LEVI
Stroking my horse's mane, I tried to calm the storm within. I had spent most of this morning listening to Oluo bitch on and on about the Sparhawkes and their actions during the Titan experiment, and my patience was nearing its end. It had been even more frustrating because when I had gone to collect Eren with my squad, I was informed that Aurora and Rian had been given duties by Erwin, so not only had I listened to Oluo bitch on, I now was deprived of Aurora on Erwin's account.
It had been over three days since we were last alone together and the frustration I felt from not having her near was beyond a joke. Had it just been about needing to bed her, I would have taken myself in hand, but it wasn't just about the sex, I needed her physically close to me, in my arms preferably.
Once I am free, I will find her.
Sighing I forced myself back to the present as my squad, including Eren, all huddled around Gunther as he explained our version of the plan.
"They will only have our backs until we are clear of the city ruins, everything after will be uninterrupted Titan territory and we will be more or less on our own. The only thing to fall back on out there is commander Erwin's long-range scouting formation, and the Sparhawkes" Gunther said as he directed Eren to the plans before him, "The special ops squad will be positioned here, behind the centre rank. Even the horses don't get such fine treatment."
"Which is why it makes no sense for Aurora and Rian to be with us and not in the vanguard. Aren't their special abilities useless to us if they aren't spotters?" Eld asked as he directed his gaze towards me.
"Yes, but if the formation is compromised, they will know before any Titans reach us. It an effective failsafe to protect Eren." I explained somewhat annoyed, this was obvious information that shouldn't need explaining.
"Just Eren?" Oluo snarked and my eyes hardened as they snapped to him, making Oluo visibly swallow in fear.
"Get to where you're going with this" I drawled, "We don't have all day."
"Aurora would have taken us out had we not backed down." Oluo accused with his eyes full of anger and I had to fight not to roll my own at his childishness.
What did he expect? Aurora to roll over and let him kill her kid brother, because that was going to happen.
"She was just protecting me." Eren defended, his chest puffing proudly as he protected his sister's honour.
"I don't care if she was protecting you, I want to know why she turned on us!" Oluo demanded, and my finally temper spiked.
"Then use your brain!" I snapped as the words fell from my mouth without meaning to. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself before I let on how much Oluo's low perception of Aurora was affecting me.
"Captain?" Petra asked uncertainly and letting my gaze pass over Eld, Oluo and Gunther I saw the same confusion on all of their faces marred with hurt at their perceived betrayal by Aurora and Rian.
Fuck it, they want to know so badly then I will tell them .
"If you want to know why Aurora stood against you, then use your brain." I said with a hint of derision in my tone, "I find it hard that soldiers I hand selected for my team are struggling to grasp the concept of why one of their own would stand against them for a boy she grew up with."
"She did it to protect Eren," Gunther said as he crossed his arms over his chest, still missing the point entirely.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
"She did it to protect her brother" I emphasised and watched as understanding began to dawn in each of my subordinate's eyes.
Not a single one of them took love into consideration.
"But-"
"Why do you think Aurora and Rian were placed in my squad?" I continued over Oluo because he wasn't talking himself away from this, "It wasn't because I asked for them though judging by all your actions when told to stand down, perhaps I should have".
Silence was my only answer and I felt my face twist in disapproval as I looked at each one of my soldiers in the eye. Did they really not know why Erwin put the only two, exceptionally capable, soldiers who knew Eren personally in the squad that was to act as his executioners?
"Why did Commander Erwin place the Sparhawke twins in my squad?" I asked again slowly, to show my contempt for their silence.
"The commander knew that they would stand in our way," Eld lamented as he looked down shamefully, "He knew Eren would need protecting from us."
That wasn't so hard, was it.
"Not many know this, but Aurora never wanted to be a soldier." I began, "The only reason she signed up was to make sure Eren and her other brats didn't starve. She and her brother even made a deal with the commander to join the scouts if he protected the kids from the worst of our society, forfeiting the safety of the interior that they were eligible for after placing in the top 10. Can you imagine what those kids must mean to them, Aurora more so if, If they so readily gave up their own futures to safeguard theirs after living through the hell that was the Fall of Shiganshina."
Not one of them were soldiers when Maria fell, but I was, I saw the hell that was unleashed.
"And yet you stand here angry" I snarled through gritted teeth, "Because when you threatened to kill one of the kids, she dared to stand in your way".
I could feel my temper rising to dangerous levels, but I couldn't stop the words from coming. All Aurora has done or will ever do is protect others, she has spent her life shielding those she cared about from this twisted world, and I was under no disillusion that it may one day cost Aurora her life but right here and now, I could defend her. Even if she is more than capable of doing so herself.
"Yes, the commander put the Sparhawkes on my squad to safeguard Eren, whatever the cost, and yet when the time came to do just that, Aurora didn't kill you." I pointed out as I stepped towards Oluo menacingly, "When all things were said and done you were left with nothing more than a swollen throat and wounded pride, had I been in her position you wouldn't have received such gentle treatment."
They were all watching me, Eren more so, with a strange expression on their faces. They were probably wondering what could invoke such a response from me and no doubt Eren knew the answer.
"I don't want to hear another pathetic whine come out of any of your mouths about Sparhawkes or what happened day. We ride out in less than a month to see if we can get this brat all the way to Shiganshina and we cannot do that if we are fighting amongst ourselves. Get your heads out of asses and focus on what's at stake." I ordered, having had enough of the topic.
"Sir!" they all responded in unison before I shook my head in exasperation at their idiocy and moved to mount my horse.
AURORA
A hiss escaped through my clenched teeth as Hange pushed the needle into my skin because thanks to Erwin and his prudent foresight, I now found myself receiving my contraceptive update via the gigantic needle now sticking out of the top of my left ass cheek and as the stinging pain set my teeth on edge I could only think one thing. I fucking hate needles.
I knew I should have accepted Mikasa's offer to hold my hand.
"You throw yourself at Titans for a living, and your complaining about a little needle" Hange laughed as she pushed down on the syringe plunger slowly. Seriously, how long does it take to give someone a shot?
"It's not that little." I grit out through clenched teeth as she pulled the needle from my ass, and my stomach turned.
"Big Baby." Hange quipped as she applied pressure on my buttocks, "Anyway, that should see you through for the next three months. It's a good thing Erwin mentioned it to you because you only had a week left before you would have been hedging your bets with motherhood."
"That's all I need" I drawled as I pictured a squalling infant. Somehow, I didn't think that was in the cards for me, considering the lifestyle I led. I mean come on, who in their right mind would willfully bring a child into this world when the Titans loomed over us supreme? Not me that's for sure, I am not having that on my conscious.
"You may feel differently when your older, your still young." Hange smiled as I pulled my trousers back into place and fastened them. I may young, but after everything this last month, I feel like I have lived a thousand lifetime without peace. Well, that wasn't strictly true, I seemed to have found some small measure of peace in the arms of a cold-eyed killer.
My cold-eyed killer.
"Don't feel it." I laughed humourlessly when suddenly, the pain from my headache grew behind my eyes. Groaning quietly, I pinched the bridge of my nose and rolled my finger and thumb in the hopes of dispelling the headache. This one was lasting a little longer than last time, though not as painful.
"Is something wrong?" Hange queried after clocking the pained expression on my face. May as well get this sorted now, then I can tell the Eren and Armin that it really isn't anything to worry about.
"Actually, yeah." I sighed "It's probably nothing, but I have been getting headaches recently, and they are quite painful."
"May I?" Hange said as she gestured to my head and nodding my consent, I sat down on the examination table so Hange could feel my forehead and take my pulse with her fingers. Smiling to myself, I remembered when Grisha allowed me to practice these standard procedures on him after I had expressed an interest in medicine, the memory bittersweet as it brought both happiness and grief at the same time.
I miss you, Grisha. Everyday.
"Look to your left... to your right.... straight forward." Hange ordered, and I complied "Have you hit your head recently?"
"Not since Trost," I answered. Surely if something was wrong, then Hange would have noticed then when she had patched me up.
"Any changes in your vision?" Hange inquired, and I nodded my head in confirmation.
"Once when the pain was at its worst" I explained. Come to think of it, that was the day Eren had cannibalised himself in the hopes of triggering a Titan transformation and tensions were high all around.
Maybe it's a tension headache?
"Anything else happens when you have these headaches?" Hange asked seriously, and I debated telling her the truth, after all, I didn't want her to worry unnecessarily, but a nagging feeling in the back of my mind was telling me that she needed to know.
"My nose sometimes bleeds" I admitted.
"Hmmm." Hange hummed thoughtfully, and a tiny slither of dread ran down my spine.
What's wrong with me?
"What are you thinking?" I asked worriedly, headaches are headaches but If this was something more than I could be removed from active duty and I couldn't allow that to happen, not when my family were going out beyond the Wall, I had to be with them.
"I'm thinking it's likely just stress" Hange began, and I could sense the but coming "but the nose bleeds suggest a pressure build up in your head which could be due to overexertion. How often is this happening?""
Hange's eyebrows drew together as did another once over the back of my head looking for any injuries and found none, sighing she pulled back and let her hands drop from my scalp as she searched my face with worried eyes.
This is just stress; I shouldn't have said anything.
"It's only just started this last week," I reassured her.
"Then I'm going to say it's down to stress, things have been hectic around here. I recommend doing some stress-relieving exercises in your downtime and make sure you are eating properly; I've noticed you are looking thinner on your face." Hange reprimanded as she pinched my sharp cheekbone to make a point.
It's not that I hadn't noticed that I had lost weight, in fact, the day I had gone to Trost with Levi I had worn my green skirt and had seen then when lacing up the belt that I had dropped weight. At the time, I had put it down to being too busy and always being on the move, but maybe it was stress eating away at me. Guilt gnawed at me then, I had to remedy this, too many people relied upon me being in peak physical condition, I had to do better.
"Thanks, Hange. I will do my best" I promised, and Hange leaned forward with a conspiratorial smile on her face.
"You know there is a certain scary Captain who could help with said stress-relieving exercises if you asked him..." Hange trailed off suggestively as she waggled her eyebrows and heat instantly flushed my face making Hange burst into maniacal laughing.
First Erwin, now Hange. What is with the fascination about my sex life!
Jumping off the examination table, I hastily tucked my shirt back into my trousers and donned my jacket while I made a break for the door before Hange could make any cruder comments.
"Goodbye, Hange!" I threw over my shoulder hastily as the embarrassment settled over me.
"See you tonight, sweetie!" Hange cackled behind me, and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face at the absurdity of it all.