The next day was like any other day, but it wasn't because Mrs. Chou no longer wants anything to do with me and it broke my heart. I never imagined myself being broken hearted by my teacher.
Yoona left last night and I haven't seen her this morning neither. I don't know where she is, but hopefully she stays gone for a few days. I can't handle her at the same time of my depression.
I talked to the principal to lie about having Hanbin 's mom pick me up, but the lie backfired because he called her. But the good news is she actually agreed with it and I was shocked. I didn't really think she'd do that because I was just trying to lie so another teacher wouldn't take me home.
If anyone is taking me home, or picking me up for school, it's Mrs. Chou.
"My mom said that we were going out to eat tonight and she wanted to know if you want to come," Hanbin watched me as I took a bite of my sandwich, which he brought me again.
I nodded and he smiled. I couldn't ask for a better best friend, he literally is the best. I haven't always been good with finding friends, but somehow he just came into my life and I'm thankful.
I haven't been out to a restaurant in forever and I was looking forward to it. I was probably still young and my parents were still together the last time I went, but I couldn't remember hardly anything about it.
"I can come get you tonight or you can just grab some clothes from your house this afternoon. My dad is suppose to come with us, since he's getting off from work," I nodded as he ate. I couldn't wait to meet his dad, because is mom is the best and I know his dad will be too.
Lunch ended and it was my next class. I was pretty happy that I finally brought my grades up to a decent percent because I couldn't handle failing, it was a terrible feeling.
I never had a problem with failing because I was always on top of everything, and did the best I could. But I guess after my mom died and Yoona was in charge of me, I couldn't find time to study because she would always make it hard for me to.
The class passed by fairly quick and my next few classes did too. Art class was next and I felt myself become depressed again. I can't seem to shake the thought of Mrs. Chou from my mind and it hurts.
I never meant to fall for her. I never meant to adore her so much that it was physically and emotionally kill me. She was just another teacher who started my tenth grade year and I thought nothing of her the few few weeks. I didn't stare at her during class, or dream about her. I didn't imagine us together in any shape of form whatsoever.
She was just another teacher at the start.
That was until one day I came into class early to sit and talk to her about my grade. My grades were slipping in that class and I wanted to talk to her about it and try to figure out a way to bring them back up.
As we were talking, I couldn't help notice her wedding ring. She caught me staring at it then immediately called me out on it then started talking about her marriage and how happy she was. She explained all these things that they did together and I watched her as I started realizing something.
I found her attractive.
After all the weeks that she was my teacher, I never thought of her in any way but a teacher. But for some reason as she was talking about her love life, I started feeling something and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
After that day, I found out that my feelings weren't just a in the moment thing. I started thinking about Mrs. Chou more and more everyday and night, and it was genuinely scaring the shit out of me.
I never had a crush on anyone who I couldn't have, and I knew that it was risky to be feeling this way towards my teacher.
But, instead of ignoring it like a sane person, I embraced it and admired her everyday for the last two years.
She never knew.
Until a day ago.
I never imagined that I would ever tell her any of those things, because when I thought about it, I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide forever. But I had the guts to actually tell her everything, in front of her, in her classroom.
I didn't have a choice really, because she thought that I was experimenting with her and I wasn't. She needed to know the truth because I didn't want her thinking I was using her, not even for a second.
Even if that meant pouring my heart out, regretting everything in my existence, fearing school for the rest of my life, wanting to crawl under a rock, and everything in between, at least I told her the truth.
But now she's out of my life and I don't know if what I did was such a good idea or not.
Hanbin caught up with me as I was walking down the hall to art class. He slung his arm around my shoulder and smiled at me. "Are you ready for tonight?" I looked at him and smiled. I really couldn't wait to meet his parents, I heard things about them from him and they seem so amazing.
I wish my mom was still with me. I wish her and dad never separated, because we could of been those families that actually had their shit together.
We walked in the classroom and my eyes immediately found Mrs. Chou, sitting at her desk. I couldn't help but feel my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces just by looking at her.
It really broke my heart.
I sat down in front of my canvas and I watched Hanbin get up and walk to the table for some supplies. My eyes traveled back to the front and I caught Mrs. Chou at her desk, looking down at something on her desk. I felt regret in the pit of my stomach because I threw everything out by telling her about my feelings.
I didn't just lose her as a person, but I lost her as a teacher.
Hanbin came back and sat down with his paint. I watched as he started mixing the paints together on his palette with his brush and he started painting on his canvas.
I was confused because we haven't been assigned to any assignment yet. I watched him as he was painting and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to paint. It didn't look like anything right now but in all, it really didn't look like anything anyways.
I stared at him as his painting started coming out. It took me a good few minutes until I finally figured out what it was.
It was a clock.
I looked at him as he was done and he smiled back at me. "What do you think?" he stared at his canvas and I was trying to figure out what the meaning behind of it was.
"I don't understand," I watched as he smiled at me and nodded in understanding.
"Not many people would understand a picture if they haven't questioned it," wow. He was seriously confusing the hell out of me. He chuckled, "Ok, so when you see a clock, what do you think of?"
I shrugged, "Time?"
He nodded, "Anything else?"
I stared at the canvas for a second. "Minutes, hours, seconds," I mean, there really wasn't much to it, right?
He smiled then sat his palette down and faced me. "That's correct, but also not correct," I made a face to let him know that I was lost. "When anyone looks at a clock, they think about the time, or when a certain time will come for something that is going to happen, like when school is over or work, or when your date is about to come pick you up. We rely on the clock for a thousands things, but not just for time. We rely on it for when someone is about to go into labor, or when someone is about to go into surgery. Maybe someone has a few seconds left to live and we're slowly counting down those last few seconds with them here with us. It's not just about the time of day, but that day in time."
I stared at him as I could not believe what just came out of his mouth. I never knew that he had that kind of side to him and it completely shocked me to a lose of words.
"How the hell are you so dumb and smart at the same time?" it was a complete mystery to me.
He chuckled, "I'll take that as a compliment," I rolled my eyes and heard a voice that sent chills down my spine.
"Today we will just free draw," I heard everyone in the class cheer and I, myself cheered inside my head. I was glad that we didn't have an assignment today because I wasn't really in the mood to do anything that would count as a grade.
I pulled out a pencil and started stretching anything that came to my head. I didn't really have any purpose in drawing anything, but I just winged it.
Hanbin elbowed me and I looked over at him. "Hey, have you noticed yet?" I gave him a confused look. "Mrs. Chou has been stealing glances at you,"
What?
I quickly looked over and immediately saw Mrs. Chou turn her head just in time for my eyes to meet her. I watched as she pretended to do something on her desk, but I could see right through her.
She was looking at me.
I looked at Matt and saw him smile and I rolled my eyes. I ignored him and tried to focus on my drawing, but I couldn't. I could feel Mrs. Chou's eyes on me the whole time, and even though I never looked up, I could tell there was something up.
*
Hanbin decided that it would be a good idea if I could get ready at my house, then he could wait and we could go to his house. I didn't mind, because I didn't really feel comfortable about changing clothes at his house.
As we were riding to my house, I couldn't stop thinking about Mrs. Chou and why she was watching me today. I mean, she told me that she wanted nothing to do with each other again inside or outside of school, so why was she looking at me? Obviously there was something wrong, because the past few days, she hasn't acknowledge me in any way.
As we pulled up, I told Hanbin to wait outside. He didn't argue and I was glad. I know that I'm still lying to him, and I hate it, but I can't let him know any of the truth at the moment.
It's too risky.
I walked up to the door and unlocked it. I didn't know if Yoona was here or not, but I hope she wasn't. I didn't want to have to deal with anything right now knowing that I'll be going out with Hanbin and his family tonight. I couldn't think of how bad everything would be if Yoona left marks on me, and I would have to explain everything to them.
I opened the door and walked in. I looked around and noticed that everything wasn't in a mess, and it looked the same as it did yesterday. I didn't see any signs of any humans being here and it relieved me, but also scared me.
I walked upstairs to my room and changed clothes. I didn't really have any good clothes to wear tonight because Yoona takes all of them, but I can improvised.
I decided on my faded blue jeans with a blouse shirt. It seemed about right with this type of evening. It wasn't over the top, or under dressed. It was just right.
I changed my clothes and made sure I had everything before I left. I didn't want to forget anything, or accidentally leave the house unlocked where Jessica or anyone can just walk right in.
I walked down the stairs, and that's when I started thinking; the last time I saw Yoona, she didn't hit me or yell at me. She left and that was the last time I saw her. I didn't see her this morning, and she wasn't here now, but she's usually gone longer than this so I shouldn't 0verthink it.
But there's something in my gut that's telling me that something isn't right, and I'm pretty sure that tonight isn't going to be as great as I hoped for.