It's been 3 days since Harry and I first touched each other, and I've practically had to pry his hands off of me every few minutes.
It's like he just had ice cream for the first time and now he's hooked.
Except instead of ice cream, it's I scream.
Get it?
Nevermind.
He's been really clingy lately and I appreciate the gesture. Mostly because I want to be clingy, but I've been too insecure to show that.
We're both still learning how to act around each other and some days are better than others. Yesterday was an off day for me, but Harry poked at me until he managed to get me out of my shell. It won't always work that way, but lucky for him it did yesterday.
I don't want to push him away, but I get overwhelmed sometimes. I know he does too, he's just better at hiding it and he doesn't shut down nearly as often as I do. Maybe that's something I can learn from him.
That leads me to now, plopped on the couch like a blob fish while Harry is sitting in the old armchair next to me. He's been on his phone, texting people from work for the past hour and I'm kinda over it, but I've been trying to keep my mouth shut.
I know there's a lot going on and a lot he has to figure out, but I wish that he could talk to me about it or at least not ignore me. I know he's not trying to, but I'm lonely.
I move to lay upside down on the couch so that my head is dangling off of the front and I swing my legs so they hit against the top of the back.
Wow his ceiling is tall. Like super tall.
"What are you doing?" Harry's voice interrupts my ceiling inspection and I turn my head to see him staring at me under his brows.
"On a scale of one to ten... How much trouble would I be in if I broke your phone? Hypothetically, of course." I say when I turn my head back to trace the ceiling patterns with my eyes.
"Ten, smartass."
"Perfect, cause I trip a lot and I might just accidentally do it when your phone is in my hand."
Harry laughs lowly and I can see him shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. I assume that he's going to go right back to his phone, but he gets off of the chair and walks over to the couch.
He sits at first, but then spins so he's upside down on the couch with me. I giggle at his gesture and he smiles a bright grin back at me.
"What's up?" He laughs.
God, I love his laugh.
"Not us." I laugh back, only harder than he was because I'm fucking hilarious. He gives me a mock glare, fighting his laughter for a moment before he can't hold it in anymore.
"That was so stupid!" He places his hands over his face to hide the red that has creeped its way up to flush his skin.
We laugh for a few moments before our fits eventually die down, leaving us catching our breath and trying to stop smiling before our cheeks start to burn.
"Why are we sitting like this?" Harry giggles while staring at the ceiling with me.
"I needed another point of view." I shrug.
"Of the ceiling? I mean, to each their own, but this is boring." He whines and wiggles to make himself more comfortable.
"I like architecture. I think it's beautiful what people can create, and I wanted to see it from this spot on the couch. Life is all about perspective, you know?" I turn to him and raise an eyebrow, and he gives me a soft smile.
"The blood is rushing to my head. It's filling up like a tick." I say as I turn myself back around to sit on the couch correctly, and Harry follows, pulling me to sit on his lap as soon as he can.
"Careful, I'm already lightheaded." I warn when I crash into his chest and he wraps his arms tight around me.
"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, baby." He says and presses a soft kiss to my cheek.
"What? I didn't even notice." I say sarcastically.
"Oh hush. I don't want you to feel like I don't want to pay attention to you. You're my favorite part of being awake." He smiles lightly, and I roll my eyes at his cheesey comment.
"I guess I like being around you too." I joke back and he drops his brows while he sticks out his lip with a dramatic pout. He unwraps his arms from me so he can lean back and fold them across his chest.
"Oh c'mon," I swing my leg over his so I can face him while straddling him, "you know I'm joking. I used to not want to wake up before you. Now I only go to sleep because I know I'll see you when I open my eyes." I rest my hand against his face softly, and he looks at me with his pouty green eyes.
"I don't like that you used to think like that, and I don't like that you still might. Stuff like that doesn't just go away when you meet someone. Especially someone like me." He says with his eyebrows pinched tight together.
I don't want him to worry about me. I know he has bigger fish to fry, and I just want to be able to support him and make sure he's okay.
"Hey, I'm okay," I try to reassure him, "I didn't say that to upset you or to make you worry. I want you to know more about me. My past will always be there, and that's just a fact. You're the only person I've ever wanted to tell about it."
Harry reaches his arms up and wraps him around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest and squeezing me tight.
"I'm always here for you, Jude. Always. Even if you think whatever you have to say will piss me off, I want you to tell me. Be who you are, like I am who I am."
How sentimental we're being is starting to make me overwhelmed and uncomfortable, and although it's gotten better, I still don't want to go through sob stories.
"Hey, why don't you tell me something you've never told anyone before?" I offer when I pull out of the hug, trying to lighten the mood, and still find a way to get to know him better.
"Well, you know me. Just an open book. This is gonna be tough." He jokes and I roll my eyes.
"Don't be a jackass." I warn and shove his chest lightly.
"Okay- uh... I have a weird obsession with fortune cookies. Like, I love them."
"Fortune cookies?" I scrunch my face up at the random confession.
"Yeah," he laughs, "I don't know what it is. They're good, and you get a little saying in the middle. What, you don't like fortune cookies?"
"I don't, actually."
"Why? Weirdo." He pokes fun at me, his dimples popping with his smirk that he can't seem to get off of his face.
"I actually used to get Chinese food with my mom all the time. It was our thing, and we took our fortunes very seriously," I smile at the memories, "One time when I was 16, I got a fortune that I loved. It said 'Good things are coming your way'. I thought it was cute, so I decided to keep it. And that following year was the hardest year of my life. My dad went off the rails, and you could see that my brother was soon to follow. I could see how much stress my mom was under, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. And then she died. It's like that cookie had a fucking voodoo spell put on it."
Harry stares at me in shock with his lips parted slightly, and the look on his face is making me increasingly uncomfortable.
"Hey, snap out of it. Your face might get stuck like that." I joke and poke his nose.
"I just- I don't know what to say. I want to comfort you, but- I don't know if I like fortune cookies anymore."
I know he's trying to be serious, but I have to stop myself from laughing at how offended he is by the cookie's potential power. I can't take my traumas seriously, especially when it's about cookies.
"Harry, it's a cookie. I don't think it was actually hexed or anything. Correlation doesn't equal causation."
"When did you get so smart?" He smirks and moves his hands to rest on my waist.
"Hmm, I'm still a dumbass, just a dumbass that has a way with words."
Thank God, he's changing the subject. I didn't want to deflect like I usually do, but I didn't want to be the one to start a new conversation either. As much as I suck at it, I try to hide my discomfort.
Harry leans forward to capture my lips with his, and starts a slow and warm kiss. But it stops as soon as he's started, with the shrill ringing of his phone interrupting.
"Sorry, babe. I have to get this. Hop up." He pats my thigh lightly to urge me to stand and I do, but not without pouting first.
He stands and answers his phone with the same business and customer service voice he tries to layer over his normally sweet tone.
He's good at it though, he can make you believe whatever he wants you to with just his voice.
He could talk me into stepping on a cactus, I swear.
"Your work is kind of a cock block." I say just loud enough for Harry to hear without it interrupting his phone call, and he coughs to hide the laugh that fights its way out.
"Wait- slow down- what?" Harry's voice goes up a few levels and he begins to pace, signalling something is wrong. I sit on the arm of the couch and watch him, hoping the call will end soon so I can figure out what's going on.
"Fuck! I told you to watch who's going i to that building! I can't afford this, we can't afford to lose any more people!" Harry screams into the phone while running his hand through his hair obsessively.
This has to have something to do with what happened the other day, the shooting. Did more people die? Was there another shooting? Is Harry safe?
"Okay- fuck. I'll be there as soon as I can. Try to get as much of this figured out as you can before I get there, God fucking knows I don't need this right now." He barks out before hanging up and sitting on the couch with his palms pressed to his forehead.
"What's going on?" I ask cautiously.
"Two more people were killed. Not at the office, but in their homes. Someone knows too much about everyone in that building, and none of us are safe- you- you're not safe." He pulls his hands away from his face to rest them between his legs with his elbows on his knees.
I can see the stress building inside of him just from his face, and I know there's nothing I can do except try and comfort him, but I'm not sure if he wants that right now.
"Is there anything I can do?" I offer, trying to help with anything I can.
"I'm not sure. I don't even know if there's anything I can do. I have to head to the office though, come with me." He tells me and stands up quickly, taking long strides towards his bedroom.
I wish I could help more, I really do, but I haven't been here long enough to know who in that company is capable of this sort of thing. It's wild that someone would do that to another person, especially people that they know so well.
But I guess that's something I've overlooked with Harry, and need to come to terms with. He is that kind of person. He's a killer, and he makes money off of it. Whether it's for moral reasons or not, he takes lives away.
Love is blind, I guess- but is that what this is with him? Do I love Harry? Could he love me?
After everything I was raised to believe, could I really love someone who is the complete opposite? Who is everything my mother described as a monster?
I don't see him that way. I see kind Harry, funny Harry, sweet Harry. I don't see the other side of him, even when I know it's there.
There was that one time in the living room, but I guess I was too scared to deal with what was actually going on. I'm still scared.
I'm not scared of Harry, I couldn't be, but I'm scared of what he's capable of doing to others and what comes with him.
Fuck, I'm in too deep. I don't know how I got here, or how I ended up falling for a man who's involved with such horrific things.
What the fuck did I get myself into?
//
Heyo, I just wanna say thank you sooo much for reading this word vomit I put on a screen :)
I hope you guys like it 😬 if you see any mistakes I've made with the story, or have any suggestions, I'm happy to hear them.
I had stopped working on this for like a month, and before that I had been working on another story at the same time, so I got a couple things jumbled.
I'm not good at planning my writing, although I try, but I might start doing that more because I have the memory of a fish 😂
As always, much love ❤