And we are back again! Hello, guys!
I had a great birthday and also a wonderfully alone yet not lonely Valentine's Day celebration. I hope you guys had some fun too in the past few days. Time flies!
Anyway, let's do this! It's in Damien's point of view, by the way. See you!
-/-/-
This is the story of how I was arrested for a couple of hours.
I come back to HQ with a cup of coffee for Jade, finally gathering the courage to ask her out after the past few days. Of course, everything moved a little too quickly, but this was the girl that I actually liked. As I stand in the elevator, my phone rings.
"Hey," I greet Shayne upon answering.
"Dude, where are you?" he asks, sounding urgent. "I've been trying to get ahold of you for the past hour. You gotta come back to HQ right now."
"I'm in the elevator," I answer. "Why? What's up?"
"Jade left her things on the floor, and according to the guards downstairs, she left in a hurry," he explains. "She called Lily after a good ten minutes, saying that she was at the hospital. Her brother apparently had a bad seizure."
The doors of the elevator open as my heart drops to my stomach. "What?"
Shayne's right there by the floor square, so he explains everything to me while trying to calm me down. My body moved on its own: getting her things and making sure the coffee doesn't spill. We had to use the Smosh car, which was basically a Toyota Corolla that Ian knew how to drive, so quickly, Shayne, Ian, and I were on our way to the hospital.
But of course, the ride did not go smoothly, because for some reason, there was traffic. The hospital, ten blocks away, was going to be a long stretch, so I had to make a decision. "You just gotta leave the stuff, we'll get them to you when you get there," Ian assures me, and Shayne takes the coffee cup from me as I open the door to the car and start to run.
Of course, running was hard, so I had to power walk through it instead. I felt like I was in Bridget Jones's Baby, which Jade had successfully made me watch because it was one of her favorite romantic comedies. Mark Darcy carries Bridget Jones as he ran to the hospital in the middle of traffic, and this time, instead of a pregnant lady, I was carrying my pride and the fact that I liked this girl and her family enough to sprint through the streets of Los Angeles for her. I even knocked over some stuff over and broke a few boxes.
When I get to the hospital, which admittedly took a very long time, I reach for my phone and contact her. She answers after five rings, "Jade Greene."
"What room are you guys in?" I mumble, panting for air.
"What? Damien, where are you?" she asks as I see her exit the emergency room. I turn off my phone and walk towards her, and she sees me. "Oh, my God, Damien!"
"Hi," I say, still panting for air. "That was... one heck... of a run."
"You ran all the way from HQ to here?" she asks. "Look at you, you're all sweaty."
"I did. I had to tell you something. Jade, look, I like you a lot. I know that this is moving a little too quickly, but I am certain that I like you. Your family is great, and you and I almost always click when we talk, and you are just awesome. I hope that I get to officially date you after our project together," is what I didn't say but kept popping in my head as I stood there.
Instead, I say, "Just a little. I'm fine. How's... who's in there?"
"Jeremy," she answers, looking at the glass pane in the door to the emergency room. "He did well after a while and this happens almost all the time. It's just... I just... I don't get used to this urgency, even though being urgently on-the-spot is my occupation. It's hard, and I have a broadcast at six, and it's really..."
"Your brother needs you," I tell her. "So does Jason, and your Mom."
"I have to be at work so we get through this," she replies before sighing. "Why are you here again?"
I was out of words by then. Even I didn't know what I was doing there. I only met the kid twice for the entirety of the time, yet here I am waiting for him to recover because his sister is literally about to break and cry, which I couldn't stand to watch. I knew the answer to why I was there, but I was still afraid to say it. I was nervous. I had stopped gasping for air, so it was just us again outside the emergency room, standing there. I didn't want to be the kind of guy who watched over the brother of a girl I liked, but it was my decision to make.
"Shayne told me," I answer carefully. "Lily also told me that you had a broadcast at six. Maybe... maybe I could watch over Jeremy for you."
In that moment, Shayne and Ian burst through the hospital doors, holding the coffee and Jade's bag. They run towards us, and Jade looks at me, confused. I tell Ian, "Can you drive her to Athens? Shayne and I'll stay here."
"What?" Jade says, confused. "No, Damien. I already owe you a lot for my brothers, I can't let you---"
"You're part of the family," Shayne cuts her off. "This may just be a three-month project, but we consider you guys family. Victor does stunts in the break room, Jenna knows how to make great coffee, Chris is literally there to support anyone for technicals, and Lily openly communicates with anyone. You're part of this family, and whatever Damien plans on doing that involves me or Ian or whoever, it's because of that."
There was a silence after that, and Jade just pulls the three of us into an embrace. "Oh, you guys...," she says, almost in tears. "I want to cry so bad right now... My Mom went back home to take care of Jason. She'll probably take over for the night. I'll be back as soon as I finish the broadcast. Thank you, guys."
"Come on," Ian tells her before nodding at us and leaving with her. He gives her the coffee and her bag, and they were off to Athens. Just like that, I made a decision for this girl that I liked but was afraid to admit.
Shayne and I enter the emergency room and sign ourselves as the visitors for Jeremy Greene. We sit near the foot of his bed across one another, and Shayne sighs. "She'll probably be back by the time Lily starts her broadcast," he says.
"Good for Ian," I mumble, wiping the sweat off my forehead.
"You're just something else, aren't you?" he tells me, drinking the water provided for us. "You barely know this kid. This girl, even. I know you like her, but this isn't you. You aren't a hopeless romantic, you're 'She's Cute But I Don't Do Grand Romantic Gestures.' What is with this girl that gets you on your feet?"
I didn't have an answer for Shayne then, but to my rescue, Jeremy wakes up. "Where am I?" he mumbles, blinking rapidly and in confusion. "Oh, Damien. And... Shayne Topp! Am I dreaming? Where's Jade?"
"Hi, buddy," I say, patting him on the back. "Your sister's out at work, she left me and this guy in charge. Shayne, this is Jeremy. Jeremy, this is Shayne. We're gonna be here until your sister comes back, okay?"
"Cool," he says before getting his tablet and turning it on. "Wanna watch Smosh videos with me?"
Shayne looks at me and shrugs before moving his chair towards the kid. "Yeah, come on, Jeremy. I'm gonna tell you all about Smosh if you want."
"That's awesome, but I wish Jason were here too," he says, sighing.
"Let's call him then," I insist, and Shayne gives me a look that says, "Wow. Dude. Why are you doing this?"
Of course, when Jade got back two hours later, Shayne took it as his cue to go. I lead him outside the hospital, and he sighs. "Damien, I love you, man," he tells me. "But you're overdoing it. You're overdoing all of this. If there's one thing I learned from How I Met Your Mother, don't get hooked."
"That's what you learn from that?" I ask him. "I like her. You're always the one who keeps telling me to get a girlfriend, and I like this girl."
"Why?" he asks in such a tone that I'm afraid to even give an answer. "She's great, but come on. What if she doesn't like you back and you'd realize that you wasted so many hours on her?"
"Why don't you want me to do that?"
Shayne gives me a strange look that I've never seen from him, because he's always either goofy or caring. He takes this envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. "That came in the mail today. I don't know why yours came with mine... and so did Courtney's."
I tear open the envelope and take the letter inside. I read it.
Damien Christian Haas
Mythical Entertainment HQ
Los Angeles, California
Dear Mr. Haas:
Good day! We are the group from...
I skim through it.
We would like to offer you and your co-workers Mr. Shayne Robert Topp and Miss Courtney Ruth Miller positions in our show as Resident Comedians here in New York City...
Should you wish to accept this offer, you will have to resign from Smosh and Mythical Entertainment to work here full-time.
This offer shall stand until April 2021.
"What is this?" I say, still not believing what I read. "What the hell is this? Is this why you're trying to stop me?"
"It's New York," he tells me, not meeting my gaze.
"Are you really considering this offer?" I ask him, folding the letter and putting it back in the envelope before putting it in my pocket. "Are you seriously considering this offer? What did Courtney say about this?"
"She's still thinking about it."
"You guys...," I mumble quietly. "The thought of leaving Smosh crossed your mind. Do you know what happens when we leave? It's gonna be a blow to Smosh, and I don't want to see that happen."
"Courtney and I talked about this," he says, running his hand through his hair, stressed. "We... we talked about this and this was going to be a big pay for us."
"But you guys aren't providing for anyone."
This is the time that Shayne looks at me sadly yet in a way that tells me he's determined for something. It hits me: all those times that they went out together without us. It was just them. It was always them. "You guys are dating," I whisper.
He takes something from his pocket and shows it to me. "For a year now," he tells me. "We couldn't tell anyone. It was going to make the fans happy, yeah, but it might get awkward at work. We kept it hidden, or at least we tried. Ian found out, and he told us that it was okay as long as we didn't act like it in front of the camera until it was appropriate enough to do so."
I take the ring from his hand. "You want to marry her."
"Yep," he mumbles. "And it'd be nice, you know. Get our dream wedding right. Get a couple of kids, name them Robert and Ruth just because."
I embrace him, and he embraces me back. "Dude, you should have told me. I'm your best friend. I'm always gonna be there for you."
"I just didn't know what to do," he says, parting. "So back to you... why do you like this girl so much that you'd risk your future just for her?"
I feel something warm on my head, so I touch it, and it feels gooey. We both look up to see a flock of birds flying around the area for some reason. Migrating. Shayne gets a wet wipe from his bag and cleans my hair and my hand. I finally have an answer, "She's the BPD."
When Shayne leaves, I go inside and meet Jade, still cleaning my head of bird poop. Jeremy is sound asleep, and they're releasing him tomorrow. "I owe you a lot," she tells me when I sit down across the bed.
"You don't," I reply. "Shayne told you: you're part of the family. This is what family does."
"I just wish these things stopped, you know," she says, moving her chair to sit beside me. "I love my brothers, but I wish they weren't sick. It sounds as selfish as it seems, but..."
"Damien Haas," someone says from outside our cubicle. A female officer enters, holding a piece of paper and handcuffs. "You're under arrest for destruction of property."
"What?" Jade mumbles before turning to me.
I look at her as the officer cuffs my hands. "I may have run over a few stuff when I ran over here."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
It was already nine in the evening when I got there. It was minor and I even got a chance for bail, so an hour later, after spending half of it being interrogated about what happened and another half sitting in a cold room with my hands cuffed, the female officer from earlier enters the room and uncuffs me. "You're free to go, Haas," she says. "Someone posted bail, so your record's clean. You're lucky."
I go outside of the room and see Jade waiting by the gates. She turns around and pats my back. I ask her, "Why'd you do that?"
She smiles. "Because you're family."
-/-/-