"𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙛 𝙞 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧, 𝙙𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙢."
{ Mentions suicidal thoughts, tendencies and attempted suicide. If this triggers you please stop reading. }
-
𝙈𝙖𝙮 3𝙧𝙙
I smelt the warm brewed tea before I began to drink at it.
"What do you think?" Alex asked while coming over to my place he had picked me up some tea. But he wasn't exactly sure what I liked.
The tea was sweet, but with bitter undertones. It was fruity with a floral taste to it, it was such a calming flavour and sent. The best thing was that it was decaf so I wouldn't be bouncing off the walls.
"It's amazing, thanks, Alex." Since we've gotten together, he's been coming over more often when I've finished my things. Bringing me small things almost every time, it was sweet and I appreciated it a lot.
"Few, I was afraid you wouldn't like it. I don't drink too much tea so I asked a guy there for his opinion." I looked at the box, it was an Asian brand and one I had never heard before.
"Hm, whoever he was he has good taste," I mumbled, taking another sip.
"You wanna try?" He gave me a look, "didn't I just say I don't drink tea?" I chuckled a little, "doesn't hurt to try right? It's not very strong, actually quite light. I think you'd like it."
I put the cup close to his face, and hesitantly he held the bottom of it and took a gulp.
"So? What do you think?" And like that, his face scrunched up as he turned on my sink and began to drink from there.
"It's so sweet...! But it's also really bitter, ugh... How do you drink that?" I shrugged, finishing what was left in the teacup, "I guess my palette is more refined than yours." I winked at him, he rolled his eyes.
"Whatever you say." I placed the cup in the sink and put the box away, he sat down on our couch, getting comfy as he let out a sigh.
"I need to start streaming again..." He mumbled out, I looked towards him. "That's your job, right?" I asked we haven't really ever talked about what he did for a living. It never really bothered me to ask.
"Mhm, don't you ever watch Youtube or anything?" I shook my head, "school first. I'd scroll through Instagram if that counts though, sometimes twitter." He laughed as I sat beside him, he showed me his phone.
And there I laid my eyes upon the YouTube account with the name of Quackityhq, two million and a half subscribers to his name. My eyes went wide, wow. That's a lot of people.
"Wow, that's... A lot." "I know right? I can't thank my Habibis enough." I smiled and look towards him, "Habibi? Isn't that a rock band?"
He looked confused at me, "seriously?" I nodded my head. "Well, I know that Habibi means beautiful-"
"Except it doesn't, according to dictionary.com Habibi, or habibti...
Means my love or can also be translated as my dear, my darling or beloved." He looked in awe at the article, "but... I already made the shirts."
And like that, we both broke out into laughter, "so you haven't been streaming?" He shook his head, "not since the start of the year, no. Honestly, Anabel was on my mind and then we got in a fight and now... I've been focusing on you." I felt... Guilty at that.
I wasn't giving my fullest attention to him, but he was for me.
"That's very lovely Alex, but it's your job right? What if you lose it because of me...?" He wrapped an arm around me, "I was planning on streaming tonight anyways, my followers are mostly understanding. Besides, I couldn't have streamed without feeling my greatest. Do you know how sad I was for the longest while?
I've been clearing my head and now that I don't have any worries, I can work properly." I smiled, cuddling into his chest as I listened to his beating heart.
The soft pounding caused me to relax, hearing what essentially was his life, continuing forward was something that put me at ease. It assured me he would be there, that he was alive.
And that always calmed me, I adored it so.
The fabric of his shirt was soft, rubbing up against my cheek. His arm around my shoulders as he rested his chin on the top of my head, "this is nice." I hummed, honestly kind of falling asleep.
"Mhm..." I yawned, "I'm gonna take a small nap... Wake me up in twenty alright?" He hummed "no problem, goodnight. I love you." "I love you too Alex."
And like that, I focused on the beat of his heart and my breathing. Steadily inhaling and exhaling, feeling my chest rise and fall as my mind cleared and I fell asleep...
-
Alex's p.o.v.
With my arm around her, Y/n rested so peacefully. She snored softly, she looked so delicate... Fragile. It was so serene, our moment together... But I pried my eyes away when I realized how creepy I was being, I was full-on watching her sleep. Like, seriously.
Can that get any weirder?
But then I jumped a little at the sound of knocking, Y/n had never mentioned expecting anyone today so when I got up I was slightly wary.
She spoke about her dorm rules, how generally lovers weren't allowed sleeping over but she assured me that no one reinforced them.
My mind tried to think of the other possible options... Erm, Audrey her friend? Maybe she was here, but why would she...
The worse thing was I had no means of checking, as her door lacked a peephole.
But I couldn't ignore whoever was at the door, what if they were important... Ugh, but if they were I'm sure they wouldn't want to hear "oh sorry the person you're looking for is asleep. Oh and I'm her boyfriend." That'd make things... Weird.
Right? Probably.
I contemplated a little longer, yay or nay...? Yes or no... Opo o hindi po...? What language even was that last one?
Think Alex...
Screw it I'm opening the door.
And as soon as I did I immediately regretted it.
-
Y/n p.o.v.
I heard voices, loud ones at that. They made my eyes open slowly, waking me up from my dark trance...
"Alex...?" I asked out of the blue, curious as to why he wasn't by my side.
"Y/n, sorry for waking you up." And like that, he came to my side. I rubbed my eyes and looked around the room.
My heart sinking down into my stomach as I saw who stood in it, who else but my mother and father. Arms crossed, looking at me with looks that make me sink into my chair.
"M...mother, father. May I ask what brings you here?" I tried to pull the sophisticated act, all tiredness was gone as it was sorta scared out of me.
My father sighed, "darling I thought you told her we'd be coming." "I did dear, but it seems to me she's forgotten." Her glare ice-cold as it pierced right through me.
I felt as if a cool wave washed over me, shit, when I was a mess she did say she was coming. I guess I was so busy in the moment I just-
"Forgotten. Just like your responsibility, what were you doing before we entered?" "Well, um, Alex and I were hanging out as I was taking a nap-"
"Seriously?" My father cut me off, his expression growing angrier. "You don't even know this kid, he could've done something to you." "I trust him, I've known him for years..!"
"Kids these days..." My mother let out a disappointing sigh, "believing that a couple of months somehow equates to years." "I'm serious. He was the kid next door when we... No, I lived in Mexico."
"Oh, I recognize him. He was there when we first moved in right?" My stomach sank, remembering when we first moved in.
My father made his way to Alex, a frustrated expression on his face. "You were the same kid who refused to come outside to greet us, right?" To my surprise, Alex held his ground. Standing straight with an unreadable expression.
"I was in the ninth grade at the time, but I still apologize for it now. I promise you, I've changed from then. I'm better now." His voice a mimicking monotone to the regular tone my parents usually put on.
My dad, letting out a sigh as his expression softened. "...what do you do? Tell me how you've changed, tell me how successful you've become since leaving those outskirts."
Alex seemed to tense up, he hesitated to tell them what he did. And he needn't say anymore, as my father let out a sigh. "My father deserved better than you if he's your justification for falling behind I refuse to allow this."
"But I haven't been falling behind. I'm still top of the class...-" they shot me a slide glare, "are you the best in your area? Out of every school in this kept, can you come out on top?" I kept quiet, lying to them would prove an even worse outcome.
"That's what we mean by falling behind, you know this damn well. We call your professor, expecting him to praise how hard you work. Telling us you're too good for his sorry class and that he'd move you further ahead. But instead, we got him telling us how worried he is about how you've been out of it.
You know, we can't accept this." I let out a shaky exhale, "I won't let it happen again." Their expressions softened, but still giving off negative vibes. "In our line of business, Y/n. Consistency is an important key to success. If you can't be constant with your work, you might as well be worst in your class hm? They'd choose the reliable second best over the inconsistent top student.
It's just business, sweetheart."
Chills went down my spine, I knew for a fact they were overplaying this one mistake. On purpose or they truly thought so? I wasn't sure, that was the beauty of my parents.
"I know, but this is one time..." "One time too many. Y/n, we can't have this happen again right? So we've come to the decision that whatever is troubling you must be here."
I wasn't liking where they were going with this...
"So we secured you a place at an even better school in Italy, you're expected there in September." My heart sunk, that was the last straw. "I'm not going, I promise I'll do better..."
"We can't take that risk. You're future is on the line and if you'll be sacrificing it for some boy we can't allow you to do that-"
"I promise to never see her again." All our heads swung towards Alex, his face stern and serious. "I'm the source of her problems, I promise to never see her again if you'd let her stay."
"How do we know the minute we leave you won't just continue seducing her?" My mother challenged, but I hated her choice of words... Seducing... It sounded like such a vile act but it's not something that Alex would do.
"You have my word. Just... Allow us to talk one last time?" They nodded as I looked over to him, both our eyes we're glossy, we couldn't deny. I was getting emotional, he couldn't be serious...
"Alex... What are you doing?" He took my hand and smiled, "I didn't like how the conversation was going. You love it here, and I want you to be happy. Either way, I can't be in it... Your parents have the final say, right? But at least... You can be where you want to be. I have to go back to Mexico anyway, Mamá's not getting any older and with what's happening with Papá I have to go.
Just... Promise me you'll be happy, okay?" I bit my lip, jumping into his arms letting tears soak into his shirt.
"Don't leave me alone... Please..."
"I'm sorry. I love you, Hermosa."
I couldn't even respond, as I continued to sob into his shirt. My parents stayed deathly quiet the whole time, but I couldn't care less about them.
I hoped this was a ruse, that Alex would still talk to me. But the way he looked, he was dead serious. If we were caught a second time there'd be no hope trying to stay here.
We both knew this outcome was how it would have to be for at least one of us to be happy, but I didn't want to reach that truth. I just wished those days we spent together would've never ended.
But the arrow of time moves straight ahead, and unfortunately... Stops for no one.
-
𝙈𝙖𝙮 10𝙩𝙝
I heard myself breathe, the soft inhale being heard with my ears and felt with my nose being exhaled... The air now flowing up my throat and out my mouth, rolling off my tongue as it did so.
My fingers tapping away, like a boring beat that so complimented the soft ticking of my clock.
Time was slow,
My eyes were sore,
And my heart still ached.
How long had it been?
A week, a month, a couple of hours since I had eaten, washed... Changed my clothes? My only grasp on time was when I went to class, taping it using my computer and listening to it on repeat. Trying to process each and every word.
But I couldn't, how could I...
Alex was gone, and I knew he wasn't coming back. My parents spoke to the secretary and such... if they saw me and him together they would alert them. Alex wasn't keen on the idea either, not inclined to risk my happiness.
...The ironic thing was I wasn't happy.
And neither outcome would prove so for me.
So here I was, a slaving away at my work, day in day out.
I was decaying before my own eyes, I had dramatically lost weight, losing about seven to twelve pounds in the last... However long it's been.
I felt terrible, but I kept my progress up. Finishing work at insane rates... But at what cost? How tired I felt, how shitty I was... I needed some sort of break, perfect, I should go to the bathroom.
Take a piss and continue working.
I stood up from my chair, almost toppling over as I did so. The sudden action I wasn't used to due to how long I had been wasting away in my desk chair.
I felt... Horrible.
Sickly even, like somehow I had aged sixty years in a minute... I was so weak...
I leaned against the walls for support, trying to get there... But my energy levels were so low, It was so bad I wondered to myself...
Was this it? Was this how Y/n L/n would die, pitifully starving herself and overworking until she eventually met her demise?
But somehow, I made it... The minute I entered the room I transferred from the wall to the counter, my breathing was erratic. Huffing and puffing, I felt so light-headed.
I ran the sink, splashing my face with water I tried feeling some sort of freshness, but if I were to feel any it was vastly overpowered by my strong feeling of tiredness.
I was tired, tired cause I wasn't getting any rest. Work filled my day. Tired of trying to be this perfect person for my parents, when I wasn't.
I was tired of today, yesterday and I damn well knew tomorrow as well. And most likely every day after that.
It weighed on me, every day... Of the rest of my life, spent working, being someone I wasn't... Someone I was always a little out of reach from...
Was it even worth it? I'd never been enough, I'm not enough now and I'll never be enough.
Was this it? A checkmate life's handed me. One where nothing really matters.
A bland life, where I'd always be hanging onto the past being sick and tired over losing the one I love forever.
I'd probably be forced into an arranged marriage, one for our company that my older brother would run and I'll never have even if I wanted.
Marry that douche and birth his ungrateful children, taking care of them for eighteen years and watch them be weighed down just like me by their father.
I'd watch them... Follow in my footsteps and then the cycle will continue.
Forever.
I let out a sigh, what even is this worth...?
I looked up into the mirror, my heart dropping. I looked terrible, cheeks and eyes sunken in... Skin paler than my usual tone... My hair was ratty and I stunk to high hell.
Look at me, I was hideous... A monster.
Who even was that looking back at me. I wasn't even sure who I was anymore...
...what was the point...?
To continue to live...
-
Alex's p.o.v.
I sniffled as I continued to lay in bed, just left with my thoughts. But she came to mind again... Her voice playing in my head like a broken record.
"Don't leave me alone... Please."
Her shattered voice making tears sting my eyes, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave...
But it's for her well being, she was fine before me and she could be fine without me... Right?
And then the buzzing of my phone went off... My eyes darted towards the notification. It was her...
But I promised never to see her again, I couldn't talk to her, could I?
Why didn't I block her number...? I just, couldn't bring myself to do it...
I read the notification anyways, my heart sunk as I did so.
I love you :)
Was all she wrote, I tore my eyes away from it. Closing them trying to calm my raging emotions, I wanted to bawl but I kept myself together.
I had to stay strong.
But then my phone vibrated again, and against my will on pure instinct I read it out.
Goodbye.
Goodbye... I wasn't leaving for another month or two and she doesn't even know that...
My mind rushed, what could she be referring to... All sorts of ideas entertained themselves in my head.
Some worse than others.
But one stuck out the most, and my heart sunk as I began to panic at the idea.
What do you mean goodbye, I'm not leaving you know.
ʳᵉᵃᵈ
I began to pace around my room, waiting for a response but none was given. She had only left me on read.
My heart was caught in my throat, "Hermosa don't do anything stupid..." I mumbled to myself, tears beginning to fall as I didn't know what to do.
If I was her where would I do it, I had to stop it... I had to. I wasn't going to let her die. No, no, no... Y/n don't you dare...
Would I even be able to live with myself in that scenario...
I waited, about a minute. My heart racing, I was so afraid.
But what was I doing? I was a sitting duck.
If she was going to do something like that I couldn't let her do that.
So I began to rapid-fire text trying to keep her from doing it.
You know I love you right?
Y/n you're my everything, I'm sure one day we can be together again right?
You promised you'd never see me again.
Who said I ever followed the rules Hermosa? ;) common, keep talking to me.
ʳᵉᵃᵈ
Left on read once again, the fear creeping up on me...
I had already lost her, but I wasn't going to let her lose herself. This wasn't her I was talking to. I know it...
I ran a hand through my hair, her smile flashing itself through my mind. The world needed more of her, I couldn't just let her go.
I didn't want to let her go, I was such an idiot. Letting her be by herself, I should've known she'd be alone and I should've tried for another option. Because either way, she'd be alone. Though I'll say it, I didn't think it'd be this serious.
Hermosa? How was your day today? What did you eat? :)
Nothing.
My stomach dropped as I read that message, slipping on my shoes and put the door. Locking it behind me as I ran down the building stairs, no time for the elevator.
That's not good, you know I care about you :) it's important to have three meals a day.
What's it worth?
The way she texted scared me, I wished it was a joke. The amount of anger I'd feel for that wouldn't equate to the amount of worry and sadness I felt in the current moment.
It's worth living a long happy life :)
ʳᵉᵃᵈ
Left again, filled with worry... I twisted the keys into my car which started it up. I knew I was about to face a serious offence but right now her life was worth more than mine.
One-hand holding my phone, I dialled emergency services, nine-one-one.
And while it rang I texted her at the same time.
Y/n? Hello?? Don't leave me on read that makes me sad you know :(
That last message not even being read.
"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
"Hello? Hi. I'm driving over to a friend's apartment and I'm afraid she might've committed suicide." I tried not to start crying and keeping my calm. But I couldn't as I rushed down the road trying to get to the university grounds.
"Ok, sir, where is this friend of yours located?" "In her university dorm, the school just off the 406 Highway. She's in the third dormitory and on the fourth floor, room 460. Please hurry, her name is Y/n L/n and I can't let her get hurt..!"
I blurted out all that information to him as I ended up accidentally running a red light. "Ok, sir I need you to calm down, I have an ambulance on the way. May I ask your name and where you are?"
"My name is Alexis, and I'm trying to get to her. You don't understand, I'm not sure if I can live with myself if she dies..."
This isn't funny! ://
Another message went unread.
"We're doing the best we can, Alexis. Just keep staying on the line with me alright?"
Y/n... Please answer me.
Another message unread.
"Tell me. Tell me she's going to be okay. Please..." My voice cracked as more tears began to flow, but I immediately wiped my eyes. I couldn't let them blind me from driving, getting in a car crash wasn't the greatest idea.
"We're doing what we can, the ambulance is arriving now."
"So am I," I spoke, driving up to the place. Seeing the ambulance stationed outside the building.
"Goodbye, thank you so much," I told the lady on the other end. "No problem Alexis, hope everything goes well." And like that, we ended the call.
I rushed out of my car, blaming the door and hitting the lock button on my car keys. The assuring beep went with it.
I ran up to the ambulance, some workers standing aimlessly waiting for the others to come back outside. They looked at me and my worried state, "I phoned the operator, I'm Alexis." I quickly told one of the ladies as she took my shoulders.
"Okay, relax. We've sent two people up with a stretcher in-case do check on her, can I know your relationships with her?" Boyfriend." I spat out, not even realizing what I was saying until it was too late.
Shit... I couldn't go back on it now or it'd look suspicious. I couldn't risk not going to the hospital with her.
But then my heart dropped, what if she'd already... No... I couldn't think like that. I just couldn't-
And then... Both workers rushed out. On the stretcher laid none other than Y/n. She looked so sick and so pale, it turned my stomach thinking how much pain she's been going through the past week.
"Can I go with her?" I asked them, desperate to know if she'll be okay.
And they nodded without a second thought, let me inside as I watched her zoned out body get attached to things. People doing things to her I didn't quite understand.
And I'll I can do was watch in horror.
Her head tilted, looking up at me... That face of defeat I would never forget. The amount of emotion either one of us felt was greater than anything I could've imagined ever in my wildest dreams.
I felt so much, it was like I was drowning in my own feelings.
I felt the wind get knocked out of me, I needed to sit down. And I did on one of the chairs they had against the wall.
And as they stopped their actions, just watching over her vital signs making sure she was stable... She weakly reached a hand towards me, and I took it without a second thought. Lightly squeezing it, as tears fell one by one.
"I'm so happy you're okay."
-
I sat by her side, looking at her pitiful state. It was like there was a rock in my stomach, I felt so bitterly sick I wanted to almost... Throw up you could say.
Holding her hand through it all, I wasn't even sure how long it's been... She was resting softly, attached to an IV and those heartbeat checker things I wasn't familiar with the name of.
I heard the machine continuously beat, reaffirming she was well... Alive. And every beat was another second passing that put me to ease... Watching her breathe relaxed me, it was melodic how it paired so well with the mechanical replication of her heartbeat.
Two sounds that told me she was alive.
Two sounds that I'd listen too, for hours and hours without a single complaint.
"Ahem..." I looked towards the nurse who stood before me, "the patients' parents are here and we ask that no more than two visitors stay in the room at one time." I looked behind her, there stood two of the scariest people I've met to date.
Mrs. and Mr. L/n.
"Oh yes of course..." I mumbled out, getting up out of the chair I had been sitting on for hours to let them in.
My eyes met with them, as they stood just outside the only exit blocking the way. As I got closer to them I could see the expression on their faces, was it possibly remorse...? That I saw depicted.
Their hair was unkempt, and they were wearing rather comfortable looking clothing. They had been awoken by this news and were afraid, who wouldn't be?
"Darling go ahead, I'll speak with him." Her father spoke, letting Y/n's mother inside as I stepped out to talk with him. The nurse herself who brought them leaving to do her own thing...
Her father was about my hight, I could assume he was about thirty-ish years older than me. But he looked good for his age, intimidating, but posh and cleaned up.
At first, as we stood in the bland hallways of the hospital, his face held a stern neutral look. Until his pursed lips relax and fell, his eyes looked down as he took a breath.
"Thank you."
He then raised his eyes to look straight at me, he looked so broken down. He looked less like a stuck up know it all to just... A sad old man.
"And I... We... are deeply sorry." He seemed truly genuine, he cleared his throat and straightened his posture.
"For me and my wife, our little girl means so much for us. We worry about her and try our hardest to push her to be her best, but this taught me, us, that we've been pushing far too hard." He placed a hand over my shoulder, looking me dead in the eye.
"I have no idea what you do, how you'll financially support my daughter and what you two might do. But... You've done me and my family so much tonight, you've saved Y/n's life. And for that, I can't thank you enough and I humbly ask that you can find it in yourself to forgive me when you can.
I just wish I can ask for Y/n's forgiveness as well." He huffed out, a bittersweet smile on his face.
I looked to him, a small smile on my face "I forgive you, I just... I just need to make sure you won't be adding any unnecessary stress to her. I have to move so, my biggest fear would be her doing something like this without me being here."
He nodded, "you have my word, and again... Thank you."
We shook hands after that, our grips moderately firm with a good shake. Had he just... Made amends? Without a doubt, yes.
And I was so grateful to now be on their good side, but I just hoped Y/n would be okay.
-
𝙈𝙖𝙮 23𝙧𝙙
Y/n's p.o.v.
My eyes fluttered open, the soft morning light waking me up. The smell of something sweet awoke my senses as I sat upright in my bed.
"Careful Hermosa, I don't want you getting hurt." A voice caring and honey-sweet scolded me as he came tray in hand, it was none other than Alexis... With his delightful smile and iconic beanie.
Ever since I had almost made the biggest regret of my life... Which would've been the last one at that too, Alex had been staying over at my place since I've been discharged from the hospital. But honestly, since my attempt, Alex had been there every step of the way. Making sure I woke up before noon, ate three meals and spent time with me to encourage me to take breaks and just relax.
I loved having him with me and it warmed my heart knowing how much he cared for me, especially with everything.
"I brought breakfast, you should eat up it's almost nine-thirty." It was two fried eggs paired with rice and a small plastic container of fruit. Not to mention the rather large bottle of orange juice.
I smiled and hugged him as he laid the tray in my lap, "have you eaten?" "Uh... Haha, been planning on it." I sighed with a smile, handing him the other fork meant for the fruit.
"Let's share, I can't let my boyfriend go hungry after all he's done for me." He gave me a wholesome smile as we both began to dine in.
"Mhm, this is really good Alex. I knew I had a rice cooker but how'd you fry the eggs? We don't have an oven in here." He winked, "the magician never reveals his secrets, Habibi, just trust in the fact that it's cooked." I playfully rolled my eyes as I continued to eat.
Kinda wished it had a bit of salt, but it was still a wonderful meal.
And then... Came the fruit.
The minute he opened up the small container we both began to rapidly stuff our faces as quickly as possible.
It consisted of mangoes, strawberries and raspberries... Favourites among us for being summer fruits that we adored.
Warm memories of scorching Mexico during the summer months made me remember all the bizarre and amusing shenanigans we'd do when we had too much free time.
And in no time, our cheeks were filled with the sweet and sour fruit as the plastic cup was empty. Only really leaving a tiny amount of juice and water at the bottom.
We both swallowed what was in our mouths as cheerful laughter erupted from us, why were we laughing? Who knows, we were both so hyper for no reason good feels just oozed out of us.
Today started with an optimistic kick and I was living for it, it was a Saturday anyhow. We had the whole day and tomorrow to do what we so pleased.
I was eager and happy, I felt like I could take one the world...
And then my phone rang.
I picked it up, but not before asking Alex to open up the stubborn bottle that was made too tight for me to open. I just wanted a sip of the sweet orange liquid inside.
"¿Hola, Y/n? ¿Cómo has estado?" It was Mamá, but she had an underlying edge to her voice. Was there something troubling her?
[ Hello, Y/n? How are you? ]
"Soy buena mamá, ¿tú? Alex ha sido una gran ayuda y no puedo agradecerle lo suficiente." I could hear her smile as she giggled at my enthusiasm. At least she was lightning up a little, but still... Her subtle sadness was apparent.
[ I'm good mom, you? Alex has been such a great help I can't thank him enough. ]
"¿Está Alexis con usted? Tengo algo que decirles a los dos." Her voice growing slightly quiet as she spoke, she seemed so sorrowful hearing her dampened my mood a little. I was afraid of what she was going to tell us.
[ Is Alexis with you? I have something I need to tell both of you. ]
I placed her on speaker, "Estás en el altavoz, mamá, Alex puede oírte."
[ You're on speaker mom, Alex can hear you. ]
She took a deep breath, Alex looking at me with a worried look. "Padre... Él... Padre está muerto. Murió esta mañana." My heart sunk as she spoke, I placed a hand over my mouth trying to muffle my immediate sobs.
[ Father... He... Father is dead. He died this morning. ]
"¿Qué? mamá, no puedes hablar en serio..." He took the phone from me, his eyes glossing over.
[ What? Mom, you can't be serious... ]
"Ojalá no fuera hijo, se ha ido..." She sounded like she was about to cry as well, her voice cracked on multiple occasions. I could only imagine how she was feeling.
[ I wish I was son, he's gone... ]
I gathered myself as I took a deep breath, wiping my cheeks and eyes trying to dry them and calm my breathing. "Lo siento mucho mamá..." Was all I could muster out, I was honestly in a loss for words...
[ I'm so sorry mom... ]
What are you supposed to say when you lose a parent? Someone who was mostly there in your life?
Sure I wasn't that close to him but I still consider him family, he worked hard to support his household and I respect that tenfold.
He was around more than my parents were, so I grew attached to him. Like the father I never had.
And to lose him, after not seeing him for years pained me. It pained all of us. I wished I could have gone back to say one last goodbye... But I had thought it wasn't that bad. That he'd live long after this and this was a small road bump in a long rest of his life...
But no. I guess... It wasn't.
"Está bien querida, el funeral se va a celebrar el próximo sábado. Está bien si no puedes asistir." She practically mumbled...
[ it's alright dear, the funeral is going to be held next Saturday. It's alright if you can't attend. ]
"Vamos mamá, voy a reservar un billete de avión ahora," I spoke in sniffles, reaching over to my laptop and switching its place with the breakfast tray.
[ We're going mom, I'm going to book a plane ticket now. ]
"Muy bien, ambos cuídense. voy a informar al resto de la familia..." And like that, our conversation was finished as she hung upon us. A dwelling stillness filled the room, I didn't know what to say. For the two of us, this was a completely new experience we'd have to conquer.
[ Alright, both of you take care. I'm going to inform the rest of the family... ]
"I can't believe it..." Alex let out, in a shaky sigh. Tears inevitably began to fall, I moved the laptop and wrapped my arms around him.
"The last time I spoke to him... Was when I brought Anabel over to the house. That's when I argued with them over not liking her. I made up with Mamá but I never got the chance to call him back.
He's been so busy, he's been working trying to support not only Mamá but the rest of my struggling family. Mamá's going to have to sell the family home without him." It hurt, really did listening to Alex speak about his story. I tried to comfort him, but it just ended up a crying fest for the two of us.
An otherwise happy day turned into a bitter one, it's almost as if the bright shining sun outside was making fun of our pitiful state.
Today wasn't going to be a good day.
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𝙈𝙖𝙮 30𝙩𝙝
[ 𝖤𝗒 𝗆𝗒 𝖻𝗂𝗋𝗍𝗁𝖽𝖺𝗒 ;) ]
I never thought I'd cone back to Mexico so... Sad. So miserable.
The funeral service was over, I had seen some faces that were slightly familiar. Such as a handful of cousins and a few aunts and uncles.
The place was packed full of family, most people I wasn't familiar with. But still a good portion I knew just because I had seen them at the quinceñera a couple of months back just briefly.
They had decided on cremation, and Alex had a small vase to take home of a portion of his ashes. And you know? I actually got one too which surprised me, I had genuinely thought he forgot about me.
And since it was all over, all we could do was sadly walk back to the old family home.
Mamá walked quite a bit ahead of us as we walked much slower, taking in all the nostalgic sights from our youth. So many places we've seen... Been.
It was literally taking a walk through memory lane, it made me sad thinking it was all over.
"Remember when we found those old records and that record player?" I asked, out of the blue honestly. Remembering how excited we were fo hear all those old tunes.
"Yeah... I remember you loved a certain one..." He spoke, a smile even if he didn't seem like he was in a good mood.
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away... But now it seems that they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday..." I sang the first verse, all those memories bringing me back. Nostalgia hitting me hard.
"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be... There's a shadow hanging over me... Oh, yesterday came suddenly." She sang out, in a slow voice but still. He sounded... Beautiful.
He really had such a beautiful voice honesty...
"Why'd she, have to go? I don't know, she wouldn't say... I did something wrong, now I yarn for yesterday..." We sang together, our volume doing a gradual crescendo as it went from mildly quiet to much louder.
"Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play... Now I need a place to hide away... Oh, I believe in Yesterday." I began to sniffle, I was getting emotional but why? What was about it that caused me to be this way?
"Why she had to go, I don't know she wouldn't say. I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday..." Alex sang alone, he was getting emotional too.
"Yesterday... Love was such an easy game to play, now I need a place to hide away..."
"Oh, I believe in yesterday." We looked to each other, saddened with tears running down our face and smile smiles that graced each of our lips.
Just sharing a moment like that hit home to both of us, for just a minute or two we put everything on mute to just live in the moment.
And I'll never forget the sentimental times we share, where it's exactly like this. Where we feel our most vulnerable, and we use old memories or music to get through tough times.
"I love you Hermosa"
I smiled,
"Love you more Alex."
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