The house lay silent with the exemption of one rattling ring that echoed off the high rise walls and sunk into the various pieces of furniture. The darkness of night enveloping the world and leaving only the white-blue wash of the moon to illuminate the quiet buildings like a visual lullaby to sooth them all to sleep. Alex groaned grumpily was the ring continued to blare by his ear. Knowing it was a phone call he reached an arm out and snatched his phone off the bedside table and forced himself to stay awake for the duration of the call. His eyes burned at the blinding bright light shining onto his face. Squinting to the point where his eyes were almost shut, barely able to read the name as he sighed and placed the phone to his ear; sighing in relief as the brightness of the phone died down as he moved it from his face.
"Hello?" he mumbled, refusing to rub his eyes so that it would be easier for him to fall straight back asleep the second the call was over.
"Hey," a soft voice came through. It was the only one that made waking him up at such an hour worth it.
"Oh Rosanna, sorry love, didn't know it were you," Alex said and rolled onto his side, pulling his duvet up over his exposed shoulders. The late autumn air like ice against his skin.
"Sorry, I was just calling to let you know that they had to change my flight so now I've got a connecting in New York instead of heading straight to LA," Rosanna apologised. She was much more awake than Alex was, being eight hours ahead of him. "So I'm gonna land a couple hours later than I was before."
"That's alright love," Alex hummed. "I'll still come get ya."
"Sorry did I wake you up?" Rosanna asked, guilt laced in her tone. She internally face palmed herself for forgetting that she and Alex were currently in different time zones. It had been about a week since she finished her month away in Paris and already she was on her way to visit Alex in LA.
"It's alright," Alex said.
"What time is it?"
Alex checked his phone for the time and winced. "Two in the mornin'."
"Fuck, sorry baby," Rosanna swore, "I'll let you go back to sleep. Sorry for waking you."
"Don't sweat it love," Alex smiled as his eyes began to grow heavier and heavier. "I'll see ya at the airport."
"Okay," Rosanna smiled. "Sweet dreams," she said, a little playful in tone as Alex thought about being able to kiss her in a matter of hours.
"I love ya," he mumbled into the microphone and hummed in delight as she told him she loved him back. It always felt surreal. The second she hung up, Alex collapsed back to sleep and didn't wake for a good six hours. He woke up the next morning excited beyond words that he'd soon be sharing the house that was once 'theirs' with the love of his life once more. Too many years had he lived with nothing but his own company, the ghost of her moving in and out of the empty rooms. Only one of the chairs at the dining table had been used, the rest left to gather dust unless he had guests, now, one more would be occupied — even if it was just for a week. For the first time in years, that house felt warm and welcoming. No longer a cold reminder of the day she left.
He hated doing it, but Alex forced himself to clean the entire house. Everything had to be perfect for her arrival. He couldn't stop smiling like a little child at the idea of sharing that space with her once more. Their house. Finally no longer missing its other half.
Rosanna was arriving in the evening now instead of the afternoon, Alex already anticipated that she was going to be tired out of her mind so prepared food that he left in the fridge so as soon as she got back she could eat and go straight to sleep. He drove in the Cadillac to the airport and waited patiently at the gate with a bouquet of flowers for her. A boy in his early twenties approached Alex as he waited and asked for a photo. Feeling a little awkward having been there to pick up his not-yet-public girlfriend, Alex took the photo and hid the flowers behind his back, wishing no one recognised him so the day could just be between him and Rosanna.
Upon being asked what he was doing at the airport, he politely requested that the boy not take any photos of him and the person he was waiting for. The boy happily complied and complimented Alex on his music and success before leaving him to his own devices.
Alex watched through the floor to ceiling windows as, what he suspected was her plane, landed and slowly made its way to the gate. His heart was beating out of his chest and his grip on the bouquet tightened. It was this soft release of relief when he spotted her walking out amongst the crowd. That smile that only she ever triggered making its way to his slightly chapped lips. Her cheeks flushing red when she spotted the flowers in his hand and jogged up to him, tossing her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight as that feeling of home washed over her. His arms, warm and tight around the dip in her waist that seemed to exist solely for his embrace, yet not too tight that it hurt. The scent of his favourite cologne and the very subtle smell of aftershave wafting off him and into her nostrils.
"I got you flowers," he said after she kissed him so hard it reminded him of why he missed those lips so much.
"You also shaved your beard off," Rosanna pointed out, gently gripping his chin and noticing one red spot along his jaw where he must've cut himself. She suspected that he'd gotten rid of it that day and was surprised to admit that she already missed it.
"I can grow it back for ya if you want," he smiled and kissed her once more. "Didn't know you liked it so much."
Hand in hand, they walked to pick up the remainder of Rosanna's lightly packed luggage and began their walk through the parking lot to where Alex had left the car. The Californian air was much warmer than what she'd been experiencing in London. So much so that she removed her jacket as they walked out of the airport. Rosanna was almost knocked out by nostalgia the second she breathed the open air in. The subtle change in smell alone reminded her all too well of every day she spent living in Los Angeles. She hadn't returned since the day she left all those years ago in the winter of her life.
Alex lifted her suitcase into the trunk of his car and joined her as she sat behind the driver's seat, confused for a second and then laughing at her own mistake. "Forgot about that," she said and climbed over into the passengers side.
Alex chuckled and sat back behind the wheel, "thought you were a bit eager to drive."
Watching Alex settle into that seat and drive them down the roads they used to drive every time they came home from the airport made her stomach tie in knots. It was beyond surreal. It was like some sort of déjà vu. All the times she used to sit next to Alex as he drove that same car to whatever destination they were headed for, be it the airport, a dinner, back home, or to a friends house. All the times they spent laughing and playing music loud like they were teenagers until Alex would tell her to turn it down just a bit so that he could hear her clearer. A smile crept onto her cheeks as she intently watched Alex focus on the road and drive with one hand at twelve o'clock and one on her leg.
All of a sudden, that warm light that surrounded those memories turned cold and left her with nothing but the visual of her gripping that steering wheel until her hands cramped, tears streaming down her face as she sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, driving away from one specific building. The one they were heading to now.
She felt sick. Her skin glazing in a cold sweat as a lump grew in her throat and her skin rippled with goosebumps. Her spine straightening as she sat up and found herself gripping Alex's hand tightly as if it was stabilising her.
"Al?" Her delicate voice chirped quietly through what seemed to be a comfortable silence.
"Yeah?" he glanced over at her and squeezed her hand as she held it firmly.
"I'm sorry," she sighed, "I'm sorry but...can we stay out tonight?" Alex looked over at her in confusion. Rosanna swallowed the golf ball in her throat and held his hand with both of hers. "I don't know like...at a hotel or summat? I..."
It clicked in his mind fairly quickly and he had to try his best to hide his disappointment. She wasn't ready. He couldn't blame her. "Of course love," he responded with a soothing voice that tamed her jumping nerves.
"I'm sorry," Rosanna sighed, feeling guilty from the underside of her fingernails to the vertebrae in her spine. "It's just—"
"It's okay Ro," Alex nodded and squeezed her hand. "I understand. You don't need to explain anything darling, you don't need to be sorry. We can sleep out tonight."
Rosanna nodded appreciatively, relieved at his reaction. "Thank you," her voice showed all signs of gratitude. More than the kiss she placed on the back of his hand did. Alex could almost always tell Rosanna's exact thoughts by the tone in which she spoke.
He drove them to a nice hotel not too far from the house so the drive wouldn't be long in the morning. They managed to book in a fairly luxurious room despite the lack of warning as well. Rosanna felt horribly guilty but she knew deep down that she was relieved Alex had put up no protest and accepted her wishes. She wanted to be in the right frame of mind and that night she just wasn't. Walking into that hotel room reminded her of the hundreds of nights she spent with Alex in hotels during his tours. Before and after they moved into being romantically involved. She'd never missed those days more in her life.
"You hungry?" Alex asked her as he closed the hotel room behind them. He watched as Rosanna sauntered over to the bed and sat on the end.
"Not really, I ate on the plane," she said, eyes dancing over the regal architecture of the room. Everything seemed to gleam gold and honey coloured. The mattress sunk beside her as Alex sat down slowly.
"You look tired," he mentioned as she looked up at him. Her eyes were going red and her eyelids looked as if they had invisible weights attached to them.
"I am," Rosanna said, letting out a soft chuckle. She closed her eyes and gently leant into Alex's chest, resting her head on his collar bone as he wrapped his arms around her. She let out a sigh as he began rubbing his hand up and down her arm comfortingly. "We can get food if you're hungry."
"Don't worry about me love," Alex smiled and rested his cheek on her head. "You just stay 'ere and sleep, I'll just get meself some room service or summat."
"Are you sure?" She looked up at him with tired, doey eyes.
"Course I am," Alex chuckled and kissed her lips gently.
"I'll be more interesting in the morning I promise," she yawned and rested her head back on his collarbone. Alex smiled and stroked her hair as she slowly nodded off to sleep. Gently lifting her into the air, Alex carried her around to the left side of the bed and lay her down on the soft pillows. Taking off her shoes, he tucked her in under the covers and left her in peace knowing how exhausted she must be. After eating a small meal to himself, Alex turned off the lights and joined her under the soft sheets, sinking into the mattress beside her. Wrapping his arms carefully around her sleeping figure, triggering a soft exhale from her lips as she subconsciously sank back into his embrace. They may not have been back at the house, but having her in his arms made him feel at home.
"Morning," Rosanna smiled as Alex slowly opened his eyes the following morning.
"How long have you been awake?" Alex chuckled groggily and buried his face into the pillow they were sharing.
Rosanna sighed, "so long. I didn't wanna wake you."
"Aren't you an angel?" Alex smiled, his eyelids still heavy. He stroked her bangs aside so that he could see her face easier and slowly pressed his lips to hers. As she moved in deeper, he slid his tongue in re-exploring her mouth and pressing it against her tongue creating sparks he only ever felt with her. He was never going to be able to wake up next to her without being eternally grateful for being given that second chance.
"Breakfast then house?" Rosanna suggested, savouring the taste of his lips as she gently tugged his bottom lip as she pulled back.
"Just give me twenty minutes to wake up," Alex hummed and pulled the duvet back up over his shoulders.
"Oh so you woke up just for a snog?" Rosanna scoffed and cocked an eyebrow at him. Alex smiled cheekily at her and sunk deeper into the white pillows. Rosanna rolled her eyes and sat up, sliding off the bed as Alex fell asleep effective immediately.
The morning seemed to be going smoother than a polished pearl. There was no tension, nothing of the kind, only relief and relaxation with each other's presence. That was until they began the inevitable drive up the winding road to what used to be their house.
The familiarity of the roads made her stomach knot tighter and sink deeper the closer they got to their destination. She bit her tongue to stop herself from any more objections, Alex had given her time enough, he'd been more lenient than she could've ever asked. She began picking at the skin around her nails out of Alex's view as he calmly drove them up the street of their address. She hated that he looked excited. She didn't want to tumble short of his dreams and feared she would. Rosanna didn't want to be nervous but she couldn't help but worry that seeing that house was going to trigger something in her that she didn't want. She just wanted things with Alex to stay perfect.
You've gotta do this if you want this to work, she kept telling herself. It's just a house. Let this be a fresh start. You can do this. You can do this. A deep inhale entered her lungs as the house came into view. You can do this. Alex is with you. She was surprised with herself as the car rolled to a stop and her anxiety seemed to disappear. She was no longer freaking out. It wasn't the house, it wasn't her internal pep talk, it was the look Alex gave her when she looked over at him as he parked the car.
Carrying her bags, they walked hand in hand up to the front door, Rosanna doing everything in her power to wash away the last few times she was there. Alex gave her a reassuring squeeze as he unlocked the house and followed her inside. He couldn't take his eyes off her, studying her every move, every expression change just to make sure she was comfortable. Her eyes were darting everywhere, the walls, the floor, the ceiling. Every tile, every lighting fixture, every bump in the wall. He found himself holding his breath waiting for her to say something and when she eventually did:
"It looks exactly the same."
Alex let out a relieved chuckle and scratched the back of his neck, "yeah well...I'm not great at decorating or anything." Rosanna smiled and looped her arm in his as they walked down the halls that finally felt warm for once. Alex couldn't stop the overwhelming sense of contempt coursing through his viens as he and Rosanna walked into the living room. They set down the bags by the settees so Rosanna could walk through the house without any distractions.
Alex followed her through the house as she fell back into memories with every step. Her eyes falling on the record player he bought her and their collection filling two cabinets and more inside the record stand. Everything felt homey and beautiful...until her eyes settled on the kitchen bench. First came memories of eating breakfast there with him almost every morning, and then came reliving the moment she found out he had cheated on her, like a thunderstorm sending her heart into turmoil. The shouting, the tears, that feeling of alienation in a house that was supposed to be hers. Feeling the floor fall beneath her as he confessed his sin.
"Are you okay?" Alex asked, upon noticing her paled expression. Her eyes lingering on the chair she sat in on one of the worst days of her life. We're passed that. It's okay to move on, she told herself, inhaling a deep breath for support and momentarily closing her eyes. Letting the darkness hold the last of those memories and sending them away for good as she opened her eyes.
Rosanna looked up at Alex and managed a smile, interlocking a hand with his and squeezing him gently, "yeah." The warmth of Alex's palm against hers and the safety of his fingers caging her hand reminded her of why she was letting go those moments of the past. She'd healed from something she thought she'd never get over and as ironic as it was, he was part of that healing. Somehow, he made it easier.
She found herself standing in the doorway of their home studio. All that was different was that there was a stunning grand piano sitting in one corner with stacks of paper sitting on the keys. Rosanna didn't linger long on that room, her only comment to Alex being whether he remembered the night he helped her write the first song of her album.
"Of course I do love," Alex replied, still seeing them lying side by side on the floor. He had seen that apparition every day for the past three years and only noe was the ghost of Rosanna no longer grey and empty.
As they walked into the master bedroom a strong smell hit Rosanna's nostrils so hard she almost fell back. It was Alex but inflamed to reach every corner of the room. And somehow, by some impossibility, she could smell their mixed scent lingering somewhere like a whisper of the past.
Rosanna tentatively stepped in, Alex following a step or two behind her as her eyes grazed over every inch of the room and finally, landed on the bed. Alex had forgotten to do one thing during his quest to clean the entire house for Rosanna's arrival, the bed was still unmade. One side perfectly tucked in and crisp whilst the other had the corner of the duvet scrunched and pulled back, the pillows at diagonals from each other. Alex felt slightly embarrassed but to Rosanna, it made her heart swell.
All of a sudden she felt overcome by emotion, barely knowing herself where it came from as Alex asked her if she was alright once more. "Yeah," she nodded, folding her arms to hug herself, "I just..." she felt her throat tighten and grit her teeth. As if someone had flipped a switch, she no longer felt comforted in that room, now suffocated. Feeling her eyes burning and not wanting Alex to see and take the blame, she pushed passed him out of the room and found herself in the back yard. Heaving in the fresh air like she had been held under water.
"Ro?" She heard him call out to her from behind. She could already hear the worry thick in his tone. His hands on her arms followed shortly after, spinning her to face him as involuntary tears began trickling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she wept and wiped her cheeks quickly. "It's not you, it's not." Like windscreen wipers, her hand moved from cheek to cheek, wiping away the tears that fell only for more to take their places.
"Hey, hey," Alex said gently and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight to his chest not knowing that the smell of him coming off his shirt was exactly what was starting to calm her down.
"Fuck," Rosanna swore to herself and continued pointlessly wiping away her tears. "I don't know why I'm crying."
"It's okay," Alex said into her ear and rocked her side to side. "It's okay baby. It's a lot, I know." Rosanna nodded and sunk into his chest, thankful beyond comprehension that she had him there to hold her like she wished she had every time she felt like shit during the last few years. More than she would be willing to confess had she yearned for him to comfort her on her worst days and even on her mediocre ones. Never had she realised how much she missed him in her every day life until she had him once again.
Alex held her for as long as he needed to, he knew her better than anyone, physical contact was her preferred method of comfort in comparison to words. When she looked up at him teary eyed and paled of cheer, he watched her pupils dilate and the tension in her eyebrows soften. "We had the most beautiful house," she eventually said.
As night fell Alex disappeared, telling Rosanna to stay inside the house as he "got a few things". She'd become more comfortable in the presence of that place after telling her to toss out all the old memories and start fresh like she and Alex were. The mirror that was shattered when she last visited had now been replaced by something that exuded a slight resemblance. She found herself back in the bedroom as Alex left her to her own devices. Her fingers brushing through the items hung up in the walk-in closet. All his suit jackets and linen and silk shirts. Almost every colour breezing in between her fingertips.
Her fingers stopped as they came across a fairly rough fabric compared to the rest and her eyes shifted over to see that she'd stopped on one of Alex's leather jackets. It was a faded black with two white stripes running down the left side of the chest. Alex had worn that jacket countless times but all she could think of was him taking it off and wrapping it over her shoulders whenever it got unexpectedly cold. They'd be walking in the street and all Rosanna had to do was rub her arms once and Alex would sacrifice himself to the cold just so that she could be wrapped in the warmth of his jacket. It always had his body heat trapped inside it, making it all the more enjoyable like a cup of hot chocolate on a frosty morning in Sheffield. It was only then did she realise it was the jacket he was wearing at her show, the one he pulled that letter out of that had so many creases telling how long it had been stowed away in there.
"Hey." Alex's voice made her jump, recoiling her hand away from the jacket to clutch her heart. "Sorry, I didn't realise I snuck up on ya," Alex chuckled.
"You did it on purpose," Rosanna said.
Alex smiled like a child, "maybe. C'mon." He grabbed her hand and began leading her through the house.
"Where are we going?" Rosanna asked as she followed him without much protest.
"Just outside," Alex said, "but I'm gonna need you to close yer eyes."
She held both of his hands tightly as she walked blindly to wherever he was taking her. Her ears caught on to the soft song of crickets and soft breezes rustling through the trees and piles of dried leaves. Alex walked her step by step, it feeling like they'd gone down the road in her mind but when she opened her eyes they were in the backyard. The little patch of grass where they stargazed the night they bought the house now covered by a square blanket dotted with little candles, pillows and a platter of food. It was something out of a romance novel.
Rosanna looked over at Alex biting back the widest smile and hugging him tightly for all the effort he'd put in. She turned back to the glowing set up and chewed on her bottom lip, "Alex..."
"It's a bit cheesy and all but..." he shrugged, "I dunno, thought it might be nice."
The smile she gave him was a smile he'd only ever seen twice in his life.
"It's beautiful," she said as they sat down on the blanket. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to sit in between his legs and against his chest. Their eyes gazing skyward and spotting the brightest stars in the sky. Their faces illuminated by the warm coloured candles around them and the cool light of the moon. Just like they did that first night, they began drawing out constellations to each other. Alex pointed out the planets he knew and remembered from when his father had pointed them out to him when he was a child.
"So much for not talking about stars," Rosanna teased, leaning back into him as she craned her neck up to watch the universe.
Alex didn't say anything, only a soft chuckle coming from his heart, placing soft kisses along her neck. Rosanna blossomed at his touch, closing her eyes so that all she could focus on was the warm sensation of his lips on her skin and his arms holding her safe from the rest of the world. And for once, everything felt right.