I woke up, checking my phone to see 3 missed calls, 6 whatsapps and 4 snapchats, but none of them were from him.
That's how it's been for the past week. He hadn't attempted to contact me once, and I certainly wasn't going to do it first. It hurt knowing he didn't even care enough to try and patch things up.
I sigh, running my hand through my hair as I sat up. The week had flown by, school was in 3 days, and I was proud to say that I had actually stayed in most of the time and done work. Today was Halloween, and I definitely had to go out since the last time I actually went out was Monday.
I got up and firstly went into Jayden's room, I frown as I realise his bed wasn't slept in which means he didn't come home last night. He had been out nearly every day, and came home at disgusting hours which caused arguments between him and my parents.
After eating, and lazing around in my front room for a few hours, I call Nia.
'You GHOST!' She answers causing me to laugh. 'Nah, it aint even funny Jayda, you ghosted on us.'
'Sorry, I'm back now, be happy.'
'Tru, how's your week been then fatty?'
'Dead, but I've done so much work. What is the motive for tonight, it is a must.'
'Well, I think that boy Akim, is having a little gathering at his house. Just a casjj one.'
'Argh, but he's so irritating.' I groan.
'I know, but us lot are going I think.'
'Who's us lot?'
'Um, me, Keiara, Nia, Princess, Michael, Corahn, JJ and Dontae.'
'Oh.' My face drops at the mention of his name. 'Don't even know if I can be bothered to be honest.'
'No! Jayda, don't you dare. Just cos you had a tiff doesn't mean you can't come out with us.' She tuts. I chuckle slightly.
'Am I that obvious?'
'Yes! Now, I'll come yours in a bit just to make sure you come.'
'Ahh, I will man.' I protest.
'Nah, nah. And what happened with you and Sophie?'
'What do you mean?'
'She's been mentioning your name, a lot. To other people, but you know how people can stir and that.'
'Mentioning my name, how?' I ask confused.
'Well...' Nia hesitates. 'Apparently, yeah, she's been saying to people how you're not a realist, you focus more on your latest man, then your friends. You're a hoe, blah blah.'
'What the hell?' I say astonished.
'I know. And I would say people are just making stuff up, but I've heard her chatting your name.' I sigh and shake my head.
'I don't understand why she would start bitching. I can't even remember the last time I spoke to her.' The only time I recall, is when she attempted to speak to me after me and Dontae's argument, and obviously I was pissed off. How petty.
'Whatever, there's murmurs she's a hoe anyways. And she don't even jam with us lot, probably been chatting about all of us. Forget about it, she aint important.'
'Tru.' I nod, agreeing.
At 4 Nia came to my house as we got ready for Akim's little gathering. It was apparently a littlee drink-up. I don't even want to drink alcohol after my birthday to be honest.
'Wear this man.' Nia says holding up a black bodycon dress.
'No, I'm wearing this.' I say pointing to the outfit on my bed that consisted of a burgundy crop top, grey acid-wash high-waisted jeans with slits and my chunky, cut-out boots. She huffs in annoyance and continues straightening my hair. The gathering started at 5.30, which is when Nia had finished my hair. We still had make-up, and actually getting dressed to do.
By 6.30, we were ready.
'How we getting there?' I ask.
'Bus.' Nia replies in a duh tone. I groan and pack my essentials in a bag. Nia looked nice in a white crop top that had mesh, and a white skirt with white gladiator boots. 'Jayden isn't answering my calls.' She frowns. I call him, and he doesn't answer either.
'He's probably there already.' I shrug. She nods and we leave my house. As we walked up to Akim's house, which was acutally quite nice, we heard loud music. We knocked on the door and Akim answered, with a wide grin.
'Ladies.' He says, about to pull Nia in for a hug but she stops him.
'I actually turned up here, don't push it.' She pushes him away by his chest. He turns to me, with outstretched arms. I coo at his cute facial expression and roll my eyes, stepping into his embrace.
'Akim man!' I say pushing him away when his hands wander down to my bum. He chuckles, holding his hands up in surrender and lets us in.
'Who's here?' Nia asks.
'Um, couple g's, couple bitches.' He shrugs. I roll my eyes as we go into the front room. Danny Glover Remix by Young Thug was playing in the background as people sat and conversed with red plastic cups. There was nibbles on the tables, and a few Halloween decorations posted around walls, and ceilings.
'Jaaaaaaaayda!' Princess squeals. I grin as I hug her. 'Peng peng.' She says touching my hair.
'Thanks.' I say as I go to sit with her, Keiara and Michael. I couldn't help the sad feeling when I realised Dontae wasn't here. Corahn and Jayden were also absent, which was suspicious.
Akim introduced us to some people and we bussed jokes with them. They were quite a live group.
'Jayden aint even here yet, do you know where Dontae is?' Nia shouts in my ear. I shake my head, with a confused look. It was about 10 now, the music had been turned up and most of us were dancing. If Jayden wasn't home, he would've been here by now, right?
'I'm gonna go call him.' She says befor venturing outside. A sickly feeling entered my gut, and I couldn't shake it. I had a weird feeling, not bad or good, just weird. I thought it was because I was hot, due to all the body heat in this room so I left, and went to the kitchen to get some water.
Even after drinking the water, the feeling didn't leave me. I decided to go outside for some fresh air and saw a few people chilling. I smiled at Marco, Jason and Trey before sitting on the wall by myself. The vibration of my phone startled me.
My heart beat accelerated when his name flashed across my screen. I bit lip wondering whether I should answer it or not, seeing as it's taken a week for him to actually contact me. I ended up answering, concluding I missed the sound of his voice.
'Jayda.' He breathes out after some silence. 'Didn't think you would answer.'
'Mm.' I say abruptly, although I just wanted to tell him how much I missed him.
'Listen, I don't have a lot of time.'
'What? What do you mean a lot of time?' I cut him off, feeling confused as the sick feeling entered my gut again.
'Listen.' He snaps. 'I'm sorry for what I said, I can't even remember what it was. I know I was a major prick, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I love you man, you mean so much to me, and it pissed me off knowing I hurt you. And I'm sorry I haven't called or seen you in a bit but I knew it would just make everything harder.' He breathes in. I take in the background noises, which was echoey and silent. 'I'm going away for a bit Jayda.'
'What? W-Where are you going? Tae, what have you done?' I ask feeling confused.
'I love you, you know that? You know how much you mean to me. And I'm sorry Jay, I'm sorry for hurting you. Don't be angry at me. You know I didn't mean it, right?' He ignores all my questions.
'Dontae, you're scaring me.' I whisper, with tears in my eyes. 'Where are you going? Just come to Akim's and, and we can talk.'
'I can't b. I had to do something, so I can't see you for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back but I promise I'll make it up to you when I do come back, I swear. I love you.' That was the third time he told me that in this conversation.
'I-I love you too Tae.' I whisper, feeling the tears surface. 'But what about school? And Auntie Janet and Amari? What about me?'
'It'll be fine, beautiful. I've gotta go Jay. I'll see you soon. I love you.' He says hurriedly.
'Wait, Tae! Dontae? Dontae?' But the line was cut off. I refused to let my tears fall as I try to call back again, and again getting the same response; voicemail. I felt like there was a hand around my heart, slowly squeezing until there was no oxygen left.
He's gone?
He's just gone?
Where?
Why?
'Jayda, you alright?' Trey says jogging over to where I was. I nod, wiping my face.
'H-Have you seen Jayden?' I ask, my voice trembling. He shakes his head, with a concerned look. 'What about Tae? Have you seen him today?'
'Nah, not this whole week. Thought he would've come tonight though.' I nod and walk away from him.
'Wait, where you going?' He shouts.
'Home.'
'By yourself? Where's Nia and them?' He was by my side again, in an instant.
'She's having fun, I don't want to spoil her mood. I just wanna go home.'
'It's late, at least let me take you.' He replies, attempting to keep up with my fast pace.
'It's fine, really. Go back to your friends.'
'Nah, I know Dontae wouldn't forgive me if he knew I had let you go home by myself late at night.' Just mentioning his name caused a flood of emotions to run through me. I bit my lip, trying not to cry.
'Alright.' I sigh. The journey was silent as a million questions whizzed around my head. Where had he gone? Was he in some sort of trouble? Why? Why had he waited till the last minute to tell me?
'Thank you Trey.' I say when we get to my house.
'It's alright. And don't worry, I'm sure you and Dontae will make up soon.' He gives me small smile. I smile back sadly and nod, stepping into my house.
That night, after trying to call Dontae multiple times, I cried myself to sleep.
*
It's been a month. No one's heard from him, for a whole month. The first two weeks, I cried a lot. I just missed him, all the little things like his voice, his smell, his laugh, his smile, his eyes, his lips, his crude jokes, just everything. Some nights, I would re-read our conversations and end up crying. Then after that, I got angry. First at myself, for actually allowing myself to cry over a boy. Then at him, how dare he.
I was so angry at him. He had left me. He had done whatever stupid thing it was, and left me. He didn't see me that whole week, and called me the day he was going. And for that, I hate him. He's hurt me.
Jayden had also disappeared for two weeks, which left my parents sick with worry especially after the Jaydene thing. He came back, with a shit excuse 'I needed to clear my mind', I knew he was with Dontae but he wouldn't tell me anything. So I refused to talk to him, for two weeks now.
I was so angry at both of them, for getting themselves in a situation that required them to 'disappear'. They're both stupid, and right now I can't stand them.
'Jayda? The answer?' The teacher asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I shrug, not even looking up at the board as my head rested on the table. I felt his eyes on me, and heard him sigh before asking someone else.
'Jayda, stay behind please.' Sir says as I was about to leave. He waited for all the students to go before looking at me. I glance at him as he was silent for a while.
'What's going on?' He asks in that patronising voice. I roll my eyes.
'Nothing.'
'We know Dontae's absence has had an impact on you, since you two were very close but don't let it affect your education.' He says soothingly, sounding sympathetic. That's one thing I hated. Nearly everyone spoke or looked at me with sympathetic, or pitiful looks. It was beyond annoying.
'It's not.' I reply.
'I don't want to see you throw your education away, just because Dontae is.' I tut and give him a look.
'I'm not throwing anything away, Sir.' I say abruptly.
'If you need to talk, the pastoral care team is available. Don't bottle it up, and lose focus on your education. You're a straight-A student Jayda, and GCSEs are right around the corner.'
'I know Sir.' I sigh. 'Can I go now?' He looks at me and sighs before dismissing me. I left, not wanting to go to the canteen with everyone. They were treading on eggshells around me, and were always giving me sympathetic, or sad looks. I hated it.
I went to the library and sat in a secluded corner, just staring into the distance.
'Excuse me?' I heard a gruff voice. I ignore it, not bothered to make conversation. 'Oi.' They say again. I kiss my teeth, sitting up to look at them. It was a sixth form boy. They usually stayed in their section of the building as we didn't merge.
'What?' I say with attitude.
'Swear this is sixth form library?' He asks. I scrutinise him, figuring he must be new.
'No, obviously not.'
'Aight, mind the attitude.' He says sitting opposite me.
'Why are you in here? Sixth form block is on the other side of this building.'
'I can't find it init.'
'Oh.'
'And I thought a nice person would offer to show me, but una.' He says sarcastically. I give him a fake smile, resting my head on the table again.
'What's wrong with you then?' He asks. I sigh deeply. Why is he talking to me?
'I have a headache.' I lie.
'Oh skeen. Boy troubles?' I sit up to look at him.
'How does a headache correlate with boy problems?'
'Boys cause headaches init.' He shrugs. 'So come on, tell me.' He grins, rubbing his hands together.
'Why, so you can chat about me?' I eye him suspisciously. He lets out a loud laugh.
'No offence, but why would I care to spread your business? I don't even know your name, who am I gonna chat to about you?' I eye him again and sigh, telling him basically everything. Don't ask me why, I don't even know myself.
'You seem to calm man. Haven't you cried or anything?'
'I did. Guess I'm all cried out. I just thought, if he can leave me knowing how much it's going to hurt me then...' I shrug, not knowing exactly how I feel.
'You don't hate him, you're just angry. Maybe he's protecting you by not telling you.'
'But no calls, or texts or anything? I feel like he's dead. No one tells me anything, and everyone is basically treating me like he's died. Even the teachers.'
'I get you, it's gonna affect you. But don't let it control your life. Yeah, he's gone but don't let it depress you, and lose focus on school and that. He will be back to grovel, but until then live life. You ain't even done GCSEs, don't let a boy make you cry already.' He says wisely, making me think. 'And don't push others away. I'm sure your friends wanna help and comfort you so let them. And forgive your brother man. He's your twin. God forbid, suttin happened and your last conversation was an argument, you'll never forgive yourself, trust me.'
'Thanks Dr Phil.' I say causing him to laugh, and me to smile.
'Finally!' He exclaims, I give him a confused look, 'A smile!' I laugh and tut. 'And a laugh, rah.'
'So do you just go around giving boyfriend advice?' I ask.
'Nah, not looking to make it my 9-5.' He shakes his head. 'Do you miss him?' He asks throwing me off guard. I think.
'A lot, too much even.' I say quietly. He roughly rubs my shoulder, trying to be comforting but it just hurts so I push his hand away, causing him to laugh.
'You'll be fine man. Sound like you're in love.'
'Don't think I'm in love yet mate, I'm still a beby girl.' He laughs.
'What's your name?' He asks.
'Jayda, yours?'
'You can call me Love Guru.'
'Alright, Jerome.'
'What? How the fuck do you know my name?!' I laugh and point to his sixth form ID card hanging around his neck. He chuckles, and nods feeling stupid.
'Anyway, break is over but thank you Jez.' I smile brightly, as he had actually lifted my mood. I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder. He stood up too, giving me a toothy grin.
'No problem Ja'ratchet. Hit me up sometime, yeah?' He pulls me in for a hug. I screw up my face.
'Jar'atchet?' I ask, pulling away.
'Yeah, thought we were giving each other ugly nicknames?'
'Hah, stand-up comedian.' I roll my eyes. 'Bye Jez.' I say before exiting the library, throwing up my middle finger at him.
As I walked to my next lesson I saw Sophie, with a bunch of girls. She screwed me, flicking her hair over her shoulder. I sigh, stopping in front of her.
'What's the problem Sophie?' I ask.
'Why you talking to her like she's simple. She's taking the piss Sophs.' A girl says. I roll my eyes, not even acknowledging the shit stirrer.
'What do you mean?' Sophie says, venom dripped on her words.
'I don't know what your problem is with me. And it's sad because I actually labelled you as one of my close ones. But if "my close one" can't even come to me to address an issue they have with me, yet they want to chat shit about me, then it just shows I should be careful with who I give that label to.' I say as calmly as possible. 'You're not a little kid, you're in year 11, not 7. So when you want to act mature then hopefully, you can come tell me what I've done to make you act like such a basic bitch.' I walk away, not hearing a response.
It felt good to get that off my chest. I was tired of hearing my name in her mouth constantly.
'Bae.' Aliyah says putting her arms over my shoulders. I turn around, pecking her cheek.
'Hello love.' I reply.
'You're cheery. Did he... text?' She asks hesitantly. I smile and shake my head.
'Just got a reality check.' I nod slowly. She looks at me confused then just shrugs. 'One second.' I say as I spot Jayden. I go up to him and quickly hug him, stunning him.
'Wha...?' He asks in confusion.
'Don't piss me off again Mut.' I warn. He nods quickly, giving me a tight hug.
'Sorry. He'll be back soon Nut.' He says soothingly into my ear. I nod, pulling away with a smile before going back to Aliyah.
'You're talking?' She asks in shock.
'He's my twin. Can't be holding grudges.' I shrug
'Good! So, how you holding up?' Aliyah asks.
'Life goes on, right?' She looks stunned at my response, as I've been so closed recently.
'Yeah... I guess.'
*
Christmas was already here. The month had flown by. I had done my mocks, applied for my sixth form colleges, and was now heavily revising.
54 days.
I would say each day got easier without him here, but I would be lying. It was gradually getting harder. I honestly didn't know whether to believe he was dead, or never coming back.
Jayden had convinced Auntie Janet not to report him missing. It was probably because it was the police he was hiding from.
I had decided the only way not to let it affect me, was to forget. So I simply put it to the back of my mind. Which helped..for a bit.
I think the hardest day was our anniversary. Even thinking back to it makes me want to cry.
*
I woke up, and picked up my phone. The 8th of December. 1 whole year, wow. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw a text from an unknown number. My heart raced as I read the words.
Happy anniversary beautiful, I love you.
From: 074.......
I re-read it over and over again. It was sent exactly at midnight, and it was 6am now. I quickly called the number with shaky fingers. The line rang for one second then went to voicemail. 'I'm sorry, we are unable to connect your call right now. Please try again later.' Each time I called back that electronic voice would play.
I got up, feeling even more depressed at the fact it was Monday, and I had to go through the day of my anniversary without my boyfriend.
The school day dragged and, when I reached home I was in a terrible mood. At around 5pm, my doorbell rang. I frown, going downstairs to answer it. A boy in all black stood there, holding a box. He scanned me, head to toe before thrusting the box into my hands. I frown.
'Sorry, who are you? What's this?' I ask. He gives me a nod before walking away, without a word. 'Hello?' I shout after him, but he doesn't even turn around. I shut my door in confusion staring at the neatly wrapped box.
I cautiously opened it to see a pretty necklace, and a little card. I pick up the jewel-encrusted necklace, holding it delicately as it looked expensive. I looked at the crown charm, and engraved on the back was 'J&D' with the infinity symbol. Tears came into my eyes and I picked up the little card.
I read each word slowly. 'For my queen... I love you till the end'
There was no indication who it was from, but I recognised his handwriting. I put it around my neck, and held onto the crown charm.
'I love you too.' I mutter
*.
It was Christmas Eve, and I was at our traditional party, being hosted at Nia's.
'Cheer up man! It's Christmas!' Nia's cousin screams. I screw him, holding onto Rashaon who was playng with my phone on my lap.
'Am I not with my bae?' I say causing him to laugh. Since it was at Nia's, there was more of her family here than mine and even more than Dontae's.
'Skeen. Sad yout, spending Christmas with a two year old. Can't you get a man your age?'
'Shut up. Who says I don't have a man?' I retaliate with narrowed eyes.
'Where is he then?' He scoffs. As I was about to reply, my mouth stopped. I had to gulp down my tears. 'Huh? That's what I thought.' He persists with furrowed eyebrows.
'I don't know man, shut up.' I say trying to dismiss the conversation.
'What? You don't know where your man is?' He repeats slowly. Nia came into the room, catching drift of the convo.
'Shut up Nathan! Get out man. You have such a big mouth!' She shouts at him. He looks taken aback, and clutches his chest.
'Nigga damn.' He says in an accent. I couldn't help laughing, which immediately made me forget.
'Have you seen that vine?' I ask. 'A potato flew around my room...' I sing, and they join in. We all laugh, joking about funny vine sayins.
'Rashaon, what's 9 plus 10?' Nathan asks. Rashaon looks up at the mention of his name and stares.
'Yes.' He says after 1 minute of silence. We all laugh loudly. He had said 'yes' like it was the answer to the question.
'Aww, I love you man.' I say hugging him. He grins.
'Lub you too.' He plants a kiss on my cheek.
'What about me Ray?' Nia says. Rashaon gives her a dirty look before dismissing her. I burst out laughing. 'Watch. I'm gonna cut your hair off when you're sleeping.' Nia warns.
Rashaon screams, about to cry.
'Sor! Sor! Lub you!' He runs off my lap into her arms. I shake my head, laughing at her content smile.
After playing some games with everyone downstairs, I was lying on Nia's bed on my phone as Rashaon slept on me.
I was looking through my pictures, tryna find a picture to send to Keiara, when I came across the stupid album Dontae had made. It was a load of pictures of us, mainly him. I smiled faintly as I looked through his stupid selfies. Each one made me miss him even more.
This time a year ago we were in Jay's old bedroom messing around. A whole year we had been together, and he had been gone nearly 2 months of that. With one text, that I'm not even sure was from him.
At around 11pm, we left Nia's to go home as we were all knackered.
'Good night.' I mutter trailing upstairs as soon as we got home. I quickly got ready for bed yawning. I smile as I read Michael's whatsapp. He's a weird little boy, but he was also very funny.
As I got into my bed, a private number called me. I roll my eyes and answer, thinking it was Michael.
'Go away Michael. You're a weird child.' I say. 'Hello?' I ask after no response.
'I've missed your voice man.' I froze at the sound of his familiar voice. I licked my lips, not knowing how to respond. 'How you been Jay?'
'Are you serious?' I found my voice. 'How have I been? You want to know how I've been coping with your sudden disappearance? Just fine.' I reply sarcastically.
'I'm sorry Jayda. I really am.'
'But you're not though. 2 months Dontae. It's not just me, Auntie Janet has been worried sick. Amari misses you so much Dontae. But you don't care, you just left everyone who cares about you.'
'I left to protect you.' He says in a soft voice. 'I miss you man. Did you get my present?' My hand immediately wraps around the necklace around my neck.
'Yeah. When are you coming back?' I say refusing to show how much his words were affecting me.
'Soon.' He says. I don't answer his vague reply. 'Do you hate me?'
'Yes.' I say sternly causing him to chuckle, which instantly brought a smile to my face. I missed his laugh. As soon as I realised I was smiling, I stopped.
'I promise I'll make it up to you.' I scoff loudly.
'Why haven't you called? Or texted?'
'It's too risky.' He sighs. 'I don't wanna be traced and that.'
'I thought you were dead.' I admit quietly.
'Never that Jayda. I wouldn't leave you like that.'
'But you did. You did leave me.' I say sharply. He sighs.
'Yeah, I'm coming. One sec.' He says to someone in the background. 'I need to go in a minute.' My heart dropped.
'Oh...'
'Merry Christmas, yeah? Have a good day, alright? I'll bring you a present.'
'Yeah.'
'Alright, I got to go. I love you.'
'Sure you do, that's why you left.'
'That's exactly the reason. I love you, see you soon.' The line cut off, not giving me a chance to say anything.
I was so frustrated that I hadn't said what I had planned, if he ever called. I was gonna shout, tell him he's not worth shit but the sound of his voice made me forget. Despite my angriness, I still replied as I heard the three beeps, indicating the call was over.
'I love you too.' I whisper, still clutching my phone.
-
Hey guys, uploaded againnnn, even though it's quite short.
skipped time quite a bit, so let me know if you're confused x
enjoyy