It's been about two months since I was discharged at the hospital, which was on my fifth day there. I've been happily working at Big Hit with my friends and we actually have a new employee to take Sora's spot. They actually do their job. When Leah's sister Kaylen moved in with her she needed a job and Big Hit just so happened to have an open spot for the exact job she was looking for, being a dance instructor. She got along really well with everyone and even the trainees enjoyed her. The best part about it was that she wasn't two-faced and also had no interest in ruining my life so that was nice. I had moved in with my uncle a week after I was discharged and I'm definitely loving the company as well as the space. No more apartment, I was living in an actual home for the first time in fifteen years. At the moment though, my uncle is on a trip to America for business so lately, I've had everyone over to hang out.
Leah and Jin have been on a few dates. She had realized her feelings for him while she helped me figure out mine with Yoongi. I was happy for her while Jungkook and Taehyung were a little upset, I guess they had a little bit of a thing for her, not really sure but Leah and Jin look pretty cute together. They aren't official, they just date... for now. As for me, I had decided to go on a date with Namjoon, seeing that Yoongi wanted to be just friends. The date was actually really nice but I just wasn't into Namjoon romantically. Unfortunately, my heart still belongs to Yoongi. Every time we hung out, my heart would race and butterflies would flutter in my stomach.
Which brings us to today's conversation. In Leah's living room, on the couch. Chatting about my feelings for Yoongi with Kaylen and Leah.
"Y/N, you can't just keep it in forever, it's unhealthy." Leah said with a sigh as she leaned further into her couch.
"Leah's right you know." Kaylen added as she took a sip of her tea.
"Of course I'm right!"
"I know. I know. I'm just worried about our friendship and being rejected." My face was flushed red as I looked down messed with the hair tye on my wrist.
"You shouldn't worry about that. It's the same stupid shit I did and look at me. I finally grew a pair and told Jin how I felt. I was lucky enough that he felt the same way. Now, if you were to be rejected by Yoongi, don't you think that would help as well? It would be so much easier for you to move on. The only thing holding you back from moving on is that 'what if'. Just tell him and you'll figure out the 'what if'." Leah had a point, I couldn't move on from Yoongi because of the constant thought of, what would happen if I told him, would run through my mind.
"You should do it, stop making the man wait." Kaylen smiled kindly at me but I was still unsure.
"I don't know..."
"Just go for it!" They shouted simultaneously.
"You only live once." Leah pushed. I sent her a small smirk while I crossed my arms.
"Actually I died twice and I came back to life so technica-"
"Oh hush you." Leah groaned and sat up to grab my phone from the table. I perked up at her with fear and curiosity.
"Uh, what are you doing?"
"Telling Yoongi to meet you at the park tonight at eight because you have something important to tell him." My eyes widen and I launch at her to get my phone back but she quickly hops off the couch and locks herself in the bathroom with my phone. I groan out in embarrassment while Kaylen is still on the couch laughing her ass off.
"Yoongi said okay!" Leah shouted from the bathroom and I screamed.
"What! Oh my god! What am I going to do! What the fuck am I going to say?!" Leah walked out of the bathroom while Kaylen came up to me.
"Hey calm down. It's going to be alright. You got this." They helped me breathe and calm down. We all sat back on the couch and discussed what was going to happen.
"Whatever you do Y/N if it goes a little too well. I want you to have this." Leah suddenly whipped out a condom from her bra. I stared at it with a red face and refused to take it.
"Leah I can't use that."
"It's called protection for a reason. It will protect you from his di-"
"Alright, Leah that's enough." Kaylen chuckled as she tried to change the subject.
~§~
I arrived at the park and took a seat on a bench with a pretty view of the flowers and greenery of the area. I pulled up my phone to check the time to see it was seven, fifty-six. I then noticed my phone was close to dying so I set it down and waited for Yoongi.
I waited a while longer and checked the time again.
Eight, ten.
He was late. At that moment my phone died. Now I couldn't call Yoongi to see when he would get here but thankfully I had worn a watch. I waited longer, enjoying the view of the sunset on my own. Something Yoongi and I could've enjoyed together if he was here. I checked my watch.
Nine o'clock.
I was a little disappointed but I wouldn't leave until Yoongi showed up. I finally had the courage to confess. Maybe he just had to do something, surely he's still coming.
Nine thirty.
It began to rain.
Ten o'clock.
He wasn't coming.
I left.
~§~
I woke up and flinched when I rubbed my eyes. They were puffy and sore from crying myself to sleep. I grabbed my phone to see what time it was only to realize that I forgot to put it on the charger so I quickly did so. I waited for my phone to power on and when it did I was shocked by all missed calls and text messages I had. Before I could look at any of them a series of knocks at the front door ran through the house.
I went downstairs and opened the door, shielding my eye from the bright sunlight outside. Once my vision adjusted I could see that Jin and Leah were standing outside.
"What are you guys doing here?" I asked as I rubbed the sleep from my red eyes. It wasn't until I heard Jin's shaky voice that I realized both of them were crying.
"Why didn't you answer our calls." Their crying worried me and made my heart stutter from anxiety.
"My phone died last night and I forgot to put it on the charger until this morning. Why? What's wrong?" I wasn't prepared for the words that left Leah's mouth. Although, who could be prepared for something like that.
"Yoongi was admitted to the hospital last night. He was in a really bad car accident. We heard he wasn't doing too well this morning when the boys visited him." I felt like I was about to break down. My hands shook as I struggled to close the door and lock it before we went to the hospital. I cried the whole ride there. It was so hard to breathe. Was it my fault this happened? Was he on his way to see me?
He promised he would never leave me, he promised.
When we got to the hospital I rushed up to the front desk. The lady struggled to understand me as I told her who we were visiting and where were we supposed to go so Jin had to repeat it to her. I was so impatient, I needed to see him, to make sure he was alright. When we exited the elevator we were met with our teary-eyed friends that stood outside of Yoongi's hospital room. I didn't like the looks on their faces and the possible reason terrified me. I wanted to make sure they were crying because they were worried and not from something worse. Although the grief on their faces told me everything I needed to know, I had to deny it. I had to go in there and see him.
"Y/N, no. Y-you can't. The doctor said we can't. We already tried going in. The door is locked." Namjoon stuttered out as he cried.
"Why? They can't do that! Why can't I see him? He's fine!" I didn't want to yell at Namjoon but I was hurt, scared, and frustrated.
"He's not fine! He's not!" Hoseok cried, his legs gave out and he dropped to the floor. Jungkook and Taehyung crouched down to comfort him while they also cried.
"He's not... he-he isn't..." Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stuttered. I didn't want to say it. I couldn't say it. But when I saw the sad nod from Jimin, I lost it. I let out painful yells as I sobbed. I dropped to the cold hospital floor.
I didn't want to believe it but as all nine of us sat outside the door to Yoongi's room crying in heartache, I knew we had lost a friend and I had lost the man I loved. All of my life, I thought that the pain I felt from the disease I have was unbearable. But today, as I mourned with my friends I realized there was a pain far worse. It wasn't physical yet it hurt more. I truly loved Yoongi and I didn't even get to tell him before he died. I lost the person who made the life I'm living possible, the guy I saw at the store in the ramen isle, the one who crashed his cart into mine. I lost him.
That's unbearable pain.
~§~
This isn't the last chapter we still have one left. I just want you all to know that if you love somebody, let them know. Whether its a family member or a crush you like. Let them know. Because you might miss the chance when it's too late. I know from experience. Anyways, thank you for reading. Much Love!
~ Chimsy