Hey, guys! What's up? How are you guys doing?
One thing that I've noticed while writing this is that I write better without having anyone in mind at the moment. Does anyone feel that way?
This will be a sad chapter, by the way. Just a warning. I love you all.
Anyway, let's go back, shall we? Damien's point of view. See you!
-/-/-
In the course of the four-week friendship the beautiful Jade Natalie Greene and I have, there was one thing that I knew I wasn't brave enough to do: a Grand Romantic Gesture (GRG™). First of all, it was impossible for someone like me to do that, because I was the textbook definition of "bad at dating." But more importantly, there was one reason why I just couldn't perform the GRG™: Jade hadn't been staying long at Smosh HQ.
After the wondrous Monday evening, the following Wednesday and Friday always went by a little too quickly that she even forgets to say goodbye to me. It sounded immature of me to ask for a goodbye, but I was becoming expectant for it. I didn't want to sound selfish either, but it seemed like those two days which could have been filled with wonder were filled with stress. I had long been planning the GRG™, but what good is it when she wouldn't be around for it?
So that Saturday, I decided to go to Athens News HQ. It was already eight in the evening, so I assumed that the broadcast was over, but according to the trustworthy Lily, Jade hadn't left the building yet. Up the elevator, I went until the doors opened to her floor. I ask the receptionist where she was, and she just points at a cubicle near the huge windows and the boss's office.
"Jade?" I mumble as I peep into her cubicle.
This was the first time I had seen Jade like this. She was completely knocked out and snoring loudly, an unfinished cup of coffee near her laptop. She still has her blazer on, her heels are already off her feet, and she's sitting in her office chair in a bad posture. A very bad posture. On her laptop were not one, not two, but five unfinished reports all due for the following day. This had probably been her all week, cramming on reports especially because of all the big events in America.
There were other things on her desk that I spotted. First of all, there was a picture of her parents and it seemed old. Her parents were separated after all, and I never really saw her father when I went at her place. There was a picture of Jason and Jeremy holding lightsabers and smiling right at the camera. There was a picture of her two dogs, Eleanor and Chidi, and her three cats, Charmander, Bulbasaur, and Squirtle. But of course there was one picture that caught my eye: a picture of us.
My heart starts to beat rapidly as I pick up the frame. I remember this moment: we were just about to eat the amazing chicken parmesan dinner that the twins cooked for us and they insisted on taking a picture of us. Jade's smile was relentless and bright, everything she was, and this picture captured the moment I was looking at this perfect smile. Maybe she found it on her phone and decided to print it out. But then, that means...
Does she like me?
Oh, God. That question occurred to me just now. Why would she have a picture of us framed and placed on her office desk, her little sanctuary? I wanted to know so badly but I hadn't even done the GRG™. I put the picture frame back on her desk and tell myself to forget that I ever saw it. In the nick of time, Jade wakes up and blindly stumbles for her glasses.
"Hey!" I greet her, smiling.
"Gah!" she screams upon seeing me and falls off her chair. "Oh, God. You scared me there."
I help her up, my eyes still glued on the photo. "Oh, sorry, sorry." I peel my eyes away and she takes her glasses before facing me. "You... wear glasses?"
"Yeah, my contacts dried out and I left the solution at home," she says, rubbing her eyes. "Why are you all red? Have you been drinking or something?"
"I don't drink," I answer defensively. "I'm just..." I couldn't think of an answer to the blush that crept up my face anyway. "I'm okay."
"What are you doing here?" she asks, drinking from her cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, I'm not a good host at this. We're doing a lot of work and I have been sleep-deprived since I came back here."
"I noticed," I explain, wondering why she hasn't even thought of removing our photo from her desk. "It's actually why I'm here. You seemed exhausted all week, so I kinda wondered why and Lily told me that it was about work. But Shayne didn't think so."
"Right, psych grad," she replies before yawning.
"I was just wondering if you were okay," I mumble, grabbing a chair from the next cubicle and sitting beside her. "Work's exhausting, but you're that kind of person who doesn't take a break. That's bad."
"Well, I know someone else who didn't take a break, and now he has an entire musical named after him," she says, winking.
"But Jade, you aren't Alexander Hamilton," I tell her before taking out some sandwiches from my paper bag. "You deserve a break as much as you deserve a musical named after you."
Jade sighs and takes a sandwich, saying, "I just wish the whole leukemia thing happened to me instead of my brothers. They're both gems; they don't deserve it. Maybe things would have changed, and I could have actually pursued my dream of doing what I love in a space that accepts who I am."
"Yeah, but if it weren't for that, then you wouldn't have them the way they are now," I reply as I open the sandwich and take a bite. "They're sick, I know, but they're the reason why you're still here. You could have given up a long time ago, but now you're doing something for them. I know you want to do everything, but you're still human, you know? You need your breaks too."
She fiddles with the crusts of the sandwich. "Jason's at Stage 4 now," she says a bit quietly. "Mom and Dad are working their hardest so that chemo actually works, but it's not chemo's problem that my brother's sick. It's not, get this, it's not chemo's problem that it was invented to heal sick people, and it's not chemo's problem that it isn't working on Jason. The worst part is not the sleepless nights, not the frequent arguments of my separated parents over the phone, but it's seeing Jeremy, sickly and drained, sitting down at the foot of his bed and watching Star Wars on his own, expressionless. It's stupid."
"I'm so sorry," I tell her. "I didn't know."
"It's okay," she says. "Just difficult times. I hope you understand why I'm not taking a break."
In that moment, I scrapped every plan I had for the GRG™, because the best plan popped into my mind, and I knew that, if I really wanted this girl, I had to work for it non-stop, the way she loved her brothers so much that she didn't bother taking breaks.
After taking her home that evening, I make my way to Shayne's apartment. He wasn't answering his phone, but I had a spare key anyway. I needed his help for the GRG™, and I knew that he was awake at this time.
From: Da Man Haas
Hey, I'm on my way to your apartment. You there?
From: Da Man Haas
Shayyyneee I'm inside the building, I'll open with my key
Upon unlocking the door, I enter the apartment. "Bro, I need your help on... what the hell is this?"
You guys know what Shayne's apartment looks like, right? So visualize this: there's an Uncharted game loaded on the screen but it's paused. There's a lot of popcorn spilled on the floor and I think spilled iced tea. Shayne's an organized person, and this time, the candles were lit. The last thing my eyes saw were he and Courtney passed out on the couch, embracing each other with their controllers in their hands.
There were also two opened envelopes on the table. I knew what those letters were; I had one too.
"You're talking about New York," I say. It's easy to guess what happened: they got tired of talking about New York and leaving Smosh, so they decided to play it out with a good game of Uncharted. Then they fell asleep, which is pretty early.
"Mm, who's there...?" Shayne mumbles before opening his eyes and seeing me. "Oh, it's just Damien. Don't worry, Cort Bort."
"Mhm...," Courtney whispers. "Hi, Damien... wait, what?"
"I know about your relationship, okay?" I tell her. "Don't worry. Just... go back to sleep. Shayne, get up."
As Shayne untangles himself from his girlfriend, I pull him to the side. "Wait," he says. "I know you're gonna get mad about the New York thing, but can you please help me get Courtney to bed first before we proceed with this conversation?" So we do, lifting the sleep-induced Courtney up and swiftly putting her in Shayne's bed. "Good night, baby. I love you."
"Good night, baby," she mutters under her breath as she blindly reaches for Shayne's face and kisses his ear instead of his cheek. She falls asleep instantly, and he removes her shoes.
Now, readers, I want you to know that the plan that I had thought of earlier for my GRG™ was working hard enough to buy us Hamilton tickets to the Broadway show, but then I watch this. Shayne has a set of Courtney's clothes in his wardrobe, and he literally dresses her up (with me not watching on this part) with them. He puts in a pillow under her lower back, and he puts her shoes in the shoe rack. He neatly folds her clothes and places them in the hamper, still looking a bit sleepy. He takes a makeup remover wipe and wipes off her makeup before taking her phone and charging it. He then goes outside the bedroom to turn off the TV and clean up the place a bit. Out of conscience, I even help him out in tidying the place. In just a few minutes, his apartment was clean, and he turns off the lights in his bedroom, letting his girlfriend sleep with rain sounds on Spotify playing as a background.
Just like that, I forget about Hamilton (in the meantime). I forget about chemotherapy and chicken parmesan and running to the emergency room to take care of Jade's brother. The memory of us that plays in my head is the first time we met which was neither grand nor romantic. It wasn't a gesture either. It was only a moment, and then I understood that I didn't need a GRG™.
I was already in love with Jade, and in the words of the iconic Keith Leak Jr. in TNTL, "I am and it's wrong." Love never feels right the moment it hits you anyway, but I knew I loved her.
As he closes the door, I just embrace him, and he embraces me back. "I hope you understand, dude," he says, and I hear Jade's words all over again. "She is everything to me."
"I know," I assure him, patting him on the back. "I understand, I really do. You just... love her."
"What did you want to talk about anyway?" he asks as we let go and we sit down on the couch.
I shake my head. "I thought of this awesome GRG™ thing for Jade, but then I saw you do all that stuff for Courtney and I knew she'd do the same for you. I guess love doesn't have to be grand and romantic, it just needs to feel like it completes you, I guess?"
"You're already in love with Jade, aren't you?"
I could only nod, and he pats my back, grinning like an idiot. "Hehe. That's awesome," he says, snickering. "But it really is. You know, being in love just opens a lot of avenues for you. It makes you do a lot of stupid things that you wouldn't even think of doing when you're single, and to be honest, I like it. I like this. I'm happy that you're in love with someone again, because bro, you deserve that."
I tell him, "She has a picture of us framed at her desk."
"Now that's just adorbs," he remarks, giggling like a little boy.
My phone rings. It's Jade, so I answer it. "Hey, Jade, what's up?"
"Damien?" she mumbles, and I hear her sniffle. "Oh, God, I must sound like an i-idiot right now. I'm... I'm at the hospital. This is so stupid and I owe you so much already, but..."
Something had happened. I knew it, and she couldn't even say what happened. I listened to every word she said after that, and even though she didn't say it directly, I already knew what happened. Immediately, I told her I'd be there, and Shayne calls Ian late at night to borrow his car to go to the hospital. We run out of the apartment as I called Lily, and thankfully, she and Ian were already on their way to Shayne's apartment. Life felt as if it were in slow motion, but things moved quickly.
This was one of the moments in my connection to Jade Natalie Greene that affected us both tragically, and it was also one of the moments that I hated the fact that I believed in destiny, because for whatever it did you right, it'll get it back by doing you dirty. Destiny is stupid. Stupid wrenches in gears. Bird poop was stupid, and I hated believing in it, because this is what she said as she stuttered and sniffled and sobbed, "J-Jason passed away, and right after that, Jeremy had a seizure. We couldn't save him, Damien... I lost both of my b-brothers tonight. I lost them. I lost them both tonight. I can't get them back. I don't know anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do anymore. I lost my twin brothers tonight. I lost them..."
It broke my heart as I ran towards the emergency room. I found the girl of my dreams, the Best Person on Duty, the Bird Poop Destiny crying between the beds of her twin brothers. I could feel my heart drop to my stomach, and as she wept on that floor, her knees all bruised from everything that had happened, I only knelt beside her and embraced her with every bit of love I could give her as she cried and cried and cried. No grand, no romantic, just full of all the love I could give her as her own knowledge of love spilt right out of her in the form of tears.
In love with her, I am, and it's right.
-/-/-