Since the "almost-kiss," a week and a half ago, the relationship between Jax and I seemed a little... off.
The first day or two, he was glued to my side, ensuring that the coincidental fire was just that... a coincidence.
Usually, I liked having him around, but he was behaving like he had when we first met. He was distancing himself again; not physically due to the potential threat, but definitely emotionally.
We hadn't had any deep talks, he didn't give me any hugs, and he kept all conversations related to school work, weather, or other mundane things.
Even more unfortunate, when Chief confirmed that the fire was just a freak accident and was 100% unrelated to the mob, he was able to distance himself even further. I hated it.
I knew that kissing would be crossing a major line. He made it very clear to me that nothing could ever happen between the two of us. But yet... something almost had.
I kept replying that night over in my mind. What if Hannah hadn't interrupted? Would he have gone through with it and kissed me? What would have happened then?
I hated not knowing the answer, and I hated how Jax was freaked out now. With all the Hannah and Drayden drama, she wasn't around all that much, and it left me feeling lonely. Attraction aside, I missed hanging out with Jax; I missed my friend.
I wasn't sure how to fix the relationship between Jax and I. It felt like something drastic needed to happen in order for us to return to normal. I just wasn't sure what that thing was.
Hannah was home for the weekend, so I had the dorm to myself. With all of the tension between Jax and I, I just wanted to go to the gym and blow off some steam. Besides, I didn't hate watching Jax work out, even if things were a little weird with us right now.
I had just finished pulling my hair into a pony tail and tying my gym shoes when my phone rang.
Strange. I rarely got calls.
Chief had been calling from time to time to check in, but contact between us was limited, so I was surprised to see his name flash across my screen.
"Hey Chief," I greeted, "everything okay?"
"Hi Emery," he sighed, "unfortunately... I have some bad news for you. I figured you should hear it from me so that I can answer any of your questions..."
Oh god. My stomach lurched. Whatever he was about to tell me couldn't be good. I made my way to the futon, sitting down in preparation for whatever he was about to say.
"One of our informants, who has connections to the mob, told us that they figured out you're alive. We are still working out the details as to how they found out... but the bottom line is that they know," he spoke.
My face drained of color. My body stiffened as I soaked it in.
They know I'm alive... they will be coming for me.
"Oh... okay. Um... you're going to need to tell me exactly what that means for me...," I pressed. I had an idea, but I needed to know for sure. I needed to hear out loud if I was in any more danger.
"For the time being, it doesn't change much. They're looking for you, but they don't have any way to find you. You have Jaxon to protect you and he will remain diligent. We're taking extra measures to protect your dad as well," he explained, "Nothing is going to change, but I felt I needed to let you know. I told you I would always be completely honest about your situation. Just please remain careful and remain aware of your surroundings."
My heart was pounding and I could feel my emotions trying to take over again. "Thank you for telling me... I um... I need to go."
"It's gonna be okay, Emery. We're taking care of it."
"Thank you," I sniffed, hanging up the phone before I completely lost it.
I needed Jaxon; I needed him more than I wanted to admit, especially in our current state. Still, I forced my legs to move as I opened the door to cross the hall to his room.
However, when I opened up the door, there he was.
He must have been coming over to check on me anyway; by the look on his face, he had just received the same news.
"Come here," he said, opening his arms wide. In this moment, he wasn't thinking about any repercussions or rules, he was just thinking about me and what I needed.
I stepped forward, letting his strong arms envelop me as I weaved my arms around his neck. I thought that I would be more of a wreck given the news, but Jax made me feel so safe. A silent tear escaped from my eye, leaving a dark spot as it soaked into his navy blue t-shirt.
My body trembled against his, and I felt his arms tighten around my waist as I held tighter to his neck. He picked me up, walking us both back inside my dorm and kicking the door closed behind him.
"I got you. It's going to be okay," He cooed as he set me down on my futon. I didn't want to let him go.
Another silent tear fell. I wasn't necessarily scared for myself, but I was worried now about my dad. Now that they knew I was alive, they could go after him for leverage, and I was terrified of that happening.
"Em... can I get you anything?" Jax asked me. I must have been silent for some time because he was now crouched in front of me searching my face.
I slowly shook my head. "Can you just... stay with me for a little bit? Please? Hannah is out of town and I just really don't want to be alone."
"Of course," he said, running a thumb under my eye to catch a fallen tear. "You're shaking; let me get you some water and a blanket and I will be right back. Promise."
I nodded my head in thanks. The second he walked away, I noticed the chill that overtook my body. My brain was working on overdrive, coming up with all sorts of worst possible scenarios. What if they did have a way to find me?
Maybe this wasn't that big of a deal, but I had had a sense of peace knowing that the mob wasn't looking for me. If I was dead, there would be no reason to come for me, or worse, my father. Knowing they found out I was alive just shattered the illusion that I was safe; that my family was safe. It was terrifying.
Only a minute later, Jax was back, draping a blanket around my shoulders and crouching in front of me again. I must have been a little out of it, because I had completely forgotten that I still had my shoes on. I sat still as he gently removed my shoes and discarded them on the ground before settling in beside me.
I knew that Jaxon and I had a sort of... complicated... client-bodyguard relationship; but in times like this, I wasn't sure how close I could get to him. I felt like I needed him; I needed to have him close to me. But at the same time, I didn't want any continued awkwardness.
Without overthinking too much, I closed the distance between us, curling into his warm side. I felt him stiffen momentarily, but after a second, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me tighter to him as he leaned us back onto the futon.
"Em, I know that you're scared, but I won't let anything happen to you. I will keep you safe. The fire was unrelated, so you don't need to worry. They don't know where you are."
"It's not me I'm worried about, honestly. What if they do something to my dad to get to me? I can't lose him too; I just can't. He's all I have left."
Jaxon pulled me tight to his chest. I shuddered into his large frame. I've never been a super jittery or shakey person, but the last few months I felt as though almost anything had my body rattling through to the bone.
Jaxon continued to hold me, running his hand up and down my back in a soothing gesture as we settled even further into the futon.
"Your dad will be okay. Chief is working out arrangements to protect him too. Try and calm down; as of now, there is no reason to suspect he won't be safe."
I exhaled, relaxing into Jaxon. I wasn't sure what to say. He was right; maybe they wouldn't even go after my dad. I just had to trust in the WPP and what arrangements they will make for him.
There wasn't anything I could do from my dorm room in California.
Another tear soaked into Jason's shirt as I laid on his chest, but I was beginning to calm down. Jax didn't press me to talk, and he didn't offer too many words; he just held me while we watched mindless TV.
"Ems... can I ask you something?" Jax said after a while. "If it's too hard to talk about right now, you don't have to tell me," he said, continuing the soothing motions on my back.
"What is it?" I lifted my head from his chest to look at his eyes.
"You keep saying your dad is 'all you have left...' and you've mentioned losing people. Can you tell me about it? I just think you're carrying a lot of pain, and I would like to carry it with you, if that's alright."
Awe. Telling my story wasn't always easy for me, but how could I argue that logic? I did have a lot of pain, and I did have a bond to Jaxon now; a bond that made me feel like I wanted to share my burdens with him.
"Yeah... I'm ready to tell you," I admitted, "but are you sure? It's pretty bleak."
"You were there for me the other week when the elevator was stuck," he reminded, "and I want to be here for you now. Please share with me."
I took a deep breath. "I had a sister..." I started, so quiet I wasn't sure if Jax even heard this. "Her name was Adeline, or Addy, as we all called her. I had a mom too- Grace," I sniffled. The old memories resurfacing had my body trembling all over again.
Jaxon tightened his hold on me, "I can feel how hard you're shaking. If it's too much you don't need to tell me."
I shook my head, "No, it's okay; I want you to know. They both died in a car accident about 9 years ago. I was in the car with them, and we were coming home from the mall. It was raining... a thunderstorm. And... someone accidentally hydroplaned through a red light and t-boned the driver's side of the car," I choked out, "they both died. When I woke up, my dad was there, and he had to tell me that... that my mom and sister didn't make it."
"Fuck... Emery, I'm so, so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," I said, wiping a tear from my eyes.
"That's why I'm so protective of my dad... and why leaving him was so hard for me..." my heart clenched thinking about him, and more tears spilled from my eyes.
I was convinced at this point I had turned to a blubbering, leaky faucet of a human, and I wasn't sure how to fix it.
But, Jaxon didn't mind.
"Thank you for telling me. I'm here for you; you know that, right?"
I nodded against his chest. "I know. I... I'm really glad that you're the one here with me."
He tightened his grip on me for a second, pulling me upwards against his chest while he brought his lips down, pressing them to the top of my head.
My heart fluttered. It was a sweet gesture, I just wished that there were no client-bodyguard rules. I just wished we could kiss for real.
"I'm glad I'm here with you, too."
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Hiiii!
I don't have any more chapters drafted, so I'm going to do my best to stick to an update schedule!
Thanks for not giving up on my story!
-Haley