Chapter 48- Overboard
"So crazy is this thing we call love. Now that we've got we just can't give up. You got me out here in the water and I'm overboard. I need your love to pull me up. It feels like I'm drowning without your love."~ Justin Bieber
Justin's POV
I stare at my ceiling as I wait for sleep to take over. I've been laying down for almost an hour but it seems like my brain doesn't want to close down for the night. I can't help the heavy feeling in my heart and the feeling of wanting to cry. My decision lays heavily on my chest and a small part of me is thinking that I made the wrong choice.
Having to watch her run away like that was heart-breaking but I know it will benefit her long term. All I keep doing is bringing her unhappiness. Even if she doesn't find happiness with Douche, she will find it with someone who deserves her and as much as it kills me, that person isn't me. Even if she feels something I can't give her the normal happiness that she wants. I will always be in spotlight of the media. She will have to deal with any small mistake I make and hate for just being with me. I know that isn't something that she wants and I will never put her through that. The same way she will never let me give this up for her. My Bee isn't selfish like that. It's one the traits I love most about her.
And then there is Miley. The girl who is in love with me and I didn't realise. When did she fall for me? The bigger question is what will I do about it? I can't just jump into a relationship with her while my heart lies with someone else. It wouldn't be fair on her. I can only be with her when I know it's really something I want. I try and envision a future with her. She's the ideal girlfriend for a pop star like me. My fans ship me with her and they accept her. She knows how to deal with the rumours and the paparazzi. She understands the stress of being under the spotlight. But she doesn't know Justin Bieber. She knows Justin Bieber. She doesn't know what kind of life I lived before. She doesn't know how much I cried when I realise that my dad wasn't around. She doesn't know how much I freak out at just hearing about head lice. She doesn't have chocolate chip pancakes races with me. She never sits with me when I play video games like a normal teenage boy. She isn't my Bee.
I lay in silence as the heavy feeling in my chest spreads and tears form in my eyes. The heartache of losing her is killing me but I have been selfish for too long. I jump when I hear something smash across the hallway. Amber's room. I jump out of bed and rush outside of her room. I go to open the door but I stop myself. I hear her scream and shout as things continue to smash in her room. I hear a thud against the wall as she screams the words 'I hate you'. I feel a sinking in my heart as I realise that I've caused this. It's my fault that she is having this breakdown and is crying. I jump when something hits the bedroom door again and again. Tears fall over my eyes and realisation hits me full-blown. What have I done? The room goes silent except for her quiet sobs I can hear through the door. I turn back and enter my room again. I shut the door and slide down it. I pull my knees to my chest and try and stop my tears but they don't relent. What have I done to her? And as I sit there crying to myself I realise exactly what I've done.
I have finally broken her.
o.O.o.o.O.o
I slowly make my way downstairs the next morning. Amber's room door was closed so I am not sure if she is already up or not. Her car is still in the drive so at least I know she hasn't disappeared. I walk into the kitchen and my steps falter when I see her sitting at the island with her hands wrapped around her cup. She doesn't acknowledge me or even move as I walk in. I continue to grab my breakfast but my eyes keep falling back to her. Her hair is a mess and her eyes looks tired. Her complexion is pale and it's evident she has been crying. She doesn't look away from her spot. I don't think she has even realised that I am in the kitchen. She has completely zoned out.
I want to say something to her. I want to tell her that I am sorry. I want to take away the pain I know she was feeling yesterday but I don't. I can't. I am the one that caused the pain in the first place so how am I supposed to take it all away?
I take my breakfast up to my room and begin to eat there. To take my mind off everything I pull my lyric book out. Scooter is saying that I need one more song on the album before it is ready to be out of the shelves. I just need to write the song now. I flick through the pages and I come across a song that I wrote a while ago. I remember singing it in London when I took Amber. She loved the song. My finger runs over the first few lines.
Well let me tell you a story,
About a girl and a boy.
He fell in love with his best friend
When she's around he feels nothing but joy.
But she was already broken and it made her blind
Because she could never believe that love will ever treat her right
As I read the lyrics I can't help but realise how it fits this situation. I stopped writing this song because I lost motivation. I didn't know where this story ended. I shake my head as I realise that I am still thinking about everything. Instead I put my book away and finish eating my breakfast. Time flies by as I trying coming up with lyrics but nothing seems good enough. I grab my plate and head downstairs to put it back in the kitchen.
I stop when I hear my mom talking to Amber. I stay as quiet as possible to hear what they are saying.
"Oh Amber sweetie. I wish you came to me about all of this. I would have helped you and given you advice. I know that I can't replace your mom but I can still do some of this."
I hear Amber's sobs and last night's ache and guilt comes back. "I thought I could do it. I thought that things would be alright. I mean we are Amber and Justin. Best friends and inseparable. I thought that if I lost him to anything it would be to the fame, not a girl."
"You can't really think that his heart loves her right?"
"Maybe not love but there is something there. He chose her Pattie. How could he?" Her voice breaks and tears form in her eyes. "After all that we have been through how could he just chose her so easily?" It wasn't easy but I did it for your happiness.
"I wish I knew darling. If you want to know then you know where he is. Only he can give you the answers you want. In my opinion I think you should talk to him. There is obviously a lot that still needs to be said between you and I don't think ending eighteen years of friendship this was is the best way."
I can just imagine Amber shaking her head. "No. I can't. He has made it clear where his loyalty lies and it isn't with me. I just don't get it. What is so special about her that he just left me? Was I not enough? Was I not of a high standard for him?" My stupid joke. "What is it? You know, when I asked him to choose a very small part of me thought that it would be me. That he would choose me in a heartbeat. But then I saw it. The look in his eyes when he looked at her. His eyes brightened just the slightest bit. It was a look of an emotion that you feel towards a lover. In that moment I knew that it was her. It was always her before me. Always."
I goes silent for a minute or so and I begin to think that I have been spotted. I wait for something else and eventually mom speaks. "You love him don't you?"
My breath hitches and I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. This is what I have wanted to know for so long. Her answer is so quiet I can just about hear it. "Yes." I let out a breath as a feeling washes over me. It's a mix of everything. I want to hear her actually say it.
"But?"
My small smile fades. "But we can never be together. As much as it hurts me to be left I know it's for the good. We're both bad for each other. We just keep tearing another part of each other and if we keep going, eventually there will be nothing left but an ugly mess. I am not what he wants nor needs. He wants to live the big life but I am nothing but a small girl from a town in Canada. I don't belong in his life. I will always continue to support him in what he does but I can't pretend to be this happy person while I watch him with someone else. We're just not compatible. We have too much to lose if it goes wrong. Our friendship means the world to me and I am not willing to lose it over a relationship. Never."
"So what are you saying?"
"That I need to leave. I need to move out of his house and move back into mine. And when senior year is over I need to go to college outside of LA. I need to get as far away from this, him, as possible." She laughs. "I never thought I would ever say that. It's a shame that I have lost him. I just want him to know that I will never wish ill of him. That I wish he succeeds in his career and in happiness. He has given me more than what I deserve and I will never ever forget him."
"It doesn't have to end this way Amber."
"But it does. Don't you see? We hurt each other. He hurts me. I have never cried over someone as much as I have cried over him. He used to always tell me 'Any man that makes you cry isn't worth your time'. Does that not apply to him? I wish things would work out but they won't. It never will."
I walk away back towards my room, not bothering to put my plate away. I place it onto my bedside table and pace around the room. I stop by my window. I look outside as I think about all that I have just learnt. She loves me. A massive part of me feels ecstatic that she feels the same way about me. I could burst with happiness. But then I remember what she said. She's going to move, just like she said she would. She's leaving to get away from me. I shake my head. None of this can be true. She wouldn't just leave. Not like that... Just like how she thought I wouldn't choose Miley just like that.
I walk away from my window and pick up my lyric book. I find the page with the few lines of lyrics. I look over them before finding a fresh page. I re-write those lyrics but don't stop. They say that a song should tell a story and the greatest songs come from what you feel. But what happens when the story doesn't have an ending yet? You let other people decide what the ending is. Let them decide what the right decision is. Let them guess at how it ends. I write until I feel like the song is good enough. I play around on my keyboard and on Garageband and fix a melody to it. When I feel like it is good enough I grab my phone and call Scooter.
"Justin! What's up man?"
"You know that song you've been banging on about? The one for the album?"
"Yeah?"
"I've got it. Done and dusted. Ready to be recorded with a melody and everything!"
"Alright! Well done man! I can't wait to hear it tomorrow at the studio. Does this song have a name?"
I look over the lyrics and write the song title as I say it. "Fall."
o.O.o.o.O.o
I kiss Miley's cheek making sure not to ruin her make-up. "You ready for this?"
She smiles at me. "As long as I've got you I am ready for everything."
The backstage members tell us to get into position as the countdown begins. As always I feel the nerves but they're good nerves. I just want to give my Beliebers everything I can. I am lifted onto the stage and I hear the crowd go wild. I wait for them to calm down before speaking. "Get ready to sing along! Today I have a special guest to sing this special song with me. Will you all please welcome Miley Cyrus!"
The entire crowd goes wild with applause as Miley is lowered onto the stage as the intro begin.
"It feels like we've been out at sea, oh,
So back and forth that's how it seems,
And when I wanna talk you say to me
That if it's meant to be it will be.
Whoa-oh-oh
So crazy is this thing we call love,
And now that we've got it, we just can't give up
I'm reaching out for you,
Get me out here in the water and I..." I watch as she sings the song. Her eyes meet mine and I feel something in me change. I sing with her before singing alone.
"I'm overboard
And I need your love to pull me up
I can't swim on my own
It's too much
Feels like I'm drowning without your love,
So throw yourself out to me, my lifesaver.
Life saver, oh life saver
My life saver
Life saver, oh life saver
Whoa.
Never understood you when you'd say,
You wanted me to meet you halfway,
Oh, I felt like I was doing my part,
You kept thinking you were coming up short
It's funny how things change cause now I see, oh,
So crazy is this thing we call love,
And now that we've got it we just can't give up
I'm reaching out for you,
Got me out here in the water and I..." I walk over to her and wrap one arm around her waist.
"I'm overboard
And I need your love to pull me up
I can't swim on my own
It's too much
Feels like I'm drowning without your love,
So throw yourself out to me, my lifesaver.
Oh, it's supposed to be some give and take, I know,
But you're only taking and not giving anymore.
So what do I do?
So what do I do
Cause I still love you
Still love you baby,
And you're the only one who can save me." Ryan's and Amber's words run in my head. There is something there. I take a step back as realisation hits me.
"I'm overboard
And I need your love to pull me up
Pull me up
I can't swim on my own
It's too much
it's too much
Feels like I'm drowning without your love,
So throw yourself out to me, my lifesaver.
Life saver, oh life saver
My life saver
Life saver, oh life saver
Whoa.
Life saver, oh life saver
My life saver
Life saver, oh life saver
Yeah."
I stare at her in shock as my heart beats fast. She smiles at me and the wind knocks out of me. I forget that there are other people in the room right now. The cheering of my fans disappear and all I can see is her. I finally understand what Ryan and Amber was trying to say.
It may not be love but I feel something. Something big enough to make me drop my angel and watch her fall and break.
A/N: HEY guys! I feel like this chapter is so short because the last few have been much longer. However I hope you enjoyed it anyways my loves! Uh oh. I am expecting so much hate. Justin just made a MASSIVE revelation and things are about to change. Everyone is telling me that they are done and they are going to leave! Please don't leave me! Please vote and drop me some comments!
I will UPDATE in TWO DAYS if you guys can get me 50 VOTES AND 30 COMMENTS. Here is why you should complete the goal: SPOILER: Someone is going to be in HOSPITAL fighting for their life. O.O you know what you have to do!
Someone got the song right but they won't be getting the dedication because as well as Overboard the guessed like four other songs. The rule is that you can only guess ONE song people. Not five! Sly people. And the song is never going to be one that has already featured. And it is a JUSTIN BIEBER song because it is a JUSTIN BIEBER story! Silly people.
Thank you for all the support my beautiful people. We stand at 196.6K reads, 3.4K votes and 1.4K comments! Thank you all so so much! We have almost reached my ULTIMATE goal and I cannot explain how much I love you all.
I cannot believe how close we are to the end!
[CHECK OUT THE BANNER TO THE SIDE>>>]
[CHAPTER SONG: Overboard (To the side>>>) Before you're all like 'wtf why is it the original and not the one with Miley... my response to that is... I prefer the original. ANYWAYS I love love this song. Second favourite ultimate Justin Bieber song!]
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