Helga's POV
I spent the night and dawn just staring at the twins. Hindi ko alam kung saan nagpunta si Kier, maybe in the masters. Bumaba ako sa kusina bandang alas-cinco ng umaga. Bago ako umalis ay igagawan ko sila ng sandwinch na inuungot nila sa akin kahapon.
Nadatnan ko doon si Ana.
"Morning, Maam Helga. Coffee po?" alok niya.
"Ok lang, salamat."
"Okay lang po kayo, namumugto kasi ang mga mata mo."
Tumango ako. Binuksan ko ang ref at inilabas ang mga ingredients ng gagawin kong sandwich para sa mga bata.
"Ahm.. Ana?"
"Po?"
"Sasabihin ko sa'yo kung paano gawin ang paboritong sandwich ng mga bata."
Ngumiti ito. "Ay gusto ko po yan. Laging hinahanap ng kambal yung gawa niyo eh hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang nilalagay mo sa sandwich nila."
"Actually sobrang simple lang, peanut butter at jam lang." natatawang sabi ko.
"Ahh... kaya pala. Akala ko regular sandwinch na may mga ham and veggies. Iyon kasi ang lagi kong binibigay, ayaw nila. Hindi rin naman nila alam kung ano ang nilagay mo basta sabi nila sweet daw na hindi."
"Naging paborito nila ito nang magbakasyon sila sa Amanpulo. Yung kay Joaquin ay toasted bread tapos kay Joaquin ay plain lang."
Habang sinasabi yun ay ginagawa ko na ang mga sandwich ng kambal. Ginawan ko na rin si Kier.
"Usually, mas madami makain si Juancho kaya gawan mo na lang siya ng dalawa just in case." Tumihim ako para bigilan ang pagbabara ng lalamunan ko sa kakapigil kong umiyak. "Tapos si Joaquin, hatiin mo sa apat, ng pa-ekis yung kanya. Gusto niya yun."
"Maam..."
Puno ng pag-aalala ang kanyang mukha. Parang napansin na niya ang kalungkutan ko.
"Tapos bilhan mo sila nung tissue na may drawing para pambalot sa sandwich nila. Matutuwa sila doon." pagpapatuloy ko.
"Bakit niyo po ito ginagawa? Babalik ka naman po hindi ba?"
Umiling ako. Hinarap ko siya. "Please promise me you will take care of them, Ana."
Naguguluhang tumango siya.
"Maam..."
"Kapag nagtanong ang mga bata, pakisabi na lang na nagbakasyon ako sa malayo."
She sighed. I hugged her while saying thank you.
Tahimik kong kinuha ang bag ko na nilapag ko sa sala kagabi. Umakyat ako pabalik sa kwarto nina Juancho at Joaquin.
They were still in deep sleep. I kissed both of their foreheads. Maingat ang mga galaw ko.
Inilabas ko mula sa aking bag ang journal kung saan ko sinulat ang mga memories ng mga bata sa Amanpulo. Nakapa-lakip sa gitna ng journal ang mga pictures na ni-print ko a few days ago. Inilapag ko ang lahat nang yun sa bedside table ng kambal.
After a few minutes of looking at them, I finally found the courage to walk out of their room.
KANINA pa ako nakauwi dito sa townhouse namin ni Ate Olga. Ngunit hindi pa ako pumapasok. Nakaupo lang ako kanina sa may tabi ng pintuan. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ako nakauwi ng maayos. Nakakatawa lang isipin ang sitwasyon ko. Parang kahapon lang ng sabihin ko sa sarili kong di ako uuwi dito.
I sighed.
Tahimik akong pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Maybe Ate was still asleep. Paakyat na sana ako sa taas ng may tumawag sa pangalan ko.
Nalingunan ko si Ate sa may dining table. It seems like she was having a coffee when I arrived. I am just too preocuupied to even look around the house before going upstairs.
"Helga..." ulit niya puno ng pag-aalala.
Tahimik kong nilapag ang bag ko sa may hagdanan. Naglakad ako papunta sa kanyang kinaroroonan.
I just stood on her side thinking of things to say but I just couldn't find my voice. I don't know where to start.
"Do you want coffee?" she asked.
Umiling ako.
"Lola said kahapon ka pa nakaluwas. Did you stay... at Falcon's?"
I nod. "I told him the truth last night," malungkot at tipid kong sabi.
Tumayo si ate at pilit akong pinaupo. Pagkatapos ay kumuha siya ng tubig mula sa ref. Ibinigay niya sa akin pero nakatitig lamang ako doon. Napilitan itong ilapag na lamang ang baso sa mesa.
She took my hand and held it tight. She was just looking at me, waiting for me to say though she already has an idea what happened. Siya naman kasi talaga ang nakakaalam ng lahat ng nangyayari sa akin. Kahit nagkasamaan kami ng loob nang dahil doon.
Idinukdok ko ang aking ulo sa may mesa. Pagod na pagod yung katawan at isip ko.
"I don't know what to do."
"Things ended so you can start over... Hindi ba yun naman na talaga ang balak mo before even these things happened? How did Kier take the truth?"
Naramdaman ko ang daliri niyang marahan na sinusuklay ang aking buhok.
I lift up my head to face her.
"He is giving me the time to think about us. Naiitindihan ko naman ang gusto niyang mangyari. It's just that I don't know if I can do it... I am afraid of what's on the other side,"
She nod.
"In my opinion, that is the best decision to make right now for the two of you. You can't just say sorry and then expect things to go back the way it used to be. His life turned upside down when you told him that he is not the real father of the twins. It was life changing for him."
"I know."
"Maybe it is better for the two of you to have time away from each other so you're free to make choices for yourself. Okay?"
I smiled. She stood up and hugged me.
"So go cry your heart out and eat ice cream. As my yoga teacher always say, something big is coming your way, you just have to stay with the ache a little bit longer."
I did what my Ate have said to me, I cried and cried then ate like there is no tomorrow. I gained weight but it doesn't matter. I want myself to be free... from sadness, pain, doubts, misery...
This became my routine for three weeks. Iniiwasan kong makibalita kung anong nangyayari kina Kier. I know hindi pababayaan ni Kier ang mga bata kahit ano pa man ang nalaman niya.
For the first time in three weeks, I opened the drapes to let the sunshine in my room. I looked outside and I see people starting their day. I wonder when can I go back to the old me. No, scratch that. I can't go back to my old self, I have to move to a new me.
Napalingon ako ng bumukas ang pintuan sa kwarto ko.
"Hey," ate greeted me.
"Morning."
She laughed. "Yeah morning for you, afternoon for me."
I made a face.
"Do you have something for me?"
Tukoy ko sa hawak niyang folder.
"Actually, yeah."
Inabot niya sa akin ang folder na may logo ng Nanny World.
"What is this?" I asked why scanning the inside of the folder.
"A contract."
Kumunot ang noo ko. I flipped the pages and immediately realized what she means.
"South Africa? Akala ko si Rita ang naipadala na doon?"
"Well, she is still there. That one is for a different employer."
"Oh..." I paused so I can read the contract. It states that they need a Nanny for at least four years in Cape Town, South Africa. It was for a Filipino-British family. The ticket says flight is at 4 pm next week. "So you want me to go?"
Ngumiti siya sabay tango. "Maybe this is the something big that is waiting for you? I don't know... I just thought you needed it so I offered it to you. What do you think?"
"It also states that you don't have to finish the contract, they are open to replacement," dagdag niya.
Tumango-tango ako. I read the contract over again. Ate was just patiently waiting for my decision.
"Do you have available Nanny to take over this if I decided not to do it?"
"Yeah but they are not sure just like you. Four years was a bit overwhelming for them." tumatawang sabi niya. "They earn more in short term contracts. And flight is very soon."
I bit my lips before closing the folder.
"Okay, I'll do it."
She jumped to hug me.
"thank you... thank you..."
For the first time in three weeks, I laughed out loud seeing my sister jumped out of joy on sending me far away.
"You really want to get rid of me that fast, huh?"
"Sort of... nalulugi na ako dahil galon-galon na ang nauubos mong ice cream and I'm pretty sure netflix have run out of sad movies for you."
I just rolled my eyes while signing the contract. Ibinigay ko sa kanya pagkatapos.
"I have to go. I will process pa your contract. I am so excited for you."
"Ahm, can we visit the twins at their school. I mean hindi ako magpapakita. I just want to see them before I leave."
"Okay. How about their Father?"
"I can't go to his office, he will know."
"Okay. We will go on the day of your flight. Anong oras ang labas nila?"
"12 noon."
"That's settled. I'll see you tonight." Nakipag-beso lang siya sa akin tapos umalis na. Another day for me, but same routine. I went back to my bed and decided to sleep again.
"ARE you sure hindi ka lalabas?" paulit-ulit na tanong ni ate sa akin. Nasa loob lang kami ng SUV na naka-park malapit sa gate ng school. Nag-aantay sa paglabas ng mga bata.
Umiling ako.
"Kapag lumabas ako at linapitan sila... magbabago ang isip ko na umalis. You don't want that."
"But I also want you to be happy. You can stay..."
Umiling ako. "Desidido na ako. I think this is the best for myself. I will not fail Kier. I will find happiness on my own."
"Okay."
Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas at nagsimula nang magsilabasan ang mga bata at ang mga sundo nila. Yung mga sasakyan ay nakaparada sa labas di kalayuan sa may gate.
I was biting my nails when I spotted Kier holding the twins. He came to pick them up. I smiled so wide. Mabuti naman at siya na ang sumusundo sa mga bata. They were talking to one another. They seems happy and that makes me happy.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I am just happy to see them."
A tear escape from my eyes. I will miss them so much. Natatawa na nga si ate kanina dahil para daw akong OFW na aalis para makapag-trabaho sa ibang bansa para sa pamilya. Tapos yung eksenang ayaw kong makita ako ng mga anak ko na aalis. Kahit naiiyak na ako kanina, natawa ako sa sinabi niya dahil parang ganun nga ang itsura ko ngayon.
Sinundan ko sila ng tingin hanggang hindi na sila makita pa.
"Are you ready?"
Tumango ako. "Let's go."