Eric's Burger Job
The gang was all hanging out in the basement, yet again. Jackie was standing, blissfully listening to a song and swaying from side to side, while everyone sat there annoyed. Izzy was in Hyde's lap, her head resting on his chest and his arms around her waist. She had her hands over her ears, desperately trying not to hear the same song that Jackie had forced them to listen to all afternoon.
"Ooh, ooh, I just wanna hear the guitar solo one more time!" Jackie said, going to start the tape over.
"Not again. Use the headphones." Hyde huffed. Jackie made a face at him, then plugged in the headphones and put them on. "Good, now wrap the cord around your neck."
"Steven! Not nice." Izzy said, laughing. He just replied by putting her hands back over her ears, which made her laugh even more.
"Hey, would you guys respect me if I worked in the town dump?" Eric asked, looking at the job offers in the paper.
"The town dump?" Donna asked. "No. Now the state dump... wait, why are you looking for a job?"
Eric sighed. "Everything costs money! Gas, clothes... fun."
"Dates. Dates cost money." Kelso pointed out.
"No Kelso, that is prostitution!" Fez said, smiling proudly at his comment.
Hyde pointed at Fez. "Dating is prostitution, man! Only you don't always get what you pay for."
Izzy looked up at Hyde, her mouth open. "That is disgusting."
"Yet true."
"Said the man who's never had a girlfriend." Donna said.
Hyde scowled. "What, you guys don't remember Esther, the biker chick?"
"Hey, whatever happened to her?" Eric asked.
"She dated my uncle."
Izzy rolled her eyes. "What a winner."
Donna got up from her seat. "Well, I'm going home for dinner." She paused, then glanced at Eric. "Oh, by the way, Mom and Dad are going to the Playboy Club at Lake Geneva. Do you guys want souvenirs?"
"Ashtrays." Hyde immediately said.
"An art career?" Izzy added.
"A woman!" Fez sighed.
Jackie walked over to Donna excitedly. "Your parents are gonna be out of town.... really?"
Donna's eyes were still on Eric. "Yeah. I mean, I'll be babysitting my sister Tina all weekend. Just me... alone... watching TV." She sighed heavily. "I might order a pizza."
Kelso gasped loudly. "I've got an idea!" He yelled. "We'll have a party at Donna's. A toga party!"
"Michael. Michael!" Jackie scolded. "Maybe Donna doesn't wanna have a party. Maybe she wants to be alone."
Donna sighed again, even more dramatically. "Yeah, just me... alone. If someone happens to stop by, that'd be cool."
Kelso jumped to his feet. "So we're on! I'll bring the beer!"
"Donna, I have never been to an American party. May I come?" Fez asked.
Donna just brushed him off. "Uh, I don't care. So, um, Eric? Are you gonna be there?"
Eric looked up from the newspaper. "Yeah, yeah. That sounds fun."
"Cool." Donna said, looking relieved. "Catch you guys later."
Once the door was fully closed behind her, Jackie walked between Eric and Kelso and smacked both of them on the back of their heads. "You are both so stupid!"
"What?! Why!" Eric asked. Jackie just groaned and walked out of the basement.
"Well, this is a first," Hyde mumbled. "I actually agree with Jackie."
Izzy nodded. "Yeah, I think she's right. You're stupid, Eric." She paused. "Very stupid. Very, very, very-"
"Donna just put on the full court press, man!" Hyde continued. "And you dropped the ball."
Eric looked bewildered. "What are you talking about? All she said was she'd be alone on Saturday night with a pizza- oh god, I'm so stupid."
-
"So, Dad," Eric said at the kitchen table. "The guys and I are thinking about getting jobs. There's an interview at Fatso Burger tomorrow-"
"What? I want in on this!" Izzy said. "I want to be included!"
"You always want to be included!" Eric said.
She gasped. "Do not!"
"Do too! I include you in everything!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Kids!" Red said, effectively stopping the bickering.
Kitty walked over, shaking her head. "You kids already have jobs. It's your job to get good grades, go to college and leave me!"
"Mom, I'll never leave you. When I get a badass-"
"Don't say badass, Isabelle."
"When I get a very cool art scholarship and go to New York, I promise I'll take you with me."
Kitty smiled and set her hand over Izzy's. "Oh, Isabelle." She patted Izzy's hand lovingly. "I'd rather be dead in Wisconsin than alive in dirty dirty New York."
Eric cleared his throat. "So... about the job?"
"When I was your age I worked in a slaughterhouse," Red said. "It was a good experience. I learned how to use a hammer."
"Daddy!" Izzy said, disgusted as she and Kitty set down their forks.
Eric thought for a moment. "I don't think I want to work at a slaughterhouse. Jackie's dad owns the new Fatso Burger, I think we're gonna try to get a job there."
"There is plenty of time later to get a job to grind the joy out of your life!" Kitty said, shaking her head.
"It's never too early for that." Red said. "But let me tell you something, work is not about fun. It's about work. It's about seeing how much crap you can take from the boss man and then taking some more." He leaned forward in his seat. "Look at me. Only quitters quit!"
The only thing Eric seemed to take away from that was, "So, can I work?"
Red grinned. "Well, we're sure as hell gonna find out now, aren't we?"
-
Later on, in the basement, Izzy, Hyde, and Donna were hanging out. Hyde was sitting in his chair with Izzy on his lap, who was absentmindedly playing with the fabric of his shirt, but he didn't mind. Donna sat on the couch, her mind clearly occupied.
"So." Hyde said. "Big party Saturday night."
Donna nodded. "Whoopee."
Izzy giggled. "I can't believe my brother missed all those signals. Boys are so stupid." She ran her thumb along Hyde's jawline. He swatted her hand away, a smile on his face.
"What signals?" Donna asked confusedly.
"Oh no, poor me, all alone in my big house!" Hyde said, pitching his voice up an octave, which made Izzy burst into laughter. "Just me and my nightie! If only there was some scrawny little neighbor boy here to save me!"
Donna scoffed. "He's not scrawny-"
"Yes, he is," Izzy and Hyde said in unison.
The redhead paused, then scoffed. "You know, why am I even talking to you two?"
Hyde shrugged. "We're all you got."
Donna collapsed at Hyde's words, laying on the couch like a psychiatrist's patient would. "Oh my God, so everyone knows!"
Hyde picked up a pencil. "I'm afraid so."
"I just wanted to spend some time with him alone, and now I can't!"
Izzy caught onto the bit, taking Hyde's sunglasses and sliding them down to the tip of his nose, as though they were spectacles. He winked at her gratefully, then turned back to Donna. "And how does this make you feel?"
"Frustrated! It's frustrating as hell! I mean I really put myself out there."
"I see. Now, do you have trouble sleeping at night?"
"Sometimes, yeah."
He smirked. "Do you think you'd sleep better if you had a scrawny little neighbor boy up next to you?!" Izzy threw her head back with laughter, and Hyde looked pretty proud of himself.
Donna got up and began to head out of the basement. "I don't know why I'm taking relationship advice from two people who can't see what's right in front of them."
Izzy scowled. "I see what's right in front of me! That coffee table!"
"Yeah, and what's right in front of me is all your damn hair, Izzy Bee."
"Exactly!" Donna yelled, already out the door.
-
When it came time for the party, everyone was hanging out in Donna's yard, waiting for something to happen. Until Kelso came running at full speed in, wearing a toga, followed by a very disappointed Jackie. "Toga! Toga! Toga!" He chanted at full volume.
Hyde looked amused. "Hey man, nice dress." Kelso began to hand him a beer, then Donna, then kept one for himself. Hyde groaned. "You only brought three beers, Meathead?!"
Kelso shrugged. "We'll share! Izzy, you want a sip of mine?"
She laughed and took it. "Thanks, I know how precious giving me a sip of one-third of the party's entire beer supply is."
Hyde sighed and cracked open his can. "Here's to our wasted youth, huh?"
-
Later on, Donna walked up to Hyde and Izzy. She found them on her outdoor couch, trying to see how many M&Ms they could balance on Izzy's face as she laid down. They never ended up getting past ten, though. Izzy seemed to start shaking whenever they got close, getting far too excited about potentially breaking the ten-M&M record.
"I'm miserable," Donna mumbled, crossing her arms. "This party sucks."
Hyde looked up from placing an M&M on the tip of Izzy's nose. "You know what'll make you feel better? Scrawny little neighbor boy."
Izzy sat up, the candies all falling onto herself. She picked one off her chest and ate it, resulting in a strange look from Hyde. "Why don't you take off, go see him, and we'll watch the kids. Sound good?"
Donna smiled. "Really? Thanks, Mom and Dad!"
Hyde belched and said, "You're welcome," resulting in Izzy yelling "Gross!!" and Hyde tackling her back onto the couch, burying his head into her neck.
-
Once Donna was gone, Hyde crumpled up their empty beer can and tossed it into the trash. "Well. What'd'you know Kelso, we're outta beer." He paused, then smiled. "You know what? Red's got a fridge in the garage, and I know he's got beer in it."
Izzy's eyes widened. "You are not gonna steal beer from my dad!"
Hyde grinned. "I'm not. We are."
So Hyde, Izzy, Kelso, and Fez all crept into the garage. Which was obviously a stupid idea. They all knew it. Did that stop them?
"There you are!"
The lights flicked on as soon as Hyde set his hand on the fridge door. Leaning against the doorway, enjoying a beer of his own, was Red. He raised an eyebrow. "Here for something?"
Izzy hid behind Hyde as quick as she could, certain that she had effectively avoided her father. Kelso pointed at Fez. "It's his idea!"
"Remind me to kick your ass." Fez whispered.
"Uh... hey, Red! Um- Uh- Are Izzy and Eric around?" Hyde asked awkwardly.
Red smirked. "Well Eric's sure as hell's not in that fridge... And- oh! I think we found Isabelle!" He said, walking over and putting a hand on Hyde's shoulder, moving him out of the way to reveal his youngest daughter.
"Hi Daddy." She said quietly.
"Come with me." He said sternly, walking into the house. He turned back around. "The rest of you wisenheimers scram!" All the boys ran in separate directions.
Izzy followed her father into the kitchen, where he pulled out a chair and pointed at it. She eyed the chair warily, knowing what was coming. It wasn't just any chair that he had pulled out, oh no. It was the lecture chair.
She sat down silently, waiting for the speech to come. Instead, he just kneeled down, meeting her at eye-level.
"Isabelle, listen." His voice was shockingly calm. "I know you're a good kid. You know you're a good kid. You've got your art crap to keep you busy, you've got good grades..." He sighed. "Look, you don't need to be running around with those dumbasses." Izzy looked down at her hands, unsure what to do.
Red sighed and stood back up. "Okay, I see I won't get anywhere with that, then." He crossed his arms. "You're better than them, Isabelle. You're better than your brother, and your sister- hell, even me sometimes. Don't make stupid decisions. You'll thank yourself later on." Red offered her a hand and she took it, standing up.
"That's all?" She asked. "No 'You're grounded till college, Missy!' or anything like that?"
Red grinned. "If you insist."
Izzy's eyes widened. "Wait, Daddy, that's not what I-"
"Grounded for a week. Now get to bed."
So, Izzy trudged up her stairs and opened her door to find Kelso rummaging through her closet and Hyde admiring her walls. She was very proud of her walls by now, which were covered from floor to ceiling in paintings that she had hung up.
"What are you guys doing in here?" She asked tiredly.
Hyde looked over. "This one's cool."
She walked over to him, looking at the painting he had been studying. It wasn't one she had expected for him to like. It was just an oil painting of a sunset, using all of Izzy's favorite shades of pink, purple, and orange. It wasn't anything special, but it was beautiful.
He nudged her. "Can I have it?"
She opened her mouth to respond, but was pulled out of focus when she was hit in the head with a stuffed giraffe. She looked over to find that Kelso had discovered- oh no.
"Why do you have so many stuffed animals, Forwoman?" Kelso asked, throwing a teddy bear at her again.
Her eyes widened. "Those were perfectly organized in my closet, you dumbass!" Kelso just grinned and threw another one. "Stop that!" And another one. "Stop!"
Soon, it turned into an all-out war between Izzy and Kelso.
Hyde was standing on her bed, narrating it like a sports match. "Forman throws Ellie the Elephant at Kelso, who narrowly dodges and retaliates with Lucy the Leopard!" He broke character for a second and turned to Izzy. "Really, Izzy Bee? You're a full-on artist and yet these names are so not creative."
Suddenly there were footsteps up the stairs. Izzy's head flew to her door, then back to the boys, one of whom was still throwing toys everywhere. "You guys need to leave."
Hyde stopped. "What? Why?"
"I'm grounded, thanks to you idiots. If my dad comes up and sees you in here, I'll never see the light of day again! Get out! I - How did you even get in here?"
Kelso nodded towards her window. "We climbed in."
"Then climb back out! Seriously!" She said, ushering the two boys towards the window. Kelso started to climb down the tree branches that were right outside.
Hyde followed Kelso, stopping partway and resting his chin on the windowsill. "No goodnight kiss?" He pouted jokingly. Izzy just sighed and started to close her window, making him retract his head. "Fine, sorry! I want that painting, though!"
After she was sure they were gone, the knocking on her door started. She breathed out a sigh of relief, before walking over and opening it to find Eric.
"Hi!- oh, you're not Dad." Izzy said, letting him in.
He looked in bewilderment at the state her room was in. He gasped loudly. "Why is Lacey the Leopard in your trash can?!" He asked, running over to retrieve the toy.
Izzy laughed, starting to pick up her room. "I had some visitors."
Eric nodded in realization, helping her clean. "Is that why it vaguely smells like weed, sweat, and disappointment in here?"
"Duh."
"Ah." He paused. "So how was the party?"
Izzy looked at him proudly. "I balanced nine M&Ms on my face!"
"Alright!" He cheered, high-fiving her.
The two cleaned her room for a few more minutes, mostly just enjoying the silence. This was something that Izzy enjoyed about her relationship with Eric. The rest of their family was so loud--and they were too, a lot of the time--but with each other, a comfortable silence was a common occurrence. The silence stayed until Izzy looked up at her brother. "Do you really like Donna?"
He looked up in surprise, then a small smile formed on his face. "I do." He paused. "Do you like Hyde?"
Izzy stared at her brother. She remembered the night of the concert, when Kelso asked her almost the same question. As she opened her mouth to respond, Eric just kept talking.
"You're too good for this town, ya know? You deserve to be somewhere else- somewhere better than Boringtown, USA."
She huffed. "Everyone's always saying that. Steven, Dad, you... it's not much help if I can't go anywhere."
"Yet." Eric reminded her, pointing at her with a teddy bear.
She laughed. "Yet."