Luz's P.O.V
Rummaging through my closet, I frantically searched for something nice to wear. Amity had said that we should go on a date since we're officially a couple. Of course I was really excited, but I was also really anxious. I've never been on an actual date and this was with someone I really really love. I had to look amazing, be amazing, so that I could make her fall over or something.
"Okay, you don't want her to fall over." I looked in the mirror, telling myself how dumb that sounded in my head. Settling on a suit, I did my best to make myself look good. I've always been way more comfortable in a suit and tie. The sleek black material made my skin stand out and I admit that I honestly looked good.
I put on a white button up shirt, suspenders, jacket, and nice black pants. I felt more like me than I ever have in a while. I hope Amity saw how amazing I looked, I hope she doesn't think I'm weird for wearing a suit. Anxiety swarmed in my stomach as I thought about all the horrible things that could happen. It was going to be okay though, right?
"Luz, your girlfriend is here!" Eda called up to me, making my anxiety grow 100x more. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror one last, giving myself a boost of confidence.
"I'm coming!" I quickly ran down the stairs, tripping a bit but gaining my balance. My converse shoes slapped against the wooden steps. Each step I took my anxiousness grew, causing me to feel like I needed to throw up.
"Hey Luz." I heard her beautiful voice but my eyes were screwed shut in fear of what her face would be like when seeing me. From the tone in her voice she seemed happy, so that's a good sign.
"Hey Amity." I opened my eyes finally to see her in a short black dress. The color went well against her pale skin, causing a huge blush to spread across my face. She stood there, nervously twiddling with her fingers as she stared at me.
"You look amazing." She said as a blush began to spread on her face, this seemed like one of those cheesy romance stories that I'd read. I hated yet loved how cheesy this was.
"You look so beautiful." I smiled, gazing into her eyes that shone brightly with the evening sun. My heart sped up once again as I stared at her, everything about her was just wonderful.
"Well, shall we get going?" She put her hand out, waiting for me to grab it, which I did happily. She guided me to where our first date would be at, Cracker Barrel. It was both of our favorite places to eat so we thought why not go there?
Having her hand in mine as we walked around the town was one of the most comforting things. There were a million ways that she calmed me down and holding my hand was one of them. The way she would glance at me, give me a smile, calmed me down greatly too. I'm sure she could tell I was nervous with how badly I was shaking.
The sun was beginning to set, casting a beautiful glow against the city. Kansas City was the most beautiful when it was pitch black and all the lights would be on. Taking photos of that was an amazing experience, it almost made me cry for some reason.
"Something on your mind, cutie?" No matter how many times she called me that, it always made me blush. I looked up to meet her eyes, giving her a happy smile, showing her just how excited I was to be with her.
"Nothing, just thinking about how pretty this city is." She smiled, stopping on the sidewalk to just look at me. She took both of my hands and rested her forehead against mine.
"You're seriously adorable. You adore everything, even small things, and I find that so amazing about you." With a quick kiss she began walking again. The kiss was so quick that I almost didn't realize it had happened. What she had said struck me, making my smile grow.
We conversed some more, just enjoying the light breeze. Passing building by building, I wanted so badly to just sit down with this girl and talk. We've done it a million times, sitting and talking, but this felt really special. I hope it went perfectly, I'm sure it would.
Once we entered the restaurant, the waiter sat us down next to a window. Not very many people were in there which made me happy, that way I could hear her better. I always loved sitting next to the window so I could look out every once in a while and enjoy the beautiful world out there.
"So...how has it been since you've moved in with Alexa?" I asked, reaching my hand out to grab hers. Her hand touched mine and embraced it tightly.
"It's been great actually! I knew it was going to be much better than living with Drake, but it's more than better, it's amazing." My smile grew, happy that she was finally somewhere safe, somewhere she didn't have to run away from.
"I'm so glad. I honestly have never been happier for you." She smiled, brushing hair off of her face. Tearing my eyes away from her, I looked at the menu.
We took a while but finally decided on what we wanted to eat. The waiter looked at us like we were the cutest couple in the world. Couldn't say I disagreed with him. My stomach growled, alerting me that I was much hungrier than I thought. It's been a while since I've been here but everytime I do, I always get the country fried steak. It was the best ever!
"Alright, your food will be out in a bit." The waiter gave us a smile before walking away. He's one of the nicest waiter's I've met honestly.
"He was really nice!" Amity said, almost as if reading my mind. I giggled at her enthusiasticness and just looked at her. Something was itching at the back of my mind and I wanted to ignore it but it just kept bothering me.
"Amity, can I ask you something?" Her head turned to look at me, she grinned before nodding, telling me I could ask.
"Of course, ask whatever you need." I opened my mouth to speak but something stopped me from asking. I really needed to ask it, yet for some reason I was scared to do so. Just ask the dang question, Luz!
"You won't leave me, right?" Amity flinched, pulling away from me a bit. Her eyes shut in confusion and she looked really hurt. I didn't want to hurt, it was a genuine and honest question.
"Luz, why would you ask that? Of course I won't leave you." Her hand slowly yet surely left mine and I felt guilty. I shouldn't have let my stupid negetive thoughts ask such questions.
"I'm sorry, I've just seen the way you look at that new girl. I'm starting to doubt that I'm not good enough for you." Her scrunched up in confusion and anger, her eyes stared right at me. I didn't want to look at her, I felt ashamed of myself for what I was saying but I couldn't help it.
"The way I look at her? Who are you even talking about?" Amity tried keeping her voice quiet so that other people wouldn't stare at us. As much as she was trying to stay quiet, it wasn't totally working.
"I don't know her name! She has magenta hair, pale skin, and she acts really tough." Her eyes widened, in realization and shock. She knew exactly who I was talking about.
"Boscha? I've barely talked to her, I don't look at her any different than anybody else. I look at you like you're the most beautiful thing, only you." Tears stung her eyes as she rested her head on her hands. Sighing angrily, she grabs her drink and takes a big gulp.
"You look at her like she's amazing...I feel like you don't even look at me that way." Her head snapped to me, mouth hung open and her eyes full of hurt. I was just telling her how I felt.
"You're kidding me right," I looked down at my hands, causing her to realize how serious I was, "This is ridiculous! I only have feelings for you, you!" She said that a bit louder, gaining some people's attention.
"I'm sorry Amity, I don't know why I feel this way. It's just the way you look at her. I'm doubting myself, that I'm not the one you want." A loud thud made me jump in my seat. I looked up, noticing that her hands had fallen onto the table, causing a loud bang. The sound of chairs moving reminded me that people were here, watching us have this stupid fight.
"So you're doubting me. You don't think I love you, that I'm madly and deeply in love with you?" She gulped, trying to keep the tears from flowing out of her eyes. My heart hurt, almost like someone was pulling it apart. More people got up to leave and I thought, for a second, that Amity was going to get up. But she didn't.
"It's not that, I just think there's someone better for you. I'm probably wrong but that's just how I feel." I looked over, seeing that it was getting darker out. The waiter still didn't have our food out yet and I wanted him to get here so that this conversation could be over. We could just forget this happened and move on.
"What does that mean, then? You don't wanna be together, is that it, or is there something I'm missing? Am I not perfect for you? Tell me what to do, I don't want to lose you, Luz, I've fought too hard only for you to walk away." Tears were pouring out of her eyes now. Face full of hurt, she slowly grabbed my hand and out of instinct, I pulled away. A quiet gasp escaped her lips and I hadn't realized exactly what I did at the moment, but I regret it greatly.
"You know what, this date is cancelled. I understand you're having doubts but that doesn't give you the right to accuse me of loving someone else. I'm leaving and if you wanna keep this going, figure it out. I know I want you, it's your time to make up your mind about if you want me or not." She grabbed her bag, shoving her phone in, and stood up. I watched as she walked away from me, my eyes filling up with tears. I wanted to stop her from walking away but my mind told me no, to just watch her leave.
A couple minutes passed by and the food still wasn't here, so I gave up. I put my phone in my pocket and put some money on the table, even though we never ate. My stomach felt sick, my heart felt sick, and my mind was numb. I never knew something could hurt this bad. We only just started dating, yet I wanted to be with her forever. How could I mess this up so badly?
I walked outside, taking deep breaths as I felt my anxiety spiking up. My first best friend, my first true love, just walked out on me. This realization sunk in as I saw the bench, the one that me and Amity fought near when she first started talking to me again. I took a seat, remembering all that we've been through this year so far.
My entire body felt heavy, like I could fall off this bench any moment. Heart beating fast, I covered my face with my hands, crying. This was one of the worst pains I felt. I felt panicked, sad, and angry, I was angry with myself. There are so many things that I've ruined with my stupid anxiety and this is the top thing. I didn't think I could screw something up this badly, I didn't know what I wanted. Well, I knew I wanted to be with her, but what did I really want? That's the true question. What is really the best for me, to be with her or leave her?