He squats down to my height.
"Hey, Talisa. I am Gloss, from District One. I know you don't want to be touched right now, but let me help you, okay? Just take my hand. I won't ever hurt you."
I stare at him, his outstretched hand, but his voice made the sounds go away, the images that I know will forever plague my mind. Slowly I grab his hand and he pulls me up, careful not to move too close towards me. My dress moved up and to the side, revealing more than it should, but Gloss doesn't even look. "Come on. Let's get you to your room."
"I can't find my keycard", I croak out and use the mirrored wall to brace myself, since my legs are still unsteady.
Gloss nods. "You can stay at my place. I take the floor, you can have the bed."
I nod slowly, not knowing what else to do and Gloss swipes his keycard over the panel in the wall.
It is like my mind is zooming in and out, getting in and out of focus, because I only am back to reality when Gloss speaks again. "If you want to shower or something, you can do that. I will stay here, you can lock the door. I can also give you something else to wear, if that is what you prefer?"
I nod, wanting to get that thing off my body as quickly as possible. Gloss still holds my hand and leads me towards the bathroom. "Here. Wait two seconds, I will give you something fresh."
He gives me sweatpants and a long sleeved, soft shirt. I disappear into the bathroom, scrubbing my skin with peelings under burning hot water, with gels and in shower lotions, everything to just get his touch away from me, his hands, his body.
It must have been an hour, but Gloss doesn't knock or rush me. Him being here must mean that he has to do it too. I remember my conversation with Finnick on the roof, when he told me that sometimes he would have rather died in the arena. And of course he is good looking, so he has to do it too. They do it because everybody has somebody to protect.
After I was done and got dressed, while having another breakdown I slowly stepped out of the bathroom. Gloss changed as well. From a tight fitted black dress shirt and dress pants, into sweatpants and a loose shirt. He put down a pillow and the bedcover onto the floor, but is sitting in the small seating space, reading a book.
"I would ask you if you are okay, but you are clearly not, so just know that you can talk if you are ready to. As said, I will take the floor."
"I...Uhm..floor", I mumble, wrapping my arms around myself, but I think that Gloss understands it and nods. "If you want to take the floor that is fine as well."
So I lay down on the floor, wrapping myself in the duvet and try to sleep, which doesn't work so well and when I finally just pass out, the sleep isn't very peaceful and I wake up thrashing and crying. I hurry to the bathroom and throw up until my throat feels raw.
"Hey. I am coming into the bathroom, okay?", Gloss announces from outside the room and then opens the door.
I sit against the wall after I flushed and close my eyes, signing.
"Not the first time that happened?", the victor questions and I nod.
"Not always. At home I don't get sick, but here or on the train it happens sometimes."
Gloss is careful. He moves slowly and hands me a glass of water, crouching down instead of hovering over me. I believe that he has done this before, taking care of someone like me. "The seats might be a little more comfortable."
I nod and sit up, following him out of the bathroom and move towards the chairs, but then I see my reflection in the window that makes the fourth wall of the room and I am right back in the apartment from the politician guy. Gloss is still on the other side of the room. "You need to breathe. Remember that you are safe here okay?"
I do. There is nobody pulling zippers or grabbing my arms or throwing me on a bed.
"Okay", I say and only then he comes closer and sit in the chair opposite of the one I now settle in. "You don't have to stay up with me",I say and grab one of the books on the table. It is about psychology and its connection to human evolution.
"It's fine, don't worry about me."
So we read in silence, until it is morning and we can leave. The staff at the reception tells us that we are in the same train, but Gloss has only an hour ride, while I once again have to drive about 7 or 8 hours. The moment we step out on the street and I see Capitolmen I recoil and bump into Gloss, who immediately steps back, to not touch me in any way. I am very grateful for his consideration, his kindness and I hope to be able to repay him one day.
We talk a little during the ride and I thank him for just being there. I would never have guessed that he would be this person. His tough looking exterior and the fact that he is a career makes one think differently.