I woke up in agonizing pain. It was unbearable as I slowly opened my eyes to find myself laying on the floor in my room. I couldn't hardly move and the pain in my stomach was worse than anything else. I couldn't bare this pain much longer because honestly it was killing me.
After a minute or so of laying there, I decided to try to get up. No use in laying there because the pain will never go away.
I slowly sat up and winced with every movement. Everything hurt with every move I made. I didn't know how the hell I was going to stand up. I can barely sit up, let alone lay down.
I really hate Yoona sometimes. She always hurts me worse everyday and it's getting to where I can't take it anymore. I can't exactly stand up to her because she's a lot tougher than I am, and I know for sure that she'll beat the living shit out of me ten times worse if I ever try to defend myself.
I sat there for a while until I was brave enough to try and stand up. I took a deep breath and held onto the dresser as I helped myself up. The pain in my stomach shot right through me but I tried my best to ignore it. It was like a never ending wave of pain and it was terrible.
After I finally stood up, I grabbed the edge of my dresser and just stood there and tried to breathe. I glanced at myself in the mirror and I stared at myself. I couldn't believe that the girl in the mirror was me. It didn't look anything like me.
That girl in the mirror was broken beyond repair. She looked like an absolute mess. Her hair was a pile of shit, her clothes were all worn and torn apart, and her face looked terrible. I couldn't believe that the girl I was staring at was me.
I shut my eyes and tried to keep myself from crying. I've dealt with this for four years. I should be use to it. I should be use to the beatings, the hits, the bruises, and the pain. I should be use to all of it, but I'm not. I won't ever be use to it. I won't ever take the hits and not feel a thing. I'm not that strong, and I never will be.
I pushed myself off of the dresser and tried my best to stand on my own. It was hard, but I succeeded. I stood there for a minute until I knew that I could walk without falling over. I slowly walked to my door and opened it. I peeked out and didn't see anything down the hall so I walked out and slowly went down the stairs.
I didn't hear anything or anyone, so I was hoping that it was true. I didn't want to run into Yoona or anyone for that matter. It's rare to see Yoona in the mornings, so I know that she's not here. She's always gone when I wake up in the morning, and she gets home by the time I'm home from school.
I peeked in the kitchen and didn't see anyone then went to the living room and saw that it was empty too. I sighed a breath of relieve and made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. I knew we didn't have a lot of food, but we had enough and we had to save some food because we'll run out fast.
I found some cereal and decided to make me some. I grabbed a bowl then grabbed the milk and poured me a bowl. After I got done, I put everything back then sat at the table and started eating. I hardly eat in the mornings, but it was better to eat something than nothing at all.
I got done then took my bowl to the sink and washed it. After I got done, I decided it was time to start cleaning the house. I needed to start on the living room because that was the worst part out of the whole house. It seemed like Yoona only liked to mess up the living room.
I grabbed a trash bag and started throwing everything away. I grabbed all the cans and empty containers of whatever and threw them all away. It was starting to look better and I was happy. I seriously hate a dirty house.
As I was getting done, I heard a knock on the door and I stopped what I was doing. I listened again in case I was imagining it, but I heard another knock. I started panicking, but realized that if it was Yoona, she would come right in. The door wasn't locked, so she wouldn't knock.
I went to the door and was hesitant on opening it. What if it was one of her friends? I didn't know what to do if it was them because I was scared shitless of them anyways. They could hurt me worse than Yoona does. But they don't have a reason to hurt me.
I opened the door and was surprised to see Hanbin standing there, smiling. "Good morning, beautiful," I stared at him as he smiled. What the hell was he doing here?
I guess I was staring too long because he waved his hand in front of my face and I shook my thoughts away. "Hanbin? What are you doing here?"
He shrugged, "I thought I'd come by to see you, and ask if you would like to go get some breakfast with me," I can't believe he came here and wanted to go out to eat. I was happy that he cared enough about me, but this was dangerous, if only he knew..
I noticed that I was just standing there, so I nodded, "Yeah, sure. Let me go get some more clothes on," I was about to shut the door but he put his foot in the way. I gave him a confused look but he just smiled.
"Aren't you going to invite me in? It's not very polite to leave a friend outside," he was really trying my nerves today. If Yoona comes home and finds him here, it's going to be a disaster. But hopefully she doesn't come home any time soon.
I opened the door more and stepped aside to let him walk in. I'm thankful that I actually cleaned up before he came. It was an absolute mess and I couldn't stand to see his face if he did see it.
I watched as he looked around and I prayed that we got out of here fast enough before he asked any questions. I didn't want to have to lie more to him because to be honest, I'm running out of them.
He turned to me, "So, where is your mom and dad?" and there it was. The fucking question I didn't want him to ask. I didn't want to lie to him anymore, but I knew the consequences of it if I did tell him the truth, and I couldn't do that to him.
Instead, I shrugged, "Probably out doing errands. They left before I got up," he nodded and I noticed that he was looking at my clothes. I immediately wanted to slap myself for not changing.
"You're wearing the same clothes from last night. You must have been exhausted, huh?" I nodded as he was looking at me. I couldn't stand lying to him, damn. I hate this.
I told him that I would go change clothes real quick so that we could leave. I ran up stairs to my room and prayed that we would leave before anything bad happened. But knowing my lucky, something might just be waiting for me.
I changed out of my clothes pretty fast, then slipped on my shoes and brushed my hair. After I was done, I ran back downstairs and found Hanbin sitting on the couch. He looked at me and smiled then stood up.
"That was quick," I nodded as we were walking to the door. The sooner we got out of there the better. I honestly hate staying in this house, and it's worse if Hanbin is here with me.
I locked the door and walked down the steps to his car. I got in and buckled up and watched as he was pulling out of the driveway. I thanked God that nothing bad happened. I was relieved to leave before anything could.
We were driving down the road and I was happy that I could get away again. I never knew how bad I needed to escape, but I do. I didn't deserve the shit that happens to me, but it continues to happen.
We pulled up at a place that I've never been to and I got out with Hanbin and walked inside. It was a cute little place, with a lot of people but not over-crowded. I looked around at everyone and smiled. I loved getting away from everything. It made me feel better.
We went to a table next to a window and sat down. The waiter came and took our orders then after he left, we started talking a little.
"So, did you have a good time last night?" I watched as he was messing with the different things on the table and I smiled at him.
"Yeah, I did. Thank you," he smiled at me then nodded. It felt good to have a best friend like him.
We were sitting there, waiting for our food when I caught a glimpse of someone walking through the front door. My heart immediately started hammering in my chest as I recognized her from miles away.
It was Mrs. Chou. What are the odds?
I watched as she was walking with a man, and I felt a pain in my heart as I quickly realized that was her husband. They were holding hands and I felt everything inside of me break. I mean, I knew she was married, of course, but seeing her with her husband made me feel something in my chest that I'm not used to.
Hanbin saw me looking at something and he turned to see what. He caught sight of her then looked back at me, "Sanny, stop," I looked at him as he was shaking his head. I knew what he was saying, but I just couldn't look away.
I watched as they took a seat at a table and they were both smiling. I wished I hadn't looked at them when they walked in, because now I can't look away and it's seriously killing me to watch.
Hanbin tried to get my attention but it was no use. I was drawn into watching them smile, and Mrs. Chou be happy and it kills me knowing that I'm not there to make her happy. It has to be that man and not me. I wanted to look away, I really did, but I couldn't.
Her eyes immediately found mine and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I quickly looked away but I knew that it was no good, because she saw me. I decided to admire the table and not look up at all. I didn't want to look at her anymore, because there's a hole in my heart now.
After a minute, I heard the waiter come by to give us our food. I decided it was safe enough to look up now and when I did, Hanbin was staring at me. I sighed and started picking at my food while I could feel his stare.
"Whatever you're thinking, stop," I knew he wanted to say something, but I didn't want to hear it. I can't believe out of all the places, she has to be here when we're here. She has to be walking through the door as soon as we sat down. It was unbelievable.
We ate in silence and I'm not sure if it was the good kind or not. It made everything worse and I couldn't help but think that maybe I shouldn't have came. I needed to get away, but now that I am away, and the fact that I saw Mrs. Chou with her husband, I'd rather stay home.
It was worse than Yoona beating me.
I decided to take a leap of courage and glance over in the direction that Mrs. Chou is at. I saw that she was talking to her husband and not paying attention to me. I looked away before she caught me looking again, and I went back to eating.
Hanbin cleared his throat after a minute and I looked up at him. He sighed and grabbed my hand from across the table, "Sana, please don't do this to yourself," I gave him a confused look but he just stared at me, "You know what I mean. We all know that Mrs. Chou is married, but that doesn't mean that you should beat yourself up about it. You don't know what's going on in her life, and her marriage may not be the best,"
I quickly looked over at Mrs. Chou and saw her smiling. I looked back at Hanbin and knew that he was wrong. Nobody could fake a terrible marriage, could they? She smiles like she's deeply in love with that man, and she probably is. How can he say that she's faking it?
He squeezed my hand and I shook my thoughts away as I stared at him, "Look, I've heard some things," oh shit. What has he heard? He looked down for a moment then back at me, "I heard Mrs. Chou talking on the phone the other day," I nodded, indicating for him to go on. "She was talking to her husband and the reason why I knew that is because of the things she was saying. She was talking about fixing their relationship," I stared at him as I was trying to understand what he was saying. "Sana, they're marriage is falling apart,"
I stared at him and couldn't believe what he just said. Their marriage was falling apart? Does he know that for sure? And why the hell would he tell me?
"Ok.. So, what does that have to do with me?" he wasn't seriously thinking that I was just going to jump in. That's insane.
"You can start by making yourself noticeable. They're just here to try to work things out, but we all know that marriages end in divorce one way or another. I mean, it's half the population that end in divorce because marriage is a joke," he explained and I have never saw anyone tell me something that just totally confused the shit out of me.
"How the hell do you know all of this?" it was crazy as hell for an eighteen year old boy to know about marriages.
He shrugged and took a sip of his drink. He set it down and looked at me, "I know a lot, but I keep all the information inside my head in case I might need it one day," he smiled and I wanted to smack him.
I looked back over at Mrs. Chou, and noticed that her husband wasn't there anymore. Ok, where the hell did he go? I looked out the window but didn't see him, and he wasn't around the place neither. He must of went to the bathroom.
When I looked back at Mrs. Chou, she was looking at me. My heart stopped in my chest as I stared at her and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt my face start to burn and I quickly looked away.
Hanbin started chuckling and this time I kicked him under the table. "Ouch!" he bent over a little to rub his leg and I smiled at him. He shouldn't be such an idiot all the time. He embarrasses me so damn much.
I sat there, ignoring Hanbin as I stared at my drink and tried my best not to look up in fear that I would meet Mrs. Chou's eyes, or Hanbin's stupid smile. I just sat there and admired how beautiful that glass was.
"Oh, shit," I heard Hanbin say and I knew it couldn't be good. I looked up and saw Mrs. Chou walking in our direction. Ok, what the hell? Why was she coming over here? I looked at Hanbin who was staring at me with the same questionable look on his face.
Mrs. Chou approached our table and smiled, "Well, isn't this a surprise," I looked up to see her smiling down at us and I couldn't help but feel everything in my body heat up at once. Damn, you're too close. "Are you two here enjoying breakfast?" I looked at Hanbin and saw him nod at her, which made her smile more. "That's good," her eyes found mine and it took everything in me not to pass out.
I looked away because I was on the verge of fainting. Damn, this woman has such an affect on me. She will never truly know that just one look, I'm mesmerized and hooked by her. It's amazing how a woman can do that to me. But that's the thing, she's not just a woman. She's something so much more.
I heard BI speak, "So, are you here with your husband?" oh, why must he bring that up? Damn, Hanbin.
I looked up to see Mrs. Chou looking at him, but she wasn't smiling anymore. Well, hardly. She nodded, "Yes. He went to the restroom," Hanbin nodded then glanced at me and I swear to God if he does anything, I'm murdering him right here.
He smiled, "Well, that's nice. I hope you two are enjoying your breakfast," I know what game he was playing, and I didn't like it. He shot me a grin and it took everything in me not to kick him under the table again.
Mrs. Chou didn't say anything but just nodded. I watched as her eyes slowly found mine. There was something in them. A hint of something, but I couldn't tell what it was. I stared at her as she looked at me and it seemed as though I got lost, because it became a staring contest. None of us spoke a word, but just stared at each other. It felt like hours until finally she looked away.
She smiled at Hanbin and told us goodbye as she went back to her table. I watched as she sat down then I focused my attention on Hanbin.
"How long were we staring at each other?" he gave me a confused look.
"What do you mean?"
I sighed, "Just a second ago when we were staring at each other," it seemed to finally click in his mind as he opened his mouth.
"Oh, that. About five seconds," I looked at him questionable. Five seconds? That's all? It felt like more like five minutes. That's crazy.
I looked back over at Mrs. Chou in time for her husband to get back and I watched them for a moment or so. It hurt like hell to have to sit and watch someone you absolutely love, be with someone else.
That was the worst pain I've ever felt.
*
"That was nice, wasn't it?" Hanbin asked as we were pulling out of the parking lot. I looked over at him as he was watching the road, and I honestly had to thank him for bringing me out.
I nodded as he glanced at me and he smiled. I looked out the window and thought about how much fun it is to have a life. I may not have the perfect life, but at least I can honestly say I have the perfect friend.
What friend brings you out of your hell hole of a home and takes you skating or takes you to breakfast? That's honestly the greatest friend right there, and I couldn't ask for anyone better.
We pulled up at my house and all my happiness seemed to be washed away. No matter how far I get away, or how long I stay, I'll always be reminded of my life when I step foot inside that house.
I thanked Hanbin then got out and walked up the stairs. I didn't know what was waiting for me behind those doors, but when I unlocked the door, I knew that it was just the beginning.