"We all have our threshold points. Beyond which, we lose control."
Jaanki composed herself before entering the room. "Stay out!" He muttered. He was removing his frustration on the punching bag. Jaanki quietly perched herself on the edge of the bed watching him. Neither said a word. Minute after minute passed. After a little longer than ten minutes his blows got sluggish. He held the bag before him.Jaanki looked on timidly as he glanced her way.
He walked over to her and stood before her. Jaanki had never before felt so nervous, in a fearful way, when he approached her. She tilted her head looking up at him. He snaked his arms around her pulling her head close to his. She quickly wrapped her arm around his waist. He stood between her legs, caressing her hair. "I am sorry."
"It's not your fault. So stop apologizing." She voiced, pressing her cheek against his abdomen. The little fear that was within her evaporated. She couldn't afford to lose him. He was her safe place. She couldn't let him not be that for her. Just like people need homes, souls needs one too. He was the home to her soul.
"Jaanki, I am scared." He confessed.
"Of?" She asked softly not bothering to move away. She stayed in his embrace.
"Of myself." He breathed out, gently running his fingers through her hair. "I don't feel safe with myself." He voiced his vulnerability. Her arms instinctively got tighter around him.
"I am with you." She mumbled wanting to be his knight in shining armor.
He scoffed. "I am scared, I will be the villain not just for myself but for us, for you. I am sick of the way I am around you. You deserve better, Jaanki." His chain of words ended with a deep sigh.
Jaanki gently pulled her face away to look up at him. "I deserve you. Nothing else."
He smiled stroking her cheek with his thumb. "You're very stubborn, aren't you?"
"Mmm, hmm, wilful. There's a difference, you know."
His lips curved up slightly, "I do." They let silence exist between them. After length, he finally spoke, "I have a suggestion, Jaanki."
"I am not going anywhere. Nor letting you." She quickly declared.
"Jaanki, please... You need to stop making me your world. You're not the Jaanki, I loved. You've become a vulnerable wife whose life starts and ends at her husband. You've forgotten how to live for yourself. You've forgotten how to love yourself, in loving me." He spoke stepping back looking at her.
"I am happy, that's all that matters." She muttered wondering if his words were true. She feared they may be.
"No. That's not how it's supposed to be. I think you should see a therapist too. Detach yourself from me. I want you to get over me, Jaanki. We have become pathetic with our emotions, totally opposite. I can't find it in myself to feel for you the way I used to, and you...you can't stop feeling so strongly for me. Things will get worse, Jaanki. Please...I can't control what's happening to me. But you...you can control your emotions, you need to.."
"Enough." Jaanki's voice was unmistakably angry and loud. "What's gotten into you Avinash? Go back in time. Do you remember how you used to complain that I freaking don't love you enough? Don't love you the way I love myself. And now...that I have learned to love you more than I love myself, you're asking me to reverse it all?" She rose from the bed clutching his shirt in her fists.
"I am not a damned puppet, Avinash. I am your wife. Just because you can't deal with yourself, you want to change me? That's pathetic, just pathetic." She shouted angrily pushing him.
"Jaanki, stop it!" He shouted back at her.
"You fucking stop messing with our lives Avi." Saying that she stormed out of the bedroom.
He followed her, reaching the kitchen. His eyes widened as he saw her get out all the bottles of whiskey and vodka. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Draining them." She muttered opening to bottle.
"Are you crazy? They are freaking expensive."
"Our lives don't have room for them."
"You can't drain them like that." He argued, holding her hand midway to stop her act.
"Fine, then, I will drink all of it." She spat getting rid of his hold on her hand.
"Jaanki, will you stop acting crazy." He shouted snatching the bottle out of her hand. She tried struggling to get it back. In boiling anger, he drained all of it himself.
"Fucking stop this drama, Jaanki!" He screamed. His body felt hotter. It was definitely not a good sign. Rather a very bad one.
"Why you're the only one who gets to do drama? I am sick and tired. The doctor strictly asked you to keep off alcohol and you still have some nerve to go drink."
"I can't deal with myself okay. Happy? I need to drink. If you have a problem with that, then fu*king leave."
"Why am I being punished? For loving you? Is loving you a sin?" She screamed in anger.
"Stop shouting, Jaanki!" He spat aloud stepping away from her. The urge to hit or break something was rapidly growing.
"I won't." She snapped enraged stepping closer to him. "What will you do?"
He looked at her with his bloodshot eyes. He gripped tightly onto the kitchen counter, stepping back. He had this surging urge to break something, or punch something. Frustration inside him had reached the threshold. Jaanki stepped closer to him threateningly. "Do what you want. I am tired of fearing you. I can't deal with this too."
Anger gushed down his veins. "Step back." His voice was curt, dominating and unmistakeably a hard warning. She didn't deter.
"I won't" she challenged him meeting his eyes squarely.
The knot in him that was helping him hold back snapped. He was angry at her. Very angry. She was testing his patience, his control. He pulled her closer tightly cupping her jaw. Jaanki was shocked. Suddenly, her heart forgot how to beat. His hold was like iron tight. The next thing she knew was he was biting at the skin on her neck, on her ear. Alas, she had pushed him too far. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The pain, she couldn't say what caused it, the emotional torture or the physical tight hold he had on her, it was terrible.
"Avi, please look into my eyes." She pleaded, trying to cup his face, pushing him away from her shoulder. He stared at her with red-rimmed eyes. His brown orbs were set on fire. Her anger had gone too far. So far that it had freed him from the shackles of his hard-worked control. He looked into her eyes. Guilt, anger, helplessness all burning in those eyes. He pushed her away and took the bottles breaking each against the sink. Jaanki gasped in horror and looked on traumatized at the sight as the loud shattering sound echoed in her ears.
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-Anami! ♡