"𝙇𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙨𝙞𝙭𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣."
-
𝙎𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 4𝙩𝙝
The constant beeping of the heart monitor and the faint sounds of rushing and footsteps were all I could focus on, I was too weak to move even my fingers. The most I'd do was move my head side to side when my family came...
"Mamá, yo estoy aquí..." I looked to my right, my son... Alex. "¿Alex...? ¿Dónde está Y/n?" I asked him, and to see she wasn't with him. Both of them had been visiting me every day since a couple of days after the initial incident. "Tuvo que volver, su escuela ha comenzado de nuevo." I was confused. "¿Qué día es hoy, hijo?" He sighed, taking a seat beside me. "Ya es septiembre, quizás debas celebrar tu cumpleaños aquí." He muttered out to me, my son... I had never seen him so sad. It breaks my heart to see him like this.
[ Mom, I'm here... - Alex? Where is Y/n? - She had to go, her school was starting up. - What day is it today, son? - It's already September, you might have to celebrate your birthday here. ]
"¿Qué haces tú aquí?" He looked at me, confused as ever. "¿Qué quieres decir? Tengo que quedarme atrás para asegurarme de que estás bien. Te sentiste tan solo para hacer esto... No puedo dejar que te sientas así de nuevo." I sighed looking at him, his tired puffy eyes made it certain he was a mess because of me. "Hijo, esto no es justo. No eres Feliz." He held my weak boney hand, "Eso es irrelevante, eres mi madre. no puedo dejarte sola otra vez, lo siento." I reached over with my other one, feeling his soft cheek with my fingers. It was a miracle I was here, with him.
[ What are you doing here? - What do you mean? I have to stay behind to make sure you're okay. You felt so alone to do this... I can't let you feel this way again. - Son, this isn't fair. You're not happy. - That's irrelevant, you're my mother. I can't leave you alone again, I'm sorry.]
"No quiero hacerte caer. Estoy feliz ahora, ves. Y tu hermano cuidará de mí mientras tanto, tu hermana también viene." I tried smiling, showin the brightest one I can muster up. "No pueden venir a verte todo el tiempo, sin embargo, soy el único que realmente puede." I growing really tired of arguing, my throat was sore of all this chating. Until my chest became heavier, and heavier... Tears began to spill. "¡Mamá! Intenta respirar bien, dime qué pasa." "Me... me siento tan inútil, forzándote a quedarte conmigo no se siente bien. Tienes una vida que vivir, allá afuera haciendo cosas que estaré orgulloso de ti por hacer. Sin mí..." I expressed to him, the dispair of making him leave his lifelong awaited trip. The minute I downed all my pills, the feeling that I could fall and never wake up made me regret it.
[ I don't want to way you down. I'm happy now, see. And your brother will take care of me in the meantime, your sister's coming too. - They can't come to see you all the time though, I'm the only one who really can. - Mom! Try breathing alright, tell me what's wrong. - I... I feel so useless, forcing you to stay with me doesn't feel right. You have a life to live, out there doing things that I'll be proud of you for doing. Without me... ]
He looked at me, "Mamá, no me estás obligando a hacer nada. Estoy haciendo esto porque me preocupo por ti, y/n y me fui de nuestro viaje y me quedé por ti porque nos preocupamos por ti. Y sí, tengo una vida que vivir pero tú eres parte de esa vida. Me quedo a tu lado hasta que te mejores." I smiled a little as he wiped away stray tears off my face. What had I ever done to deserve such a sweet caring son? "Y/n está bien, ¿verdad?" He hummed, "La llamo todos los días, dice que te llamará esta niche."
[ Mom, you're not forcing me to do anything. I'm doing this because I care about you, Y/n and I left our trip and stayed by you because we care about you. And yes, I have a life to live but you're apart of that life. I'm staying by your side until you get better. - Y/n is alright, right? - I call her every day, she says she's going to call you later tonight. ]
I hummed, I hoped she was okay. I had heard what had happened when Alexis and she were forced apart, she was just as fragile as I was emotionally, maybe even more. I'll pray for you, my girl.
-
The ringing of the bell signalled everyone was free to leave the lecture, I stopped my recording of the class to listen to later. I looked at the time, it was already two... Alex hadn't called me this morning and he would usually call after class to tell me how Mamá was doing. That was all the interaction that connected me to him, not being able to come home to my dorm after a long day to a happy cheerful person messed me up. it affected my mood, but all my feelings were suppressed, Alex was always tired trying to run around getting Mamá anything she needed.
I can't just call him all the time, I can't just tell him how I feel that would be unfair to him. Loading all my issues onto him when he's trying to deal with his emotions, almost losing both parents within six months. That kind of thing would mess anyone up, he was the one who needed to be comforted not me. I should call him, to check up if he's ok.
"Ms. L/n, may I speak with you?" I looked up to see my professor, sitting in the seat in front of me. "Yes, professor? What would you like to discuss?" I spoke, still packing my things away to head home. "Well, you've been zoning out for the past ten minutes, everyone left twenty minutes ago. This reminds me of last May, I had heard you had attempted suicide after showing the symptoms you do now. I wanted to come to talk with you to make sure you're alright." Oh, that's what this was about.
"I won't lie to you, I have been a little low but that's because my boyfriend's mother just recently attempted suicide. I was close with her since I was young and he's been in Mexico to take care of her. Not having anyone to talk to is rough, I'm hoping to call him later today..." My professor let out a low hum and then gave me a card. I took it from him and read the cursive writing that was decorated on it. "It's a group our campus has three times a week, it's for our students who feel depressed or lonely. Their first meeting is in a couple of days, our staff has been thinking of starting a group like this since we heard about your incident. It opened our eyes to the mental health of our students. You're not forced to attend but I highly recommend you do, it can help you make some new friends who you can relate to."
Maybe this would be something good, though in the past I have attended group meetings. I've never shown up for the second day but, hey, maybe I'll like it? I twisted the card between my fingers, checking over both sides and thinking of what I should do.
"If you think it could help, could you inform them for me that I'll show up to the next meeting?" He smiled, put a hand on my shoulder with that soft caring old man smile. "I'm glad you can get help."
Maybe, this could be a new leaf... A tool to help me get over this obstacle of life.
-
I sighed, entering into my empty shared dorm. Audrey was being Audrey, sleeping at Jaden's and only really showing up when they had a falling-out. I hadn't seen her since I came back though, I wonder how she was doing. I carefully set my bag down on one of our chairs to only then sit on my elevated bed. It was weird, they were starting small renovations and repairs on our other dormitory and as to not disturb us they moved us to one that wasn't being used.
Everyone had the same roommates and all, it's just that I wasn't accustomed to the room yet. It wasn't nearly as nice as our nicely painted modern room equipped with hardwood flooring, this one was more average college dorm. But I wasn't complaining honestly. The walls in this old building were thicker, and as the temperature dropped this room stayed nice and warm. And for that one-off day where it gets really warm, it has AC. But, one thing I missed entirety was the small grocery area they had attached to the lobby for students who didn't have a car or couldn't afford the bus. They were renovating it too to try and expand on it, but I wouldn't be back until maybe next month. And the biggest plus, I don't have to hear some random guys above me getting it on with a random girl. I've filled out so many noise complaints he even paid me to stop.
To of which I took the money and started to suppress the constant noise. It was painful to listen to, but I became so good at ignoring it I forgot it was there. I also had a routine where the days I knew a party was happening somewhere on campus, I'd go to bed earlier than I would usually.
Not only is it so satisfying to show up early, tattletale and get my work early to only then for my efforts get to not attend that particular class. My teachers know that if I miss anything I'll go over it and study anyways, I've never missed a beat. But another reason why it'd sleep early? He usually made sure to be extra loud when he brought girls to his dorm, plus all the other guys on my floor and the ones above and bellow doing the same thing.
And now, with sublime quiet, something I've never actually gotten before, life was sweet. And I enjoyed being in my dorm. Unfortunately, with the placing of this particular one, I didn't get a window so I couldn't rely on natural light helping me awake in my slowest mornings.
I noticed it was a quarter past seven, being the sunset's around nine, I still had daylight hours to myself. The mall closes at nine... I could maybe drive over and have takeout for dinner.
But first, the most important thing.
I laid down on the firm mattress of my bed, calling Alex before I did. I waited as the phone rang, I preoccupied myself looking around as I did. And, no one picked up.
I raised my arms, looking up my screen. It showed his contact, the picture in a circular shape and it showed a picture we took back in August. We were in the airport, we were both asleep but I took a selfie of the both of us to mark the first trip of many for us to travel together.
The smile he held, half-open half closed with one eye drooping and the other almost wide open. He leaned to one side, wrapping one arm around my shoulder and the other poking into one of his dimples. He looked completely out of his mind, but looking at it always made me smile. Reminding me of all his little quips and comedic moments, I missed him. Sitting back up and letting out a sigh I place my phone down, maybe a tea or coffee will help me calm down. I guess another benefit of this dorm is that it has a café relatively nearby, walking distance of course. What as it called..? Wasn't sure, but it was a nice Japanese woman who owned the place, she made these adorable bento boxes and adorable pastries that you just wanted to look at and never eat. And, if you somehow managed to look past how cute it was and eat it, heavenly flavours would fill your senses in an explosion of sweet and savoury filling. Every chew would bring you another flavourful taste in heaven, absolutely scrumptious.
My stomach grumbled lightly thinking of all their succulent deserts, I was becoming ravenous by the second. I grabbed my light coat, was it a spring or a fall coat? What was even the difference? Didn't they both almost serve the same purpose? Protecting you from the changing temperature, at some point they must feel the same right? Probably.
Didn't matter anywho, I picked up my keys and student keycard, not only did it save me from the hassle of reminding the secretary I am a student and spend twenty minutes as she tried to find me on the database to make sure I wasn't a random stranger, but the café from what I heard gave discounts to students. Gotta make sure I save every penny so I can help Alex fund another trip back Europe since the flights didn't give him a refund.
Exiting the building, the warm sun heated down on me as it was going to start setting soon, but the mildly chilled wind saved me from burning up. It was perfect, wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold, not that many bugs and sunny with practically no clouds. I breathed a breath of fresh air, all my cramped up thoughts just left as I exhaled into the wind. The weather was just too nice to be stuck up and worrisome. Though, I still wish Alex and Mamá could enjoy this with me. Lonely, that's what I felt, but those negative feelings left like the wind as I continued to walk against the winds. She deserved more attention than I do, I only wish I could give her some too. Maybe I should've left a message for him to call me back...
I reached into my pocket but... My phone wasn't there. Wait, had someone pickpocketed me? I looked around, I hadn't walked past anyone, the streets were empty if you didn't count the cars rushing by me. Common think... If I don't have it where would it be...?
Then I realized after that missed call I had left my phone on my bed, I forgot to pick it up afterwards. I let out a sigh of relief and turned around to head back, but then I realized I had walked the whole way without knowing it. I knew it was dangerous going out without any way to communicate with anyone, but I was just down the block of my campus and the place was right there... Would it hurt to be gone for a short half an hour? I'm not even staying out long enough to see the sunset. In and out then I go home, right.
I finished walked and entered the awfully chilly building, and my eyes went wide, was that Calvin? He works here? And that outfit was nothing I'd ever imagine him wearing, but seeing the employees wearing it I can only assume it's the mandatory uniform. I smiled as I walked up to the counter, his eyes met mine as a friendly grin graced his lips. "Hasn't it been a while? Are you taking a seat for one or two?" I shook my head, "I was going to take some things to go. By the way, love the outfit haha." He rolled his eyes with a ghost of a smile, "Yeah yeah, I get it. I look ridiculous." "What? I never said that." I joked, feigning innocence. He let out a light scoff, "yeah whatever. What do you want?" He moved from behind the register to over to the glass display case filled with beautifully handcrafted sweets.
"Um, that looks nice thanks." I pointed towards one of the many colourful treats. He nodded, slipping on his gloves and grabbing a tiny packaging box from his side. The café logo showing in all it's glory, the charming pastry placed carefully inside the thin cardboard box and closing it up after. "Anything else?" I hummed in thought, looking over the delicacies. "Could I get a bento maybe?" I asked looking up at the overhead menu. "Sure but it'll take a while to make, is that ok?" I shifted a little, I didn't want to stay out too long. But I didn't feel like going to the mall if I could get a nice lunch here. "Yeah, that's alright, to go please." "Of course, is that everything?" His voice dwindled as a soft yawn escaped his lips, "tired?" I gigged as he gave a sheepish smile, "most definitely. Came here straight after classes, haven't gotten a break ever since. Thank god we're closing in half an hour." I let out a chuckle, "you'll survive. Oh, and I'll take one of those." I directed his attention to another pastry I had seen but silently contemplated to get or not. I had decided if I was full I could always save it for later, so yes, I was getting it.
He took out another box and placed the small tart inside, closing it up and placing it beside the register with my other packaged sweet. "Is that everything?" I nodded, reaching into my purse for my card... But I realized I usually use my phone. I'm such an idiot I swear... "Shit..." I sighed, thinking over what I could do. But then, "here I'll pay no worries." A voice was heard behind me. I turned, it was a guy around my age who was... Unbelievably tall. He seemed to be a bit on the heavier side with a kind smile and a tied man bun. His skin was bronzed which showed off his bright pearl-like teeth, he wore a loose white tee-shirt and skinny jeans. He pushed past me, money in hand as he handed it to Calvin. "Is that enough?" He questioned, not even knowing how much he was paying for, "um... I'm sorry but I can't accept this." I tried speaking up, but he smiled with a hand on my shoulder. "It's no issue, it's only a couple pastries and if I was you I'd appreciate it greatly."
Why did he sort of remind me of the rock...? Haha, silly but almost true comparison. Calvin raised a brow, looking at the two of us. "So, he's paying?" And before I could even think of protesting, the stranger smiled "of course." Calvin registered it and the receipt began to print, I looked at the man with gratitude. "I appreciate this, what can I do to repay you I don't even know your name..." "You can call me Kyle, and really, you don't need to repay me anything it's alright." "Are you sure?" "Positive." He smiled, showing off his straight rows of brilliant teeth.
"Well, Kyle. Thank you, I mean it. I'm Y/n and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." I mentally cringe at how formal I was being, usually, when I meet people face to face like this I revert to being what I was taught to be... Remarkably polite and professional. He pat my shoulder with astonishing force, though I don't think he did it on purpose. I think he genuinely is just that strong. "No need to be stiff with me." He grinned as I smiled back, he let out that kind of happy vibe of almost... An overexcitable older brother.
I picked up my boxes of treats as Calvin informed me, "it should be ready in fifteen minutes or so. You can take a seat in the meantime." I smiled and thanked him, moving over to take a seat, Kyle then moved up in our line to take his order. I sat on one of their colourful benches, staring out at the busy street filled with traffic. No doubt, there's a large chance I couldn't have made it to the mall if road conditions were like this. Traffic and road work in important areas, they go hand in hand with each other honestly.
"So you're just chilling huh?" I look over, a small smile from Kyle as he has... A whole bag's worth of goodies. He just smiled at me wholeheartedly, "No, I'm not eating these all by myself." I let out a light sigh, "thank god for that. Who is all of that for?" "Well, me mostly haha. But I got some things for my mother." I smiled, "that's so sweet. I hope your mother enjoys it." He shuffled a little in his chair. "I hope so too." His tone dropping and the atmosphere doing so as well.
"Oh, I'm sorry I... My boyfriend's mother is also sick." I told him, assuming that's what made him so blue. But he looked at me, more concern in his eyes then sadness. "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. But my mother isn't in any dire situation." The colour from my face completely drained... Shit... Did I read him wrong? "Oh, sorry it's just that you seemed down when you mentioned her I just wanted to try and make you feel better you know..." I started to ramble on, trying to explain myself in an embarrassing jumbled mess. "Oh, aren't you sweet." He laughed, a cheerful chuckle left his charismatic smile. "But, I'm afraid of coming out to her. She's a traditionalist and my boyfriend and I are well, dating." He looked down, a sorrowful smile as he reminisced about his mother.
"She's been with me every step of my life, I'm nervous to tell her because... I don't want to lose her, you know?" A soft sigh left his lips, I looked at him with sorry eyes. "I... I can never really know what that feels like, the fear of being ostracized by people you love. I can only really wish the best for you, Kyle." I gave my warmest smile, I truly wished the best for him. He looked back up at me, "thanks."
-
An empty specialty bento box and two boxes of sweets are what I dropped onto the counter beside the door to my dorm. I flicked on the lights lazily, and Audrey's stuff magically appeared. I guess while I was out she stopped by to drop off her things. I went over to the bed I had claimed, my phone in the exact place I had last left it.
Opening it up I immediately saw the countless missed calls from either Alex or Audrey and I had voicemail to listen to... Fun. I unlocked my phone and decided to listen to the one Alex sent me first.
"Hey, you're not answering your phone I'm worried. Mamá, you know her Birthday is the 19th and I was hoping she could be realized before then. Maybe even thinking about flying you down here... I wanna hear from you first before anything, oh and... Don't forget to call Mamá, she's worried about you and wants to hear from you. Don't forget to call me back either, don't overwork and get your rest. My siblings are coming soon, I have to go pick them up at the airport I'll try and call you back later. Take care alright?" I could hear how worn down and tired he was, he cared so much about the family I couldn't blame him. I was just worried he would take it too far.
I should call Mamá above all else, I could always listen to the voicemail after.
Going into my contacts and scrolling down to M, I had her name beside a nice smile and heart. A beautiful photo of her and I from years back is displayed, I smile at how much of a babyface I had. How many things have changed... Sliding her contact to the left, my phone began to dial and ring. I sat on the edge of my bed, back hunched over waiting for her to pick up. And to my delight, she did.
"Y/n... ¿Esta eres tú?" Her weak voice echoed out to me, my heart quivered at how she sounded. I can only imagine what it was like to be her and deep pity came over me... But still, I held a happy tone to try and cheer her up. "Sí, mamá, soy yo. ¿Cómo estás?" She sighed a bit, a small playful undertone in her voice. "Aburrido. Comparto una habitación con esta otra mujer, mi señor es molesta. Doy gracias a Dios que está dormida." I smiled, even at her lowest, she manages to capture that fierce energy she's known for.
[ Y/n... Is this you? - Yes, Mom, it's me. How are you? - Bored. I share a room with this other woman, my lord is she annoying. I thank god that she is asleep. ]
"Lo siento que me tomó tanto tiempo para llamar de todos modos, Yo estaba fuera sin mi teléfono. También está Alex allí? Me perdí su llamada y quería hablar conmigo." She playfully gave me a low tsk, "No deberías hacer eso, querida, es peligroso. ¿Qué habría pasado si estuvieras en problemas y no pudieras decírselo a nadie?" She scolded me, but I gave a sheepish smile. "Aprecio que te preocupes por mí, mamá, pero deberías preocuparte más por mejorar. Te prometo que no lo volveré a hacer."
[ Sorry that I took so long to call anyways, I was out without my phone. Also is Alex there? I missed his call and he wanted to talk to me. - You shouldn't do that my dear, it's dangerous. What would've happened if you were in trouble and you couldn't tell anyone? - I appreciate that you care about me Mom, but you should worry more about getting better. I promise you I won't do it again. ]
"Mejor que no... ¡Oh! Hijo, estoy al teléfono con Y/n ahora mismo ¿te gustaría hablar con ella?" Mamá interrupted herself with a bubbly tone, I smiled myself from how joyful she is with her family. I could hear a 'yes of course' in the background as steps filled and he got closer. "Hello?" Alex's fatigued voice echoed through my machine. "Alex, have you made sure to get enough sleep?" He stayed unusually quiet for too long of a period before responding, "as much as I can et you know? It's difficult taking care of things, I had to stay at the airport for an extra two hours waiting for my siblings to come off. There was a tarmac delay, and I couldn't even sleep there in the case I could be robbed by basically anyone." He started to go off, to which I sat and listen to him with attentive attention, one of the things he always does with me.
[ You better not... Oh! Son, I'm on the phone with Y/n right now would you like to speak to her? ]
"But I have something else to worry about..." He calmed down, as I heard him walk away... I assume out of Mamá's room. "Mamá... Her liver wasn't exactly the greatest, and after overdosing during her suicide attempt it's become even worse. Her health is deteriorating, doctors aren't sure if she'll make it to the New Year." My heart dropped, she had so little time left... I felt so torn, I wanted to go see her, but I couldn't abandon school that long. I stiffened, numerous thoughts on what I could do flew through my mind, but I could only imagine what Alex felt like. Two people who always looked out for him, who were his everything just possibly disappearing in the same year.
"Alex... I'm so sorry. Have they told her yet?" I spoke, the softest tone could muster up given the situation. I just wanted to cry really. "Yes, but as you heard before she couldn't be happier. She told us she had the Lord in her heart and she was just happy that we were all together as a family again. She also asked when you were going to come down, that's one of the things I wanted to discuss with you." "I could come for Christmas."
"Christmas, huh... That's so long from now, I just wish you were here with me." a grief-stricken sigh escaped him, "I know. But you know the prices of these fights, and school-" "Is first. I know, I know. It's okay." He interrupted me, disappointment was the main undertone in his voice. My heart sunk, he wanted me there and I knew it. But I couldn't and we both knew it. But I suppose, just once he wanted me to choose this over my education. We knew it wasn't happening, but he let himself down with that little shred of hope. "But, how have you been. Sorry, I've done nothing but complain to you."
"Haha, it's alright. But I went to this nice café, and I bet this guy who paid for my food because I couldn't pay." I could hear his brow-raising, "who was this guy exactly?" I could hear the subtle traces of jealousy dripping from his voice. "His name was Kyle, he was really nice to me. But he has a boyfriend no need to get jealous." an almost whisper of a sigh escaped his lips, it was filled to the brim with absolute relief. "You should stop with the sighing, you know they give you wrinkles right?"
"But you'd still love me no matter what I look like." "Eh, don't push your luck." I joked around with as he almost choked on himself, "Golly gee, thanks." I could hear him smiling as he spoke, at least that's something I could always do... Keep him smiling through it all. But I became uncomfortable at the sound of rushing nurses and the most ear-piercing screaming, even if it far off in the distance. It no doubts brought us back to reality and our current predicament. Trying to deter that pit growing in my stomach, I continued to talk. "You know, there's this support group for people who feel especially lonely or depressed on my campus. I think I might go to their next meeting, just to have people to talk to while you're busy. I don't want to take too much time away from you and Mamá."
"Oh yeah, but don't forget to call me still. I know I sound needy right now but, even just hearing your voice or listening to me rant really lifts my spirits. And Mamá always appreciates a call you know that." "I'll never forget it, I'm not even sure I could stop calling you even if I wanted to haha" I smiled, and I can only imagine him doing the same through the other line. "I'll call you back later." And our call ended, I let a soft sigh escape my lips as it all came crashing on me. What was I to do, how do you cope with one of your most beloved family members die slowly before you? Byut there was always hope right? I really hoped so.
And just as I was about to listen to my other voicemails, a sound pang echoed through me. "Ah!" I squeaked jumping up at the sudden sound, spinning my head towards the source of the noise. "Audrey?" I choaked out, mostly in shock but it's been a while since I've seen her. She seems to have barley changed, except for her newly dyed platinum blonde hair that could easily pass for white. "Y/n!" She cried out running towards me, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. "I've been looking all over for you! When did you come back here? You haven't been answering your phone I was so worried!" she pulled away, looking at me with worry as I noticed she has a gift basket by her side. "Hey what's that?" "Don't avoid my questions! They're people who care about you you know! You can't just break contact and not expect me to overreact!"
"But Audrey we haven't really talked since last year." "Doesn't matter! I came back only to find out our dorms our under renovations and you had to move all my stuff for me! I couldn't not thank you for that so I got you somestuff and wrapped it together like this, but after getting told our dorm I looked around and you weren't here. In the room or around the area. And I noticed your phone was on the bed after all the voice mail I sent, I thought someone took you away and that's why your phone was here!" Wow, was she rather talkative today, but I did feel bad for making her worry. Even if she was being overdramatic, I should've known out of anyone Audrey would be this way.
So I gave her a warm smile and told her where I went and hwta I had done today, she listened intently to every word and even threw in silly comentaries in the middle of it. And then, I reached the part of the story I wish I could erase, "well, I called her up right? Just to see how she's been doing." Audrey slowly nodded, the conversation slowed and I had a tightening in my chest. It was mildly getting harder to breathe. "Mamá, she.... She only has about three-ish months to live. They don't think she'll make it to another year." My heart felt as if it stopped, that reality being the next major hurdle of my life.
"Oh Y/n..." Audrey's tone became delicate and soft as she moved forward and gave me a hug, gently squeezing me as she spoke. "I know you, almost better than anyone. you're trying to be strong right now, but all that's going to do is get bottled up and it'll explode in your face." She comforted me, the urge to cry growing stronger but I held back my tears. "It's ok to cry you know? It's good to realise everything and depressurize yourself before you feel worse and constipated." I sniffled into her shoulder, gentle rubs of my back were felt in a circular motion.
"I'm sorry, you know? I haven't been the best friend I've always wished on being. Forcing you to do things like parties or not being there when you needed me. I can get blinded in my own ways, and I'm sorry. I really am." Tears pickled my eyes as so did hers, we held each other as we cried.
And my of cried turned into sobs as I held onto her, letting it all out. "I just want everything to all be okay..." I mumbled out, barley forming words. "And it will be, you just... Gotta see the good in things for now, not everyday will be alright. But,you just have to have the hope and will to voyage through these storms. Eventually, you'll reach calmer waters, I promise you."
"Thank you Audrey, I truly am thankful to have you in my life..." I made out, still choaking out sobs and endless tears kept falling. "I'm thankful for you too, it's nice having a positive influence in my life. Having that reasonable person to be my voice of reason, it's nice to give back to the person who's done so much. You mean everything to me as a best friend, I never want you to end up sad and alone. I care about you, always remember that."
-
𝙎𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 8𝙩𝙝
I walked down the bleak halls of the recreational building, it was actually really cool in certain places architecture wise and I belive they just finished renovating this building, giving it a sleek modern look. At least I thought it was really cool but I'm the kind of person who thinks windows looking down at a gymnasium is the coolest thing I've ever seen. And it kinda it not going to lie... The secondary school I went to had that, and though I was there for six months maybe-ish to a year I was always enamoured walking from one corner of the school to another just to see the sight.
I shook of the memory and continued to walk down, the clicking of my heels clacking in every step. The dull continuous noise echoing through the almost dead quiet hallway, as the doors I passed by had muffled out sounds of discussion. I guess they had other groups too, I wonder what they were? I'd have to ask the secretary at the front on my way out I guess, knowing me I'd either forget or couldn't be bothered to know.
And then, I reached one of the last doors, out front was a printed picture of a royalty free photo of a smiling face with the words 'Young Adult Depression Support group' not to mention the hideous font it was in. I let a pity laugh at how hard they were trying, but it wasn't I didn't appreciate it. I just think they could uh... Do a little better... But was that too mean? Probably haha.
I reached out to the knob of the door, taking a deep breath and preparing myself. Why was I dragging it out? I was hesitant to go, but why? Was I nervous...? No, couldn't be. Why would I be...?
"Hey! We meet again huh?" I jumped up a little and was pulled out of my internal MENSA meeting and looked to the slightly chubby guy running up to me with one of frendliest smiles I've seen up to date. "Oh Kyle, it appears so. How are you?" He smiled up at me as he slowed down the closer he got, catching his breath as he answered me. "Oh, I'm doing good...! You're going to the support group too huh?" I nodded with a small smile. "I guess there's nothing left to do but go inside right?" "Yup!"
Again, I hesitated. I felt a little bad holding up Kyle like this but I was so... Maybe I was nervous haha. "Nervious huh? I am a little too, but you know, we'll get through this." He smiled atme, placing a hand over my shoulder. "I'm ready when you are." A serge of confidence came through me, "thanks Kyle."
And like that, I opened the door.
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𝙎𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 19𝙩𝙝
The soft sunlight shinned into my face, my eyes were forced open by the harsh light as I began to wake up. Slowly, I noticed how loud Audrey was snoring and realizing it was there really cemented that I wasn't going to fall asleep again for the morning. Sitting up in a tired yawn, my eyes eventually adjusted to the brightly lit room.
Taking a couple breaths to gather my strength, I pushed the blanket off means the cool air nipped at my bare legs. I slowly awoke with every action, knowing what today was I took out my laptop and hopped back into bed. Logging into my user, a happy background showedup. I believe it was for Alex's birthday and we all went to a small italian restaurant nearby. The whole family was together, when I saw that Mamá had posted it to facebook because of course she did. When I saw it, I just had to have it as my background. It was just... It captured a feeling that basically summed up my life with Alex's family... Happy. Sometimes I wish I could relive that dinner, though I did get an agressive stomach ache that night, it wasn't pretty. So... maybe not..? But a diffrent night would be a better pick.
But even when I was moaning through the bathroom door in pain, Alex stayed up through the night right outside the door. Getting anything I needed such as water or maybe even singing a song to try and get my mind off the pain. I can confirm we never went to that place again, definitely not. Alex probably couldn't handle another sleepless night.
My laptop finished processing and it opened up, immediatley I went to skype and went to her contact. I personally hadn't had skype before this, but Alex had informed me that he ould set up an account so she can see my face. It was the best we could do given I couldnt go in person.
The skype ringtone played it's melody to which I wasn't accustomed to, but itended sooner then I could listen to as she seemed to have picked up in a flash. "Y/n! Es tan agradable ver tu hermosa cara de nuevo, ¿acabas de despertar?" She questioned based off of my rugged appearance. Uncombed hair and still in my pajama shirt is was kind of no secret I had just awoken. "Quería decirte feliz cumpleaños tan pronto como sea posible! Así que... Haha, sí lo hice." I told her in a bit of a chckle. "Oh, muchas gracias, querida! No es lo mismo celebrar sin ti. Echo de menos cuando tú y Alex eran jóvenes, tus payasadas tontas me hicieron sonreír. Pero supongo que no tendré otro cumpleaños." Even if when she finished her sentance made me freeze, I still saw her smile through it all.
[ Y/n! It's so nice to see your beautiful face again, have you just woken up? - I wanted to tell you Happy Birthday as soon as possible! So... Haha, yeah I did. - Oh, thank you very much my dear! It's not the same celebrating without you. I miss when you and Alex were young, your silly antics made me smile. But I guess I won't be having another birthday. ]
I froze, a lump growing in my throat, "Mamá... ¿Cómo, cómo lo haces? Sonríe y sé... Feliz a través de todo, no quiero arruinar el ambiente, pero..." I could feel tears well up in my eyes, and even through a grainy screen she still gave another one of her comforting smiles. "Y/n, está bien. No te voy a mentir, tengo miedo de lo que va a pasar. Pero la vida va a resultar de la manera que quiere, sin excepciones. Cuando llegas a mi edad, te das cuenta de que ir con la corriente es más fácil que ir contra la marea. Al menos tengo a mi familia y a mi dios conmigo."
[ Mom... How, how do you do it? Smile and be... Happy through it all, I don't mean to dampen the mood but... - Y/n, it's alright. I won't lie to you, I am scared of what'll happen. But life will turn out the way it wants to, no exceptions. When you get to my age, you realize that going with the flow is easier than going against the tide. At least I have my family and my god to be with me. ]
I held back my sniffles, she had always been such a wonderful woman. "Y la mejor parte, de una vida que es tan impredecible es... nada está garantizado. Aunque eso pueda sonar negativo, eso también significa que podría vivir. Dejaré que el destino haga su trabajo y haga lo que quiera." Her positive energy just radiated off of her to me. Somehow, she held hope against all odds, she kept things happy and light and that's something I'll always admire. I wish someday I could be as enlightened as her.
[ And the best part of a life that is so unpredictable is... nothing is guaranteed. Although that may sound negative, that also means I could live. I will let fate do its job and do what it wants. ]
And through all the pain, I wanted her to know how I feel before it becomes too late. "Te quireo mamá, siempre lo he hecho, siempre lo haré." She smiled, "Yo también te quireo Y/n, siempre estaré contigo. Incluso a miles de kilómetros de distancia o incluso a una existencia entera siempre te cuidaré. Nunca te olvides de eso." "Te prometo que nunca te olvidaré. Nunca."
[ I love you Mom, I always have I always will. - I love you too Y/n, I'll always be with you. Even thousands of kilometres away or even an entire existence I'll always look out for you. Never forget that. - I promise, I'll never forget you. Ever. ]
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Woah I haven't uploaded in a while.
But quick shoutout to @-qwacks-and @izabcll ! Their birthdays are coming up and I don't know when exactly is the next time I'm updating so I want to make sure they get a proper Happy Birthday even if it's early! I wish you both wonderful days and thank you both so much for supporting me, it's greatly apprecated!
Till uh, whenever I finish next chapter!