☆꧁ 5 ꧂☆
By the time Ryujin is ready to go out for her last medication and psychotherapy, she just waits from the living room. The exact time alloted for her is thirty minutes before she already finished readying herself. Maybe because she is too excited to go.
The floors are brushed and shone to the edges by the two maknaes, since they happily volunteered to do so.
Two feet are propped on top of the coffee table, Yeji notices Ryujin on the couch, and her eyes bulge from remembering something, "Oh that's why. I remember, this is your last day, am I right?"
"Yeppie duppie."
Yeji walks closer to her and she pinches the cheek of the pink haired girl. "Yeji, I don't like my cheeks be touched." Yeji laughs at the furrowed face Ryujin. "Oh, except for that cutie rookie boy."
The phrase felt like a plangent storm intruding a sunny day in a field. Anything related to him makes her overthink and blue and all the sad things. She is not ready to talk about him. Not now. And not from Yeji. But her physical appearance says otherwise, as she emits a happy face, trying to change the topic, "What's your favorite thing to do in our little vacation?"
Ryujin's feet cross over each other, her body already tilted towards Yeji, who is thinking, "Now that I have just realized.. in our every vacation, I tend to watch cooking videos and I also am trying to apply them in real life. Oh yeah, and I try new habits like reading and writing."
Ryujin is relieved that Yeji is fast to be distracted away in just a small move. She listens to Yeji's enthusiastic share of thoughts, her body seemed to be super alive from the energy she has for today's subject when a car honks from outside. Ryujin steps outside the doorway, she tilts her head to look at Yeji, "Tell Lia to get ready after this." She flashes her a beam and closes the door.
"Okay!" Yeji climbs upstairs. She's passed a door, and another, but halted, once she notices from her peripheral vision to the figure from the second door. She checks it and she finds Chaeryeong sitting on a desk. Her hand holds a pen, her face is focused from scribbling on a paper. When Yeji comes forward, she is astonished of the work of art in front of her.
Chaeryeong is sketching a thing she can't tell of. She flinches when she felt surprised of the figure beside her. "I thought I was sensing someone staring at me." Her hand is on her chest. Yeji hasn't heard of what Chaeryeong said as she was busy staring at the beautiful artwork.
"You've got a lot of talent, Chaer. I envy you."
Chaeryeong's solemn gaze besotted for a moment within Yeji and her ears are perked up from the reply of the member, "For me, you're the most talented person I know."
☆~•°
As the SUV arrives at the familiar facade of a health center, it is parked into an area only exclusive and known by the Shin family. The advantage is that, too few of people pass by in the place, which is a relief to Ryujin. It is free from cctv's and to any media cameras that may coincidentally appear. Before Ryujin would step outside, she clips her hair, covering it with her beanie. Shw then wears a disposable face mask, this may indicate that she can be ill. The usual same thing she would do in this situation, of course, for protection cases.
Ten meters away from the estate of the hospital, Ryujin is already walking cautiously and calmly, with her four bodyguards trailing behind her at seven meters. Here's the best part-- they should not act like they are bodyguards as to why it would definitely be a very transparent and obvious thing to happen if it would. Just imagine that people will be raising suspicion and curiosity, as they would stare and stare at Ryujin and back to the men, with Ryujin covering almost all of her face.
The street is almost empty with cars, Ryujin is thankful of it. It takes more steps until she is now in front of the frosted glass door. Ryujin does not bother knocking as she is the only client scheduled at the current time. The bodyguards sit outside on the long benches.
She and the secretary send each others a smile. "Come in, Ryujin." She gestures to the closed door a few feet away from her side. Ryujin follows. She goes inside and is already being welcomed by a familiar air, the same scent the doctor is using ever since she came here on day one.
Park Minhye is sitting professionally on her black, comfortable chair. Her eyes are down on the paper she is scanning, "Good afternoon, Ryujin." She lifts her head to meet the teenager's eyes. She notices a good, happy spark contained in those orbs.
"Hello, doctor."
Minhye beams, "This is your last day of psychotherapy and medication. How does it feel?"
"I feel very satisfied. I'm also very thankful."
"Mm-hm.." Minhye's smile reaches to her ears, Ryujin has to smile because of it. Her hands move to signify Ryujin what comes next. Ryujin clears her throat, "Well.. last morning I jogged for thirty minutes straight. I did some mindful activities by coloring drawings and reading poems."
"..Today is a yellow day."
"That's great, you have been doing my suggested activities. This is the last session we will be having. Need I remind you that after two months, you would visit me for the final psychotherapy, okay? If I'd be a teacher I would give you an A+ for always taking your SSRI's at the exact times. Great job, Ryujin."
Ryujin chuckles. Her hands rest motionlessly on her lap. She recalls how she would momentarily take all her SSRI's on a particular day. She feels a little sad now that this would be the second last.
Ryujin is assisted towards the encephalography room. After, they return to the desk of Minhye. They stay for twenty minutes more with the therapy. Five minutes before she's dismissed, the bodyguards go outside and get the SUV, and parks in front of the entrance. Ryujin bids Park Minhye a good bye before she finally opens the door and leaves. In cool, long strides, Ryujin passed the crowdful hospital fast and unnoticeable.
☆~•°
Ryujin and Lia steps into the empty dance room. They switch the air conditioner on and they wait for ten minutes for the whole room to cool. Ryujin plops down the sofa with her phone in her hands. Both girls are too immersed in their own worlds until the ten-minute wait is over. They start to warm-up.
Facing and looking over the mirror, Ryujin and Lia cools down with doing quick jumps. Loud thumps echo around the room by the wood floor.
The song 'Cherry'starts playing in the background. Ryujin and Lia commences the dance from the beginning of the song until the break dance. "Unnie, didn't you memorize it already since the last practice?"
"Maybe... yes, but I tend to forget so I was always left behind." The grimace on Lia's face made Ryujin smile. Little did Lia knew how sweet the smile is. Ryujin bobs her head, moving forward, she looks at Lia from the mirror. "Can you dance it for me?"
It sounded an order rather than a request. Lia suppresses her scoff as she carefully executes her dance moves. Ryujin is intently watching Lia's dance steps, and, like a professional judge, her eyes flit to a body part to another. Her face too solemn and almost too intimidating to look at, without Lia actually knowing.
The song ends, Lia is now looking at Ryujin--who is gazing at the body of Lia. "How was it?"
Ryujin walks closer to her, she is finding all the things she would like to point out to Lia, "You actually knew the whole part, it's just that your moves aren't that sharp and on point. You have to maintain a sharp movement."
"The first part is when we move our shoulders like this.." Ryujin dances the part as she corrects them. Lia studies the choreography and she joins her. Their shoulder jolt up and down as if they would break. The swift, sharp movements of Ryujin makes it easier for Lia to learn.
This is why Ryujin is the best dancer here. Even the difficult parts makes it easy because of her. She just feels the music as if it beats only for her.
"Good, good! You did it!" Ryujin raises her thumbs. "After that, we would move backwards, your arms aren't stable from extending it like this.." Ryujin does the step, like when she is just grabbing a bunch of hay one hand and another, her legs bend down as she does so, "Make it consistent, shall we?"
Ryujin watches Lia do it, when she notices something underneath, "Your legs, spread and open them up more." Ryujin's hand gestures to the right. Lia does what she's told and once finishes, she anticipates for Ryujin's reaction.
"Good." Ryujin claps. She moves to the music player to replay the song. She insists to dance the whole song again joining Lia. And then, Lia would do another, with Ryujin to inspect again.
As the song comes to an end, Lia gasps for air. She extends her arms signaling Ryujin for a bottle of water. Ryujin hurriedly gets one from the coffee table and hands it to her. "Ah, unnie! You were so good!"
Lia collapses on the ground after swigging down the water inside her throat. She laughs loud, Ryujin lies beside her, resting her hands flat on her stomach. She can hear Ryujin's voice close on her body.
"There was one time our teacher made me master the break dance on Icy. I was literally gasping for air. I was too embarrassed to open my mouth freely and so I suppressed it until my practice was over. I collide on the ground when teacher was facing her back on mine. When she hears the loud sound coming from me, she literally jumped and she looks over at me in concern." The airy laugh rings inside the ears of Lia.
"What happened next?"
Ryujin amusedly imitates their teacher, her mouth in various forms of shapes, squinting her eyes, "Oh my god, Ryujin, are you okay?"
Lia erupts in laughter. Her full front teeth are showing. They start talking about random topics until silence wraps within them.
"Tell me, unnie, have you ever been in love?"
"Of course I've been in love, I'm in love with my family and Jesus for the rest of my life."
Ryujin whines. "Unnie, that's not what I meant--" "Well you should really try choosing the right words for what you imply."
"Have you ever fallen in love with someone romantically?" Ryujin's fast reply splits up Lia's hearing system, as the younger emphasizes each words with stress.
The latter meets the awaiting eyes, their heads tilt to face each other. "Maybe yes. Maybe no."
The look on Ryujin's face is as if she has just overpassed every trouble out of her life. She puts her right hand on her head, elbow sticking on the ground. Her eyes never leaving on Lia's. "Yes or no are the only answers. We dont accept safe answers here."
Irritated, Lia sends a glare at Ryujin, she replies in an aggressive tone, "Why not? Can't I express what I truly feel about something?"
"How come you can never express your feelings other than knowing what's the truth and not? Or maybe, you're just denying--"
Ryujin is cut off with Lia's wavering voice, "I never intend to be so unsure of them, all I have always wanted was to know what my real feelings are. It turnt out unexpectedly from what I wanted."
"Care to share why?"
Lia is dumbfounded of how open-minded and confident Ryujin is in the topic. She half-wants, half-doesn't want to explain why. There's too many details. Maybe I'll be judged. Or maybe I just don't want do bring that up.
Silence. Ryujin looks over at Lia who's eyes dart to a specific space on the ceiling. It is a melancholic-longing look she has just witnessed straight from Lia's flawless face. She immediately felt guilty (a little, or not) for bringing it up.
"I guess not."
Ryujin drags herself up like a pro athlete doing sit-ups as her legs smoothly balances herself up to stand. She fishes for her phone inside her pocket, as if waiting for a message. She puts it back once she sees none as she twists her torso back to Lia, "Unnie. Let's go. It's half past six already."
The ride to the dormitory is a dead silence. All Ryujin did was to play her favorite game on her phone. As they arrive, Ryujin and Lia go to the kitchen to eat their snacks then up to their room.
☆~•°
Lia is sitting straight on a stool, staring at her solemn appearance on the vanity mirror.
"Have you ever fallen in love with someone romantically?"
The words strike back again inside of Lia's empty mind. Behind the lifeless eyes of hers lies a huge knot of melancholic mess. Maybe I have fallen in love with someone.
If you always think of him even on the most random things and time, your heart skips a beat every single time you see him, and ghosting him as a sign of immaturity, does that mean you fell in love? You really fell in love?
Past memories came running like a videocassette tape. The littlest of happiness in Lia vacuumed out into nothingness. She stayed still for a while, as silence wraps around the whole dorm bed room. Ryujin just finished showering when she notices Lia. She was in utter surprise when Lia speaks out of the blue, "You were asking me earlier, if I have fallen in love?"
Ryujin stares at her as she stands against the closet, a towel in her hands, drying up her hair. Lia rotates her body to face her, "I maybe have fallen in love. Maybe yes. No... I did."
Ryujin smirks at her shyness. Of course, in her mind, she did. But earlier in the dance room, she already had the gut feeling Lia DID fall in love with someone. Whether it may be too little or too short of a time. She possibly, had a hundred percent chance did.
Lia went on, "I fell in love once, with this guy in my senior year. He was a classmate." Lia bitterly smiles. Ryujin stays quiet.
"I'm going to share now." Lia insists. Ryujin laughs at the direct point as she nods her head, telling Lia to continue. "Why did I fell in love? I'm not going to say the word 'with' to include in that statement. I am not that complacent."
She can be too humble and soft-hearted when it comes to someone she loves.
"Well, he was really, really pretty. We were close. I thought he's giving motives. But it turnt out that he was...gay."
Ryujin's eyes bulge in surprise. Wow, what a twisty plot.
"That must be hard."
"It really was. It takes me more or less than five months to move on."
"Does he know?"
Lia averts her eyes, "Yes. I confessed. Just after that, I was confused why he was a bit of scared and so surprised, only that to hear from his very mouth that he and I are interested in the same gender."
"Do you believe that you can change the person's sexual orientation?"
"No."
"These past years I didn't. But now that I have seen so many of this case, it changed my mind. It can be pretty possible how you can turn a person through your purest of love." Ryujin gazes at Lia. It was so intense that Lia has to look away. "Altering is never bad unless you're too forceful. Altering them because you've changed the person inside, that even the outside has taken effect. Well that's just.. huge. That person you love has a very strong impact on your love that it just proves what the impossible may seem possible."
Lia is awestruck. Her lips part slightly as their gazes don't tear apart. It is eight in the evening. They have to sleep early for tomorrow. The words cut deep in Lia's heart, tears start to form in her eyes and fall helplessly. The younger one hasn't noticed it as she is preparing her bed already. Lia is fast to wipe the tears out. She finally stands up and also prepare herself before she sleeps.
☆~•°
The cicadas in the night are already making noises from the tree branches. The estate of the TXT dorm on the outside is peaceful and quiet. Not until faint deep voices are to be heard. All the lights are on in every part of the building. Five young boys are inside the dining room as they dig in to their dinner.
Yeonjun is sitting in front. His voice is all that is mostly heard in the four corners of the room. "Hyuka, didn't I tell you that that part is mine?!" His small eyes widen as he points his long fingers out to the maknae, who is busy eating his chicken.
Huening tilts his head up to look at Yeonjun, "What? But I didn't hear you."
"Hyung is so loud I can't barely focus here on my food." Beomgyu sniggers as he leans his head to Taehyun, who's plastering an annoyed face to Yeonjun.
Yeonjun shushed Beomgyu as he continues with his scrunched face, "Don't lie, you can be a good actor. But now is not the time to use that skill."
Soobin claps his hands as he laughs. The other three members are laughing with him, too amused with the snap of Yeonjun. Huening's little lift in the one corner of his lips appear, he just shakes his head not knowing how and when to defend the attack of Yeonjun.
"Kids, calm down. Eat the food as it is still warm and yummy." Taehyun says amidst the chaotic environment he is in. His madness takes a toll on his hands that stabs his beef cutlet like it was being murdered.
"Heard Taehyun? Be quiet and just stick your own mouths to your plates and dig in." Beomgyu concurs. The boys settle in maintaining a silent atmosphere after Beomgyu's statement.
Beomgyu devours his food as if he is passionate in it for years. He and Soobin cooked dinner. Where he made Ramen and fried chicken and Soobin did Bulgogi and fried rice.
After a couple of minutes they go inside their rooms. Beomgyu slips his body under the comforter to warm himself. The boys are out of sight and so he grabs the chance to do something he can never let the boys know.
He grabs his phone on the night stand and searched the name 'Itzy'on YouTube. Thousands of videos came appearing on his screen. He scans them as he scrolls down, when a particular variety show attracted his eyes and he presses it.
His dry lips become drier as he stares at the playing video. Beomgyu is sitting against the head rail, who is unseemingly glad and wants himself undisturbed for tonight. In the whole video, he's been looking for the sole person everyday--the pink, short haired girl with bright smile and whisker dimple, radiating all the places she is in. Beomgyu gazes the face of the beaming Ryujin, she laughs from the screen, she is lively there, and the last time they talked has her voice laced with grief and brokenness he can't decipher what.
Her voice was the very reason to light up his world. Now that she is not the least near at him, he has to try his best on cheering himself up.
He remembered how cold and distant Ryujin's voice was on the line. Beomgyu's bland eye is fixed on every move of Ryujin. He wants to smile because he's seeing her, but his lips don't say so.
I miss you. So much. I hope you know that. I hope you knew that I love you more than you'd ever know.
Don't you know that I always crave for your presence?
Your presence alone lets me escape these jars of endless dejection of mine.
Shin Ryujin, you're the sole reason that keeps me going, in times of frustration. I guess I have to stay in tact until we see each other again.