Chapter 29- A Permanent Mark

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Chapter 29- A Permanent Mark

"I'm not a fighter by nature but if I believe in something I stand up for it."~ Justin Bieber

I stare up at the sky. The colours blend in with one another making the most beautiful thing ever. I continue to watch as the orange slowly turns to yellow and then blue. Early morning seems to be the only time I can ever feel peace anymore. The quiet chirping of the birds and odd tapping of footsteps make me feel calm. I close my eyes and inhale the cold air of London. Despite the chill I lean against the balcony in a plain white tee and some pyjama shorts. The wind whips through my hair, probably leaving me a hard mission of untangling it later. I rest both palms on the balcony and the cold leaves a stinging feeling running through my hand. I close my eyes and try to recreate the image of my mother.

My biggest fear of her death was that I would forget what she looked and sounded like and I refuse to let that happen. So I focus on her and only her. I imagine her bright eyes that are framed with her thin but long lashes. Her high cheekbones that always had a flushed look to them. Her lips as they curved into her smile that had men falling at her feet. Her shoulder-length blond curly hair that she would always complain about. 'It reminds me of an animal that can't be tamed Amber!" I next focus on her voice and what her voice sounds like. Her laughter resounds in my head and my lips tremble. I can hear her telling me off. 'Amber! Why is your room so messy?' 'You apologize right now young lady.'  My body shakes with sobs. I can hear her telling me her words of wisdom. 'You can always do what you want baby girl; as long as you believe in yourself. As soon as you lose hope nothing will work. Everything worthwhile is earnt, not given.' I feel her arms wrap tightly around me as I lean into her and cry. I open my eyes to tell her that I love her but instead I am met with honey brown eyes, and right now that is enough.

o.O.o.o.O.o

I slowly step into the cart and as soon as Justin enters the guy shuts the door and I realise that there is no going back. I walk over to the edge so I can look out the window. The cart begins to move and I jump startled. I grip onto the ledge will all my strength and I hear Justin chuckle at me,

"Bee, you aren't going to fall out. Calm down, you little scaredy cat."

I gasp at him. "I am not a scaredy cat. I'm not the one who screams like a little girl whenever I see a cockroach."

"Those are nasty little..." He shudders and I laugh at him.

"Now who's the little girl?"

He doesn't reply to me but walks over so he can see London shrink beneath us. We stand in silence until he decided to break it. "Enjoying your time in London?"

"Yes. Thank you. It has always been a dream of mine to come here with mom... I know she isn't here with me but... It's good enough. Thank you Jay."

"Stop saying thank you. It's nothing. I know how much you wanted to do with Christie but you can't do anymore and I know I'm not any consolation but I want you to know I am willing to do some of the things with you. I just want to make you happy."

"I know...”

“Just know that I'm here to see you smile."

I hesitate for a second before asking him something that I have been thinking about. "Why are you bothering with me Justin? I mean... I'm boring and so damaged that-" He cuts me.

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