Serilda
We basked in the silent cries that surrounded holding onto each other. Even when our cries had died out I held onto him with my dear life. He has been my anchor in all the times I have drowned but now it was time for me to do so. He didn't let me go or let loose, he held me together as I was breaking apart for him, for me and for us. He picked me in his arms taking us to bed where in silence we looked at each other with our hands intertwined. I wanted to descend into his soul and have him fill in every purpose of my skin. My heart wanted to take away his sufferings.
"I can't lose you," I whispered with my head over his heart. Raising my head I looked through my wet lashes.
"You can't leave me," the plea of my words slipped with agony inside me with tears in my eyes. I looked at him and I couldn't think of anything else but him. Nothing mattered to me than him. I felt like our lives were intertwined as if we were two humanly bodies but one soul. We were meant to live together and die together.
"I'll not," he caressed my cheeks with a sad smile on his face. "Not willingly," he added making those unshed tears roll down my cheeks.
"What can I do?" I hoped into finding a solution as I gazed into his eyes. All my life I had desired was to be loved and when I got it the fates were ripping away him from me.
"You can hold me until it's final," he pressed his lips to my ear as I laid there hearing the rhythmic beat of his heart.
"Tell me more about it," my soul was hungry for answers.
"There isn't much to tell but I would try my best to explain," he gave me a tight smile before continuing. "It's a tumor. A few times it had affected my decision making. There is headaches and this burning sensation in my head at times that I can't get rid of. Sometimes I hate the side effects the medicines bring. They make me depressed, sad and sometimes less emotional. The doctors said that having it operated leaves me with a eighty percent chance of coming out of it with short of some memories and a fifteen percent chance with coming out of it completely fine with a little less than one percent chance of not ever coming out of it alive which the doctor says is very low. However, if I do not have it operated there is a ninety percent chance that I will fade away and out of breath within a span of five to ten years. The doctors think its progressing and would turn cancerous and I wont lie but the thought of cancer scares me. On the brighter side I would have you by my side and it all will be worth it. I would like to rather die than live a life of misery and see us in pain of me determining away," hearing those words my soul broke out. I couldn't even think about a life without him not now when I had accepted that there wasn't anyone for me besides me. The painful moan that escaped my lips as tears fogged my own vision that made him held me closer.
"It's not final, Serilda. It's the worst that could happen if I don't get it operated," the soothing tone of his couldn't calm me. It only made me cry harder.
"I might still lose you in the end, isn't it?" There wasn't anything I could choose from. I would loose him in all the cases. One way or another he would still leave me with a hole in my heart and a part of it with him. I couldn't even fathom choosing between living a life without where he didn't exist or a life where he was but didn't know me. In both the situations there wouldn't be left an us. 'US' that had begun so beautifully, halted due to hatred but once again together supporting each other. Now when it was time for 'US' to live this in days filled with love and life there weren't days left altogether. All that laid ahead was a path where there wasn't any place with us and he wanted me to choose between that. Between love and 'US'. All I wanted was an 'US' to live in our better or worse.
"Let's get married," my words were hurried and desperate. His eyes looked at me wide in astonishment.
"What did you say?" he asked.
"Let's get married before you get it treated," intertwining my fingers in his I raised my head to look at him. I was greeted with shock and silence. Letting our hands go I straddled him wrapping my hands around him I waited for him to say a yes. I was desperate for that answer.
"Don't be crazy, Serilda," he spoke after a silence of minutes as the desperation of my words wavered away from the shock they put him.
"I don't even know if I would be getting it treated or not in the first place," his words left shook me and anger coursed in my veins.
"You are going to get treatment, Aaron," I snapped. My own words, even though pained me, were the right ones. I was taking the risk with his life. But I had chosen between him having a long life and a short one. All I wanted him to have a long happy life even if it was without me. I was never going to let him give upon himself. It is what love and life was.
"And I'm not being crazy. All I want is us to be married before we go for to have it operated and I want it to be done with soon. There's nothing stopping us now. The divorce has been finalized . I'm a free woman and you are a free man. I just want us to get there for each other. If something happens to you, I want to be by your side as your wife and not your lover," I spoke out my thoughts giving him the rawness of my desires and wants. His eyes stared in mine as he wrapped his hands around my waist. There was a softness in his eyes.
"Do you really want that? Would you do that for us? For me?" there was this uncertainty in his voice that pulled me to him.
"I want to do it for us, for you but above all for me. I want to be bind to you in the name of marriage from this moment till we take our last breaths," I pressed my lips to his giving in all the love I had for him in it. My legs tightened around him as I straddled him in the same moment his hands did around my waist. We were lost souls but lost in each other. There was no stopping us now. Our breaths mingled as we devoured each other. My lips left his to trail down his jaw to his neck and turning to his ear lobe. I felt the arch of his neck allowing me to touch him as I liked. For the first time nothing felt wrong. All I felt was this rightness to love him.
"Tell me you will marry me," I whispered between our kisses.
"Please say yes," our breaths got ragged and heavy.
"Make me a happy woman," I pushed myself into him.
"Make me your woman, Aaron. Make me yours," I whispered and felt something snap. I no longer straddled his lap but was on my back. He had flipped me and kissed me with a passion I had never felt before. Resting in between my legs, he held my hands up as his kisses trailed down my cleavage. My heartbeat hitched with each of his kisses.
"Make me the happiest man by marrying me today, Serilda," his whispered as his lips rested above my heart.
"Yes," my heart fluttered from the happiness that resided inside me. "Let's get married today,"
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My heartbeat matched with the speed of the car as we made our way to Las Vegas with twinkling lights all around us. The better half the day had been spent in collecting items. The wedding bands were picked up by Aaron with a tux for his own as I had picked up a gown in ivory colour to get married in. It felt like I was running out of time and all I wanted was to treasure every moment I had with him.
There was no better way to get married than in Las Vegas. No better way of getting married by eloping. Yes, Eloping, from the vicious eyes of all those people who could never understand me or him and it was us that only mattered.
"We're going to be there in a few minutes. Are you sure you want to do this?" his eyes shone bright in the street light passing over him as he asked me this the third time. First was when we were getting out of the house, the second time was when we had picked up the wedding bands and this marked the third. I looked at him with a small smile on my lips.
"I've nevere been sure about any other thing else than this," my words brought a small smile over his lips and that was what it mattered the most. My hands entwined in his as we held onto each other. He was right when he said that we were just a few minutes short of reaching there. The chapel was right in front of us as we looked at it.
"This is it then," he whispered as he held my hand tighter.
"It is," even though I had wanted this I still heard my raised heartbeat in my ears. His face turned towards me looking at me with a longing in his eyes.
"I will see you at the altar then," he asks with a hand on my cheek. Giving him a small nod and a kiss on his hand I reached for my bag and dress on the rear seat of the car.
"See you soon, Aaron," with a peck on his lips I stepped out of the car. In front of me was the small chapel where my dreams would be coming true and behind me was the world that I had no care about. Aaron stepped out of the car with his tux in his hand and we both walked towards beginning a new life.
Everything had been sorted ahead by Aaron beforehand. We were making it happen, getting married. We both walked to the chapel in silence but the silence was heavy with our promises yet to come. With a quick chat at the reception we were shown to separate rooms. A boquet of various roses sat on the table for me.
"You forgot about this, Aaron" the note read beside it. Maybe this was why I loved him more than me. He always looked out for everything. I looked at myself in the mirror all I saw was this girl whose dreams were coming true. I didn't see a woman who was broken, beaten and berated by the society that broke me apart. I was getting the happiness I deserved and desired with the man who would hold my hand in all the times.
A knock at the door made me pull out of my thought. I opened the door to see an elderly woman.
"Yes," she gave me a soft smile like that of a sweet mother.
"Your fiancee sent this for you," she held out a black bag Taking it from her I thanked her.
"The ceremony will start in twenty so please be ready," she added. I nodded to her with a smile before closing the door. I was curious about what was in the bag but I left it for later as I had a very few minutes to get ready. Zipping down my bag I took out my gown. It was nothing but a simple a satin and lace gown but for me it was the most beautiful thing. My most precious thing because it was in which I was going to marry a man whom I loved and he did too. The makeup kept to minimal, the hair down in waves reaching shoulder length and dressed into a ivory gown was a vision I can't look away from as I stood in front of the mirror. But more than that what I looked at was the smile that graced my lips. A smile that reached my eyes that told how happy I was.
With five minutes left to walk out the aisle I looked into the bag to find an intricately arranged bouquet of red and white roses. My hands touched the petals feeling that velvety texture beneath my fingertips. I had held roses once. All red and beautiful in their places but they weren't for me. Neither was the man that I had walked down the aisle too. But this time everything was right and for me. It was my love that I was marrying and it didn't matter that there was no one besides us. US was enough me. I picked out the other item from that bag, a black jewelry box.
A note stuck over it.
Because I knew you would forget about this and the flowers.
For my lovely bride and wife to be
-Aaron
I opened it and there set a beautiful set of teardrop earrings with a necklace with a sapphire diamond.
It wasn't beautiful it was enchanting. Locking the necklace around my neck and tightening the earrings in place I looked at the mirror one last time. I clicked a picture of me. A picture of my past. A picture saying thousands of words because it was all before I had him. Placing a small veil over my head I walked out of there holding the beautiful roses in my hand as I walked down towards the ceremony area. The elderly woman stood outside the hall waiting for me.
"You look beautiful," she said. I thanked her as a photograph stood beside her clicking photos. She opened the door and I took in a deep breath before I look up and forward. The bridal music started and then I saw him. Standing there in that black tux, his hair combed to perfection and those eyes that devoured me. He stared into my soul. Nothing mattered to him. Nothing. IT was just our souls right then and there. A smile over his lips only showed the happiness that bloomed inside him. There was desire in his eyes but more than that hose eyes shone with love. Small steps took me to him. Every step wiping away the last of distance between us. I didn't care about the future. I didn't care about the past. All I cared was about this moment now and days to come because he was mine.
I held onto his hand as we both stood there. The minister looking at us. The photographer clicking and the old lady standing just right there.
"Are you both ready?" the minister asked and we both nodded at the same time as we looked at each other.
This was what true love felt like.
"Okays, here we go then. Have anyone of you got any vows?" he asked and that's when I felt Aaron's hand squeeze mine.
"Yeah, I do," he smiled.
"Serilda, from here now on we leave behind the past. We leave behind every pain we suffered. We leave behind whatever we gone through. From this day forward its us, our love and everything we can be to each other," his words were for our future and for present.
"Serilda, you're my first love. You're the first woman I cried for. The first one I gave my heart too and the first one who had taken over my body and soul. But I don't want you to be only my first," squeezing my hands he took a deep breath looking at me with such a raw intensity that it felt like there was no barrier against us. Neither of clothes nor of body it was as if his soul talked to mine, reaching out for it.
"I want you to be my last. The last one whose face I see every night. The last one to kiss these lips. The last one to seep through my bones and soul. The last one whom I take my last breath with. But more than that I want to be your last too. You've been all that I've ever wanted, desired and I promise that wanting you will never end. I vow that you would be the only one I want till the end of this life. Every part of me, every inch of body, thoughts, every moment of mine and whole soul of mine from this time onward I hand over to you to make it ours," his vows that came from heart and soul made tears of happiness drip out of my eyes. The happiness I felt too much but too right. There was butterfly in my heart and stomach. Every vow of his hit my heart and soul and imprinted themselves on it.
"You Serilda are my everything. You are my light. My darkness. My strength. My weakness. My only reason to live to keep me afloat. You are the queen of this body and soul. You are my greatest love, lust and passion. With all myself including my heart, mind and soul I vow you to be your greatest pleasure, indulgence, lover, slave, your everything you want me to be and lastly your husband from this moment onward until death do us apart," feelings poured out in such beautiful promises had made those tears roll down the cheeks freely. This wasn't just a marriage. This was love at its rawness and purity. Every part of us dropped in the love we felt for each other. He was all for me and him all for me. He squeezed my hand in assuring that this was all us. All our love and it didn't felt beautiful and deeply but it could be breathed in the air that surrounded us, tasted over your lips and touched by your heart. Taking a deep breath and pressing my lips together I tried to control the tears of happiness.
"Your vows," the minister asked. Giving a nod to him I looked at Aaron. I had nothing prepared but I had this love and truth between us that was my everything.
"There is no one like you Aaron," I smiled at him. "You made me believe in things that I didn't. You changed me. On our first date you had me trapped. I had come with the purpose to hate you just because my parents had set us up but that one smile of yours made me realize that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. Every second, every moment I spent with you. I cherish all of them and I promise to cherish every moment with you until I take my last breath,"
My truth and love spilling put because that was the only thing I had left for him, for us.
"We fell apart. I couldn't save my first for you. All I had nothing was for you but yet you had come for me. I will never forget how you made me feel. How you have breathed the life into me as I had told you all. You have been my light, my strength and the only reason I have survived for this long. Just one look from you had been enough all those years we have been apart. You are my savior, my only love, my knight in the shining armor but more than that you are the king of my heart, body and soul. My everything I have dreamed off and I promise to you with all my heart that we would never end. That this love would never end not until I take my last breath. I want to treasure this love, wrap it in under the sheets we sleep in. All my desires, needs and wants are now at your mercy and with you," For the first time in my life everything felt so right.
"I vow from this breath onward I'm yours in every sense and desire. I vow to be everything you want me to be and there is nothing I would ever want more than a life with you. I just want to be yours till my last breath till death do us apart," smiles and tear filled eyes made this love real. It made me alive. Everything in me wanted to drown this love of spurs and never come back. I didn't want to breathe I just wanted this love be the only thing going inside me, sleeping through my veins, surrounding me forever.
"I vow to always love you , Aaron. You will be always the first man who stole my heart, my soul and body and made it yours. You are my deepest desire, need, love. The weakness that bring me to my knees. The drug that made me feel alive. The elixir of my life. I vow to love you more than me more than anyone I did," squeezing his hands I let my love for him wrap us around a blanket. His eyes looked at me with so much love and desire that nothing could stop us.
"That was really beautiful," the minister whispered. "Let's get you both married," he added.
"You got rings," he asked to which Aaron nodded. The elderly lady held out the two boxes for us opened up with two beautiful wedding bands adored with diamonds. Picking them out of their boxes we held them. They symbol of our live and wedding.
"Do you Aaron Reid, with this ring take Serilda Evelyn Leigh as your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health and to be faithful to her until death do you part," Aaron held my hand with a smile filled with undying love.
"I do," the two words of his and a ring binding us to be each others. He placed the ring on my finger making me belong to him.
"Now your turn miss," the minister spoke.
"Do you Serilda Evelyn Leigh with this ring take Aaron Reid to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health and to be faithful to him until death do you part,"
"I do," the two words loud and clear as I placed the ring on Aaron's finger making him mine.
"By the power vested in me by the state of Nevada, I now pronounce you legally wed," those words now bonded us. With a quick signature over the certificate we signed our marriage. The elderly lady and the photographer witness for us and then we were married.
"Hey guys why don't you give me your first wedding kiss as husband and wife to capture?" The photographer asked and we did.
Our first kiss as husband and wife. We kissed with all our happiness, love and passion. There was nothing stopping me and him. We were one, through soul and through law.
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Sorry it took me time. It was hard to write with pain but I did it.
Next update is on next Friday.
And this is not the END.
Thanks a lot to all of you for keeping me afloat. Its hard to be able to be myself with so much happening.