Nialls POV
Around 4 maybe 5 weeks later I was sitting on the couch in Carson's room.They had moved her to her own private room. She still hadn't woken up. The doctors had done tons of tests and said she could wake up any time. Her brain was normal size and she was breathing on her own. The bruises were gone and the cuts healed. She had tiny scaring from the cuts but nothing big. I stayed by her side the whole time.I've been back to the house two times other wise I've been showering and staying in the hospital. I don't like leaving her. I don't want to miss anything that goes on with her. Carson's parents are still here. My mom is here too. She said she wanted to be here. They have barley left the hospital too. We've all basically beens staying here. Management doesn't like it. i've missed a few appearances and so has Carson. I had to make a few calls and tell Tommy what was happening. He told me he couldn't wait forever that he wasn't going to be allowed to but he would try his best. I knew he couldn't wait forever, neither can I. Each day that passes is another that I don't see Carson as she really is. Happy, eyes open, smiling, bright. The way I love her. I'd love her in any state she was in.
The press found out what happened to us. Someone leaked pictures and now I get tons of tweets and calls about Carson's state. I just turned my phone off. The boys tell me that the press asks how I am and how Carson is. Its annoying how they always find everything out. I hate it. The press found out what hospital were in and stays outside waiting for us to come out. The two times I've left I had to use the back down to escape them. I don't want to answer their questions. I've only tweeted once to say thanks for all the support from the fans. And that wasn't even me, Zayn took my phone and posted that for me.
"Niall were going to get you food." Charlie stood to leave with Liam. Everyone else was at the house sleeping probably. It was sometime early in the morning. I don't know really. The sun was coming up. I have't been paying much attention to anything besides Carson. I've been talking to her everyday and trying to do everything I can to help her. Theres noting I can do. I just talk to her and tell her how much I love her everyday. I hope she can hear me. I don't want her to think that she's alone. Shes not. Were all here for her. I keep praying everyday that she'll wake up. I thought she would have by now. But she still lays limp on her bed. Unmoving.
I haven't cried much anymore. I just feel like I can't. Like my body cant produce tears anymore. I feel numb all over. Everything thats happened feels so unreal. It still feels like I should wake up and Carson will be next to me and I'll tell her about my dream and she'll tell me its okay, that it was just a nightmare. But its not a dream, its real and its my life. My own personal hell.
I just look at Charlie standing in the door way. I haven't talked to any of them in days. Maybe around a week or so. I can't remember. I have't even been talking to the doctors. They just give me updates on her. I just listen. The only person I talk to now is Carson.
"Niall?" Liam asked. I just nodded at him and then turned to stare out the window. None of them really understand whats going on in my mind. The guilt and loss I feel. I know Carson's not dead,but..but the babies..they are. And its not fair. Its my fault. Its not all my fault but if I had just been paying more attention I could have avoided all of this. The only reason why I don't want Carson to wake up is that she doesn't have to know about the babies. I don't want her to know. I don't want her to hurt. I know thats going to destroy her. I just hope we can find a way to get over it together.
Theres so much were going to have to do to help each other. I know shes going to need my help and I'll be there for anything she needs. All I can do is hope that she'll wake up soon. I grab her hand and squeeze.
"Hey love. Its been two weeks today that you've been in a coma. It probably doesn't seem like a long time but it seems like its been forever for me. I miss you so much. I can't wait till you wake up. I think we'll go and visit your parents for awhile, we go anywhere you want. Your parents are really nice. They try to help me, but no one really can." I give a small fake kind of laugh. "No one but you. The only thing that can help me is if you wake up. If you just open your eyes and look at me. If you just tell me you love me. I'm still praying. I'll keep pra-" I stop because I swear I felt her hand move when I squeezed it again. I just stare at her and wait for any sign that shes moving. Nothing moves besides her chest from breathing. I look down disappointed. I need to stop doing this to my self. Stop making myself think shes moving when shes not. I get excited then nothing ever comes of it.
"Just please get better soon.I love you." I kiss her hand than stand and hiss her forehead. This time I swear I saw her hand move. I stop. No. I can't get excited. I won't let myself. I turn away from her to look out of the window. I can see people outside with cameras. Stupid Paps. Don't they know this is more to us then some headline story? They just want the latest news. They don't care if shes okay. They don't care if what their doing is just stressing everyone out more. They just care about getting their latest gossip. I shake my head and run my fingers though my hair.
I need to shower and change. I don't like using the hospitals shower but its better than going home and away from Carson. I grab my bag of clothes Liam keeps bringing me and head to the shower with one last look at Carson.
-
After my shower I change and brush through my hair. I look at myself in the mirror and ignore the dark circles under my eyes. I don't sleep much. I just sit awake and starring off into the distance thinking. But when I do sleep i just dream that Carson's fine. I just dream that shes safe and that this never happened. I don't like that and then yet I do. I like it because she seems fine and I miss her being okay. But I don't like it because then I wake up and have to know that shes not okay. I shrug it off and turn to leave the bathroom. I set my bag on the couch and turn toward Carson. Shes still laying there still.
I walk over to her and sit down. I take her hand as I do all the time. I look at her and then I see something I know actually happened. He eye twitched and then I shot straight up, I know I saw that. I know it. Then right before I can yell for the doctor her arm moves. Not just a small movement but it moves from the side of the bed to her head. Then she lets out a moan. I can't move because I'm so shocked. She's moving?! Shes waking up?! Then just as if its a dream her eyes open and she looks around. I move closer to her. She turns her head to me and raises an eye brow.
"Niall." He voice is horse and its barley anything. But I still hear her. I still hear the sweet sound, the sound I've been missing so much. I can't help it. I start crying and I grab her and I hug her.
"Your awake." I sob into her as she confusedly rub my back. I look at her face and kiss it all over. Shes awake! I can see her eyes! I can hear her voice! Shes awake! Shes okay! "Thank you god. Thank you." I cry.
"Whats going on?" She looks around still confused. She looks afraid and I realize how I would be if I were in her position. I calm my tears while I smile at her. This is the first time I've smiled since the crash.
"You..you were in a coma. After the crash you went into a coma." I hug her again. I can't believe it! Everything I've been praying for! Shes awake! The tears fall, but in joy this time.
"Crash?" She asks. Wait...what? Doesn't she remember? I'm just about to ask her when Charlie comes in, "Niall we have yo-. Oh my god! Your awake! Your okay!" Charlie drops something and runs forward crying. Liam is behind her stunned. Carson looks the same way. Shocked and scared. Charlie cries while Carson hugs her as confused as she was when she hugged me. She has to remember the crash right?
"I can't believe your okay. I hopped you would be!" Charlie hugs her.
"I'll..I'll go get a doctor." Liam backs away to the door.
"What happened?" Carson asks raising a hand to her head again.
"You and Niall were in a crash. Don't you remember?"Charlie's the one that looks confused this time.
"No."She says as the doctors rush in. I don't even know what to say. I stand up and Carson watches me the whole time. The doctors start asking her questions and checking her vitals. Her voice is a little horse but otherwise shes okay. I stand back and look at her still slowly crying from being so happy shes awake!
"How did this happen?" She asks the doctors. They look at each other.
"You were in an accident. Do you remember?" One asks. She shakes her head no. I move to the side of her thats not crowed by doctors and she automatically grabs my hand, and I smile at it that its her thats doing it now and not me.
"What's the last thing you remember?"Another doctor asks.
"Getting in the car..no..being in the car driving."She tells them.
"Well miss you were in an accident involving your car and two others. and then rushed here. You have been in a coma for 4 and a half weeks." He tells her. I watch her face as she tries to understand it. I can see her thinking trying to remember, then something in her eyes changes.
"Was everyone else okay?" She asks.
"There was a scare with a younger child involved but the child was saved."
I see her relax then tense up, I knew what she was going to say before she said it, "My babies?" She looks straight at me. My eyes start watering again.
"No...No.." She starts sobbing. I instantly grab her and rock her back and forth trying to sooth her. I knew this would kill her. I wish I could take away this pain. It still hurt me. It killing me.
"It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I hold her trying not to cry for her while I hold her. Shes sobbing so loud. I can feel her pain. Its like I can feel everything she does. I can't stand it. I want to take that pain and make it stop. I want to hurt whoever caused her that and make them feel what she is.
"We'll let you both have a minute." One of the doctors say as they leave. Charlie and Liam follow. Charlie's crying again and I can see Liam has tears in his eyes.I hated that this was effecting everyone! I don't want everyone to be upset.
"Why?" She sobbed into me.
"I don't know. I'm so sorry. They tried, they really did. I watched them take you away. They tried to save them. There was nothing they could do." I hold her head while she cries against my chest. "I'm sorry." I rock her, I don't know what to do.I wanted her to know how sorry I was. I really was. Theres nothing I can do to make the hurt stop. I want to so badly. All I can do is lay there with her and cry. Just cry this horrible thing out together.
-
Carsons POV
This can't be true! It can't! Why?! We did nothing wrong! Those two helpless babies did nothing wrong and now the'll never get a chance to live. Its not fair. We tried to do our best. We were getting every thing worked out. And now I wake up from being in a coma for 4 and a half weeks. I was in a coma. Gone from the world. Niall had to deal with that all alone. I look at him now.
"I'm sorry."I cry.
"For what?" He tries to get out.
"Leaving you all alone." I grab him again and I cry into his chest. I can't help it. Their gone! I'll never get to see them, hold them. I'll never get to see Niall run around a yard somewhere with them. I'll never hear them speak. So many things I'll never get to experience. I wish I could go back and save them. Maybe if we hadn't gotten into the car then. If only one thing could have distracted us. Made us now there at that time.
Now what do we do? I feel this big hole in my chest and it hurts. I feel like I can't breathe. How can they be gone?
"Its not your fault. I'm just so glad your back. I prayed everyday.I never left your side. " He tells me. I look at him and see tears are rolling down his face. The pain in his eyes I can tell is more than he'll ever let on. Mostly for my sake.
"Never?" I look at him shocked. i was in a coma for 4 weeks.
"Only when someone made me." He tells me. "I didn't want you to be alone. I talked to you. I don't know if you could hear me, but I did." He wiping tears off my face now, hearing his words only made me want to cry more. So I did.
"Carson!" I heard someone yell from the hall. It sounded a lot like my mom. Then not two seconds later her and my dad come running through the door. Their faces are shocked and surprised.
"Carson! Oh my baby!" My mother rushes forward and pulls me into a hug. Shes crying and so is my dad. I've only seen him cry twice.
"Mom." I hold her while she cries.
"Your, okay. Oh honey. Its been such a long time." She holds me while we both cry. I see Niall backing away but not leaving. I don't think that he'll be leaving anytime soon. And I don't want him too.
-
Two days later I was still in the hospital. They made me stay so they could run more test and watch me. I was fine. I had a headache and a line of tears that didn't seem to stop, but other wise I was okay. My leg would itch but there was nothing I could really do for that since it had a fat cast on it.
My parents and Niall never leave. Charlie stays almost as much as they do. I even saw Niall's mom. She comes and goes trying to give us privacy. Everyones usually here. Zayn told me thats how it was while I was..asleep. They only left to eat,change, and shower. Other wise everyone was here. That only made me cry more knowing that they all cared that much. I could see Niall, Charlie and my parents doing that but not the rest of them. I knew we all got along and that we all liked each other but I didn't think they'd do that. It just meant a lot to me.
Today was the day that I got to go home. Which was better than being in this hospital any longer. I felt like I was going crazy.
"Are you ready to go home today?" My mother asked while she played with my hair. I just nodded. My head hurt so bad and anytime I tried to move it felt like stabbing pain.
"Why?" I ask my mom for about the 3 millionth time.
"Oh honey, Sometimes these things just happen. I'm so sorry." She replied with the same answer. I try not to let tears fall. I'm tired of crying. I looked over at my side Niall was sleeping. Hes hardly slept any..we'll thats what Charlie told me. Whenever he did sleep Charlie told me he would wake up crying again. She said he barley talked to anyone. I felt horrible that I had left him like that. He had to deal with the loss of the babies and me. Well I didn't die but i was in a coma.
Liam told me that he blames himself for it all. That he thinks he could have saved us all. But theres really nothing that could be done. I wish we could both change it. Make it all right. Make us both happy again.
My mother followed where I was looking, "He is a great guy. Never left your side. Hes strong." My mother said. I looked at her. He really is strong.
"I know this is a horrible time, but we really do approve of him and his asking him to marry you." My father says and it makes my heart stop. I forgot all about that. I was engaged. I lifted up my left hand and noticed the ring was missing. I instantly start freaking out.
"Its, okay. They had to take it off when your fingers swelled." My mother grabs her bag and hands me the ring. I look at it and slide it on my finger. Niall starts to move and make noises. I look over at him and he sits up straight and his eyes fly open. He looks scared. Then his eyes fall on me and I can tell her relaxes.
"Are you okay?"I ask him. He grabs my hand. "Yeah." He starts rubbing circles. His fingers run over the ring and he looks down at it. Then back up at me.
"I think were going to see when their going to let you out of here." My father grabs my moms hand and they leave. I look back over at Niall.
"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"Numb." I tell the truth. He nods. "How about you?" I ask. "Same." He replies.
"What was your dream about?" I ask him.
"What dream?" He tries to play stupid.
"Niall, I saw you wake up looking like someone had just killed your best friend." I stretch my arm and then rub my head.
"They did." He tells me.
"What do you mean?" My heart stops.
"In my dream...you were killed." I just look at him. As I can see tears forming in his eyes.
"Niall." I sit up so I can hug him. "Its okay. I'm sorry. It was just a dream. I'm here. No body is hurting me." I rub his back while he cries whispering in his ear. "I promise. I'm okay."
He pulls away. "I really missed you, you know?" He smiles. I can't help but just smile back at him. "Dido." Then for the first time in a month he leans down and kisses me.
"Can I go home?" I ask. He nods and stands. "I'll be right back." He leaves and then I'm alone. I start thinking of things I probably shouldn't, I start thinking about what the babies would have looked like. Would they have had Niall's eyes? Would they look more like him? More like me? Would they have been identical? Would they both be girls, boys? One of each? What were all the things we could have done together? Of course this just makes tears fall. I try to stop when I hear people coming. I wipe my eyes and then Niall my mom and dad and a few doctors walk in. The doctors don't seem to notice I was crying but Niall and my parents do. They just look at me and Niall gives me a sad smile that I try to return.
"Alright, Miss Carson. Were going to let you go home today. We don't see any reason to keep you any longer. Just take some pain killers for your head and if you experience any dizziness or memory loss more than you have now come back." He writes something on a paper and hands it too me. "Your free to change and then sign your self out on the way out." I nod to him and then sit up and move to the pile of clothes I have ready to go.I have to use crutches to move. Having this I pick them up and go change. I change into them not caring what they are and then look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess and I have a scar on my cheek near my ear that wasn't their before. I don't even care. I could have a fat ugly scar across my cheek and it wouldn't matter to me.
"Carson, honey? Are you okay?" I herd my father nock on the door and ask.
"Yeah," I say as i open the door.
-
"Welcome home!" Louis says giving me an odd smile. I hobble past while Niall tries to help.
"Niall, I'm okay." I try to tell him. I don't mean to be mean hes just hovering.
"Sorry." He backs off. As I try to get upstairs. My parents are close behind us. Everyones talking but I don't listen I just try to get upstairs. I get to the stairs and then I can't get up them. I try to but its to hard and I'm so sore still. So I do the only thing I can. I fall down on the steps and cry. No one sees because I'm hidden by the wall. Niall comes up and then picks me up. I try to stop crying, I've done so much crying. He carries me to our room. When we walk in everything looks so different. It feels different. I don't like it.
He lays me on the bed carefully not to hit my leg. I can't wait to get this stupid cast off. I only have to have it on for about another week. I'm suppose to have it on for 6 weeks and from what I've been told its been 5. Niall sits next to me and I flop backward on the bed. I just lay there. Tears are falling slower and have almost stopped now. Niall wraps his hand in mine. I look down at our intwined fingers. I suddenly think of how lucky I got. He didn't get seriously hurt.
"I'm glad your okay." I tell him as he lays down.
"I'm fine."I can tell he doesn't get what way I'm saying.
"I mean, in the accident." He nods.
"Me too. I'm just glad your better. " He tells me. I nod and try and move further up the bed. He helps me as Louis comes in and says that they need his help. He leaves promising me he'll be right back. I just nod and lay down. I pull off my shoes and then pull the blanket up. I just lay there starring out the window. I could see a few rain drops start hitting the window. I let out a a few tears as the rain starts covering the window.
I know I didn't get a long time to think about them. But I had enough to know that my life would be changed and I had excepted that change. I know I didn't really get to feel them but because I knew they were there and now I know they're not I feel so empty. So alone. I feel like all I have is tears and emptiness. I know I have Niall,but hes already gone through so much. So I lay there alone and cry.
I start hiccuping from crying. Then I hear the door open. I don't care who it is, i stay crying. I don't care. Then after the bed shifts some and a hand snakes around my side. I know its Niall. Two seconds later I get the familiar scent of Niall. Its warm and comforting. I lay there while is presences calms me. Then before I know it, my eyes get heavy and I close my eyes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey guys so I've been thinking about where I'm going with this book a lot lately. And I have thee perfect way this is going to happen. Some of you will probably hate me. But it has to happen. I'm sorry.
So its official I will be writing another book. Woot!:D Whenever I'm not writing im like ehh I need to write.
So yesterday Makaylas mom took a bunch of us too see paranormal activity and lets just say......I said I almost pooped my pants and a guy behind us laughed. Yeah its really scary and the way it ended they better have another one. And the guy that was in it was sooo cute! And the little boy was adorable.
Enjoy the update!
Xx-alyssa