
When we arrived we got a booth and Carson sat with me and cooper. We were looking at the menu when I felt someone's hand move up my back. I looked at cooper and he put his hand in the hoodie. He looked and leaned over to me. "Your not wearing a shirt underneath?" He asked in my ear. "Or underwear" I winked as I whispered. We looked until the lady came to our table for our orders. "Hello, what can i get for you today?" She asked. We gave her our orders and she left to i don't know where.
We were having an argument about what memes were and were not funny when cooper ran his hand up my thigh, I remembered I had the bandages on so I moved his hand. He looked at me confused, "not here, what if a fan sees or something" I said as I quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek and we continued to argue. The waitress arrived with our food and another worker came by as well. "Hi, I-I'm a really big fan of you guys, can i get a p-picture?" She asked. "Of course" Carson and trav said. We leaned in together as she took a selfie with us. "I'm really sorry for being a bother, but are you living with them?" She asked me. "Oh well, I am. I streamed a couple of days ago saying I moved, but maybe you missed" I said happily. "I guess I did, I'll be sure to watch the clips, I'm sorry for bothering" she said and smiled at me. "You were no bother, it's always nice to meet fans" I said winking at her and sat back down as she walked away and the rest of breakfast consisted of scattered conversations and weird topics coming up.
When we left we decided before going back home we should go get fro-yo. I know it sounds dumb since we just ate, but these boys have a BIG appetite. "So, i think we should go to the fro yo store near the fashion valley mall" I said. "The one IN the mall or near it?" Cooper asked. "Near it, you know I was thinking maybe we should go to the mall" I said to the guys. "Yeah, I've been needing clothes, but maybe another day" Carson said. "Same here" noah replied. "Alright, we can go as a group on Saturday" I said happily. "Sounds nice" coop said and kissed me. "Yeah, it does" I replied and cuddled him giving trav more room in his seat. "GET A ROOM" he yelled and I laughed. "No" i replied and kissed him deeply. "Eew" Noah días from the front of the car and I giggled. "You'll see when we get home" coop whispered in my ear. Fuck, he's gonna see my bandages! "Mmhmm.." I replied and layed my head on his shoulder as I began to drift to sleep...
( IM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU ON A CLIFFHANGER I HATE DOING THAT, but I promise the next chapter will be good! Also, I'm sorry for the sudden warning, I didn't really plan for that :/ also, I hope you enjoyed! I made it a cliffhanger because it was getting to long, and it seemed it would be better this way. Thank you for reading!! <3)