^This song while reading thou^
~Mason~
"Good morning Alpha!"
Bahra chirps as she shoves the curtains aside and I hiss as the bright sun pierces my room in the med bay. I groan as I quickly lift my pillow over my head and try to hide from any kind of daylight but it did little to nothing.
"Is there such a thing as a good morning after you've been rejected by your three mates?" I ask her and she lets out a long drawn out sigh.
"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed, come on sugar, you've got to get something into your system other than this IV drip. Unless you want the feeding tube put back in," She warns and pushes the tray over the bed.
It wasn't anything too heavy, just some oatmeal, a bowl of fruit, and some buttered toast. But at this point, it would probably take me an hour to eat it all. I've lost any sense of an appetite since my mates left me here to die and it wouldn't return until they did. Even my wolf left me from the hurt and betrayal they caused.
But there's also no way in hell I'm getting that feeding tube again so I start nibbling on the buttered toast.
"That's the spirit, now let me see 'em." She beckons and I hand over my left arm so she could change my bandages.
"Are they still bleeding?" I ask her as she soothes my open wounds with her cooling creams.
"You made some pretty deep cuts sweetheart, but nothing I can't fix," She chuckles as she wraps it up again and so I no longer have to see the mess I made of myself.
To think I could have killed Beau.
"Are you going to check on Beau today?" I ask her and she nods. Walking over to the corner of the room to grab the ultrasound. Since it's out of mating season, I was the only member of the pack currently with child so she was able to keep it in here.
"Are you excited to see them? They should start looking a little bit more human and less alien. You said you started feeling kicks right?" She asks and I just nodded. He wasn't as active right now but just wait until the moment I try to sleep.
"Well, that's a very good sign of a healthy baby right there. Lift your shirt," She points and I move it so she could apply the sticky jelly to my stomach. I wanted to be happy when I first felt my baby's tiny kicks but without my mates to celebrate with it was merely a small accomplishment.
"Alright, let's see," She looked at the tiny screen on her tablet, letting me hold it while she moved the doppler around to find my beautiful little Beau.
"There he is- oh," She tsks all of the sudden and zooms in closer, taking pictures of something as she suddenly focused intently on my baby.
"What do you mean oh? What's wrong with my baby? Is he okay?" I ask and she frowns for a moment, scrunching up her brows as she got closer.
"He seems to be forming fine, look. We've got all of our limbs, the brain looks good, and he has all his fingers and toes," She tries to distract me but I know there's something wrong with him.
"Bahra, tell me what's wrong," I asked and she turned off the ultrasound, giving me a wet towel to wipe myself off with.
"It's not good for your health to know these things without your mates being here," She explains and I lay back into bed with a small thud.
"I don't have mates anymore Bahra," The sentence made my mouth dry and I felt like I cut my mouth with the sand of the Sahara Dessert.
"That's not true Mason. They'll be back," She tries to reassure me but I don't believe her.
"It's been fifteen days Bahra, I'm pretty sure by they've figured out they're better off without me at this point," I sigh. Unable to keep my depression to myself as she puts her hand on top of mine.
"You'll get through this Mason," I'm getting really sick and tired of her attempts to make me feel stronger than I actually am at this point.
"Just tell me what's wrong with Beau," I plead and she finally gives in.
"Well, I'm just going to say it. I'm sorry but Beau is an Omega," She tells me and I was confused.
"What's an Omega?" I ask her and she pulls up a chair beside my bed, pointing to my food. In order for her to talk I start pecking at the blueberries this time.
"An Omega is, in definition, the weakest member of the pack. They're not strong like the others, they're smaller and often premature, and they are not often accepted by the pack. Most parents abort the baby at an early stage because there's a high chance of the baby not making through infancy." Bahra explains in the simplest medical terms and I appreciated it.
"I'm sorry but Beau is just too tiny to be a normal pup at this stage in your pregnancy. Your options would be to terminate now or to go through with the pregnancy and let him die naturally. But Mason, not a single omega in this pack has made it past three months old and goddess, I've tried so hard to keep them but they pass away every time," Bahra explains and the sinking feeling grows deeper in the pit of my stomach.
"It's all my fault," I blame myself for not being able to eat enough but she shakes her head.
"No, this was something I noticed from the very beginning but I've thought I'd give him a chance. It's genetic and rare but there's nothing you could have done," She explains but I refuse to believe her.
"You don't have to decide now but you'll have in a week it will be too late to safely terminate so I'll need you to make a decision quickly," Bahra asks as she stands up and fixes her coat.
"I'm sorry Alpha Mason, I have other patients but I'll be back in two hours okay?" She checks on me and I nod. When she leaves I finally breathe, curling up with my little baby bump in my arms. I would cry but I ran out of tears days ago and now it just hurts to weep without tears.
"I'm so sorry Beau, I couldn't take care of you. I failed you as your daddy before you were even born," I apologize to my little one and thought of everything I could have done to prevent this.
I could have forced myself to eat more, started on medications for the morning sickness, forced Remy, Tristan, and Noah to stay.
Beau is the only family I have left and soon enough he'll leave me too.
At this point, I hear the door open but refuse to look at who it is because at this point I just don't care.
The familiar cinnamon scent fills the room but I continue to weep in my ball of mourning as I feel a set of heavy arms wrap around me. I must have really gone crazy now to imagine Noah's scent and pretending he's here getting me through this.
"Baby I'm right here," Noah whispers in my ear and I turn around, crying into his chest instead. Without saying a word he holds me close and there was no trace of the anger and hatred I felt rolling off him just two weeks before.
"Why did you leave me?" I asked him, still so hurt and betrayed by what he did. Who's going to have my backs if it's not my own mates, my betas?
"I shouldn't have- Mason," he stops talking when he takes my left hand in his, looking at my bandaged forearm, I'm thankful he can't see the cuts hiding beneath. But the scars of my misfortune would always remain.
"Baby, we talked about this," Noah's voice cracks and I meet his teary blue-eyed gaze. I turn away in shame but he holds my head in the palms of his hands, forcing me to look at him. Instead of saying anything he just let out a long shaky sigh and pressed his forehead to mine.
"I know, I'm-"
"Stop Mason, you had every right to be upset. I just saw Tristan on the floor and I thought you hurt him. I was blinded by my anger but when I found out the truth I let my pride get in the way of me coming here sooner," Noah says and I'm so emotionally drained that every muscle in my body ached. I just want to fall asleep but how do I know he'll still be here when I wake up? He'll probably leave and I'll never see him again.
"I was upset but I never should have called Tristan what I did. You weren't there Noah, you didn't see his face when I said it. How I triggered his PTSD from that one night in high school. All I could do was grab Cyprus from his arms, but when I did, I couldn't catch him when he fell. I told him I'd always catch him when he falls and I didn't Noah. I failed him, I failed our kids, I failed Beau, I'm an awful mate, I can't do anything right, and-"
"MASON!"
Noah shouts my name as he cries the tears I couldn't shed. He was gripping my shirt so tightly I thought he just might rip it and his body was shaking when our emotions became one and inside I know he's realizing what he's doing.
"You're not a failure, it's not your fault, and you did what you could. Mason, our kids ask about you every single day, Remy, Tristan, and I were worried sick, and Bahra just told me about Beau but that was not your fault." He shakes me with a violent force and I'm unable to stop myself as I give in. Wrapping my arms around his neck as I press myself as close to him as possible. Finally, the tears I've been wanting to cry started rolling and I was relieved.
"I was upset about Remy and Tristan but I didn't mean to push them away, I know we're all mated now and it shouldn't matter but I still felt betrayed by my own mate and best friend!" I cried and Noah gently rubbed my back as he held me closer than before.
"I know, I was surprised but Mason, it was the night of Tristan's heat. We abandoned him and practically left him to the wolves were he was almost raped for the second time," Noah explains and it all clicks into place.
When the heat comes over Tristan, he was in so much pain and we weren't there when he needed us the most. Anyone within fifty feet could smell his heat and whether they wanted to or not, they would have felt the strong pull to breed him. Tris must have been so scared and alone.
"I'm just glad Remy was there to save him and it was him, with Tristan's consent, instead of a stranger we would have had to rip limb from limb," Noah tries to see the bright sides as I just bury my head in my shoulder, unable to get enough of his scent that I missed so much along with the traces of sweet sandalwood and chocolate earth on his skin from Tris and Rem.
"Do you at least kind of understand? Yes, they'll both admit it was wrong, but worse could have happened. And yes Tris was scared of how you would react when you found out about Cyprus but he's very sorry for what he did and he wouldn't dare cheat on us again, it was just that one time," Noah adds and I nod as much as I could being so tired I could barely keep my eyes open.
"You were so mean," I chuckle and Noah peppers my cheek and neck with tiny kisses like he usually does when he really misses me for some reason.
"I know, I'm sorry baby, but you were being mean too," He points out and I roll my eyes.
"I thought I told you never to run from your problems," I chastise him and he lets out a long sigh.
"I'm not perfect Mason, running away is what I've always done and as hard as I try, I'll still fuck up sometimes, I'm so sorry," He keeps apologizing and I feel a slight warmth come back to my cold heart.
"I thought you guys left for good," I quietly whispered between us and Noah squeezed my body as hard as he could.
"Leave you forever? I promise you I will never abandon you like that. I might get really mad and leave for a bit, but I'll always be back Mase," He reassures me and I don't like it but I'll take it for now.
"Why couldn't Tris and Remy tell me that themselves? Where are they?" I ask and Noah clears his throat.
"They're outside the door, waiting to see if you would want them to come in and do the walk of shame," Noah mentions and I look at the door to find my other two mates peeking their head in.
All of them really came back to me.
So they didn't leave me forever after all.
Noah nods to them and they slowly walk in with Tris clutching his hands together in that cute way he does when he's really nervous. The little cut on his forehead from when he hit the shelf was now bandaged and for some reason, he looked a lot skinnier than before.
Could he not eat because he was too busy worrying about me? Aww, bean.
"Tris, come here," I beckon him closer and my sweet little mate burst into tears as he runs into my open unoccupied arm, hitting me so fast that I fell back onto the bed to grab him.
"I'm sorry Mase! I know I should have told you the truth earlier but I was scared you would reject him and you would reject Remy and I didn't want to ruin everything like I always do but then you found out and I realized I should have told you two earlier but we were together and happy and Remy was with Rowan and I didn't want to ruin what any of us had and I was so scared you would never love me again and I'm just so sorry for making you angry cause you had every right to be and I know you were hurt but I would never hurt you like that again and I would never cheat on you again it was-"
"Fuck Tristan, breathe, Jesus Christ," Noah reminds him and Tris was a mess, choking on his own tears and breathing seemed to get difficult. His light green eyes blurred from his tears and his pale face now pink from crying with his messy brown hair all over the place.
Even after what happened, he's still mine and I'll never deny that.
I love him unconditionally.
"I love you," I tell him as I let go of Noah just to hold Tristan, taking a peek at Remy over his shoulder who looked just as guilty. I just talk to him through out link, leaving Noah and Tristan out of the conversation.
You were my best friend, why didn't you tell me?
I was your best friend?
I pause and Remy looked far more hurt than before.
Yes, you were my best friend, now you're my mate. I don't like it when my mates lie to me.
It wasn't my secret to tell Mase.
But why did you leave me? You don't care about me or Beau? Noah I can understand, Tristan didn't have a choice, but you?
Who was I to leave Mason? Tris and Noah by themselves with our babies to go only god knows where, or you and the baby here where I thought you were safe. I didn't know you needed me to protect you from yourself.
My anger was reunited as I stared him down and he held his hands up.
Of course, I love you and the baby.
Well you have a funny way of showing it
Mason, please
Remy
"Can you guys give us some space," Remy says suddenly, Noah suddenly perk up with Tristan wiping his tears away.
"No, I think we've had enough space, what's going on?" Tris asks seeing my glare at Remy.
"Mason why can't we just be together again? What are you holding against him?" Noah asks and Remy looks down at the floor, before going to the corner and sitting far away from us.
"Nothing, I just really fucked up," Remy sighs and I had enough. I don't feel sorry for him. The cheating I can forgive but this?
"When Tristan and Noah we're pregnant, I never would have left their side even if they were mad at me. So how could you leave mine like there was nothing holding you there?" I asked out loud and Remy stares off into space, ignoring me completely.
"Answer me Remy! How could you!"
"I don't have an answer," Remy mutters and any excuse would have been better than that.
"You don't have-pft. Is it because you knew what he was? Is it because you knew Beau was an Omega and he's not going to die anyway so why bother protecting him!" I yelled at him and Remy looked shocked like I had kicked the air out of his lungs and abused him.
"Hey, hey, hey Mason, I'm 1,000% sure that's not it. They didn't know. Bahra just told me before I came in here. Not Remy and Tristan, calm down," Noah tries to bring me back but Remy just buries his head into his hands.
"Baby Beau is an Omega?" Tristan whimpers and runs his hand along my shoulder.
"You want to know why I left?" Remy slaps his knees and the room goes silent.
"I left because fuck, I really love you and our baby but I've said it once and I'll say it again. I thought you would be safe. I didn't know Beau was going to be diagnosed as an Omega, I didn't know you were going to cut yourself and try to commit suicide, I didn't think we would be gone for this fucking long but we were waiting for you to come and find us after you calmed down," He explains after he got his thoughts together and I bite my tongue to keep myself from yelling at him again.
"It shouldn't have mattered, I should have stayed, I fully admit to that but-" for some reason, Noah shakes his head and Remy looks like he was torn.
"All secrets should be out in the open now. And the truth is I made a promise to put Noah first," The second he says it Noah lets out a long groan and I feel all my anger blown out like he did so to a candle.
"You fucking idiot, you might as well tell them we're engaged too while you're at it," Noah mentions. Tristan and I probably wore the same look of confusion as to how and when this happened but the exhaustion was kicking in.
"The truth is, before all of this happened, who put Noah first?" He asks and he was right. I would put Remy and Tris first before Noah because I assume he can take care of himself. I know Tristan always put me first.
"So who had Noah's back? Who listened to Noah? Who went to him first before anyone else? Why is he always last? Is he a pain in the ass? Yes, I've had the first-hand experience to tell you so, but he's still ours and without him, none of this would be possible. I bet you if Noah had never come to the fucking island, to begin with you would have never accepted Tristan as your mate," Remy explains and I admit he had a point.
"You don't have to do that Rem, it's okay," Noah tries to call him back but Remy doesn't give up.
"Do you even know about what Noah's been through recently? How he's been in an uphill battle with depression each and every day for months now. Constantly fighting his emotions and on four different medications?" Remy points out and now I was left out of the loop.
"I didn't even know you had depression, why didn't you tell me?" I ask Noah and he looked more embarrassed and stressed than ever before. Like it was his darkest secret coming into the light.
"You were so busy with the pack Mase, it's nothing really," He tries to push it off but Remy stops him.
"Noah, you say that every single time when there's something serious happening to you because for some reason you think everyone else's problems come before your own. You think everyone should come before you and you think you can face all your demons by yourself because if you asked for help or showed your pain and suffering you think we would see you as a burden," Remy adds with tears in his eyes and now Noah was also sniffling.
"I just don't think I'm that big of a deal is all," Noah mutters under his breath and I try to comprehend when any of this happened.
"Noah, I'm- god I'm so sorry, did you know?" I ask Tris and he looks down, nodding slowly.
"I knew a little bit, but he never told me the extent of it." Tris says and I look back at Noah. Only his blonde hair remained as he tried to hide in his curled up knees on my hospital bed with his back against the wall. I can feel it from here that his urge to just run away from the situation was strong but he's fighting it.
"So I'm sorry for leaving you Mase but either way was the wrong answer. I can't go into the past and make a different decision but I can be here now and that's exactly what I'm going to do," Remy says and I take it in.
"I forgive you," I tell him and he finally takes a seat on the edge of the bed. I fight the need for him to be closer to me for now, that distance is good enough for now.
"Noah?" I turn to Noah, my mate in silent suffering and try to comprehend why he never thought he was important enough for us. Why he thought in the past five years that he never deserved the spotlight or attention. I can think of plenty of times where Tris and I got it but Noah's were few and far between.
His beautiful blue eyes peek up from his knee almost as if he's waiting for it to be over and I just put my hand on his knee before I can't take it anymore and the exhaustion takes over.
The world goes black but their scents remain, keeping me calm in the dark restless state.
**********************
God, writing these past few chapters, oof, all of y'alls comments stressed me the fuck out.
This was a lot so going to spend some time with my family now because I've neglected them to write this for you. please be respectful and I won't be gone long.