*SURPRISE SURPRISE*
"I needed to be safe, not stronger..."
– Nautica
❀❀❀
~ D O R O T H Y ~
January 1998
"I love you," Reece says.
He...
Loves me...?
"More than anything or anyone," he continues. "I didn't dream of our reunion for so long just so that you can leave me forever. I didn't fight to live just so that you can give up on living. I didn't fall in love with you just so that I can be deprived of the chance to express my love for you."
The way he is with his words...
The way he is watching me...
Gosh, my heart feels like it can burst any second.
Reece Walker loves me.
Immediately, the darkness that has besieged me begins to diffuse away, paving way for hope.
Hope that I can experience happiness, though most likely not on my own.
"I only ask that you don't leave me, Dorothy," he says. "Please don't leave me, because I won't ever forgive myself if I lose you."
A lump grows in my throat as realisation of the consequences of my reckless action hits me.
What have I done?
If Reece hadn't stopped me, what would have happened to him? To mother and Sister Alexa? To my friends?
I'm stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!
Reece then hugs me, startling me. He holds onto me as if he's afraid I'd disappear any moment, desperate.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone," he whispers.
I slowly return his hug while nuzzling into the crook of his neck, remorseful.
"It's not your fault, Reece," I breathe, with my lips trembling. "I'm sorry for doing this. I-I don't know what came over me. I... I just lost myself in my thoughts..."
As we hold each other, I cannot help but burst into tears for the millionth time tonight. I can't believe that I did this to myself. I had never acted so recklessly and selfishly.
But then... I was nearly...
I shudder, not daring to complete that sentence.
...Can my life get any worse than this?
Well, given how I'm a human magnet for the worst of lucks, it can.
When I was sitting in the bathtub, possessed by despair, I wanted to disappear before the worst could come and irrevocably destroy me. I mean, why would I want to continue to stick around for the inevitable? I have suffered far too much already, way past the limit of my tolerance.
When Reece hesitantly lets me go, he gently holds onto my arms, examining them. He watches them as if his most valuable possession has been damaged.
You're my everything, Dorothy...
...I guess that explains why.
I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath in. I try to remember the way Reece looked at me as we danced in the rain together. How it was freezing, but his eyes held so much warmth that the cold did not bother me. I'd do anything for him to look at me like that instead.
"The cuts are not serious," Reece says, catching my attention. "I'll clean your arms."
He then closes the tap, unplugs the bathtub and runs the shower. Carefully, he rinses off the blood stains from my arms. After he helps me sit up, he ensures that my body is covered from the back by bringing a towel larger than the one he brought me initially and securing it tightly at the front of my body.
If I were not so emotionally drained and physically exhausted, I would have felt extremely uncomfortable – horrified, even – with being in the same room as him with my body so exposed. But thankfully, his eyes has not wandered to my body once and his hands have never touched me inappropriately. Since we left Nolan's party, he could have taken advantage of my vulnerability.
But he hasn't.
He solely focused on treating my wounds.
At that, I cannot help but feel my respect for him and trust in him grow.
Reece then scoops me up and carries me to my bedroom, where he helps me sit on my bed. He pulls out a packet of plasters from the First Aid Kit and begins to apply the plasters over the cuts on my forearms. After that, he pulls out a long dress from my cupboard and helps me stand so that I can put it on, looking away when I remove the towel.
I love you.
More than anything or anyone.
As his words go on repeat in my head, my cheeks warm up.
"Dorothy," Reece says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Are you hungry?"
The thought of eating is not appealing me, so I shake my head.
"At least have a little snack. You need to have ibuprofen before you sleep and you can't have that with an empty stomach."
"I'm not in much pain."
"The effects of the ibuprofen will wear off," he says. "How about cookies?"
I slowly nod, making him smile again. When he returns with a packet of cookies, he hands me one. After forcing myself to swallow two bites, I leave the remainder on my bedside table. Reece then hands me two pills and a glass of water.
"You need to sleep," he says after I consume the medication.
He stands up.
"Don't go," I whisper.
"I won't. I'll be in the guest room tonight."
Pursing my lips, I nod before I lie down. He tucks me under the blanket before he switches the lights off.
"Goodnight," he says.
"Goodnight," I whisper.
There is silence, except for the ticking of the clock on my wall. An hour flies by and I still can't sleep. I keep shuffling with my mind filled with thoughts.
Dark thoughts.
Tick... Tick... Tick...
I try to ignore the loud thoughts so that I can fall asleep.
Tick... Tick... Tick...
Another hour flies by.
And another.
Tick... Tick... Tick...
I still struggle to fall asleep. Exasperated, I unwillingly allow my thoughts to consume my mind. Images of Jared's face flash in my head. The lingering feeling of his intrusive hands on my body forces my eyes to snap open.
It's as if his disgusting touches are imprinted on my body like tattoos.
Gasping, I sit up before I wince at the sharp pain piercing through my stomach. Switching my bedside lamp on, I glance at my forearms before I grab onto my head, digging my nails into my scalp. God, it feels so hard to breathe right now. It takes every ounce of my energy to stay sane and not allow the dark thoughts to consume my timid being.
"C-Calm down, Dorothy," I murmur, taking deep breaths to tame my thumping heart. "Breathe. You just h-have to b-breathe."
But alas, it is to no avail.
I need to get out of here and find a distraction.
Reece.
I need Reece.
So, I get out of my bed and limp my way towards the guest bedroom. When I stand at the doorway, pressing my left hand against the wall for support, I hear shuffling from the bed before a lamp is switched on.
Reece is sitting up on his bed, staring at me with wide eyes. He immediately gets out of bed, with his dark grey shirt creased. His face is pale, his eyes appear to be weighed down by the bags underneath and strands of his dark hair are sticking out in random directions.
And what's worse is that I am the reason why he looks so dishevelled.
"Dorothy," he says, concern laced in his tone. "What's wrong?"
What do I say to him?
That I need you?
That for some unknown reason, I want you to be with me all the time because I crave your presence?
That I want to drown myself in your scent?
Good Lord, what has gotten into me?
I sound so desperate and pathetic.
"I don't want to be alone," I decide to say.
I may sound confident, but inside, I feel extremely embarrassed. My breath hitches when he, unexpectedly, approaches me and cups my face with his big hands. His warm brown eyes stare into my own, making the butterflies in my stomach erupt and go into a frenzy.
Gosh...
His effect on me is so great that it obliterates the ache in my body and the whirlwind of anguish looming in my heart. My mind is now filled with him, instead of the horrible thoughts.
"You're not alone. I'm here," he whispers.
Why don't you get it, idiot?
I want you to stay by my side.
I would never have imagined in a million years that I would want Reece Walker to be with me, especially for the night. It just doesn't agree with my principles. Yet, my heart is yearning for him so much that I have no choice but to acquiesce to its demand.
"I don't want to be alone," I repeat, staring at him pleadingly.
He furrows his eyebrows until realisation crosses his features.
"Dorothy, I... Are you sure?" he asks.
I nod slowly, continuing to look at him.
He nods and then picks me up, taking me by surprise. I may appear calm and composed to him, but on the inside, I am in a state of frenzy. My lungs apparently forget to function as he carries me to his bed and carefully lies me down. I lay still while he switches the lamp off, gets under the covers and lies down next to me, ensuring that there is a at least a foot distance between us.
A minute of silence goes by...
We continue to lie down, feeling awkward, at least from my end.
Another minute goes by...
And another one...
Oh heck with it!
My body shifts closer to him and I drape my right arm over his frame. His body goes rigid at my sudden gesture.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper. "But just for tonight, can I hold you? After that, I promise I'll try to face it better."
"Dorothy," he whispers back, enveloping me in his arms. "Even if you had said forever, I would have allowed it."
Relieved and reassured, I nuzzle my face into his chest, inhaling his addicting scent as he rests his chin on my head. The way he is holding me seems to drown out Jared's repulsive touches. Such purging effect is exactly what I need. With my body now calm and my mind filled with Reece, I slowly close my eyes, feeling safe and warm.
Sleep finally takes over me as I snuggle closely to the source of such comfort.
***
It is unusually warm as I slowly wake up. But not the unpleasant kind that makes one sweat or feel feverish. Instead, given that the source of the warmth is next to me, it arouses a sense of comfort and security. When my view comes into focus, I see Reece Walker's face, merely inches away from my own, and notice that his arm is wrapped around my waist.
With wide eyes, I try to pull myself away from him, as confusion and panic strike me. But when a familiar sharp pain pierces through my stomach, the full realisation of last night's events hits me hard. My body slumps as my vision blurs.
Oh gosh.
It actually happened...
It really does hit harder the next day.
I face the sleeping Reece.
I love you.
More than anything or anyone.
Did he really mean it? Or was it just a spur of the moment?
I'm not sure.
But what I do know is that Reece now holds a special place in my heart.
I cannot help but marvel at his face. How his enviable long lashes cast a shadow underneath his eyes. How his jaw is so well-defined that it seems to have been sculpted by a prodigious artist. How strands of his dark hair spill over his forehead, partially covering his eyes.
Without thinking, I lift my right hand and brush his hair away from his forehead, smiling with adoration. I would never have thought that he would turn out to be this handsome. Then, my hand rests on his cheek with my thumb gently caressing it. I can feel the slight stubble, mesmerised.
He saved me.
No one has saved me before, except Sister Alexa and...
An image of a young ginger-haired girl comes into my mind and grief immediately consumes me.
Bonnie.
Reece furrows his eyebrows before he opens his eyes slowly.
"Dorothy," he says huskily, watching me in a daze.
At the sight of him, I forget to breathe. It's when his hand caresses my face that he blinks a couple of times, as if he is snapping out of a reverie. With wide eyes, he immediately retracts his hand from my face. Blushing fiercely, I move away from him, but as I do so, I wince and he notices it.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, cupping my face and looking at me worriedly.
"I... I..."
"Hmm?"
Suddenly, my stomach growls loudly. I grab the duvet and cover my face with it. I have never ever been this embarrassed before. Reece chuckles lightly, shaking his head. He props himself up on his elbows and pulls the duvet away from my face.
"Lets get you fed," he says, smiling warmly at me. "I can carry you downstai–"
"N-No!!" I say, a bit too loudly for my liking. "I mean, I can get down on my own."
"You sure?"
"Yes," I say, getting up and ignoring the dull ache all over my body.
But when I stand up, Reece gets out of bed and offers to act as my support anyway.
"Thank you," I mumble, putting my arm around him.
After I put on a cardigan, Reece and I head to the kitchen, where Reece helps me sit down on a chair.
"So what do you want for breakfast?" he asks.
"I honestly don't feel like eating," I say, ignoring my growling stomach's pleas.
He places his hands on his hip, as he looks at me seriously.
"That's a problem," he says.
"What do you mean?"
"The Dorothy Sherman I know never says no to food."
"Well, this Dorothy Sherman has had enough," I say, looking away.
He sits on a chair next to mine and rests his hands over mine, staring at me intensely.
"We can report them."
"Just so that the whole world can know what happened?" I say, looking at him.
I am scared.
I am ashamed.
I just want to have a normal life without having to be pitied, criticised and centre of attention.
"I swear, if your party is like Damien and Nolan's, I'm boycotting it," I begin to rant. "Geez, why can't you guys just have a simple party? Invite your friends, eat cake, sing songs and play harmless games. Simple."
"Don't worry. I don't celebrate my birthdays," he says, leaning back and still looking at me.
"Actually..." I say, furrowing my eyebrows. "Jenny and Damien were telling me about that. How come you don't celebrate?"
He shrugs.
"Well?" I push.
"We can discuss it another time."
"The more you try to evade it, the more curious I get. Tell me."
"I..."
"Go on."
"Fine. It was on my birthday when you told me that you were leaving me," he reveals.
"What?" I whisper in shock.
Is he serious...?
What?
"Yes, adding 1 to my age is something that I should be celebrating about, but the way I see it, I'd also be celebrating the day you announced your departure," he explains, leaning closer to me. "And your departure is nothing to celebrate about."
I can't believe this...
I ruined his 11th birthday and all of his subsequent birthdays.
I feel guilty.
"Reece... If I had known... I wouldn't have ever told you on your birthday... I'm so sorry, Reece."
"No, don't apologise," he says. "It's alright, seriously. I didn't miss out much. Besides, I don't think my party would have been fun without you in it. So what's the point of holding it anyway?"
"Did I really mean that much to you?" I ask without thinking.
He cups the left side of my face and his thumb caresses my cheek. At his gentle touch, pleasant shivers shoot through me like electricity.
"I thought I made it clear to you last night," he says, sending me a small smile.
"Did you really mean it?"
"Every. Single. Word," he says slowly, making the butterflies in my stomach erupt once again.
Before I get to reply, he lets go of my face and claps his hands.
"Now, enough with the interrogation. You need to eat."
I shake my head.
"For my sake, please?"
"...Fine."
"Thank you. Now, what would you like?"
"Can you cook?"
"Yes."
"What exactly?"
"Anything."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"French toasts?"
"Piece of cake."
"With maple syrup and berries, please?"
"Of course."
He stands up and nears the kitchen cabinets. Just as he pulls out a pan from a random cupboard (trust Reece to know where it is, and not me), the doorbell rings. I frown, not expecting anyone to visit today.
"Maybe a salesperson?" I say, when I notice that Reece is as confused as I am.
"I'll check."
He then walks out of the kitchen to the front door. A familiar feminine voice perks my ears and compels me to face the kitchen's doorway.
"...check how she's doing. Ah, there you are, Dorothy!" Jenny exclaims, approaching me with open arms, beaming.
As usual, she is dressed in black, with her long black coat, black jeans and black trainers. Her shoulder-length hair is kept open. Seeing her here uplifts my spirits. Just when she is about to envelope me in a massive hug, Reece quickly steps in between us, making her bump into his chest instead. She awkwardly steps back with a frown.
"Um... What was that about?" she asks.
"She's not well–"
"It's ok, Reece. I trust her," I say, before looking at Jenny. "Lets talk in the living room."
Slowly, I get up and Reece allows me to drape my arm around his shoulders. Jenny appears even more confused and trails behind us as we make our way to the living room. When I sit down on a couch with her, Reece informs us that he will be in the kitchen to make my breakfast.
"What happened to you?" she asks again with furrowed eyebrows.
I push my long hair away from the injury on the side of my neck. When she sees the plasters, her eyes widen.
"That's not all," I say, brushing my hair back into its original place.
"Who did this to yo–"
The doorbell rings.
"Maybe it's the salesperson this time?" I say jokingly.
But Jenny is too worried to humour me.
The living room door opens to reveal Damien.
"Damien?" I say, confused.
His crystal eyes land on me. With his ebony hair tied back in its usual ponytail, he is wearing a black jacket and blue denim jeans.
"Hey," he greets the two of us. "Reece mentioned that you were not feeling well last night."
"Oh," I say, nodding.
"How are you feeling now?"
"I'm in the middle of recovering," I say, sending him a small smile.
He sits down next to me and puts his hand across my forehead.
"No fever," he says, pulling his hand away. "But you look pale."
The doorbell rings again.
"Now who could that be?" Jenny asks.
"A salesperson?" I mumble.
A minute later, the door opens to reveal Harris.
"Harris?" Jenny and I say at the same time, surprised.
It does not escape my notice how Jenny is now sitting up straight.
"Sorry for coming over without notice. I didn't think you'd have company," he says, with his brown eyes scanning me, then Jenny and finally Damien.
"It's ok. What's up?"
"I... uh... I just had to discuss something with you, but that can be done another tim–"
Another doorbell rings.
"At this rate, your breakfast will never be ready," Jenny comments. "Poor Reece."
Not long after, Nolan sashays into the room before he comes into a dramatic halt and holds out a VCR cassette.
"Nolan?" I say. "What are you doing here and what's that?"
"The video from my party, obviously!" he exclaims.
At the mention of his party, I shudder, but not strong enough for anyone to notice.
"That's so soon," Damien says.
"It's the raw version. I don't remember anything from last night, so I wanted to watch it ASAP. Damien told me that he'd be here, so I figured that you and Reece would be around, and we can all watch it together. Jenny and Harris are a bonus. The more the merrier, you know?"
He approaches the television and inserts the cassette into the VCR. Once the video plays, all of us are sitting down on the couches with our attention on the television.
Nolan watches the part where he chugs on alcohol in amusement. But after a while, when the camera focuses on him slipping into the pool and beginning to drown, he freezes. His hazel eyes then widen in horror as he watches himself take in the last gulp of air before he sinks into the pool. Many people surrounding the pool do not notice him drowning, but those who do are too intoxicated to care.
"Did I just... die?" he whispers in shock.
"You're sitting here alive, dumbass," Damien says, shaking his head.
"Oh right..."
"Unless you're a ghost and only we can see you," Damien teases.
Nolan pokes Damien on his arm.
"Nah, I'm not a ghost. If I can physically touch you, I can definitely still fuck a girl."
He then lets out a breath when he sees Rachel jump into the pool and drag his body to the edge, saving him. He then listens to Rachel's message before he pauses the video and rewinds to the part where Rachel is carrying out CPR on him.
"You ok, man?" Damien asks, patting his shoulder.
Nolan slowly nods before he rewinds to the part where Rachel is doing CPR again.
"Maybe he's replaying it over and over because he's too awestruck by Rachel's heroic action," Jenny whispers into my ear, her eyes still glued to the television. "That'd be so romantic, right?"
I do not respond.
"Why are you so engrossed in this?" Damien then asks his distracted friend.
"Barns..." Nolan whispers.
"Yeah, she saved your life."
"Yeah, but..."
"But what?"
"If you look closely, you can tell that she actually has big boobs."
"Gross, Nolan," Jenny cringes.
"Yeah, too far," Harris comments.
Damien simply shakes his head.
"But wait, wait, wait!" Nolan exclaims.
"What?" Jenny says.
"Though it's not really clear, one boob looks bigger than the other."
Jenny throws her hands up in the air in disappointment while Harris rubs his temples.
"And here I was thinking that he'd be a little appreciative towards her," Jenny whispers to me.
"This is an interesting discovery," Nolan then says, lost in thought.
"How so?" Damien asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Differently sized boobs, dude," Nolan says, looking at his friend as if he has grown a second head. "Surely you know what that means?"
"What?"
"A variety!"
When Reece enters, carrying a plate with a stack of French toasts sitting on it, his eyes land on me.
"Dorothy, why are you crying?" he says, placing the plate on the table in front of me.
At his words, everyone's eyes land on me. When I touch my cheeks, I see traces of glisten on my fingertips.
Oh...
I didn't realise that I've been crying or that I've been feeling hollow. But then again, I've been blanked out throughout the conversation, lost in my misery.
"Awww, are you missing my party already, Dorothy?" Nolan asks, sympathetic.
When Reece notices what the television is displaying, his eyes widen.
"Shit. Turn that off!" he yells, snatching the remote control from Nolan's grasp.
"What? Why?" Nolan whines when the television is switched off. "I wanna see how awesome my birthday party was–"
"There was nothing awesome about your party," Reece snaps, facing him.
"W-What?" Nolan says, beginning to pout, offended. "H-How could you say that, Reece?"
"It was at your party when Dorothy got hurt!"
"What do you mean?" Nolan says before he faces me. "What happened?"
I look at Nolan. Then at Damien, Jenny and finally, Harris. All of them are curious and worried about what happened to me. I brush my hair behind my shoulders with my fingertips and carefully peel off the plasters to reveal the wound, startling everyone.
I then start to tell them everything: the abusive notes that I've been receiving for months, Luna's blackmail and Monica and Jared's assault on me. Unexpectedly, I do not feel embarrassed or ashamed as I tell them of my misfortunes. Instead, I feel safe and reassured because I know that they won't judge me and that they are there for me.
My only regret is not telling them sooner.
*~*~*~*~*
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