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> Carsons POV
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> Day 4 out of the hospital:
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> "Carson. Carson." I open my eyes to see my mother standing over me. "Its breakfast time." She tells me. I look around and suddenly everything thats happened rushes back into my brain. I make some kind of noise and roll back over.
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> -
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> "Hey, Wake up.Come on." This time my slumber was disturbed by my father. I could tell by the lack of light in the room that it was sometime at night. "Its dinner time. Do you want me to have Niall bring you food up here?" His words don't phase me. I just shake my head and lay back down.
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> -
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> "Carson, Please love." I hear Niall this time.
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> "Hmm?" I say looking at him. He has some kind of food with him. "No." I say shaking my head. I don't want food. I want sleep.
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> "please? Let me feed it too you and then you can go to sleep again." I deiced with Niall I won't win and maybe they'll stop waking me up. I sit up slowly and open. He takes a spoon full of food and I open my mouth. As soon as I taste it I name it as my favorite food. Mac and Cheese. I chew slowly and try not to look at Niall. I feel like I've disappointed him. Like I'm not good enough. And maybe I'm not.
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> He takes another spoon full and slowly feeds me. I eat and we don't say a word. I don't have anything to say. I sit there trying not to think. I don't want to think. Inside my head I'm going crazy. Its a mess and all I want to do is scream! I'm starting to rethink so much. When hes done feeding me I lay back down. He starts to move to leave.
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> "Niall" I panic. "Please, don't leave me." I hold my hand out. He sets the try and empty food bowl down and climbs in next to me. We sit together and I drift back to sleep.
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> Day 3 out of the hospital:
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> "Carson, love." Charlie is in the bed next to me. She has a phone pulled out.
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> "Jeremy is on the phone." She holds it out. I can't take that. I've probably only caused him more disappointment. I shake my head no and try to go back to sleep.
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> -
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> "Honey," I hear my mother saying. I open my eyes and see her standing there with my dad. "Honey, Your father and I we need to know if you want us here. We want to stay to support you. But we can't stay forever. We'd love to but we can't. We'll stay here if you really want." She tells me. I don't know what to say. I want them here but they can go.
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> "You don't have to stay." I say really low and horse. My mother nods but looks sad.
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> "You can always come home. Remember that." She leans down and kisses my head. Then I close my eyes.
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> -
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> "Hey, Its time to eat." Niall tells me. I open my eyes and see he has food again. Its dark out now and I slowly sit up. He slowly starts to feed me. Again we don't say anything. I know this isn't good. But theres nothing I can do. I can't speak. Not about anything we should talk about.
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> He feeds me and I feel like a child but i know I can't do it myself. I just can't. I'm to weak. To upset. He finish feeing me then climbs in next to me.
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> -
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> Day 5 out of the hospital:
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> "Carson! Get up!" I look around panicked. Louis and Harry are in my room.
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> "Come on, you've been sleeping for days, we know that what happened..is horrible but you can't waist your life in here sleeping." Harry tells me. I don't know why but I just start crying.
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> "Harry! Good job!" Louis tries to scold quietly.
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> "Oy! What are you two doing in here?" I hear Niall say, then he sees me. He comes to my side and holds me while I cry.
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> "We were just trying to get her to wake up." Harry says. Niall rocks me back and forth.
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> "No, guys. Out please." He tries to say nicely. I don't watch then go but I hear them close the door and Niall and I are alone. I cry while he holds me. Then in a few minutes I'm out again.
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> -
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> "Its time to eat, love." I hear Niall's voice again. I roll over and see hes brought me food again. I sit up and eat. Again we sit there and say nothing Its a more comfortable silence now.
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> He finishes feeding me and I move to lay down but he grabs my hand. "Listen to me, please. Talk to me." He begs. I can see it in his eyes hes worried.
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> "Talk about what?"I say. I have nothing to talk about. Their gone. My babies are gone.
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> "Anything. Just talk to me." He tries.
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> "I have nothing to say." I pull my hand away from his slowly. I don't want to be mean but I just want to sleep. I don't want to think, I don't want to talk.I want to be numb to everything. I don't want to hurt Niall anymore.
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> He looks at me and stands. He makes his way to the door and this time I cry myself to sleep.
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> Day 6 out of the hospital:
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> "Baby, Hey." My father says. I look at him
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> "Were leaving now. Are you going to be okay?" My mother asks. I nod and then they each give me a kiss on the forehead and a hug. My moms crying and seeing her cry makes me loose it. I cry and I hug her again.
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> "I'm going to miss you so much. And hey you need to pull out of this sleep all the time thing. There are wonderful people down stairs that care and are very worried about you. They love you all of them. Especially Niall. Hes going through the same thing you are." My mother says. I only cry more. I know I'm hurting him. But it seems less painful if I just sleep.
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> "I know mom. I just don't know what to do anymore? What am I suppose to do? Move on and acted like they were never real? I can't...I just can't." I tell her crying.
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> "I know. Talk to Niall. Talk about them together. It will help." She tells me.
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> "I'm really sorry honey, but we have to go." My father hugs me one last time. I give them both a hug and they wave to me as they leave. I throw myself on to the bed. What now?
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> I lay there for a few minutes trying to think of what I want to do. I still don't know. So I jump out of the bed and grab the crutches that are at the side of the bed. I grab them and start my way down the hall. I run into Liam whos coming out of his room.
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> "Sorry Love,Hey. I'm glad to see you out and about." He smiles. "Would you like some help?" He asks. I nod,"Please." He laughs and helps me make my way down the stairs.
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> "Look who I have everyone." He says and he helps me into the living room.
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> "Hey!" Zayn shouts. Everyone gives me a hello. I go to move to the end of the couch and I sit down. I never realized how much my foot hurt till now. Thank god I get it off in a few days.
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> "Wheres Niall?"I ask as Charlie moves closer to me.
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> "Hes..hes outside." She tells me. Everyone gets quite.
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> "Whats he doing out there?" I don't like how everyones acting wired.
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> "Thats where he goes everyday. He sits out there. Just looking. He brings a blanket with him and only comes in to feed you or refill his cup." She grabs my hand. I can't believe that. I've been kicking him out of his bed and hes been outside all this time? I stand and grab my crutches.
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> "Would it just be easier if I carried you?" Zayn asks. I nod, because it would be and he picks me up. He starts carrying me toward the back door. I can see Niall just sitting there starring into nothing. He carefully takes his cup off the table and takes a sip, then sets it back down. I sigh. Were both in our own little hell. But I have a feeling I'm causing most of his. I nod to Zayn who opens the door and helps me outside. Niall turns when hears Zayn say something to me. He doesn't light up like he usually does when he sees me. He just stares.
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> "Someone wanted to come see you." Zayn says putting me down on the chair across from Niall. He sets me down carefully and then leaves. I watch him go back inside. He closes the curtain by the door and I can see through the window hes forcing Harry and Louis back. I kind of give a little smile. Its nice to see some one around here is normal.
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> "So,how are you feeling?" Niall coughs.
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> "I feel..I don't know." I tell him. Its not a lie. I don't know how I feel.
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> "Dido." He smiles. I smile back.
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> "I think I want to get a job." I tell him.
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> "What about your singing career?" He asks. I shake my head.
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> "I don't want that anymore." I confess. I really don't I don't want to be famous. I'm fine just how I am.
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> "How..how come?" Niall turns in his chair to face me. A little shiver runs through me because of the air and I curse myself for not bringing a jacket.
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> "I don't want it anymore. I don't want to have to be in the spotlight, I don't want it." He throws his blanket over me and goes to sit back down.
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> "Oh." Was the only reply he had. I really didn't know what to talk about now. Thats never happened with us. We always have things to talk about or do. We never have this awkward silence that we have now. I hate it, but theres nothing I can do to change it. I can barely fix myself. How can I fix Niall too?
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> "You know I'm getting tired of this." Niall says. He shocks me actually.
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> "Of what?" I say.
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> "You just came out of a coma and we bring you home and its like your in another one. Then when you finally do come out its too weird. Its awkward. And it makes no sense. Its not us. Its not how we are."His words are so straight forward.
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> "Well what do you expect? I wake up to my the the two babies that I was planning on carring for are gone!" I tell him in the same snobby tone he has with me. "There gone Niall. And maybe its not who we used to be. Maybe its who we are now." I can feel the tears and their effecting my voice but I stay strong.
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> "Well I hate it." He stand up and grabs his cup and leaves. He slams the door shut. I don't understand. Hes never been that angry. Ever. Can't he understand? I need time. He had time. He had time in the hospital. He had time to cry and to grieve. I didn't I wake up and this is thrusted upon me and everyones always crying and I thought I could have counted on him out of everyone to understand. I guess I can't.
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> Day 7 out of the hospital:
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> "Carson, hey wake up." I look over and Charlie's leaning over me. "Its time to go get your cast taken off." She tells me, I sit up. Finally, this stupid thing is killing me. I look around my room. Its still the same as before the accident. Clean and almost never used. Until last night. I went to sleep in my room instead of Niall's.
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> "Okay."I tell her and she helps me get out of bed and get ready. I still have no idea how to move with this thing on me. Its so annoying. She helps me then she goes to get Liam to help me down the stairs and into the car. Once were in the car I notice something.
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> "Wheres Niall?" I ask them. They look at each other than me.
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> "He had to do some things today." Liam tells me as he starts the car and Louis comes running out of the house. I can feel the disappointment. Its because we fought. I haven't talked or seen him since.
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> "Wait!" Louis slides the door open. He smiles at me as he sits down. "I want to come." I give me a side smile and buckle my seat belt as we start to the hospital.
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> -
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> "How does that feel?" The doctor asks.
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> "Better." I gape how much better my leg feels now that the cast is off. "Can I walk on it?" I ask, afraid I'm going to hurt it more.
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> "Of course.Just be careful. Don't go to extremes and go rock climbing or anything." She laughs. I look at Charlie in the corner of the room holding Liam's hand. Lou is sitting in the corner. I smile and I stand and I walk. It feels strange and has like a tight pulling feeling. It didn't hurt just felt odd. But I could do it.
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> "It feels so much better." I smile.
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> "Good, we'll just get you papers and you'll be free to leave." The doctor tells me then leaves.
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> I look at all of them. "Hey bird now you can walk again."Lou tells me. I smile at the name.
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> "Yeah, Might be while till i fly." I frown and looking at the ground. Everyone in the room gets quite.I look at them and I can tell I've made everything weird.
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> "Sorry." I tell them all as the doctor comes back and hands me a few things.
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> "There you go. You can go now. Just be safe. " He smiles and we all get ready to leave.
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> "Can we please go and get some food." Lou asks.
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> "What? Why?" Liam asks.
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> "Please I'm starving."Lou begs and the face he makes just makes me laugh.
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> "Fine." Liam says.
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> "Lou, why did you even come?" Charlie asks, trying not to be a total snob.
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> "For moral support."He gives me a hug. "Ugh Lou, your killing me." I squeak.
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> "Oh sorry." He releases me and I can breathe again.
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> "Well lets go get some food."Liam pulls away from the parking spot and head off to get food.
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> "Can I have ice cream?" Louis whines.
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> "Lou! I feel like your the child and were the parents!" Charlie turned around and look at him. This just makes me think of what it would have been like for me and Niall to out with our kids. To hear them whining in the back. I turn and stare out of the window trying not to cry.
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> "Maybe I am." He says as he laughs then he goes silent. I can feel them looking at me so I turn to face them. Their looking at me concerned.
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> "I'm okay." I say trying to ignore the tears that were treating to fall.
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> "Hey, this will only make you stronger. Things will get better." Lou hugs me again. When we pull away I look at him, "Will it?" I ask.
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> I can tell this takes him by surprise but he answers anyway, "Yes."
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> "But how do I work things out with Niall?" I ask him because I really can't just keep asking my self. I'm getting no where with that.
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> "Just give each other time. You should talk. Talk about it." He says.
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> "I don't know what to say. What do I say? Sorry I went into a coma after our kids died?" I say through the tears.
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> "Maybe a little less..blunt." He says making me laugh.
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> Hey guys, I'm in school right now and boreedd
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> So I found out today that the guy I like was going to ask me out and now hes not..so forever alone:D Brb while i clean my litter box!
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> Well keep commenting and all that stuff!
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> Xx-alyssa
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