I was now about four months pregnant, and despite my constant tiredness and sickness, I was enjoying reading about the progress of my little avocado-sized baby. My mood swings had been causing some arguments between Kyle and I, it had been really bad but my moods were starting to calm down and I was beginning to feel better.
I had started showing but I wasn't huge, people who didn't know I was pregnant probably thought I had gained weigjt.
Luckily, I had a companion in this pregnancy that wasn't Kyle - Paige's pregnancy test had also turned out to be positive, but she was a week or two ahead of me. We were planning to attend the same pre-natal class, and we were always calling each other, swapping random things that had happened or we had found out.
My dad and my brothers hadn't been too happy about this pregnancy, but they had all made me their honorary babysitter so I could get some extra practice. Anton and Elysia's daughter, Antonia had been born in October so I looked after her a lot, as well as my older neice's Sophie and Amira, who were now 8 and 2. My dad's girlfriend had had their baby a few weeks after I had found that I was pregnant, they had had a boy, named Stephen Jr.
I was at home in bed, I was feeling a bit tired so I was resting before I got dressed to go over to Kyle's house. We were gonna do some shopping for the baby with his family. I felt like this baby was sucking everything out of me, I never realised being pregnant would be so hard both physically and emotionally. I ended up falling asleep again and was woken up by the vibrations from my phone - Kyle was calling me.
"Are you still sleeping?!" He said when I answered, he sounded annoyed.
"Kyle, do you know how tired I am roght now? I can barely move, I don't need you shouting at me, on top of everything else!"
"Well, people are on a schedule. My mum is missing out on sleep for this, so get up and fucking get ready." He said, hanging up. I felt like bursting into tears. I felt so sad all the time, and Kyle didn't seem to get it. The baby had woken me up several times that night, she had begun kicking. We didn't know what we were having yet but I didn't mind what we had. I had a scan that Friday, where I was hoping to find out if it was a girl or a boy.
I got up and went into the bathroom, turning the shower on. As I waited for it to warm up, I brushed my teeth and applied my facial cleanser. Since getting pregnant, I had been going through a bad acne breakout and I was very self-conscious of it. Pregnancy was really not all it was cracked up to be, not for me anyway. Paige was glowing, and I was just growing.
***
After a tense shopping trip, we returned to my flat with a cot, a pram, a changing table and mat, along with some other baby essentials. We were also in the process of trying to find a bigger place of our own, as the coucnil had said they couldn't offer me anything and there wasn't enough space at Kyle's mum's house. We weren't havung much luck, but we still kept looking.
Kyle sat next to me at the table, as I surfed the housing websites for two-bedroom houses, he was in his own world, focused on whatever he was watching on the TV.
"Are you hungry?" He said, suddenly. He got up and walked towards the kitchen, without waiting for a reaponse.
"Yeah. I could eat. What are you gonna make?" I asked, getting up and following him into the kitchen. He ended up making a tuna pasta salad, which we ate in silence. There was still a high level of tension between us, since he had shouted at me that morning and the shopping trip hd been exactly the same, him snapping at me for being indecisive and not moving fast enough for him. So far in this pregnancy, I had felt happier when I was alone or with my friends or family, not when I was with him, he made me feel depressed and alone in this situation. I hoped things would get better...
***
I woke up on the Friday morning, and I hadn't heard from Kyle for two days, since the day we went shopping. That night, after we ate he had gone home.
He had been online on WhatsApp, he had been liking pictures on Instagram but he hadn't contacted me. He knew we had a scan that morning but he hadn't contacted me to arrange anything. I got dressed and made my way to the hospital, still with no word from him, despite me seeing he had been online five minutes before I arrived at the hospital. I switched my phone off and fought back the tears. Was this what having a family with him would be like, me doing it all alone?
"Ciara Clarke?" The nurse came into the waiting room and called my name.
I stood up and followed behind her as she walked into the scan room. I laid on the bed and she told me what she would be doing to me that day. I nodded but didn't speak and then she began. I lifted my top and lowered my leggings and she squirted this cold jelly onto my stomach, and used the probe thing to spread it around.
"Are you okay, darling?" She said, pausing for a moment.
I nodded
"I'll be fine," I said, wiping away the tears that had began falling
She went quiet again, though I knew she wanted to ask more questions. She began moving the probe around more
"Everything looks healthy and normal, everything is growing as it should be." She said, continuing to move.
I silently thanked God in my head for his miracle.
"I just want to do a quick internal scan to check your cervix, and then I will comtinue." I stood up and took off my leggings and underwear and laid back on the bed, putting the sheet over me. She did the internal scan and I put my clothes back on.
"Do you want to know the sex?" She asked
"Yes, I've been looking forward to this."
"It's a girl. Are you excited?"
I nodded with a huge smile on my face. At least now, I could choose a name from a shorter list.
I madr my way home, with a few print-outs of my scan. Once I got indoors, I took a picture of the scan and sent it to my family members and close friends. I was so excited to have a little mini-me. The last person I sent the picture to was Kyle. I sent it with the caption 'hello daddy, love from your daughter' and left it at that. He responded with an apology, saying he had completely forgotten about the scan. We didn't speak much for the next few days, but I hoped this would change over time and things would get better between us.