Chapter 21
"Just cause I love you and you love me / It doesn't mean that we'll ever be." Jazmine Sullivan - Lions, Tigers & Bears
[March]
Swollen feet.
Swollen boobs.
Backaches.
Fatigue.
Insatiable hunger.
I was still waiting on the moment of overwhelming happiness from impending motherhood. I didn't feel like I was carrying the miracle of life. I felt like I had an energy-sucking parasite implanted in my uterus.
If it weren't for all the horrible symptoms I would forget I was pregnant. So far, I'd felt one kick in the five month of hell. A single kick two weeks ago when I tripped over a pile of my clothes. I was lying on the floor when a slight flutter brushed in my stomach. That was it. It might have even been gas.
I had a small-hardened curve in my midsection not really a "baby bump." What my mom referred to as 'a little something.'
Under my desk, I slipped off my black patent high heels. Next to go were my gray wool stockings then bra. I didn't want anything constricting me. Besides, I only had one client today and they left an hour ago.
Taking skittles out my candy draw, I threw a handful in my mouth. I rested my head on top of the monthly reports and exhaled. I'd been fighting my eyelids to stay open but I badly needed a nap before I could do any more work.
A few minutes wouldn't hurt.
* * *
I jerked awake when I heard someone giggling. Sitting upright, I saw Chelsea in the chair in front of my desk with her hand over her mouth and shoulders bouncing in laughter.
"How long have you been there?" I asked, stretching my arms high over my head. I shielded my eyes from the brightness.
"Long enough to hear you snoring."
I was too exhausted to feel embarrassed. I got out a pack of Twizzlers for myself, since this parasite doesn't like sour candies, and gave Chelsea a bag of peanut M&Ms.
Chelsea opened her candy slowly, sighing. "I need to ta-"
"Wait. Hold that thought." I jumped up from my chair to shimmy to the bathroom quickly. I managed to run down the hallway while keeping my thighs pressed tightly together.
"Listen you little trouble maker," I spoke to my unborn while squatting over the toilet. "You're going to have be gentler with me. Leave my bladder alone."
A strong wave of nausea hit causing me to dry heave.
I guess it doesn't like to be told what to do. "You're too much like me already."
It wasn't until I was in the hallway walking back to my office that I remembered the majority of my clothes were off. All I had on was a tight long sleeve, mid thigh length striped dress. Ew.
"Sorry about that," I apologized, sitting down behind my desk. Chelsea nodded quietly, playing with the candies in her hand. "You said you needed to talk. What's up?"
Rapid silent tears slid down her cheeks. She wiped them with the tissues from the box on top my desk. I waited patiently for her to relax. My feet were hurting way too bad for me to get up again.
"I'm sorry," Chelsea said, wiping away moisture. "I got in my feelings seeing your belly." I glanced down at my stomach while munching on a Twizzler. "When I saw you at the clinic, I thought..."
Oh crap, I totally forgot about that morning.
"I made a mistake," Chelsea sobbed. "I wish...I wish I never..." her words trailed off into quiet cries. I could never get used to seeing Chelsea crying. She reminded me so much of Sparkle. Tough exterior. Sensitive interior. "Elle, I've been trippin' since I got that procedure done. But what was I supposed to do? I'm only eighteen and Pierre ain't shit. But I want my baby. I miss my baby."
I sat still as she went back and forth battling with her inner self. Talking to me. Then grabbing her head and whispering to herself. I feared she might slip into psychosis.
"I have dreams every night. My baby keeps crying and I can feel that same pinch over and over again. It won't stop. The cries won't stop."
Discreetly, I eased the phone off the hook to dial Dr. Robinson's extension because I was severely unqualified to deal with this issue. Chelsea eyed me as I slowly brought the receiver up to my lips.
"What are you doing?" she snapped. I dropped the phone back on the hook and folded my hands under my chin, giving Chelsea all my attention. "You said I can talk to you about anything but here I am with anything and you won't talk to me." She rubbed her eyes with her fingertips.
"When's the last time you had a good night's sleep," I inquired, noticing her dark under eye circles.
"I can't sleep!" she screamed, terrifying me. "Every time I close my eyes, I see my child." My heart tugged, imaging what Chelsea had to be going through.
I took Introduction to Psychology in college but nothing in that class covered what to do if someone was having a break with reality. Chelsea roughly rubbed at the sides of her face.
"Elle, I'm hurting so bad. Nothing stops it anymore."
I stood up from my chair. It felt like tiny needles were pricking the bottom of my feet. Rounding my desk, I wrapped my arms around Chelsea shaking body.
"Shh," I whispered. "Everything will be alright. Trust me." I didn't know if my words were true but I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't in Chelsea's position. She kinda made me glad that I didn't go through with the abortion.
"But Elle-"
"Trust me," I repeated. I tensed when her hand lowered to rest on my slightly protruding stomach. Her cries died down to whimpers while her palm circled my belly.
Sometimes all a person needs is to be held as they cry out their pain. I tightened my arms around Chelsea's body, giving her the time she needed. I wished there was more that I could do for her.
After awhile, Chelsea was finally stable enough to have a therapy session with the center's psychologist. I sat in at her request. The psychologist mostly spoke with Chelsea and got her to look at her situation from a different perspective then set her up with regular appointments.
I felt a bit territorial at first because Chelsea is my babes. I was used to her coming to me for advice but if she's getting the help she needed then I should be happy for her.
* * *
The fuel gauge on my gas tank hovered closely over E. Rolling my eyes; I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot. A couple months ago, I wouldn't have had to think twice about filling up my tank but now it's a luxury.
So much has changed.
Exiting my car, I rubbed my arms to warm them since I'd left my jacket at my desk by accident. My mind was so focused on getting caffeine and food that everything else fell away. It was a miracle I remembered my keys.
Crossing the threshold into the warm establishment, I felt that familiar press on my bladder signaling a countdown until I peed myself. There was no ladylike way to scamper across the café, especially in four-inch heels.
I'd yet to put my wool tights back on so it was important that I made it to the bathroom in time. Public bathrooms grossed me out though. I made extra sure that my body didn't come in contact with anything in the stall.
Afterwards, I washed my hands for two minutes straight then applied hand sanitizer. Not taking any chances.
Unzipping my wallet, I approached the barista. He was cute too, standing at least 6' feet, clear golden skin, blonde hair and a neatly trimmed beard. Well-groomed facial hair topped the list of my many weaknesses.
"Hi can I have a grande caramel macchiato and three double chocolate chunk brownies please?" I batted my lashes at the end but he wasn't paying me any attention.
"$11.64," he requested dryly. I handed over my debit card with a sigh. Flirting never was strength of mine. The barista swiped the card then quickly glanced at me before swiping the card again. "Ma'am your card was declined," he told me in a hushed tone.
How?
I thought I at least had enough money for lunch in my bank account. My face heated in embarrassment. This never happened to me. I looked through my wallet for spare change that I knew wasn't there. "Umm, how much is it with the drink and two brownies?"
He pressed buttons on the screen in front of him.
A muscular arm extended from over my head to hand over a crisp twenty-dollar bill. Familiar Ralph Lauren cologne surrounded me as the transaction took place. He was here. I knew it without turning around to see his handsome face.
Awkwardly we stepped to the side allowing, others to order. Every time I saw him my heart went into overdrive. I was tempted to jump into his arms but we were so far from that point in our relationship- or what's left of it.
"Hi," Rick beamed. Shimmering green eyes melted my insides. It never mattered how mad he made me. One look at his gorgeous emerald irises and I turned to mush. He looked relaxed and...happy. Like the old days.
I smiled back. "Hey."
Rick laughed breaking the ice. I missed the sound of his deep throaty chuckles. His eyes scanned my face, trailing down my body, lingering on my enlarged breast. His gaze narrowed in on my stomach before jumping back to my eyes.
How could I explain this? Words escaped me and all I could do was stand and stare.
"You're pre-"
"I uh. Umm-"
"Wow. Damn." He ran his fingers through his hair before pushing both hands into his front jeans pocket. "Congratulations Swee- I mean Elle. I guess things are going well with the doctor?"
I shrugged like an idiot.
His eyes drifted around the café then back to my stomach. Self-consciously, I used the small Starbucks bag to partially cover my belly.
"I guess that explains the three brownies," he mumbled.
He rocked forward on his toes and exhaled. I knew the news was hurting him. I didn't want to hurt him but I had to protect myself. Rick and I couldn't be together. It was for the best that he didn't know about the baby either.
"I'm sorry about the house thing," he apologized. "And car."
"It's okay. I managed."
"And phone."
That one required a calming breath. Him removing me from his phone plan really pissed me off and caused a lot of confusion but I bounced back.
"I was able to get the new iPhone free when I signed up for my own plan," I informed smiling. Rick chuckled.
"Then it worked out."
"Yeah."
Seconds passed between us. We never had trouble talking to each other in the past. But things changed so much.
"Your hair looks nice," Rick complimented. He surprised me when he took a step forward to finger one of my curls. My hair grew a few inches since getting pregnant so my curls touched my shoulders. He brushed a strand behind my ear sending a shiver down my neck.
I grabbed my stomach, feeling a strong nudge inside.
"Are you okay?" Rick asked alarmed. I nodded with my lips pressed together.
"It kicked..."
Hesitantly he placed his hand on my stomach. This was the most movement I'd felt at all. The baby was going crazy under Rick's touch.
Rick grinned placing his hands back at his sides. "Feels like you got a little Rocky Balboa in there."
Giggling, I confessed, "It's usually not this active."
"It? You haven't thought of names? You can't go around calling your baby It."
"I'm not good with names. Taylor calls it Lotus because she think I'm having a gi..." My words trailed off when a women walked up to us. Gracefully, she brushed her hand against Rick's like she intended to hold on.
"Babe did you-" she paused, making eye contact with me. Her beauty jogged my memory. I'd seen her hazel-ish golden eyes and straight shiny dark brown hair before. She had sharp cute features that reminded me of a model. "Did you order my coffee?" she finished slowly without taking her eyes off mine.
I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly where I'd seen her face.
"No I didn't," Rick replied. She tore her gaze away for a second to look at Rick. "You probably recognize her from pictures I had on my desk or Instagram but this is Elle," he introduced. "And, Elle this is... Skye."
The baby kicked harder, hearing that name. Seemed like the home wrecker was upsetting my child.
I was finally face-to-face with the woman who fucked my husband. She should be thanking God that I was pregnant and practicing a calmer lifestyle. I was still tempted to call Sparkle and have her come down to smack the MAC Matte Russian Red lipstick off her lips.
"Nice to meet you," the bitch greeted even though I felt like I'd met her already.
I didn't have it in me to lie. It wasn't nice to meet this ho.
"Thanks for buying my stuff," I told Rick, completely ignoring his sidepiece. Piece of garbage. It's a shame a beautiful woman can be so damn low and disgusting. Turning away from the both of them, I strode out of café with my shoulders back and head high.
Fuck them both.
I hated that I had all of these crazy hormones because I could feel the waterworks coming but gratefully, my tears stayed in long enough for me to make it to my car.
"Elle wait!"
I was just about to close my car door when I spotted Rick jogging towards me.
"Sorry about that...but I want to keep in touch with you." He pulled his cell phone from his back pocket. I stared at the device he tried to hand to me. I had very little interest in keeping in touch with him.
"I know things are weird right now but hopefully one day we can at least be friends," he explained.
Friends?
That's laughable.
I swiftly saved my new number in his phone. Slipping off my sterling silver white sapphire ring, I passed both objects back to him and closed my door. I don't need a ring to be his friend.
Pulling out of the parking lot, my left hand felt empty. I didn't regret giving the ring back. It was actually kind of pathetic that it took this long for me to take it off. There's no reason to wear it. Rick's moving on too. He has his little mistress with the familiar face.
And eyes...I'd definitely seen those eyes before.
I went inside the building confidently in my black cotton dress shorts and red striped peplum tank with matching red pumps. I hadn't felt that level of sexy in a long time.
A gorgeous young woman, sat at the reception desk that I approached. Her sun kissed tan skin and icy hazel eyes shone merigold under the banking lights. She had sharp model like features; a cross between Adriana Lima and Cassie Ventura...The kind of beauty that made you do a double take.
"Hi, how can I help you?" The woman asked with a fake friendly smile.
"I'm looking for Ri- Maverick Dawson's office." It was hard to keep the pleasant smile on my face, as she critically looked me up and down before typing a few things on her computer.
"He's out to lunch right now but I can leave a message for him if you'd like."
I checked the time on my phone. 10:45am. Early lunch. "Umm no, no message. Do you know when he's expected back?"
She chuckled a little for some unknown reason before shaking her head, making her sleek dark brown hair shimmy around her face. "Are you a client? He has meetings from 1 to 4:30 but I can pencil you in somewhere."
"No," I said slowly, playing with my wedding band.
"Oh then no I'm not sure when he's expect to return. He's out to lunch with his girlfriend so it can be anywhere from an hour to two hours," she informed giggling. "But you didn't hear that from me."
Slamming on my breaks, I covered my mouth in shock. Cars honked behind me since I was in the middle of the road.
Skye's an even trashier ho than I originally thought.
2-hour lunches? Unless Rick had another girlfriend there couldn't have been 2-hour lunches. And, Rick said he had pictures of me on his desk, so she must have known me.
If she's lying then what's the truth?
As tempting as I was to call him and sort things out, I decided keep my blood pressure low and let it go.
All could do was shake my head as I drove back to work. It's best Rick and I stay away from each other. Him and his bitch were too much drama.
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👀 hey y'all. Thanks for reading and being wonderful. And to the not so wonderful people: ho why is you here 🙄
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Questions:
1. If you were Elle, would you call Sparkle n' nem to come handle Skye?
2. What's your favorite thing to get at Starbucks?